School holidays are coming up and I have a co-worker panicking, as she left it too late to book vacation slots. My company had a rule where no more than 3 workers can leave at the same time for vacation. I already filled in my vacation slot months ago as I haven’t taken any in nearly a year. I’m single and unmarried and in my 30s. Company HR told my co-worker that her only way to get her vacation is to get one of us who already had our vacation time approved to ‘trade with her’. And considering out of the three of us whose vacations were approved, I am the only female, guess who my co-worker approached for the trade?
She tried explaining (gently at first) that her kids (6 and 4 years of age apparently) were really looking forward to going to Disneyland and that everything is already booked, and if I can give up my vacation spot to her. I told her no, as I too already had my vacation booked (it’s a solo vacation but I’m not about to tell her that). She got real pushy and kept on trying to insist I give her my vacation spot, saying that “My kids would be so disappointed”. I blew up at her after the fourth or fifth time, telling her that her “kids being disappointed” is none of my business.
I didn’t exactly keep my voice down so at least half the office heard, and my co-worker turned red and left. One of my co-workers (25M) who sat to my side who had heard the entire conversation later told me that while he get where I’m coming from, I could be a lot gentler, and “I didn’t get how hard mothers get it”. AITA?
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School holidays are coming up and I have a co-worker panicking, as she left it too late to book vacation slots. My company had a rule where no more than 3 workers can leave at the same time for vacation. I already filled in my vacation slot months ago as I haven’t taken any in nearly a year. I’m single and unmarried and in my 30s. Company HR told my co-worker that her only way to get her vacation is to get one of us who already had our vacation time approved to ‘trade with her’. And considering out of the three of us whose vacations were approved, I am the only female, guess who my co-worker approached for the trade?
She tried explaining (gently at first) that her kids (6 and 4 years of age apparently) were really looking forward to going to Disneyland and that everything is already booked, and if I can give up my vacation spot to her. I told her no, as I too already had my vacation booked (it’s a solo vacation but I’m not about to tell her that). She got real pushy and kept on trying to insist I give her my vacation spot, saying that “My kids would be so disappointed”. I blew up at her after the fourth or fifth time, telling her that her “kids being disappointed” is none of my business.
I didn’t exactly keep my voice down so at least half the office heard, and my co-worker turned red and left. One of my co-workers (25M) who sat to my side who had heard the entire conversation later told me that while he get where I’m coming from, I could be a lot gentler, and “I didn’t get how hard mothers get it”. AITA?
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> I could be a lot more tactful and gentler while responding to my co-worker instead of speaking in a voice loud enough for half the office to hear.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta
Your coworker did not properly plan. That is not your fault.
How many times do we have to hear this exact story right down go Disney world? It keeps getting recycled.
NTA. I get that parents are limited in when they can take their kids on holiday and have childcare etc to manage but she should have been more organised and booked the dates earlier. You should not be expected to cancel or rearrange your holiday because she failed to plan properly
This has nothing to do with being a mother or not. Your coworker didn’t plan her vacation days. It’s on her to leran how to manage her life.
NTA.
She’s trying to turn a her problem into a your problem. Tell her to pound sand.
I think your colleague is criticising you blowing up. It would have been better to remain calm, said no, and then just say sorry I have to get back to work.
Of course you ANA for refusing to give up your holiday time.
Who on earth books a vacation, without checking to see if she’s allowed those dates off from work.
NTA-I am a mother, I know how to plan. The school calendar comes about almost a year in advance.
I mean you’re definitely the AH for yelling at a coworker so loud in an office space that half the office heard….youd definitely have booked yourself a trip to HR for that in my work place.
If she can plan a trip to Disney, she can plan accordingly with her employer by taking off far in advance like everyone else. So it you’re not TA for not trading, but you became the AH by reacting so poorly. Yikes…
Nta… While you could have said it nicer, you were frustrated! You’re entitled to your vacation regardless of your relationship and child status. She chose to not only ask you, but ask repeatedly.
Sure you could’ve kept your cool, but it doesn’t sound like she kept hers. NTA -she’s freaking out because of her poor planning. Enjoy your trip.
Nta.
But you need to get ahead of this. Go to HR.
Moms have it hard, single females have it hard, fathers have it hard. Life is hard. No is a complete senetece.
