So I am a teenager, and when I was 11 my mom got pregnant with twins. I’ve never minded helping my parents watching after them, but i feel like this summer has taken it too far. They’re toddlers now and have some developmental issues (they start school this year). I was offered $100 dollars a week to watch them for three days during the work week all summer, in reality I end up watching them almost the whole week. I haven’t been getting paid, and every time I ask my mom to pay me she never replies to my messages or says that money is tight right now, which I completely understand. Recently it seems I’m getting asked to watch them more and more, even while my parents are home. It feels like my mom would rather sit on our porch and smoke than watch them. She’s never inside for more than an hour before she calls me to watch them, and she sits outside for thirty minutes to an hour. My dad’s not much better, he’s always on his phone or out fishing somewhere. He never seemed to like taking care of them much at all. Today, I told my dad I didn’t want to watch them while he works outside and my mom sits on the porch smoking. He got mad at me and just told me to go back to my room. My siblings don‘t talk yet, so most of the day I sit in silence, and I feel like I’m losing my social skills. My parents always find a way to make me feel bad for not wanting to watch them. AITA?
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So I am a teenager, and when I was 11 my mom got pregnant with twins. I’ve never minded helping my parents watching after them, but i feel like this summer has taken it too far. They’re toddlers now and have some developmental issues (they start school this year). I was offered $100 dollars a week to watch them for three days during the work week all summer, in reality I end up watching them almost the whole week. I haven’t been getting paid, and every time I ask my mom to pay me she never replies to my messages or says that money is tight right now, which I completely understand. Recently it seems I’m getting asked to watch them more and more, even while my parents are home. It feels like my mom would rather sit on our porch and smoke than watch them. She’s never inside for more than an hour before she calls me to watch them, and she sits outside for thirty minutes to an hour. My dad’s not much better, he’s always on his phone or out fishing somewhere. He never seemed to like taking care of them much at all. Today, I told my dad I didn’t want to watch them while he works outside and my mom sits on the porch smoking. He got mad at me and just told me to go back to my room. My siblings don‘t talk yet, so most of the day I sit in silence, and I feel like I’m losing my social skills. My parents always find a way to make me feel bad for not wanting to watch them. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to watch my brother and sister and my dad yelled at me. So I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. They’re using you to parent the children they created. If you can leave the house during the day – do it. Do you have any family members like grandparents who you can talk to that would be on your side?
Your parents are definitely the assholes, they’re just pawing off their responsibility onto you. I’d figure out a way to spend as much time as you can outside of the house before it gets worse and they expect even more from you.
Absolutely NTA. This is not okay and is neglect.
NTA
This is called parentification, it’s a form of abuse. You are raising your developmentally-stunted(?) siblings, something you are wholly unequipped for, while your parents screw off. Helping out is one thing, turning you into the de facto caregiver is a big problem.
What sucks is that you are a minor and that puts you in a difficult position. How old are you? Do you have a job?
NTA, your parents are bums. Calculate how much they owe you based on how much childcare you’ve provided and ask them to pay in full or you won’t be providing childcare anymore.
Also they’re starting school this year and still not talking? Is there a medical reason for this or are your parents just ignoring them so much that they’re not being given the opportunity to develop speech?
NTA
“We can’t pay you, money’s tight”
“I can’t babysit, time is tight”
Very much NTA. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You shouldn’t be responsible for parenting your siblings. Are there any adults in your life you can talk to about this? Aunts, uncles, grandparents, counsellors? It sounds like your siblings have some developmental delays that are being ignored and your needs are certainly being ignored. Hopefully the developmental issues will be red flagged in kindergarten.
Also, if “money is tight” according to your parents, I would suggest you look for a real job and get some freedom. One that gives you experience and a pay cheque and gets you out of the house. If you’re able to. I hope things get better for you!
NTA, and you need to get out of the house so you’re just not there to shuffle the childcare off on.
Go to the library, a friend’s house, a relatives home and arrange to be not available most of the day.
If you get asked to “help out more” ask when they will be paying you for the time you have already given.
Let them know you have no problem helping some, but you aren’t available every day.
Negotiate to do maybe 4 hours two days of the week, and also make sure you are pitching in with things like cleaning and doing a dinner for the family once a week (doesn’t have to be anything fancy). That would definitely be a reasonable contribution, but all day childcare is not.
YANTA period.
but I made sacrifices like this. I was 9 when my sister was born and 16 when my brother was born and 24 when my other brother was born.
I changed diapers, cloth diapers, with pins. I fed, I trained my sister to walk by myself. She was ready and it was just the right day.
Families are the most important thing we have. We must draw lines about abuse and neglect, but taking care of your siblings is something every big brother or sister in history has had to do. Maybe your parents made a mistake by saying they could pay you, but that’s their mistake, if they had asked you to do it for free, would you have? Would you feel any duty to? Even if it was twice a week or once a week?
I’m a black sheep. I take all the shit. I tell my family I love them and I do love them. I try to take their pain and give none. Emotionally taxing and not advised, but family. I don’t know what the answer is.
Nothing upsets me more than parents who pop out kids but don’t want to look after them. U didnt choose to have them..your parents did! Your mum is lazy!!
Wake up early and leave the house.