hi, im (17f) and a junior in high school. Prom is this saturday and i plan on hanging out with my friends to take pictures and eat. I’ve already got my dress which is a long, purple, as a train and is a bit deep at the chest, but also strapless. The problem here is my dad, hea always been abit picky with what i wear. Like i can’t even wear leggings without him telling me to put sweatpants on. or even a simple skirt. he literally told me to change out of my witch costume last year that i was using to volunteer.
But for a little more context, i was helping out with some basketball games at my school and i wore a pair of low rise sweat pants. a spaghetti strap, and a jacket which was hanging off my shoulder. When he came to pick me up he just said “what the hell do you have in?” and i just replied with a simple, A tank top” and he went in to say “you need to pull that up(the jacket that wasn’t even unzipped all the way.) im your father i don’t want to see all of that.” which really pissed me off because my stomach or anything other than my shoulder was exposed. Today, he asked about where me and my friends were going for prom and i said we were just gonna meet at her place to get ready and then take pictures near the lake in her neighborhood.
He said what time do he could be there, i told him he wasn’t invited because “You’re my dad, i wouldn’t want you to see all of that.” and that seemed to make him mad because he called my mom, who called me and asked what happened.
She didn’t really care too much because she knows how he is about my clothing. But he told my grandma about it too and she called me and tried to ask me to reconsider. but i refuse. Am i real’ . the asshole here?
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hi, im (17f) and a junior in high school. Prom is this saturday and i plan on hanging out with my friends to take pictures and eat. I’ve already got my dress which is a long, purple, as a train and is a bit deep at the chest, but also strapless. The problem here is my dad, hea always been abit picky with what i wear. Like i can’t even wear leggings without him telling me to put sweatpants on. or even a simple skirt. he literally told me to change out of my witch costume last year that i was using to volunteer.
But for a little more context, i was helping out with some basketball games at my school and i wore a pair of low rise sweat pants. a spaghetti strap, and a jacket which was hanging off my shoulder. When he came to pick me up he just said “what the hell do you have in?” and i just replied with a simple, A tank top” and he went in to say “you need to pull that up(the jacket that wasn’t even unzipped all the way.) im your father i don’t want to see all of that.” which really pissed me off because my stomach or anything other than my shoulder was exposed. Today, he asked about where me and my friends were going for prom and i said we were just gonna meet at her place to get ready and then take pictures near the lake in her neighborhood.
He said what time do he could be there, i told him he wasn’t invited because “You’re my dad, i wouldn’t want you to see all of that.” and that seemed to make him mad because he called my mom, who called me and asked what happened.
She didn’t really care too much because she knows how he is about my clothing. But he told my grandma about it too and she called me and tried to ask me to reconsider. but i refuse. Am i real’ . the asshole here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i really don’t think jm
in the wrong here because if he doesn’t want to see me so exposed, then i won’t let him
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA wear whatever you want and never let a man, father or not, tell you otherwise. Prom is special and you deserve to feel beautiful !!! No need for all that extra stress
You’re definitely NTA, and if you can keep him from coming to the photos without it rebounding on you, do so. He’s just going to be weird about whatever you wear. I just hope he doesn’t find ways to make your life unpleasant because of the decision. But his obsession with your body is strange and inappropriate. Hope you have a great time.
NTA and that comeback was so good
Honestly your dad’s concerns are valid. Young girl wearing revealing clothing can be scary for parents because of creeps. That being said I would’ve worn the low cut dress. He deserves to be there though. Tell him he can be there if he doesn’t make comments about your dress.
dude called his mommy on his daughter, whats wrong with people these days
You’re not the asshole at all. It will be really sad for your father to miss this event in your life.
This could be a way of him understanding you’re growing up, or he may miss the message. I would write your dad( text) so you don’t have to argue… and just say this night is really important to me and I don’t want you commenting on my dress. I don’t want you to say a single negative thing. If you think you can do that, then come. If you can’t please don’t ruin this night for me.
He feels uncomfortable with your womanly attributes. He doesn’t want to see them, but he doesn’t want anyone else to see them either. He wants to come to control you and your friends, and ruin your evening.
