I (31M) recently found out that my brother (33M) has been cheating on his wife (30F) for several months. He told me during a night out, saying he was “confused” and asked me not to tell anyone.
I didn’t say anything at first, but then his wife called me a few days ago crying, asking if I knew why my brother had been distant. She directly asked, “Is he seeing someone else?” I froze, then said, “Yes, I know he is.”
Now my brother is furious. He says I betrayed him and ruined his marriage, and our parents are split—my mom thinks I did the right thing, my dad thinks I should have stayed out of it.
His wife has since left him and is staying with her family. My brother is blowing up my phone calling me an “asshole who destroyed his life.”
Comments
He destroyed his own life.
He’s the AH who cheated on and lied to his wife and wanted to drag you into his shitshow.
You didn’t ruin his marriage, he did the moment he chose to cheat. You just stopped helping him hide it. Sometimes loyalty means standing up for what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable.
NTA he did this to himself. The truth always comes out eventually.
NTA, he should’ve just not cheated, if he didn’t want to break up his own marriage. Your dad is also enabling his behavior.
He made his bed, he can lie in it. Time to learn how to be accountable at 33… NTA
You should have been true to your brother.
He had no right putting that on you. He had no right expecting you to lie if asked. He did the deed and blew up his own life by being dishonest and breaking his vows. He needs to hear the reality.
NTA he made his own bed, no mercy for cheaters!
Your brother is the cheating asshole, his wife rang you because she already suspected what was going on. He’s just shifting the blame.
Red Flags on your dad as well, seems he has no problems with cheating.
NTA and in front of your dad and your mom you should point out that he’s the piece of shit that cheated on his wife. With a heavy look at your dad. Because seriously, wtf dad.
NTA- he put you in a horrible position. If she was comfortable enough to come to you, she clearly trusted you. I’m usually “family first”, but he is the AH here to both of you.
NTA- he destroyed his own life. You were asked a direct question and you did the right thing.
He blew up his marriage the minute he chose to step out. Loyalty isn’t about keeping secrets, it’s about integrity. You have done the right thing….. for his wife. She will forever be grateful that you showed your integrity.
NTA. “No, you and your wandering d- ruined your life.”
You are an asshole! If you want to fuck his wife just say it
NTA – he destroyed his own life. Never condone cheating, she deserves better.
I’m so glad I learned to read through the fake AI posts bc who tf writes like this lol
NTA
He cheated on his wife and here are the consequences.
He was also an asshole to you because he put you in the position and expected you to lie for him.
That makes two dishonest people.
He confided in you. Told you in confidence and admitted that he was confused. You violated his trust and instead of giving him time to work things out, you caused their relationship to end prematurely. I don’t know if he’ll ever trust you again. He was an AH for cheating but you’re definitely one too.
How is it the cheater blames you and says you destroyed his marriage. When it’s him who did it. Wasn’t 🙄 he confused?….Tell him the truth. He did this
This is the consequences of cheating. Ask your dad was he meant to lie for his cheating brother? Or did his wife deserve the truth
NTA I grew up with a cheater for a father. I don’t condone cheating and despise people who do and have so respect or sympathy for them. I love my siblings very much, but wouldn’t hide there cheating if they did
NTA. Tell your brother and family that if your brother didn’t stick his dick in someone who wasn’t his wife, his wife wouldn’t have left him.
He has no one to blame but himself.
He ruined his marriage and his wife already suspected something was up and that he was cheating because otherwise she never would have called him.
Tell him to get his head out of his ass and do better. Get therapy to find out why he thought cheating would be ok and why he’s blaming everyone BUT himself.
YTA!!!
Yeah. You should’ve tried to get your brother to stop. Like honestly he told you he was “confused”
Already seeking help from you.
Or at-least asked him to her himself since you’re such a moral guy.
But me I could never ever wish to have a brother like you.
ETA. Was your brother wrong to cheat? Undoubtedly.
But can you really be surprised he’s angry that you betrayed his trust? You didn’t destroy his marriage, it was clearly already in trouble, but you have torched your relationship with your brother and your rep as someone people can talk to when they’re going thru stuff, because let’s face it, how can they trust you not to run your mouth on their business?
I’m sorry it’s your brother who destroyed his life. His wife knew something was going on cheater always get caught NTA
You are not expected to lie for him to keep his house of cards standing. You’re a good person for being honest to her.
You betrayed him
HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY LIFE BY TELLING MY WIFE ABOUT SOMETHING I CHOSE TO DO😡😡
NTA, if you hadn’t told her, when was he planning on telling her?