These are common sense things.
But using it to guilt and shame you to give up a spot is a bully tactic. They are mad that it didnt work.
Alternatively, if she asks you again tell her that as you said you have a holiday booked. You can’t cancel it, but you can change the dates but it will cost a £300 admin charge. If she pays this you will swap dates.
NTA
I have kids, and if I were in this situation I’d probably ask once and if it was a no, I’d move on.
Her lack of planning is not your responsibility to fix. Yes being a mother is hard, but it’s a decision we all decided to make for ourselves, and we need to deal with the consequences of our actions!
I also don’t think you’re the A for the way you snapped at her. She deserved it, and if she’s embarrassed, that’s on her. She shouldn’t have behaved the way she did.
Your holiday is no less important just because you don’t have kids. Take the leave and enjoy it!
NTA. Procrastination and poor planning on her part does not constitute an “emergency” on your part! It doesn’t even matter what you are doing when you take planned time off, you planned it and have it scheduled. Period. Her kids and the mom’s schedule are NOT your responsibility.
EDITED: wrong pronoun to distinguish whose kids they are
In hindsight being gentler would have been better but in hindsight she would have planned better or not try to push you so much or guilt you.
NTA
NTA. Like they say, “A lack of planning on your part doesn’t necessitate an emergency on mine.”
I sympathize but you’re getting quilted by the coworker and the other office person. As a parent myself, yeah, parents have it hard. But I’d never shift blame onto another person like she’s doing. This is on her 100%
I guess the other 2 coworkers also told her ‘no’, and she took that as their final answer. She needs to give you the same respect. NTA.
Her poor planning does not warrant an emergency on your part
NTA. As someone who was once told “you don’t have kids, you CAN’T have Halloween and/or Christmas off” as it turns out I didn’t get thanks giving off either… but that’s beside the point…
Take your vacation, and have fun. It’s her fault for not planning ahead like everyone else… she can pound rocks ..
Tell her to stop harassing you. If she continues report her to hr/management.
NTA, I am also child free by choice and arrange my vacations very early to make sure they are approved. Her inability to manage her life is not your problem to fix. Also, who makes reservations for a vacation before they have the time off approved. Coworker sucks, enjoy your vacay- ps. Solo travel is just as valid as family travel and supports local economies in ways that family business does not. As someone whose work depends on travel and hospitality, this is a huge thing, actually.
Are you comfortable sharing any exciting plans for YOUR vacay?
Don’t let the haters get you down
ESH. Your coworker was disrespectful to you by being pushy and assuming she could cajole you into doing what she wanted.
But your response was over the top. You didn’t need to yell at her so loudly that half the office could hear. I get that her persistence was frustrating. That doesn’t justify your treatment of her either.
But also – she’s smart enough to pre-book tickets to Disneyland and tell her kids all about it but not scary enough to apply for the time off
NTA. This isn’t about “how hard mothers get it”. This is about the fact that she failed to prepare and book the time off. It’s that simple. You planned accordingly. Also, if she asks again, report her to HR for harassment. The first time you declined should have been enough.
NTA, but your coworker is. If her littles are so precious and need their vacation she should have prioritized planning it so they weren’t disappointed. HR is also TA for providing her the opportunity to badger you about it instead of just saying a hard “no”. Their policy, their problem.
NTA
And can anyone explain to me how someone working books a vacation “and everything” without booking days off first? Isn’t that the literal first thing to do?
⬇️
“going to Disneyland and that everything is already booked”
And surely school breaks don’t happen suddenly. They are preplanned at least for a year. (Here next 3 school year dates are set)
NTA but you should maybe work on learning to ignore these types of things. Even when they’re in your face they’ll
Eventually get the message if you simply don’t engage.
Her lack of planning is not your emergency.
You are not the AH. I have never been in your position, but I have definitely raised two children.
Your co-worker didn’t plan her trip and she wants you to bail her out. Not your bloody problem.
My god, where do these people get their nerve?
I call BS! I was a single mother and I always planned ahead because I knew if I didn’t, I’d be in your coworker’s predicament. That’s on her for not having shit together. NTA
NTA, epitome of your emergency is not my emergency
NTA. She waited too long to book. Not your problem. Kids shouldn’t factor in to it.
