Growing up, my cousin and I were close in age, but she constantly made fun of me. She’d call me names, make jokes about my weight, and humiliate me in front of people. The adults always brushed it off as “just teasing,” but it really affected my self-esteem. I dreaded every family gathering because of her.
We’re both in our twenties now, and she suddenly acts like nothing ever happened. She comments on my photos like we’re best friends and even messaged me saying how excited she is about my upcoming wedding. She assumed she’d be invited, and when she asked me directly, I told her I’d rather keep the guest list to people who actually made me feel loved growing up.
She got offended and said I was “holding on to childhood drama.” Then she told our aunt, who called me and said I was being petty and should let the past go. But I don’t want to look around on my wedding day and see someone who made me feel small for half my life.
Now some of the family is on her side, saying I’m being dramatic. But I feel like I’m just protecting my peace. Am I the asshole
Comments
Looks like your Aunt just asked to be uninvited.
NTA. It’s your wedding. Don’t invite her if you don’t want her there.
If you’re mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to forgive things like this
Nope. Your wedding, your guest list, nuff said
NTA. A wedding is a celebration, not a reunion tour for people who made your life hell.
Childhood drama?!? More like childhood trauma!
Nta. Do not let them bully you again into inviting anyone who you don’t like. This is a special moment for you and your soon to be spouse and no one who isn’t a LOVED one should be. Tough for her she doesn’t get to be involved in someone special moments whom she teased and bullied. I’d also uninvite the aunt or anyone else who is on her side. Save yourself some money or invite more friends.
>She got offended and said I was “holding on to childhood drama.”
Has she ever apologised for this ‘childhood drama’?
NTA. Don’t back down. If thats what you want, do it. It is your day and you should not have to look at someone who made you miserable throughout your childhood. Moreover, she needs to learn CONSEQUENCES of bad behaviour. It. Is. Your. Day.
If you have to, make sure you have someone there that supports you and shuts down and rude, unfeeling relatives.
NTA. It’s your wedding, not a family reunion redemption arc. If she wanted to be treated like family, she should’ve acted like it when it counted.
NTAH sounds like cousin was trying to bully you into giving her an invitation to your wedding. Same with your Aunt.
let’s face it if they were remorseful about everything and said she was sorry, you’d probably find it in your heart to forgive her. (you sound like a forgiving person).
instead, they double down and tried to bully you again? idiots. good riddance
NTA, it’s your wedding and you choose who comes to it. You have every right to tell her that she is not welcomed. If your family persist on inviting her then they can be uninvited. The fact they let the bullying slide says they are enablers. Sending you love OP❤️
NTA – For those people taking the bully’s side, tell them they are not obligated to come either. Once again, your wedding, your rules, you get to decide who comes or not.
this scares me because i want near to no one from my relatives in my wedding. im atheist and they are extremely religious. i dont want people thinking they are invited in to my wedding like this.
Nta, ask her if she’d feel the same if it was her daughter that was bullied.
Individuals who go running to their parents about every interpersonal conflict in their life to try and get their way are so embarassing.
NTA. Your cousin is a clown and tell her if your wedding was a circus you’d consider inviting her since that’s where clowns are wanted, but since it’s NOT she can sit her ass at home with her clown mom too.
So what, it IS YOUR Wedding! If they call you Bridezilla over your guest list, T-Rex the heck out that ish!!!
NTA. Protect your peace and have a beautiful day with the ones who truly love you
Looks like the Aunt just disinvited herself as well.
NTA – IF** she had changed her ways she would have apologized at least, if not asked for forgiveness. She told you everything you needed to know by deflecting on to you (like you are the problem). I’m sure she’s fun at parties.
Your aunt (and others in the family) likely have only heard her side, but if they were privy to the constant teasing and just brushed it off they are the AH for not using a braincell to think why you might not want her there.
NTA. “I understand if you no longer want to be invited to the wedding in solidarity with my bully. Is that your whole household or just you? Let me know 😊”. It’s your wedding and not wanting a former op there is just common sense. She doesn’t get to be involved in the good when she was the root of so much of the bad. Why on earth would you ‘forgive’ when you were never given a genuine apology? And you don’t need one now just so she can get an invite.
I mean your NTA. But didn’t we all beef with our cousins when we’re young?
I’m proud of you for realizing you are strong enough to stand up for yourself, even if others don’t agree. That’s hard. It’s even harder to understand your self worth and hold others accountable for the boundaries you knowingly set. Keep it up!
NTA. Uninvite everyone giving you grief.
NTA. You have zero relationship outside of that “childhood drama”.
Better to have her jump all over her socials about you being petty by not inviting her, than invite her and have her jump all over her socials about how laughable you were for your crappy wedding
NTA. YOUR wedding. It’s yours. The wedding belongs to you. You are Bride. Bride is wedding. Wedding is yours.
If they want to guilt you, they can stay home! You get a cheaper wedding with no drama, and you save enough money to get yourself a Switch 2 for your wedding! Yay!