Are you literally just spending prom night together with your friends, dressing up and taking photos? If your mother is cool with your plans, then I would keep the address a closely guarded secret.
Just tell Dad that you promise not to do anything too outrageous, say you won’t be more revealing than your friends, and you certainly won’t do anything that would jeopardize your future employment if the photos were to go public. (If he argues then you may accuse him of being an old man who just wants to stare at teenage girls when they are all dolled up.)
Have fun!
> Edit to add: NTA.
NTA. If you told him about the lake, I suggest you change the place or at the least where in the lake. if he knows where he will show up.
Also, this is a very unhealthy and weird way to deal and act about a teenager dressing as a normal teenage
NTA, but I would consider explaining to your father beforehand that his words have weight to them, and anything other than encouraging can potentially ruin what is a big night for you.
It sounds like he wants to support you, and may need a little nudge on how to get that right. If he doesn’t get it, then don’t stress not allowing him.
NTA
Perfect response! Have fun at prom!!!
NTA, explain why you would be concerned about it.
NTA
Very soft TA.
Proms are a right of passage. It may no longer be the thing, but for previous generations, your parents taking prom pictures was A Very Big Deal. My friends and I had to drive to everyone’s house so their parents could see us all dressed up and take pictures. Yes, it took forever, but it was the Way Things Were Done – and we all knew it!
So his feelings may be hurt that he doesn’t get to see you and your date dressed up and take the obligatory pictures. Including the father daughter one.
I get how irritating it can be when dad wants you to cover up, but it’s because the world is full of creeps objectifying women’s bodies. And he himself was once a teen boy who likely went thru that stage. And he does NOT like the idea of snot nosed bratty boys ogling his daughter, whom he still sees as 8 yrs old in his head. And knowing they are thinking what he thought back then.
Cut him some slack, it’s hard letting go of your daughters and sending them into a world to be taken advantage of.
Get a pretty shawl you can wear over the risqué elements of your dress when your with him for photos and leave it in the car for the prom. That’s what a good 70% of us did. My dad didn’t realize my dress was backless until I wore it in college and he saw pictures sans shawl.
Let him and mom go to the picture shoot, just tell him mom OK d the dress and please don’t make a scene as it’s pretty standard fashion nowadays. And ask the dates to please tone down the hands on in front of dad’s who are already having flashbacks to their proms and how they all were planning to get lucky. Don’t remind him. Let him have his delusion of not my baby girl.
Definitely NTA, and i agree that the Dad is way over controlling. However, some of these people are making it sound like having an issue with how some children (under 18) dress is unforgivable. I feel like the outfits you’re describing are perfectly fine, but I’ve also seen a kid who couldn’t be more than 16 in meijer with a shirt that was so low cut, the top half of the bra cup was hanging out. So, imo as long as all of your bits are fully covered and not at risk of exposure, you’re good
I have an 18 yr old daughter and feel like I wouldn’t go out with my daughter and her friends before prom to eat and take pictures. Taking pictures with and for your parents is usually done at home. Which is usually right before kids leave to go to prom with just their friends. If he doesn’t want to see “all that” then maybe you could both compromise and take a few pictures at home before you leave with you wearing a shawl or something. Idk I don’t agree with your dad being weirded out about you wearing tank tops and leggings. I go swimming with my kids all the time and I’m not telling my daughters to cover up their swim suits and making my sons wear a shirt. I hope you have fun at prom!
Edit to add YNTA
NTA but I agree with the other comments about how sad it will be for your dad not to be allowed to attend. Regardless of his strict clothing rules or judgements, bottom line is that he’s just trying to protect you. Tell him it’s an important day and you don’t want any negativity surrounding it. If he can’t keep his comments to himself then He’s not welcome.
you might regret not having your dad there later in life at such a special moment, so just keep that in mind whatever you choose. I hid a lot from my parents when was I was that age and now that I’m an adult I can see where they were coming from a lot more and regret not letting them be a bigger part of my life early on.
It’s their first time living too🤍
Your father is being inappropriate. He’s the one sexualizing has own daughter.
