I work in a small parts manufacturing shop in Canada. I am Indian and recently our company hired a new receptionist who also happens to be Indian from the same region. She is the only other one in the shop.
One of my coworkers mentioned to me that I seem quite different from her in some aspects and that I am basically Canadian compared to her. I told him it is because we are from different groups and that she is a Shudra and their culture is different from mine.
Later on I noticed that people at work were talking among themselves and it was clear they had passed this around. A couple of them even laughed about some things they had read online. I honestly thought they were just curious about learning another culture. I did not see anything wrong with it and I believed they were simply trying to understand.
Eventually the receptionist figured out that I was the one who told the name of her community and she got very upset with me. She said I had no right to say it and that it was disrespectful. Now she barely speaks to me and some people at work look at me differently.
I feel like this is unfair because I never said anything negative. I only explained why we are different. For me it is no different than if I tell someone that one of our coworkers is from Quebec and that his culture is not exactly the same as the rest of Canada. Nobody would think that is offensive.
So from my side I do not think I did wrong but now it feels she sees me badly. AITA for mentioning what group she comes from when asked why we seem different
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I work in a small parts manufacturing shop in Canada. I am Indian and recently our company hired a new receptionist who also happens to be Indian from the same region. She is the only other one in the shop.
One of my coworkers mentioned to me that I seem quite different from her in some aspects and that I am basically Canadian compared to her. I told him it is because we are from different groups and that she is a Shudra and their culture is different from mine.
Later on I noticed that people at work were talking among themselves and it was clear they had passed this around. A couple of them even laughed about some things they had read online. I honestly thought they were just curious about learning another culture. I did not see anything wrong with it and I believed they were simply trying to understand.
Eventually the receptionist figured out that I was the one who told the name of her community and she got very upset with me. She said I had no right to say it and that it was disrespectful. Now she barely speaks to me and some people at work look at me differently.
I feel like this is unfair because I never said anything negative. I only explained why we are different. For me it is no different than if I tell someone that one of our coworkers is from Quebec and that his culture is not exactly the same as the rest of Canada. Nobody would think that is offensive.
So from my side I do not think I did wrong but now it feels she sees me badly. AITA for mentioning what group she comes from when asked why we seem different
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my coworkers the name of the culture of a new coworker since we are both from India and they were curious about our differences. This might make me an asshole since she was upset that I told them this
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
People are getting too much, honestly. Get offended by everything.
If it happened like you said, you’re NTA, and she needs to get over herself.
YTA – and you know it. She is not from a different group or culture. You consider her a lower caste from you which is evident from your post.
NTA
I would be in contact with your HR department, though, since you seem to have some racist coworkers
You weren’t talking about culture but caste. Which as you well know has lots of social stigma attached to it.
If someone moves from Canada, they don’t probably want the caste system following them there too.
YTA.
YTA. The caste system was abolished for very good reasons. No reason to reintroduce it in a foreign country.
YTA – you knew what you were saying.
INFO: do you equate being a Quebecois in Canada to being from a lower social class/caste than other Canadians?
I don’t think you can kid anyone you were dating it from a good place.
YTA, and you know perfectly goddamned well why.
YTA. This was not a “culture” issue, and you know it. You are exporting the caste system, and it’s disgusting.
YTA – Shudra isn’t a locale; it’s a caste. The lowest of the four castes. It’s like saying “yeah, we’re both Indian, but I’m educated and she’s trash”. The caste system was abolished for a reason, no?
YTA.
You knew damn well that Shudra is the lowest of the four caste systems (I am sure her/your co-workers Googled it easy enough).
And you are not the fricking victim.
YTA. You could have just said that there are many different cultures and practices, without labelling her.
Your coworkers sound like AHs if they were gossiping about her, but you could have prevented the whole situation by being a bit more discreet.
Mate, you 100% know why.
“she is a Shudra and their culture is different from mine”
You basically told everyone that she is considered the lowest of the four castes. How did you think she’d react to you telling everyone that?
You are totally the asshole, here. You ought to apologize to her publicly. You know what you said was wrong. Don’t try to “but all I said was…” your way out of it, either.
YTA
YTA; Shudra isn’t a culture is a caste. You knew that when you said it, and you knew it was inappropriate.
Edit; I can see your comments let me speak it English for you so you can hear how it sounds without your special Indian words, “why is that new coworker girl so much less Canadian seeming than you?” “because she’s a dirty lowborn meant to be sweeping streets.”
Absolutely YTA. If you were NOT trying to be elitist, you would have said, “We come from different backgrounds,” and left it at that. Giving a word that a simple google search will attribute to being one step above “untouchables” (which is also an unfortunate designation) to your co-workers was a heinous thing to do. Why? Because her chance for reinvention, for being judged on her own merit and not on her caste, is GONE. YOU took that away from her. Go, you.
“Boys flying kites haul in their white-winged birds.
Too bad you can not do that when you are flying words.”
YTA. You told your co-worker that the receptionist’s mannerisms were because of the caste she was born into, rather than letting her exist as an individual outside of an outdated, racist system. It’s the equivalent of saying that a black person acts a particular way because they’re “from the hood” or a white person acts a particular way because they’re “white trash.” When you heard your co-workers laughing about what they read you didn’t step in and stop them. You didn’t tell them how grotesque and inappropriate it was to stereotype someone. You didn’t ask your coworker first if she wanted to be identified as Shudra, you made that choice for her.
Your defense is weak. If you told your coworkers that someone was rude because they were from Quebec it would be offensive.
YTA.
You carefully explained that you’re classy and she’s not. Stop being all, oh what did I do???
