I 19m and my dad 43m have a strained relationship. Background my dad moved to Australia when him and my mother got a divorce when I was 5m as he is Australian. With this I had no farther figure in my life and I was diagnosed with abandonment issues and was put in therapy for years because of him leaving.
Because my dad had moved to Australia the only times I spoke to him where over the phone for an hour per week and I saw him for around 1-2 weeks in the year when he came over to visit. This made me feel like there was something wrong with me and it messed me up. Also he refused to pay child support to my mother in the past 14 years which also reinforced he didn’t care for me as I was his only child up until I was 13.
After my farther married my now stepmother calls became less frequent and more unpredictable. And i saw him less due to him starting his new life. I asked him why did you move away abandoning me making me feel unwanted when I was 12 he said because I wanted to live somewhere better than the united kingdom and wanted to go live with my family. This made me feel rage.
Moving onto my sister being born he started posting on facebook how her and his wife were his world and how he couldn’t live without them. Constantly buying them presents and going on holiday as my dad is in a high paying job. This made me feel even more isolated and alone making me feel like i wasn’t apart of his family and he didn’t care about me leading to me getting depression and anxiety disorders and making me wanting to end it as I thought no one other than my mother loved or cared about me
I called my dad last week and he was bragging about how amazing he had made my sister’s birthday by hiring out this venue buying her a custom princess dress cake and hiring princess to come to her birthday. This is what broke me this is because my birthdays with just me and my mum consisted of a cheap cake a meal at Nando’s and a few gifts which made me happy as i got to spend time with my mum. Where as my dad only sends a cheap card with £20 in it.
When on the phone to him I broke down telling him how i have struggled over the past 14 years with not feeling loved. And how he makes me feel like I am unwanted and unworthy of his love and how he always criticises me based on all my choices like the degree I chose to do primary education. And how he is always telling everyone how much he loves he daughters and how he shouldn’t have abandoned his child and should have stepped up as a farther and not left. And how I only feel loved by my mum and she is the only person on my side. And how i hate him and I wish he drops dead for all the pain and suffering he has put me through.
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I 19m and my dad 43m have a strained relationship. Background my dad moved to Australia when him and my mother got a divorce when I was 5m as he is Australian. With this I had no farther figure in my life and I was diagnosed with abandonment issues and was put in therapy for years because of him leaving.
Because my dad had moved to Australia the only times I spoke to him where over the phone for an hour per week and I saw him for around 1-2 weeks in the year when he came over to visit. This made me feel like there was something wrong with me and it messed me up. Also he refused to pay child support to my mother in the past 14 years which also reinforced he didn’t care for me as I was his only child up until I was 13.
After my farther married my now stepmother calls became less frequent and more unpredictable. And i saw him less due to him starting his new life. I asked him why did you move away abandoning me making me feel unwanted when I was 12 he said because I wanted to live somewhere better than the united kingdom and wanted to go live with my family. This made me feel rage.
Moving onto my sister being born he started posting on facebook how her and his wife were his world and how he couldn’t live without them. Constantly buying them presents and going on holiday as my dad is in a high paying job. This made me feel even more isolated and alone making me feel like i wasn’t apart of his family and he didn’t care about me leading to me getting depression and anxiety disorders and making me wanting to end it as I thought no one other than my mother loved or cared about me
I called my dad last week and he was bragging about how amazing he had made my sister’s birthday by hiring out this venue buying her a custom princess dress cake and hiring princess to come to her birthday. This is what broke me this is because my birthdays with just me and my mum consisted of a cheap cake a meal at Nando’s and a few gifts which made me happy as i got to spend time with my mum. Where as my dad only sends a cheap card with £20 in it.
When on the phone to him I broke down telling him how i have struggled over the past 14 years with not feeling loved. And how he makes me feel like I am unwanted and unworthy of his love and how he always criticises me based on all my choices like the degree I chose to do primary education. And how he is always telling everyone how much he loves he daughters and how he shouldn’t have abandoned his child and should have stepped up as a farther and not left. And how I only feel loved by my mum and she is the only person on my side. And how i hate him and I wish he drops dead for all the pain and suffering he has put me through.
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> And how he makes me feel and how that I have cut him off told him I hate him and how i dont love him anymore and wish he wasn’t my farther
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You’ve been hurt by your dad’s absence and neglect for years. It’s understandable to feel angry and unloved. Speaking your truth, even if it’s harsh, is valid. You deserve to be heard and respected fr.
Nta your dad is the as*hole
NTA. Absolutely NTA. I didn’t see my father for 16 years after my parents separated.
Imreally sorry for your circumstances. You have not done anything to deserve this. As someone who has been through this, could I reco.mend 6 months with a good psychotherapist (not a counsellor) so that you can leave your father behind?
I feel your hurt, but i can assure you that you have the power to overcome it.
NTA but I think it’s a good policy never to wish death on somebody.
Hard NTA. He straight up abandoned you for sixteen years and never thought of your feelings. He lost his parenting rights the moment he left you, your mom, and the country to go live somewhere else. What you said was very harsh, but truthful. The next time he tries to call, block him and go NC.
I have a problem with this post. If Dad wasn’t paying his child support, he wouldn’t be able to leave Australia before he paid what was owed. Did your Mum go through the proper channels or was it a verbal agreement? You are NTA.
Honestly you need more therapy and that’s all I’ll have to say.
NTA
I wish I could give you a big hug OP. My childhood with my Dad was sort of similar. I grew up wanting to be close but feeling unwanted because he couldn’t be arsed to have a proper relationship with me. Would send me cheap cards with money for Christmas & birthdays. Would often forget. It got worse when he had another child, the way he treated us was so different I found it very hard to deal with.
I am NC with him now because he acted like a total arsehole right before I was going to have my first baby. Trying to dictate when he was coming to see my baby. Told me he wasn’t coming to see me, just to drop some stuff off for the baby on the way to go on holiday nearby me with his wife and son. I hung up on him and he never contacted me again, even when my baby was born and was very ill in intensive care.
This sort of thing really hurts. Deep wounds. But what I can tell you is that you should not take your father’s behaviour personally. This isn’t about who you are as a person. This is all about him, and unfortunately your dad is an arsehole. It’s hard but just ignore his crappy behaviour and get on and live your life. He’s never going to be the person you needed or wanted. Accepting this will be hard but it will give you freedom.
Edited to add: suggest you stop following him on social media also
NTA – I think it’s good to get your feelings out in the open. Your dad is a bad parent and has done plenty of things wrong. It’s also deeply unfair that your sister gets better treatment than you. You didn’t and don’t deserve this.
I think therapy would help you, because it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change. So you can choose to go through life with rage and anger that affects you every day, or you can work hard with therapy to build a life of happiness and peace. I know it’s by far easier said than done, but please work towards acceptance (accepting your reality and accepting that your dad is 100% wrong and a bad example of a human), but not letting it completely consume you and your future life. I know some people who have done this, with hard work over many years, and they’re now at a stage where they are LC or NC and pity their parents. Why pity? Because these people are great people who are wonderful contributors to society, but their parents are too lazy, narcissistic, cruel, oblivious, disinterested etc to realise. Their loss.