Apologies in advance for the long story, it’s all for context. I just started a new job as front office manager at a hotel about 2 months ago. I was supposed to replace (we will call her A) but her next job fell through and now we just have to split duties. I heard that this made her unhappy and she was trying to get her full job back.
I also want to preface this by saying A and I have already had two issues of crossing boundaries before these incidents. A running her fingers through my hair without permission and hugging me from behind without permission.
I made it clear I don’t mix coworkers into personal life and voiced my boundaries with social media. I don’t have the email I use for work or that number attached to any of my social media accounts. All of my accounts are private to the point where at most, you can see my profile picture and bio, nothing else.
A and her sister (who we will call B) both work at this place. Because A and I share a job title, there’s a lot of overlap. B works night shift, so I really never see her. But A and B are sisters and live together.
A couple of weeks ago I notice that B keeps popping up under profile views of one of my social media accounts, pretty much every day. I blocked her and another page of hers started viewing mine. Then her sister starts. So I blocked them. B moves on to try to add me on FB, I blocked her, she asks me at work the next day where my page went. Cue the next week of a new page of Bs coming up when I block one.
Yesterday morning, my Notification Center said A requested to follow me on IG. The notification was fresh, 2 mins. I open IG and the request is gone. Which means she accidentally did it.
I was kinda at my wits end so I texted her, very respectfully. I reiterated to her that I have expressed my boundaries about my personal life. I see she and her sister looking at my profile everyday, adding me, etc and felt like she and her sister were pushing boundaries and to please stop trying to get through to me on social media. They have my number.
A apologized and explained the IG request was an accident, didn’t address anything else. But hopefully that message was clear enough that I don’t have these issues anymore. No one else from work has been doing what they are doing.
AITA for texting her and calling her out on it?
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Apologies in advance for the long story, it’s all for context. I just started a new job as front office manager at a hotel about 2 months ago. I was supposed to replace (we will call her A) but her next job fell through and now we just have to split duties. I heard that this made her unhappy and she was trying to get her full job back.
I also want to preface this by saying A and I have already had two issues of crossing boundaries before these incidents. A running her fingers through my hair without permission and hugging me from behind without permission.
I made it clear I don’t mix coworkers into personal life and voiced my boundaries with social media. I don’t have the email I use for work or that number attached to any of my social media accounts. All of my accounts are private to the point where at most, you can see my profile picture and bio, nothing else.
A and her sister (who we will call B) both work at this place. Because A and I share a job title, there’s a lot of overlap. B works night shift, so I really never see her. But A and B are sisters and live together.
A couple of weeks ago I notice that B keeps popping up under profile views of one of my social media accounts, pretty much every day. I blocked her and another page of hers started viewing mine. Then her sister starts. So I blocked them. B moves on to try to add me on FB, I blocked her, she asks me at work the next day where my page went. Cue the next week of a new page of Bs coming up when I block one.
Yesterday morning, my Notification Center said A requested to follow me on IG. The notification was fresh, 2 mins. I open IG and the request is gone. Which means she accidentally did it.
I was kinda at my wits end so I texted her, very respectfully. I reiterated to her that I have expressed my boundaries about my personal life. I see she and her sister looking at my profile everyday, adding me, etc and felt like she and her sister were pushing boundaries and to please stop trying to get through to me on social media. They have my number.
A apologized and explained the IG request was an accident, didn’t address anything else. But hopefully that message was clear enough that I don’t have these issues anymore. No one else from work has been doing what they are doing.
AITA for texting her and calling her out on it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I texted my coworker immediately following an accidental IG request and told her and her sister to stop trying to be friends with me on social media.
I feel like, even though the text absolutely was professional and respectful, that her tenure at the company and her rapport with other people will have made me the asshole instead of being understood about my boundaries.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Blocking someone is a boundary. Creating a new page to try to go around that blockage is creepy.