He ruined his own marriage by continually fucking another woman. That’s not your fault. The only one responsible for his marriage break up is him.
He shouldn’t have put you in the middle. That’s on him. The cheating? Also on him.
Don’t take any blame from that scumbag of a brother, you’re slightly AH for covering up for him all these months, his wife could catch an STD. You should have forced him to come clean to her.
Now that everything blew off, make it clear to anyone who tries to guilt trip you; that it’s his cheating that destroyed the marriage, not you.
Stay firm, supportive, and don’t let anyone bully you for the aftermath.
NTA
lol you didn’t destroy his life- he’s the one who cheated
NTA- its better she found out now and not 3 years from now
NTA, he ruined his marriage. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.
She already had the doubt. She would’ve eventually found out even if you didn’t tell her you knew it! What’s wrong with your brother? He’s putting all the blame on you after doing this to his wife? You did the right thing. Tell him he meets his karma for whatever he does
He destroyed his own life. If his wife and his family meant the world to him, he never would have fucked another woman. Repeatedly!
He was never afraid to lose them, so now he’s blindsided. He’s projecting. NTA
It could be worse. The whole world could find out on the Jumbo-tron.
Okay, I’ll see my way out.
Nta…he ruined his own marriage and can’t take responsibility. Did the same to n y brother and his ex wife…both…gave them 24 hrs to tell or i would!
You didn’t make your brother cheat. He did that all by himself, thereby “destroying” his own life. Tell him to quit being a bitch and accept responsibility for his own actions rather than shift blame like a narcissistic POS. I also would happily tell him for you. Good luck to you and his STBEW.
That’s like stabbing someone and then getting mad at them because there’s blood on the knife.
FAFO. He did and he is.
You did the right thing and don’t let a cheater tell you otherwise.
NTA.
Your brother ruined his wedding and destroyed his life.
He also should have learned by now, that if you keep a secret you’re its master, if you share a secret you’re its slave.
NTA… 99% of cheaters blame everybody and everything else for what happens to their relationship when caught.. it’s 100% their own bloody fault..
You’re NTA. If you had denied it, you would have just been a liar. She had her own suspicions, you just confirmed it. He sealed his own fate when he pulled it out with someone else. That’s his own doing, not yours. She would have found out eventually, even if you hadn’t told her. It always comes to light in the end. You just helped rip the bandaid off early, and got her out of more misery for it lasting even longer.
“Now my brother is furious. He says I betrayed him and ruined his marriage”
No, his cheating is a betrayal and he ruined his own marriage, NTA
Classic ChatGPT Reddit post.
YTA.
He confided in you, someone he trusted.
It would have cost you nothing to say “No Sarah, I haven’t seen anything to indicate he is seeing someone else”.
LOL ask him how you ruined his life?
Did YOU cheat on his wife?
You destroyed his life? What a joke, he destroyed his own life when he decided to cheat.
NTA
You did the right thing – and HE ruined his own marriage.
DEFINETLY AN ASSHOLE.
Tf is wrong with you?
Blood is thicker than water.
Your brother destroyed his own life. You were asked a direct question and you answered honestly.
Ask your father why he thinks you should have stayed out of it. Is he speaking from experience?
NTA
I agree with the comments here but since not many people are; i’m going to try playing devils advocate here.
First and foremost you are not the asshole, your brother dragged you into this. Honesty is a good trait in any situation.
Now as to the devils advocate, your brother brought you into it because he needed someone to vent to. For whatever reason, guilt, confusion, he was looking for someone to turn to for advice or something of the sort. I wasn’t there, i don’t know what the tone of the conversation was. Regardless of anything he shouldn’t have been cheating, his actions caused this mess. But the reason he’s hurt is because you are his brother and he was looking for somewhere to turn. Unfortunately consequences have actions and you’re bad at keeping secrets which isn’t a bad thing. But that’s likely his perspective on it.
He destroyed his own life by continuing the affaire. NTA!
Let him stew in his own mess, It’s always easy to blame someone else for it.
NTA. He did this himself. Cheaters do that..they destroy shit. You did the right thing…kind of. You should have given him an ultimatum. He tells her or you will. He deserves what he gets.
Your brother spoke to you in confidence. Guess he now knows who he can trust.
NTA, you saved her from being gaslit by your brother. She knew something was off. Also, you didn’t ask for the info, interesting how he told you just before she came to you, I think he might have set you up to be the “bad guy” here.
NTA, but I would have put it on the brother to fix his own situation first before I inserted myself. That’s just a personal preference
NTA.
