So I work at a local deli and on this particular day was very busy (labor day weekend) and we were very short staffed by the time 2-3 p.m came around, it was me till 5:30, a coworker till 4:30, a coworker till 6:30, and 2 coworkers who work till 9 heres where the co-worker in question comes in. The day before she looked like she was dying of a fever, me and a couple other people were in the back trying to help but ultimately she went home.
Cut to the next day she didnt show up on time at 3:00 so i assumed she was still sick even though she didnt call, so I decided to ask the night manager to close the deli early and the manager agreed. I woulda asked either way tho just because the 2nd closer is a newbie. She eventually showed up about half an hour later after I asked to close early. I won’t say her name but it turns out she just went through ANOTHER BREAK UP with another sketchy guy. He took her money she expected to be payed back but she hasn’t saw it and seems to have been freaking out all day and night.
I dont know how much exactly but the point I wanna make is this is not the first situation shes put herself in. She keeps falling for these people who either take advantage of her or in general just very shady/ghetto folks, which i dont believe is exactly her fault considering her home life isn’t exactly ideal for love and support. But I kinda was just like “cmon, really? Again? What did she expect?” All these going through my head but I just said “my best advice honestly I would take time to yourself” didnt have time to give a full fledged wisdom filled statement or convo. I’ve known her for a while before we started working the same job, She also is very dependent on others most of the time. I’m trying to give as much context as I can without giving away her life out of respect but its mportant to the story.
Cut to a little while later the 4:30 left and it was just us 3 up front while she was in the back doing dishes and other stuff, she doesn’t come out much normally. But it’s when I go back there to drop some food into the fryer I see her still on the verge of tears death staring her phone screen, dishes just sitting there. Which in the moment ticked me off because im trying to get the big stuff around the place done while also helping the newbie while also helping customers (shit show) so I looked at her and said “listen, whatevers going on outside of work should stay there until you are done or on break, we need you.” Safe to say she wasnt happy hitting me with her hateful voice tone essentially telling me to fuck off and I dont care about this job, I decided to ask if the newbie could tell her when I left to tell her I apologize because I didn’t want her to be getting worse than she already is mentally. But to be honest i still meant what I said. She should understand at this point this should be nothing new to her. AITA?
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So I work at a local deli and on this particular day was very busy (labor day weekend) and we were very short staffed by the time 2-3 p.m came around, it was me till 5:30, a coworker till 4:30, a coworker till 6:30, and 2 coworkers who work till 9 heres where the co-worker in question comes in. The day before she looked like she was dying of a fever, me and a couple other people were in the back trying to help but ultimately she went home.
Cut to the next day she didnt show up on time at 3:00 so i assumed she was still sick even though she didnt call, so I decided to ask the night manager to close the deli early and the manager agreed. I woulda asked either way tho just because the 2nd closer is a newbie. She eventually showed up about half an hour later after I asked to close early. I won’t say her name but it turns out she just went through ANOTHER BREAK UP with another sketchy guy. He took her money she expected to be payed back but she hasn’t saw it and seems to have been freaking out all day and night.
I dont know how much exactly but the point I wanna make is this is not the first situation shes put herself in. She keeps falling for these people who either take advantage of her or in general just very shady/ghetto folks, which i dont believe is exactly her fault considering her home life isn’t exactly ideal for love and support. But I kinda was just like “cmon, really? Again? What did she expect?” All these going through my head but I just said “my best advice honestly I would take time to yourself” didnt have time to give a full fledged wisdom filled statement or convo. I’ve known her for a while before we started working the same job, She also is very dependent on others most of the time. I’m trying to give as much context as I can without giving away her life out of respect but its mportant to the story.
Cut to a little while later the 4:30 left and it was just us 3 up front while she was in the back doing dishes and other stuff, she doesn’t come out much normally. But it’s when I go back there to drop some food into the fryer I see her still on the verge of tears death staring her phone screen, dishes just sitting there. Which in the moment ticked me off because im trying to get the big stuff around the place done while also helping the newbie while also helping customers (shit show) so I looked at her and said “listen, whatevers going on outside of work should stay there until you are done or on break, we need you.” Safe to say she wasnt happy hitting me with her hateful voice tone essentially telling me to fuck off and I dont care about this job, I decided to ask if the newbie could tell her when I left to tell her I apologize because I didn’t want her to be getting worse than she already is mentally. But to be honest i still meant what I said. She should understand at this point this should be nothing new to her. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told her she should wait till work was over or wait till break to worry about her ex. I felt like an asshole because I wasnt thinking about her emotions and and still had so much to do
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA all the way. Like for real, y’all are there to werk, not chill. If he’s slackin’, he’s impactin’ your day.
NTA. I think you were pretty civil when you asked her to refocus on her job. Maybe you should just explain your side a bit more the next time you see each other. Her emotions were still high at that time, so maybe she also didn’t mean to react the way she did.
NTA
You should not apologise for what you said. You have tried to be supportive and what you said was perfectly correct.
NTA.
I have worked during relationship breakups. I even worked when two close family members were seriously ill (separate incidents) and I did not know if they would survive. I spent almost every waking hour at their bedside in the initial days, but when the medical crisis goes on for weeks or even months, at a certain point you have to go back to work. Otherwise you don’t have an income and you can’t pay your bills.
The deal with personal crises affecting work is this: if you can’t work, if you’re going to cry endlessly and be unable to do your job, then don’t be at work. Do everyone else a favor and stay home. (And do the courtesy of phoning and saying you won’t be in. Just failing to show up is poor form.)
But if you are at work, you need to give the job your full attention. Don’t sit and stare at your phone and cry.
OP, you did nothing wrong. Her emotions are not your responsibility. I wouldn’t have apologized for anything you said. At most, I would have said “I’m sorry that you’re unhappy, and I hope your situation improves, but you’re being paid to do a job, and right now, you’re not doing it. If you’re at work, you need to work.”
ESH- Going against the grain. While I agree it affects the team overall, this seems more like an issue for management. Everyone HAS to work and not everyone can be expected to have a perfect life outside of work, but it’s not my job to assume anything about my coworkers. If she’s going to be late, can’t do her job, etc, she should be communicating with management and it should be addressed by them.
From my experience, people who involve themselves in those types of relationships don’t “see it” until they do, and trying to communicate otherwise often causes more “drama”.