Have you gone to HR about all of this?
nta. my only suggestion would be not to give people like this your number in the future. as for the social media, just keep blocking, and if she brings it up to you in person be clear with her again that she is making you uncomfortable.
the stalking online and the unwanted touching in person paint a very bad picture. if your work has anyone like an hr you can talk to, i would.
NTA. This is very intrusive. If she really wants to ask you something about your life, she can do it in person.
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NTA. First of all it’s very weird to keep adding and prying into someone’s social media when its obvious that you’ve denied them any access. Very uncomfortable and bothersome lol.
NTA. You’re absolutely allowed to set social media boundaries with your coworkers and this is weird ass behavior.
WHat petty bullshit.
Your co-workers, I mean… not you.
NTA.
These girls are creepy, stalker, and they don’t have any boundaries.
You’re not the a hole.
Watch out for revenge, I wouldn’t put it past them. Keep your wits about you. Sorry you’re going through this.
I would have a back up plan to start looking for a different job, in case this becomes a more stalker problem. Keep all your texts, in case you need to show them to HR.
She’s obviously intentionally doing it, which isn’t bad technically but since you don’t feel comfortable with it, it was the right thing to let her know, as long as you did it respectfully.
NTA. Personally, I would log everything. Make a diary of it. Take it HR. This is not normal behaviour! You are absolutely correct with separating personal life with work life as a role of a manager. It seems like they will continue to push given how many accounts they have made to try and follow you. I would also check to see if they have tried to follow any of your friends and family. Make someone aware of this harassment, because that’s what is is atp.
nope, NTA at all. Creepy on their part really.
Are your socials set to private?
INFO: How is it your problem that the new job fell through? How is it possible that she was just allowed back at your expense?
Go to HR about the grabbing from behind and running fingers thru your hair.
Have that documented immediately.
Both actions are disrespectful to a co-worker in a professional setting and it will protect you from anything else that happens.
Not sure what A’s intentions are here especially since you are currently “sharing” the job since her other one fell through, but you need to make sure you don’t get the axe because of things A and B are doing behind the scenes.
They’ve got some scheme going on and you should stay well clear if it and them.
NTA
I would report this to HR tbh. You have told them verbally multiple times, you even went so far as to block them and they are trying to circumvent that.
It is weird and feels like they are escalating, so better to have a paper trail. Especially since these don’t really seem to be about the job and is more about them trying to force a closeness with you that you already put a stop to.
That running their hands through your hair and hugging you from behind honestly has me baffled so I am glad you nipped that weirdness in the bud.
NTA. But boundaries are for you not others. Ever thought to just block them on all social media platforms? Then they cannot search for you or attempt to add you anymore. You’re sticking to your boundary by doing this.
NTA. I would definitely go to HR about this, considering A lost out on her new job and wanted her full job back leads me to believe that the fingers through the hair and the hug may have been to see if you would react poorly/make a scene. Her and her sister may be trying to dig up dirt on you using your social media. One or the other reasons could get you terminated from your job. Be smart and safe OP
NTA
NTA
There is nothing wrong with separating you personal and professional lives. I would give a higher up or HR a run down just to cover your bases, you never know how these things could play our in the work place.
NTA. At best they’re either just curious or are interested in some sort of friendship outside of work, which still deliberately goes against the boundaries you’ve clearly set. At worst they could be trying to find something on your social media that she might be able to report in an attempt to get you in trouble/fired so A can have her job back completely.
Either way the behavior is inappropriate and honestly just weird and kind of creepy. You definitely aren’t wrong for saying something to her, and you should probably keep an eye out for more accounts that could start becoming more subtle if they try to hide it. I’d go as far to start keeping receipts in case it becomes an issue that needs to be reported in the future. Hopefully they don’t bother with it anymore, though.
You can’t even view ig stories, if the account is private and you aren’t following them, something doesn’t add up.
NTA. You’ve now made your boundaries clear and in writing. If they continue go to HR.
NTA. Jeez, do these people even know what privacy means? Your privacy is important, especially on social media. Luckily A apologized, but how does the sister, B, feel?????