Can clearly see who in this comment section are cheaters themselves. Cheaters always defend cheaters. There is a difference in going through something and confiding in someone, and having done something awful to betray another persons trust, putting the one you’re ‘confiding in’ in an awful position. So when the hurt person comes asking, you didn’t lie. You said yes. You were put on the spot. In a situation you should never have been thrown into.
A lot of people don’t seem to understand cause and effect. If you pull the trigger, it’s done. You’ve already done something bad. You can’t both have your cake and eat it. You can’t both break others trust and then expect ‘loyalty’ by telling someone the awful things you’ve done to others, and expect them not to confirm it if confronted or tell at all.
He blew up his own life. The fact the now ex wife asked so soon after, gives me the implication at least, that he knew he was about to be caught and wanted to ensure empathy from others before it got out through her. Or put the blame on someone else.
People say you’ve lost your brother, but honestly, good riddance. Life is too short to include those kinds of people in it. He put you on the spot. An awful one.
I hope you’re doing alright OP, don’t feel any guilt about this. There was never going to be a good outcome from this
NTA
> He says I betrayed him
I’m sorry, how did he say this with a straight face?
Sounds fake.
He destroyed his own life by having an affair. NTA
He destroyed his own life when he tripped and fell in someone other than his wife’s V. You are NOT the AH
He cheated and is blaming you for destroying the marriage? People have no sense of responsibility
YTA, impopular opinion it seems.
It was not your marriage, very honest from you but It was not your business.
He destroyed his own life. Cheaters deserve to be exposed. Your mom is right.
He’s your brother so he should’ve known you’d snitch him out, he fucked up.
You’re a complete ass hole.
NTA- he destroyed his own life. You did the right thing.
You didn’t destroy his comfy married life with a wife and a side chick. That’s all his own doing.
Lol your dad sounds like he’s done some shit he doesn’t want your mom looking into.
I’d be suspicious of your dad, if I were your mom.
NTA
NTA. Your brother certainly is and he ruined his own life.
Instead of talking to his wife like an adult about how he was feeling he went off and had an affair.
Your Mum is right but it makes me wonder about your Dad?
NTA. You didn’t destroy your brother’s marriage, he did it himself by being unfaithful.
Your mother should take your father’s reaction as a red flag. Maybe check his phone when he’s asleep.
So he is mad at you for not being a better liar instead of himself for taking actions that ruined his life?
Fuck him, I can not believe some of things I read on here. Sometimes I feel like I am more pissed off than the person posting.
NTA. The only people that don’t agree you made the right choice tend to be cheaters or liars. She wanted honesty, and how else were you supposed to respond to her question? Lie?!? Just hang up on her!?! You did the right thing by not letting her be strung along any longer. It might seem harder because it’s family but no one should ever put you in a position that makes you question your morals when they can’t even take accountability themselves 😤
You should have spoken to your brother about it and not blabbed off.
He destroyed his own life. She asked, you told her, why should u be expected to lie for him?
NTAH
YTA, and so is he.
Your just the worst, the way you forced your brother to fuck that other woman behind his wife’s back like that. Nta
Yes you made a big mistake. You should not have gotten involved. It wasn’t your place to do that.
NTA. Though maybe some acknowledgement of your brother’s troubles here may be of help to you. To wit:
With how easy it is to get out of relationships these days, even marriages, the biggest driver to cheat is that there’s something in the current partner that the cheater doesn’t want to risk losing, and instead spends a ton of energy trying to keep that while getting sex/intimacy from other places.
Maybe in front of your parents, ask your brother that – “Bro, sorry for messing your plans up, but what was so special about your STBEx that you were willing to break your wedding vows and spend so much energy being sneaky to keep her around for while at the same time being not special enough to have led you to seek sex / intimacy elsewhere?”
That, or you’re on reddit. You’ve seen just how ‘common’ the open marriage thing is. You could run with that angle – “Bro all but admitted to me that his marriage was open, so I went with the belief that he already discussed this with his wife. The internet is filled with stories of people giving that lifestyle a shot. And as he asked me, I didn’t exactly tell his wife that I knew the two of them were ‘opened up’.”.
The asshole who destroyed his life is himself. He shouldn’t have cheated. His wife shouldn’t have to stay with a cheater. NTA.
Bros before hoes
Lol I swear cheaters and drunks are the least accountable people out there. What a d bag. You did the right thing.
YTA. Bro’s before ho’s.
NAITA, He destroyed his own life, and should not have put you in a position to become involved.
But you should have told her she needed to talk to him.