Yup , YTA … big time … I guess you can absolve yourself and defend castism and justify treating people badly
But yeah, YTA unless you can apologize and live a better life with complete respect for human rights and dignity / decency for all with no regard to heritage, etc.
Do better
We don’t do Caste systems here in Canada. Catch my drift. Hire Canadians first 🙂
YTA it’s super cool that we’re importing new types of racism
YTA and YAA. You know what you said, what it meant, and your Quebec example is false. It is not the same and you know it. You’re just upset because she sees you badly instead of how outing her culture makes her appear–especially in comparison to yourself. As a woman of the West, you know better. You owe this woman an apology and she deserves your efforts in damage control, however I’m not going to encourage that because you’d likely bungle it further.
YTA for essentially saying your coworker is of a lower caste than you are. That has nothing to do with different cultures but different class and you know it. And even more concerning is you’re happily spouting this knowing there’s a very anti South Asian sentiment running through Canada right now. Shame on you.
Wow, really? YTA.
YTA – You just called her the lowest of the Indian “culture.” You are out of touch dude.
I know so very little about different cultures in India, like almost nothing.
Old white American lady in the south.
even I know that you said it because of the caste system.
Don’t pretend that because you’re in Canada “it doesn’t count”.
You know exactly what you said and what you meant by it.
Shame on you.
YTA
YTA. This needs to be a fireable offense.
I am from India and YTA though perhaps you didn’t mean to be.
The problem is that even if you may not view that caste in a negative way, there are others who probably do and you should have thought of that before saying anything.
But also how did you even know what her caste is..unless she clearly told you, you just made assumptions which is also why YTA.
Though one thing I will add is your coworkers are even bigger assholes. I can’t believe they are gossiping and laughing about this.
Putting yourself above when you’re actions say you’re actually the one far below lacking decency and class. We all write our narratives as the good guy but not all of us are. We all make such mistakes but this one was pretty big. You owe her an apology for invoking an outdated and out of place for Canada ideology that declared her less than. It’s an ideology that has no basis in scientific fact like the Rapture. You’re going to find most the people at work were laughing at you for believing in such stupid, racist trash. How are you not embarrassed?
YTA. This wasn’t just “hey we’re from different states and speak different languages and India is diverse,” this was castism and I think you know it.
YTA.
This entire post is dripping with elitism / racism / classism and whether or not you are being that way on purpose is irrelevant.
I also don’t really buy the innocence act either. You’re just not convincing enough, someone who has been accidentally racist/elitist/classist usually feels sorry about it and apologizes + self reflects but you’re here looking for validation for your bad action.
You’re so nasty oh my Lord. The way you conveniently twisted what “shudra” means, had me on your side.
If not for the comments that explained shudra is A CASTE not a culture. You outed her as being the lowest caste in your country, that is why she acts less canadian than you (whatever that means). And you knew damn well what you were doing, that is why you had to lie in this post to make yourself look better. That Quebec analogy is absolute ass btw.
That comment your collegue made had obvious racist undertones and you think pretending “you aren’t like these others bcs im from a higher caste” will get you picked. The way all they laughed after is further proof theyre racists and you facilitated that.
YTA.
OP, I am not familiar at all with the term Shudra. I read your post and had to research the term to understand your post. I imagine that your coworkers who were interested in learning more also had to go look it up. This is what comes up when I performed an internet search for Shudra (my emphasis added):
“A Shudra is a member of the fourth and lowest social class, or varna, in the traditional Hindu caste system, historically associated with artisans, laborers, and servants who supported the other three varnas. Unlike the other varnas, Shudras were generally not permitted to study the Vedas or perform the initiatory rite known as upanayana. The term itself refers to a broad group of endogamous status groups, from dominant landowning groups to those performing “unclean” tasks like sweeping or scavenging.“
Are you being foolish with us right now? What did you think others would think of that?? You made your coworker out to be a low-class, unclean, scavenger. You knew better! YOU know what Shudra is and you shared that to the others. I do not blame her for being upset with you. You should apologize to your coworker for lacking tact and humility.
YTA. You know it, she knows it, and anyone with a brain cell and Google knows it.
For anyone who doesn’t have access to Google, he basically said oh, she’s different from me because her family is poor, uneducated, working-class people, and really, what can you expect from them? Except in this case, it’s society and the laws of the country that prevented people from accessing education, jobs, housing, etc.
And now you’re playing the wide-eyed “What?? What did I do? I was just educating them” game? Dude. That’s messed up. Gross.
YTA. your personality is miserable and i’m sorry but your miserable personality has managed to enraged a stranger on reddit. You’re everything that’s wrong with the world.
I hope you get fired
YTA.
You knew that by telling them she was Shudra, you were informing her co-workers that she was “the lowest of the four traditional castes in the Hindu social hierarchy”.
She’s not from a different culture. She’s from a lower caste within YOUR culture.
YTA
YTA This kind of classism/racism/outdated caste based discrimination is not canadian or of canadian values. do better
YTA, this was a caste issue not a “culture” issue, you were highlighting that you were from a “higher” caste
Why on Earth are you dragging casteism into Canada?
YTA
YTA.
Caste systems are disgusting and outdated.
I hope she leaves your incredibly racist place of employment and finds a better job with kind co-workers who realise that people are more than just their class. YTA
YTA there is never any reason to bring up caste
yeah, as an Indian, you’re a huge casteist asshole and you know it. You should eb ashamed of yourself.
And please know that your coworkers are 100% judging you too.
Upon googling it, YTA of the highest caliber
you are not just an ass but a super YTA
She is not from a different group or culture. You consider her a lower caste from you and for that YTA
‘One of my coworkers mentioned to me that I seem quite different from her in some aspects and that I am basically Canadian compared to her.’
LOL