Kids will be disappointed because she didn’t book the time, not because you didn’t give it up.
Parents with kids always seem to think they deserve special treatment because of this
NTA.
As a woman who’s chosen to be childfree, I’ve experienced that many times.
Her failure to plan is NOT your responsibility.
Her childrens disappointment fall directly on her shoulders.
No means no 🤷♀️
NTA and quite frankly the guy who spoke out of turn is a major AH. None of his business and yet he felt “compelled” to tell you how to behave like he was some CEO in the 1950s. Be wary of this person inthe future.
The woman can ask, but to demand is rude. Good on you for standing your ground. Her kids are her problem. Don’t book a vacation only half way. There appear to be lots of these stories on reddit now.
NTA. Who books the vacation without getting the time off approved? That’s on her. So you should have to lose out on your non-refundable vacation to make her kids Disney dreams happen? No.
NTA – How entitled is she ?
You answered that your holiday was already booked and she STILL pressured you !
Not sure how she justifies you potentially losing out on deposit / paid trip just so she can get her holiday. Does she really think anyone who’d already booked a holiday would do that.
And the bottom line is, it’s irrelevant if you did or didn’t have anything booked, she asked, you said no (didn’t need to explain), end of story.
NTA. Her fault for not putting the time in when she booked. I don’t give parents special treatment. You’re an adult be on top of shit.
NOT the asshole
This is the fault of your employer for putting the burden on you.
Your coworker was unprofessional for continuing to bother you after you clearly said no. However, blowing up is also unprofessional.
The right solution would have been to tell her no, and when she persisted, tell her she was harassing you. If she continued, then go to your employer and report it.
He can give his spot if he feels bad~
Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. NTA.
NTA I’d be complaint to HR. She’s harassing you.
HR are the AH here. They should not be telling people to try to pressure other people to trade vacation spots. If you say NO once, that ends it. If she says something beyond that, report HER to HR for coming at you.
NTA her failure to plan is not your emergency. My first thought was “Why in the world would she book a trip before she ensured she could get the time off at work?” Chances are she id frustrated with herself and the consequences she will have to deal with. That is probably why she got so pushy. On the flip side, can your vacation be rescheduled for a few weeks later without an economic impact to you? It is hard to schedule things around work and school both. If you can’t, I totally understand. If you can I would encourage you to consider it. It never hurts to build up some good karma.
I’m assuming that the first time you told her no wasn’t as aggressive as the last time you said no. That first no should have been sufficient and she was an AH for continuing to push the issue and trying to guilt the OP using her children for her failure to plan ahead.
NTA. Her emergency is not yours. She should have signed up sooner, and your coworker who said you should have been more gentle? You were gentle and she kept pushing until you weren’t. There wasn’t much you could do until you embarrassed her
And this is why it took 2 and a half years for me to get vacation. Giving up.all school holidays to those with children and not wanting to travel in winter.
Did you agree to consider a change in weeks if she pays any fees or penalties you incur for the changes?
NTA. You booked your vacation fairly and in advance. Her poor planning doesn’t mean you’re obligated to give up your time, whether you have kids or not. You said no multiple times—she kept pushing. That’s on her.
Being a parent is tough, but it doesn’t entitle anyone to override others’ boundaries. Your time matters too.
No. She should have booked her vacation earlier than you. Now it’s a her problem, not a you problem. also, it was rude of her to ask more than once.
NTA
It’s not your problem that your colleague procrastinated in submitting PTO and now she’s up the creek.
Enjoy your vacation OP, and anybody else whining at you can trade their PTO instead.
NTA you shouldn’t HAVE to get “how hard mothers get it” because you don’t have kids. Whether by choice or by circumstance you don’t have to take on the burden of fixing things for parents who don’t plan far enough ahead.
NTA you booked it, you should not have to rearrange your organisation because she planned poorly. You book the time off first and then the actual holiday.
That said as a childless woman planning a solo vacation, I have no idea why you want to go during the summer holidays. One of the bonuses of not having children is being able to go on cheaper holidays when they are in school. Due to other things I’m doing in the year, I have to take my holiday in the first week of the summer holidays and I am genuinely furious about it.
NTA. Who books a vacation fully paid for without getting that time off approved? She’s either lying or that freaking irresponsible. Either way it’s not your problem and after that when someone keeps pushing then you’re in no obligated to “be gentle”.