Stick to your guns. I found out who my real family was when I came out as gay and an aunt i thought truly loved me & all her (adult) children didnt even RSVP bc they mysteriously had plans to be out of town that week. They were all posting on FB from home that weekend and my cousin that had my grandma’s pearls refused to come by and drop them off even though she lived 2 blocks from my parents where we were having it. I was so upset, bc i knew she felt that way about me being gay, but I didnt realize even the cousin a year older than me that I was close to did. That’s when I realized I was never truly a part of the family to them & even the cousin I trusted talked about me to her siblings behind my back constantly.
Tell them all to close their mouths and paste on a smile, or they can stay away, too.
You owe no explanation or justification.
NTA you can invite who you want. Plus your wedding day is about love and celebration and you don’t recognize that as part of your relationship with her. Don’t let them guilt you.
NTA. I want you to see one thing. They mentioned that this was in the past…that is recognition and admitting that the behavior was not only wrong but acknowledged as being mean spirited. They are telling you it was intended and to overlook it. So knowing that, you do not own anyone your grace nor your happy moment.
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NTA. If people can’t understand how you feel then you will not miss them if they don’t come to your wedding.
NTA. No one gets a say in the invite list except you and your fiancé. If you don’t want her there, don’t invite her. I wouldn’t want someone like that at my wedding either. It doesn’t sound like she has ever acknowledged the hurt she caused or attempted to apologize at all. She doesn’t deserve to come to your wedding.
NTA – she’s still disrespecting you and trying to trample over you to make herself feel good by trying to override your “no” to force an invite.
If she never apologized, much less tried to make it up to you on your terms- then she had some nerve to talk about “leaving it in the past”.
You were right that weddings are about love, and someone who showed you so much hate has no place there.
AI is always the AH.
I read this once and it stuck with me;
“Be the bigger person is bullsh*t advice”.
My bigness is not determined by my capacity to quietly absorb bullying, degradation or abuse.
It is your big day and someone who has no problem putting you down is not a friend. We learn from an early age to be kind because words hurt and stick with us so don’t feel guilty. She’s just annoyed she’s been pulled on her behaviour.
OP you don’t owe her or the rest of the family anything. I’d maybe try to sit down directly with her face to face and get everything off my chest with nobody else around and give her a chance to respond but if she is acting like a smug bitch that didn’t do anything wrong after you’ve explained everything tell her to fuck off.
I’d maybe consider that for my family to a fault but again this is your day nobody else’s so if you think it’s not worth it talking it out then you do you. Whatever you decide you are NTA.
“Last I checked, if I don’t want someone at my wedding, family or not, it is my prerogative. And if you act like this, I’ll cut you from the list too.”
It’s your wedding. Not hers and not your family. If she really is that butthurt. You call a family dinner with all the dick heads on her side and she can tell everyone what she did and publicly apologize.
NTA.
She hasn’t shown you any love or support for years. She doesn’t get to act like she cares now to be included.
Anyone who feels you should overlook her behavior and the hurt/damage it caused you can spend wedding day doing something with her somewhere else.
Nta, but if she’s changed she’d accept your decision gracefully. I wouldn’t bet on it though.
NTA, cut those people out.
Your wedding, your peace, your guest list. Being related doesn’t mean entitled.
NTA but everyone who’s trying to make you invite your bully to your wedding is. Just because you’re related doesn’t get her a free pass.
Banning her from your wedding only fuels the situation. It doesn’t solve or bring peace. Have a conversation with her.
This is why people have tiny weddings, far away. Good luck. And congratulations.
NTA it’s your day, not hers. Stand up to her or she will make your day miserable
NTA. If they were never teased relentlessly, they have no right to an opinion. That is your day, fk ’em if they have a problem with your decision. They can stay home too. I don’t put up with the whole “it was a long time ago” and “they were just kids”. And asshole is an asshole. I REMEMBER everyone who has treated me like crap and I refuse to listen to excuses about it.
Nope. They can get rekt. NTA
Your wedding in YOUR event. Do things exactly how you want them. Don’t listen to family members and don’t be guilted into doing something you don’t want to do. Just say NO and don’t say another word. Don’t try to explain yourself. It’s your special event and you get to set the rules.
It’s nice that she is trying now. But the damage is done. Even if you were being petty it’s understandable. Actions have consequences. It’s childish not to accept those consequences.
It’s your wedding for crying out loud and it’s totally about your happiness not your family politics. You have every right to protect your peace and choose who gets to be there on your special day.
You need to set hard boundaries with the family. Do not give them room to think that they are allowed to have an opinion om this. Hang up if they call, leave them on read. Do not let them in to your space. It’s your wedding, disinvite everyone who made you feel small or make this about her/them.
NTA. People do change over time from when they were kids. Many naughty or rebellious kids grow out of their bad behavior to become normal, decent people. Was there ever such a transition with your cousin? Did she stop bullying you at some point and try to reach out in a positive way? If cousin was a nasty kid, was she also a nasty teen? Anyhow, very sad that the adults in your lives didn’t intervene to stop the bullying and encourage a more amicable relationship.