I’m a minor, and my dad (43M) has always had a short temper, especially with me. The other day, I was in the middle of an online summer school assignment when my 2-year-old brother needed something. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted — he was whining and pointing at things, but it wasn’t clear. My dad, who was just lying on the couch scrolling through YouTube, told me to “stop being so dumb” and help him. I asked why he couldn’t just help since he wasn’t doing anything, and that set him off. He started yelling at me, calling me stupid and selfish, even though I was already stressed with school and trying to help. Then he took my brother, and stormed out of the room. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I’m starting to feel like I’m being treated unfairly, but I don’t know — am I the asshole for saying something?
(Also I had posted this before, but it was
removed so I had to edit and repost it 🫤)
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I’m a minor, and my dad (43M) has always had a short temper, especially with me. The other day, I was in the middle of an online summer school assignment when my 2-year-old brother needed something. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted — he was whining and pointing at things, but it wasn’t clear. My dad, who was just lying on the couch scrolling through YouTube, told me to “stop being so dumb” and help him. I asked why he couldn’t just help since he wasn’t doing anything, and that set him off. He started yelling at me, calling me stupid and selfish, even though I was already stressed with school and trying to help. Then he took my brother, and stormed out of the room. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I’m starting to feel like I’m being treated unfairly, but I don’t know — am I the asshole for saying something?
(Also I had posted this before, but it was
removed so I had to edit and repost it 🫤)
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> I’m a minor, and my dad has always had a short temper with me. The other day, I was in the middle of an online summer school assignment when my brother needed something. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted — he was whining and pointing at things, but it wasn’t clear. My dad, who was just lying on the couch scrolling through YouTube, told me to “stop being so dumb” and help him. I asked why he couldn’t just help since he wasn’t doing anything, and that set him off. He started yelling at me, calling me stupid and selfish, even though I was already stressed with school and trying to help. Then he took my brother, and stormed out of the room.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA he can take care of his child
NTA tell your a h father it’s his child not yours and parentyfication is bad things
NTA you’re a child, its his job to parent his child, not yours. Do you mind if I ask, are you the oldest?
NTA- it’s not your job to take care of your brother. Your father can get off his ass and take care of his child.
You were working on a school assignment, you dad was playing on his phone. You are not the parent, it is not your job to take care of your baby brother. It is your job to get good grades in summer school.
NTA you dad is failing both of you. Don’t let your dad tr to make you parent your siblings.
NTA- Is your mom anywhere in the picture? If yes, you need to have a serious talk with her about your dad’s behavior. He is being verbally abusive to you. That is your sibling, NOT YOUR CHILD. Let your mom know exactly what he said to you, and that you were working on a school assignment at the time. I am a parent, and I can tell you my husband NEVER called our kids names, or expected the older one to take care of the younger one when I was gone. Never. Asking for help is okay, but not demanding and name calling. He is frustrated, but he is inappropriately taking that out on you. His lashing out is not productive.
NTA. For all the obvious reasons.
Probably a stupid question – but where was mom when all of this was happening? Have you told her about the situation(s) like this?
Nta,
Dad thinks that because you’re a girl, it’s your job to fill in as a parent so he can do what he wants to do (which is nothing). Keep telling him to parent his child & to let you, his other child, concentrate on your own activities. Don’t let his short temper scare you it’s not your job to parent his child. If he scares you physically, tell him you’ll snitch so hard on him that he’s going to wish he just did his job as a dad.
NTA but your dad sure is. A lazy AH at that.
NTA. You are a minor child. You were working on a school assignment. You are not the parent here. It is literally not your job to look after your brother. It is not OK for you dad to yell at you, or to insult you, that is verbal abuse. Is your Mom in the picture? Are there trusted adults you can tell about what is happening? Your Dad is trying to parentify you, that is a form of abuse. You are not the one who had a child, you are not responsible for your brother needs. Period. You Dad asking you for help is only ok if it is safe for you to say NO.
NTA. He’s the adult in the situation, he should act like it and name-calling was one of the least adult things he could have done.
Reddit is full of stories about bad parents and my heart always breaks for their children. I’m sorry that you’re one of them. NTA
Way to make a toddler cry! -Dad not helping or engaging and then yelling. The heck!? You’ll learn to understand brother as he learns to speak but it’s still not your job especially if you’re working on education. NTA
Not your kid. Not your issue.
This same post was here a couple of days ago.
I’m sorry your father expects other people to manage his temper. He shouldn’t do that.
NTA. Gee, I wonder why a toddler would go to you instead of your dad for help. What a mystery.
Your father is trying to shift his parenting in to you. I’d work at the library if I was you.
No you are not.
Yes, your dad has serious shortcomings in this situation but this isn’t about how your dad handled it. You can’t fix that. But there are things you can do to avoid a repeat.
One is that you were disrespectful to your father. The way to handle that was to tell him you didn’t know what the child wanted but that you would see to it as soon as you finished this part of your lesson.
Secondly, if a two year old points and whines, then he is not being taught how to behave. He should never be given anything he whines for. Apparently the household spoils him in that way. He needs to learn to use his words. You can help encourage him with that. Maybe you could enlist the help of other household members in this.
Finally, it’s possible that your dad is short-tempered with you and that you are not being treated equitably, possibly because you are older. The more spoiled the baby is the more the older child gets blamed. It’s called blameshifting because the problem is actually the baby’s behavior and he can’t yell at the baby so he shifts the blame onto you. Invariably, the child that gets treated the most leniently (the toddler) grows up to be entitled and irresponsible. The one who bears the brunt of responsibility and the blame becomes a responsible and mature adult. I know that is no comfort now, but invariably, that’s how it ends up. Hold on. This too shall pass.
No parent should call their kid names. Name calling is not appropriate for any relationship, least of all a parent child relationship. Hopefully you can take these behaviors as what not to do in your future relationships. NTA. And I hope you realize you don’t deserve to be called those names and they are not true
NTA
Your dad is emotionally abusive and that’s not right
Sorry about the situation 😔
NTA. “Dad your son wants something.”. Do this as much as you safely can. Talk to your mom and tell her you can’t be responsible for two toddlers (ok maybe leave that out to not escalate the situation. But Dad is behaving worse than the toddler because he’s old enough to know better and should be parenting).
Tell her you can’t be responsible for your brother when you’re working on school. What does she plan to do to address this lack of parenting with your dad? Because this is something they, as the parents, need to work out between them. You, the other minor child, shouldn’t be involved.