I have 2 kids and I am a planner. I would have been the first person to request the time off for vacation. Not your problem that she’s not a planner!
NTA
Your coworkers obviously “don’t get” what it’s like to be the childfree woman and thus be expected to alter your plans and twist yourself into a pretzel to please kids you’ve never met and adults who can’t plan ahead.
I wonder why your 25M coworker didn’t volunteer to give her HIS vacation spot… 🤔
NTA There are two different issues here: what’s right and fair, and how the office politics should be handled.
You are completely in the right and HR telling her to go off to pressure coworkers into trading their vacations slots (predictably already planned and paid for) was a shitty thing for them to do. Your coworker’s lack of planning and her kids’ disappointment due to it is nothing to do with you. You don’t owe her being gentle because of her being a mother and having it tough. Parents get both the hardships and the joys they “wouldn’t trade for the world” by choosing to have kids. A mountain climber is not to be pitied because they are cold and tired. They chose to do it for the joy of the climb.
That said, this whole crappy situation can be dealt with in a smart way by keeping calm and polite, with a gentle, understanding demeanor, while being firm and absolutely unbending. An iron fist in a soft, velvet glove. You have the facade of understanding that will satisfy others while protecting your own interests — as you may be the only one who cares about you also being included as someone deserving of fairness and consideration.
This isn’t for the mother’s benefit but your own. It’s absolutely unfair, but it’s predictable that single or childless workers will be targeted to give up desirable vacation slots, trade shifts, and so on, for parents. It’s also predictable that people will not think deeply and will be sympathetic to the mother, only thinking one step ahead (poor mom, poor kids), not the number of steps ahead that would have them see how this is part of a pattern of entitlement that adds up and is fundamentally unfair.
NTA. If she is organised enough to book Disneyland then at the same time she should have booked holiday leave!
Just because you are childless doesn’t mean you can be restricted to when you want to take holiday! In my place of work, there used to be an unspoken rule that those with kids have priority in the six weeks holiday until I was like “erm so I’m supposed to miss out on six weeks of holiday time when the U.K. is actually sunny?!” No way! Was called selfish but I don’t give a shit.
NTA, she shouldn’t have told her kids about the holiday until she had the vacation dates locked down at work. I’d bet that she hasn’t even booked Didneyland or told her kids about a Disneyland vacation.
And your co worker who said you don-t get how hard mother’s have it, isn’t a mother so he doesn’t know how hard we have it. Want to know who knows how hard moms have it? Moms do, but we also know that Disneyland is expensive and at 4 and 6 years old, they’d have more fun and less heat stroke by camping out in the back yard and spending time talking and playing with their own kids.
Edited to add that the 25 year old male coworker can offer Disneyland mom, his slot if he’s so concerned.
NTA. Their poor planning is not your emergency.
I’m so incredibly over the “my kids” excuse for every exception request that I get from one of my employees. “What do I do about my kids?”. I don’t know, good question. One you should have already figured out the answer to before stepping foot in my office.
Once again, lack of planning on someone else’s part, is not an emergency on yours.
NTA
You followed the rules to get your well deserved time off. The fact that she kept badgering you until you lost your cool shows that she needs to be reported to HR. Your other coworker must not have been around for the other times she approached you.
LOL NTA. Nah, it’s not your fault that “moms have it hard” and that she forgot to plan ahead. Like if her kids were going to be so disappointed then she should have set herself a reminder or something to make sure she made plans in time. That’s not on you. People forget that there is absolutely nothing in this world saying we have to be accommodating for their children. That’s up to you if you want to be, not her and her guilt trips.
NTA it seems to me she booked it first to be able to then have leverage and tbh say how disappointed her children will be assuming one of you will then back down. Otherwise I can’t understand anyone booking an expensive holiday before checking if they can have the time off.
Well maybe he can be a “gentleman” and give her his vacation spot. Nothing like mansplaing. Ffs. NTA
NTA. Maybe your male coworker wouldn’t mind speaking a male worker who has the same week off to “trade” so she can go to Disney. Your coworker’s lack of preparation is not on you, it’s on her. She booked Disney, she should have requested time off at the same time.