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NTA your dad sounds a little nuts
NTA.
Your dad is an AH, obviously. Call him out on his shit every time.
I’m a dad, and you’re NTA.
While I have preferred outfits that my daughter wears (her trip pants and hoodie 😂),
I ALWAYS defer to mom on “appropriate” or not for other things. I flag it to mom (separately) and let her make the call.
I know in my brain I’m a controlling asshole. So I try to just keep it there. 😂
I’m also SUPER careful to not make comments that would make her feel like she’s doing something wrong for wearing whatever clothes.
While also letting her know that as much as I love the “my chem” look, grandma doesn’t. 😅
TA: Respect and honor your father.
He’s given a lot for you to have what you have, so he obviously cares about you more than almost anyone else in the world. Has anyone else given what he’s given you or been there for you like he has? I presume being a girl you might have a closer relationship with him than your mother but maybe not because of this conflict in your lives.
I get it, you wanna feel attractive and pretty and get attention. Modesty is a virtue. Immodesty is attractive but modesty is respectable. He knows how boys are. He doesn’t want to control you but to protect you not just from others but from yourself from making decisions you may regret down the road. Is it not a blessing to have someone who cares enough that they try to protect you and help you keep your purity? Versus everyone else in the world doesn’t care about your purity. Who cares about you more, your friends who will judge you if you don’t look the way they want you to or your father who’s tried to provide for you and be there for you and protect you?
No, you’re not NTA
You’ve set a boundary with your dad based on past experiences where he’s made you feel uncomfortable and overly criticized for what you wear. Prom is a special moment, and it’s understandable that you want to enjoy it without stress or judgment. You’re not saying he can’t be part of your life — you’re just protecting your peace on a day that’s important to you. That’s valid
NTA and I hope you are able to maintain this boundary. Sometimes, it’s the kids who teach the parents cause and effect.
He needs to understand that the consequence of his gross behavior regarding his daughter is restricted access TO said daughter. For HIS sake, let’s hope he learns his lesson before you’re a legal adult and can go no contact.
NTA.
Tell him parents aren’t invited to prom or prom events. It’s honestly kind of weird that he thinks he would be invited.
If he still pushes, remind him that you’re not the host and can’t invite people or just show up with extra uninvited people.
Did I mention that it’s weird he expects to go?
Yeah?
Well, it still is.
Don’t let him ruin the night for you and everyone else, which he will do if he’s present. If he knows where you’ll all be, start pushing hard to move things somewhere else.
Oh and you not being the host is the perfect excuse to use for your grandmother, too. “I said it in a joking way, but the just take didn’t include him in the invitation. I can’t just bring an uninvited guest along to crash the party, Grandma.”
If you want to lay it on really thick, you could also say, “These people have very good manners and are proper, and I don’t want them to think I’m rude.”
NTA.
I just left a cult that liked to dictate how men and women should dress. There was WAY more pressure on the women to not be seen as “walking pornography.” (That was if we wore a tank top). The damage that has been done to me and my daughters will take years to work through.
Your father is responsible for his own issues around modesty. I’m mostly concerned that you are safe around him.
I think you’re brave for setting that boundary with your dad. Good for you and enjoy prom!!
As a dad who tells his daughter to cover up more pretty regularly I wouldn’t be trying to disrupt my daughters prom, I would however be absolutely heartbroken to not be invited to send her off to prom over something like this
So sorry!
If you want to continue a relationship with him, show him this post
Small, tiny YTA. Go about the conversation a little differently. He is still watching his little one grow up. It’s hard for a parent to start letting go. My dad was also very modest and I dealt with many of the same things regarding clothing. He also knows what guys are thinking and it’s not great. He’s being protective in a manner that’s overbearing and he should also make adjustments.
See him before you start getting ready, go to your friends to get ready and take photos. Let him see the photos after the dance. This is your mom’s place to step in and talk to him.
Also, I’m shocked high schools even allow dresses that are low cut or have cutouts. Does the school have to approve them or just do guidelines? I’m honestly curious. Maybe it’s just a small town thing.