Updateme
NTA – I say this as a mother of two. Is parenting hard? Hell yes! Do we get overwhelmed and drop the ball sometimes? Hell yes! Is that anyone else’s problem? No!
After asking politely and being told no, it should have dropped. Her lack of planning is not anyone else’s responsibility.
NTA If you have a holiday booked, nor are you responsible for her poor planning, nor her kids’ feelings. If you don’t really have anything booked and could move your dates it’s a different story.
I cannot understand working in a place where coworkers do not discuss plans for their holidays with their coworkers ahead of booking. I also can’t imagine booking without getting approval for the time off required.
I’ve never worked in a place where coworkers who don’t need to take the school holidays do when they know their couriers coworkers
NTA – lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
But I do question your wisdom and sanity for booking a solo trip during school holidays. Travel and accommodation are normally much cheaper during term time, and anywhere you visit is less likely to clogged up with other people’s children.
Booking her vacation, then asking for time off is stupid. That’s her problem, not yours.
NTA.
NTA – her failure to plan accordingly for her family’s needs/wants does not constitute an emergency in your life. Tough shit, breeders.
As a woman with a child, you are absolutely NTA. Her situation has nothing to do with you and she should’ve respected when you said no the first time. Getting pushy is what got her yelled at. Too bad. Don’t be pushy and respect a person’s response the first time around.
I once asked a coworker if he would be willing to permanently switch one shift with me because I was tired of working on the weekends. He told me no.
About a week later, I asked him again and he calmly said, “Man, I really don’t know what to say because you asked me this question already and I said no. I just don’t know what else I can do. It’s awkward to have you asking me again and again.”
I felt really stupid. It was a real wake up call for me. It’s fucked up to try to manipulate people through attrition and it’s completely inappropriate in a workplace.
NTA
You have also booked your vacation so that is too late. She’s not going to reimburse you for that money lost. Being a mother has nothing to do with booking vacation days. If she forgot to book it then it’s her fault. Booking Disneyland before the PTO is even approved is stupid.
Her lack of planning is not your crisis.
NTA
Mothers, fathers and others all need to make sure they book holidays at work BEFORE they book and pay for holidays anywhere else. You were absolutely right that her kids disappointment is nothing to do with you, what kind of a mother tells her kids they are off to Disneyland without booking time off work first?! Tell HR that you don’t want to be approached about this ever again, if adults can’t book vacation time that’s not your problem.
Haha. I live for the day someone ask me to move my planned time off so they can take theirs. This is actually something I fantasize about hahah.
NTA
If she’s trying to book a trip to Disney now and shocked that she can’t find available accommodations for the summer weeks, that’s on her. It’s not your problem. If she continues to try to make it your problem during work, then you start making it HR’s problem and report her harassment.
It’s time for you to grey rock anyone including her who asks you about this again during work. “I’m not sure why you think I don’t deserve to use the time I planned and got approved in advance.” Let them say why. Let them become HR’s issue. Just say the same statement even though you know exactly why.
I hate the “I didn’t get how hard mothers get it” attitude. Someone’s personal choices, vacation planning, home life, parenting, etc. shouldn’t be brought into work and shouldn’t burden you just because your choices are different. She can go cry to her kids all she wants.
As mothers, we…PLAN. It’s not like the vacation just happened – she knew ahead of time.
If you really had already booked your vacation, i would sai NTA
could be a little mor gentle, or try to turn it to her, say it would cost you X amount to change yout trip date, and ask her if she would be willing to pay for it. Than you turn as the gopod guy, you are willing to change, she would obviously not pay for it, and you could have your peace and nobody else thinking you are the AH
sorry poor english
My only advice is that you should’ve told her, “No is a complete sentence” after she didn’t listen the first time 🤣
NTA, enjoy your trip!
NTA. Ignore her and your co worker. Her kids are none of your business. I hate parents that seem to think having kids entitles them to get whatever they want over childless people. And they use their kids to try and get whatever they want but guilt tripping people.
Go enjoy your vacation. She can use this as a way to start teaching her kids that you don’t always get what you want in life. And its her fault for promising the kids something before she was 100% she could make it happen.
What the hell’s a vacation? I work 3100 hours a year…NTA
NTA- I would go to HR and let them know she’s harassing you over the vacation get ahead of her
Was she prepared to pay for any money lost if you cancelled?
Nta. A 25 yo single male doesn’t know what it’s like to be a single mom either lol. But she doesn’t get to harass you. Might not be a bad idea to contact HR about the harassment.
NTA, complain to HR that she is harassing you.
I don’t get the sense of entitlement some people have.
They are 4 and 6, who cares if they miss some school if she has to change the dates. They’ll be fine.
I’m on your side. If the kids were that important then why didn’t she book the vacation earlier. Entitled brat.
Enjoy your vacation but try to control your outbursts. Also ask your 25M co worker how he knows? Most mothers do not work that hard at all.
NTA, who the hell books a vacation without getting the time of work first?
NTA…Her kids are 6 and 4. She can take them to Disneyland anytime.
It is not your problem that she did not pick her vacation when she needed to.
And I would ask her why she hasn’t asked the other two co-workers? Why are you being singled out?
As for the other co-worker who said you were harsh, how does he know how hard mothers have it? Are they the only ones who work hard? And tell him when she comes to you for the fourth or fifth time giving you grief, then he can tell you how harsh you were.
NTA she planned poorly that’s her own fault
NTA. Homegirl wasn’t taking the hint.
Storytime: when I graduated from Navy boot camp, my family didn’t show. It coincided with a religious holiday and my mother was working. Not the point though. The point is that I would be spending the rest of the day on leave alone. People where scheduled to stand watch during those hours. One girl knew I didn’t have family coming and asked if I would take her watch so she could be with her family. I was ok with it, thinking I was doing something nice. Our female Petty Officer denied the request and pulled me aside. She told me it does not matter if I have family coming or not. I worked hard and deserved my time. Just because someone else has family, they don’t take priority over a person alone.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. You know your worth. Drop an email to HR to get ahead of how your coworker is gonna spin it.
“I do get how hard mothers get it that’s why I’m not one.”
You book Disney way out. Her major screw up to not book the time off FIRST. She should see if it’s possible for her to change her booking dates, instead of going after your time.
NTA.
NTA. I had to deal with this in the past as a supervisor in a 24/7 operation. People with kids thought they should get priority over childfree employees because they had kids, and daily vacation was limited and went by seniority. Nope, childfree employees are entitled to their vacation time as much as people with kids. It’s their responsibility to properly plan their lives around work rules and schedules. That said, I’ve worked for employees who were in a true pinch, but for many they just expected special treatment.
NTA
I’m a single mom and would never ask anyone to give up their vacation time. I always make sure to book time off before booking flights. PTO may mean prepare the others, but you must be prepared first.
NTA – Don’t let anyone try to bully you out of your earned vacation. Her failure to plan it not your responsibility.
NTA – failure to plan properly on her part is not your concern.
The co-worker who said you could have been gentler obviously hadn’t clocked the constant badgering and guilt tripping that caused your outburst.
NTA – I was a single mom for a while and it my responsibility to be on top of the school holiday calendar and to juggle work/childcare. her lack of planning (school holidays are no surprise event) is not your problem. Maybe she will learn from her mistake. Her kids are still young, there is always next year. plus who books a vacation to Disney or anywhere without confirming you have the vacation days available?
Depending on the situation, I might be willing to give up my vacation but ONLY if it didn’t cost me any money. If my vacation would be fully refundable or if she would be willing to cover the cost if it wasn’t, I MIGHT be willing to help her, to keep the peace in the office.
In no way would I lose out on money because she could not plan ahead.
Why would HR have such an idiotic policy. Why even have HR at that point, if it’s just delegated back to employees to sort out amongst themselves. Either there is a policy or there isn’t, this is effectively the same as no policy.
As a mom myself, being irresponsible is on her. NTA.
NTA. Having kids doesn’t entitle someone to automatically get their way. Your co worker booked their trip expecting HR to force someone who already had it booked to trade with her. When that didn’t happen she tried to manipulate you. I would tell the coworker who said you were too harsh that since he’s on her side you will inform her that any time she needs off he will be happy to accommodate her.
I don’t even believe the co-worker. You don’t book an expensive holiday unless you have the time booked off already.
NTA,and tell her Tough shit, shoulda planned better, period end of report!
I have one kid and a husband. Love it being the 3 of us. A year ago, my husband and I said “next year, we’re taking a long trip to Disneyland”. We had a long vacation last summer visiting both our extended families, and this was our reward for surving that 😆. So this year came around, and I set out for us to do exactly that! I got our tickets, made the reservations, got the hotel, and put in for my time off literally 3 months ago. Not to mention, most of this can be done sitting on your ass in front of the computer!! Takes 1 minute to submit time off. Assuming you have ADP or Workday, or whatever.
nta it’s not your responsibility
NTA! I’ve been down this road where I didn’t get a choice and my vacation got taken back because my coworker who is never there but maybe 2 times a week due to her kids activities suddenly had a last minute ball game of some sort so mine was rescinded with out my input and mine wasn’t even a vacation I had to take one of our horses for spinal surgery so then I had to call the equine surgeon and explain what happened and of course they were upset cause it messed up their surgery schedule but since it wasn’t my fault they were nice enough to get me in the next day. If you have an already approved time off it is not your responsibility to cater to those who are constantly gone for their kids stuff they need to figure it out on their own and the other way you handled it is the same way I would have as well.
NTA. I’m unclear how she booked a Disney vacay and didn’t get time off for it right then.
Her lack of planning = not your problem
to solve.
When someone doesn’t listen to your answer the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th time, begs, pleads, manipulates, that is so much more of a TA then someone raising their voice a bit in frustration to get through to them?!
YOU are definitely NTA. *This coming from a mom, with 3 kids and needs specific vacation slots (sports trips) so puts vacation requests in good and early!
NTA. If she had the forsight to book her vacation plans, she had the forsight to book the vacation time slot.
The failure on her part, does not constitute an emergency on yours.
Signed, a single mom.
NTA.
You already planned and bought tickets. Her lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on your part. It really sucks that she disappointed her own children with poor planning. Asking the first time doesn’t make her an asshole, but the further pressure and attempts at guilt tripping do. You DID try to say no politely several times, and that didn’t work. She earned her scolding.
My husband isn’t social and doesn’t work in an office environment. Most of his coworkers didn’t realize he was married or had kids for a long time. The amount of times people approached him like this was infuriating. They always used their children and parenthood as a club to try to guilt him into switching leave, taking longer hours, or otherwise inconveniencing himself because “think of my baaaaaabbiies!!” Yeah, no thank you.
NTA not your problem she’s unable to plan ahead
NTA. I’m childfree, but I digress. If you want holiday time of any sort, you make the appropriate plans ahead of time like everyone else. You having given birth to children doesn’t make you any more entitled to time off than anyone else. If it was so important to her to have this time off and she felt that her children would be disappointed by not going, then she should have planned ahead. Her lack of planning is not an emergency for you, and doesn’t necessitate you cancelling what you too the time to plan for.
NTA. She waited or forgot until it’s too late, not your problem. She feels entitled because she has kids and you don’t, that you will just give it to her. Let’s call it what it is, she forgot., but that’s not your problem. Now, if you WANT to, offer to change yours if she pays for all fees and charges associated with doing so.
I know you don’t have kids, but you must have some concept of when school holidays are. Why would you even want to take a vacation then? Not only are there people with family’s that plan vacations so their kids don’t miss school, but almost anywhere you go on vacation will be busier and filled with families and kids.
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Definitely not the a$$hole. If she had booked a trip to Disneyland already, she should have been the time and effort to book that time off. Not wait until last minute which is already booked the holiday.
So no, most definitely not the a$$hole
NTA, her poor planning is not your problem. Just because someone has kids doesn’t give them the right to just do/take what they want. It’s just as bad as parents demanding people give up their booked plane seats because other people didn’t bother and now must sit separately.
NTA
Other peoples lack of planning does not constitute your emergency.
Why would your coworker fully book a vacation before knowing she could take time off? That is on her.
Tell your male coworker to mind his own business.
NTA and that co-worker is an idiot. You WERE gentle with this woman, right up until she pushed and pushed and pushed. Gentle didn’t work, so you had to up the harshness. And it’s not like you attacked her or her kids, just said her kids were none of your business, which is completely true. You wouldn’t have snapped like that if she’d been a decent person and taken no for an answer. No means no isn’t just aimed at men or about sex, it means no means no no matter who says it or in what context.
Also, who books a Disney vacation before they’ve booked time off work? Especially when you have a clear policy that you have to book it by a certain time and only a certain amount of people can take vacation at a given time. A good parent books time off from work first, then books the holiday for that time. They don’t book the holiday, wait until it’s too late to book time off and all slots are taken, then try to bully someone into giving up their vacation. This applies to everyone, of course, but it seems to come up most with parents.
Her kids are not your responsibility. Her choosing not to book a vacation spot before booking a holiday is also not your responsibility. She chose you because you’re a single, childless woman she thought she could bully, probably expecting colleagues to back her up if you said no. Otherwise she’d have taken your no and gone to ask one of the men if they’d switch with her. And, if you all said no, she would have accepted that, booked time off at a different time, cancelled the holiday and re-booked. Sure, she may have lost money that way, but it’s her own fault for booking a holiday during a time she has to work without booking time off from work first.
NTA.
I say this as a mother of 3. You know what I have always done? I look at the calendar for the n ext year durning summer and plan accordingly.
If it was THAT important to her, she would have put in the request earlier rather than wait until the last minute. Just because you are childfree doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your vacation time due to her lack of planning.
I’m child less and I would have probably given up the spot if I could book at another time . I’m just that kind of person not everybody is this way.
NTA.
I’m a parent. Her lack of planning is not your fault. I would never expect anyone to give up their own plans to facilitate my children, because they’re MY children. If I mess up & disappoint them that’s on me, nobody else!
I also suspect some BS from her. I don’t think she does have Disneyland booked, she’s just saying that to add pressure. Because if she had really gone to the effort of booking the trip itself why didn’t she also book the vacation time at work?!
ABSOLUTELY NOT
NTA
Her lack of prior proper planning does not constitute an emergency on your part. Like they say, sucks to suck. But there you are.
NTA why would she book a trip without guaranteeing she has the time off to go? That’s incredibly dumb on her part.
NTA. You said no. She didn’t listen. You planned ahead. She didn’t.
NTA. I’m a singleom. My kids are grown now. But I knew I needed to put in special time off requests early if I wanted particular days. (Later I was the boss so it was easier). If I effed up and didn’t ask, it was my own fault. I would never get mad at someone not trading with me. Just bc you don’t have kids ppl think you should give up your time to parents. Not how it works.
NTA.
I am a parent of one child, and although my wife and I tried very hard to give our daughter a sibling, it wasn’t meant to be. With that being said, our daughter is basically the centre of our family, and had we had additional children, they would have been just as essential and important to us.
The reason why I included that story above is because I have an extremely difficult time feeling any sympathy whatsoever when I see people or families that successfully managed to have the multiple children that my wife and I would love to have, and they’re complaining because all their kids are making their lives difficult.
This coworker screwed up, and if her kids are disappointed because they can’t go to Disneyland, oh well, perhaps the coworker should’ve gotten her shit together, or, to put it another way, if she’s so concerned about how disappointed her kids are going to be, she should have considered that earlier and booked vacation.
If she wanted to take her kids to Disneyland and foolishly went ahead and booked everything that’s a her problem not a you problem. She should have booked the vacation time first and everything else after it was approved. Good for you for not giving into her pushy behavior. NTA
NTA but if you don’t actually have anything planned this is a great opportunity to show kindness and do something nice for others. You absolutely have no obligation to do so.
NTA. And i think you know that. I’ve seen this situation too many times and its either made up or you just really like to see people talk shit about your co-worker, or people with kids, in general.
You’re right, her kids aren’t your problem but i think you could have been less harsh. Not everything is going to work out perfectly and that is alright. You dont need to scold her for that.
I’m a mother of 2 and plans vacations accordingly. Sometimes plans dont work out the way it should. Kind of like how child-free people have “emergencies” and have to take off during my vacation? Should that be my problem? No, I’m not gonna wave my kids in their face and pretty much tell mgmt to handle it 🤷🏻♀️
No, you are NTA. Go on your vacation and enjoy every moment of it.
NTA. Her failure to plan is not your problem and none of your business. It doesn’t matter if she has 0 children or 10, you have every right to refuse to trade vacation days.plus why should you cancel your planned trip (and possibly lose money)? There are two other colleagues she can ask. “Mothers have it hard”. Again, her choices are none of your business. I hate it when people with children try to punish child free people.