My parents split when I was 13 it wasn’t a messy or anything, but it still messed me up. My dad was always kinda distant, but after the divorce, it felt like he just… replaced me.
Like, barely a year later he was already dating someone new. she was younger, sweet on the outside and super into the whole starting our own family thing. When they told me she was pregnant I smiled, but honestly? I felt invisible amd was. After the baby was born, everything changed. Dad stopped showing up to my school stuff, barely texted. My room got turned into the baby’s nap room. I slept on the couch. It was like i didn’t even belong there anymore. When I said something, he told me to grow up and that families evolve..Cool.
So I stopped going over there much.
Now I’m 18 in college and working part time, trying to survive. Few weeks ago he texted asking if I could help out more by babysitting the baby on weekends, so they can go on date nights. I told him I was busy. He asked asking, then again..finally I just snapped amd said, I’m not your built in babysitter. You made it clear I’m not part of your new family, so stop acting like I owe you.
He blew up said I was being cold and cruel. his wife cried and said I was rejectingg their kid just like she was afraid of. Even my mom said I coulda handled it better. But tbh, I’ve felt pushed out for years. I don’t hate the baby. I just hate being used when it’s convenient.
So yeah…AITA for finally saying what I’ve been holding in for years??
Comments
NTA- I woulda hit him with “I can help, but I’m in college and can’t give up my spare time for free. My rate is $200 per hour”
NTA
So sorry you went through this OP but proud of you for sticking up for yourself.
The best way to go with these people is unemotional factual documented timeline of everything that has happened and their reactions and wording towards you. Using that as a reference to say these are the reasons I am no longer close to you, not out of choice but as a consequence of your repeated actions towards me. When they fight back with oh now you’re just childish/cruel bla bla … again wow it’s hard to fathom that could be your response to me opening up to you about the ramifications of your treatment of me. I hope you do better for your next child.
You don’t deserve this at all but you can make sure that you surround yourself with people that value you for who you are, not what you are able to bring to the table (in this case unpaid babysitting).
NTA, he wants a free babysitter, otherwise he would not have contacted you,. Block him and his new wife.
NTA. They can’t ignore you for years and then expect you to babysit. Take care of yourself OP.
NTA. I would screen shot or copy paste this post and send it to him. Him and the new wife might be oblivious to how they made you feel, the “just like I suspected” is pretty suss though. Why would she suspect that, unless she thought you had reason to feel resentment? Hopefully this post gets lots of comments that they can also read. I’m so sorry you had to go through all this, and good luck in college.
Nah, your Dad should thank you for not going NC with him. Just start messaging him with the same gaps in time he did you in your childhood. Treat him like he treated you. Fuck that shit. Want to go out and be a couple? Shoulda thought about that before you decided not to pull out.
NTA- You don’t owe him or his wife shit. Sounds like he’s just using you when needed. You deserve better from your so called father! Your feelings are Valid.
NTA. He doesn’t get to use you for date nights and ignore your existence at the same time. Sorry you don’t want to pay a babysitter like everyone else DAD but that’s what you’ll have to do. Good for you for saying no. He doesn’t deserve your help.
NTA, it’s just… how could he think that was okay? After all those years of feeling pushed out, then suddenly expecting free babysitting. That’s rough.
NTA. Tell them you’ll do it for $25 an hour, UP FRONT! Or they can go hire someone.
NTA. Next time he asks, charge him.
NTA. You have every right to react the way you did. Personally I would send both of them a very carefully worded message or email, let them know how you have felt over the years, the things they have done too push you away, let them know you do not dislike your sibling but have felt unwanted and pushed out by them both. Make they aware of what THEY have done to YOU! Don’t let them away with this. I hope college goes well for you.
I thought you were 24 three days ago?
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1lx1tk5/my_mom_had_a_secret_baby_before_she_died_now_im/
When you do what they do, then you’re down to their level. You didn’t have to do anything. I’d’ve called CPS when my room was taken over. Your family needs a lesson in what is right not you turning your back on them shalom you’re loved 💔
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA.
Tell your dad to lose your number.
NTA, I don’t know why parents think that they can prioritise their “new” family and get their original family to babysit. No date night for them.
Is this the same secret baby your mom had? You know, back when you were 24f?
Shame on you karma-farmer. Shame.
Remember to punish this bot/karma farmer by downvoting the thread.
So obviously the tears and rebukes are attempts at manipulation to get their way, since what they’re after is free babysitting. Please don’t fall for it.
Your mom is wrong, because you DID ‘handle it better’, and they wouldn’t accept that. When they ignore your ‘no’, you’ve got no where else to go but plain, firm language. Which is what you did. There is nothing wrong with that.
You don’t owe them anything, you were polite enough, rest easy, and do your best in college!
Create a contract and make them sign it if they want to use your babysitting services. If you don’t wanna do that, just go no contact with them. What are you getting out of it?
Your dad’s never gonna change all the energy you focus on balancing that part of your life can be focused to making the rest of it so much better.
Your dad and step mom failed at bothering to communicate with you and make sure you were okay. In all honesty, most adults are closer to big kids as far as emotional intelligence. They don’t communicate well and they especially don’t think to check in with their kids and make sure that they are doing well.
Too many adults expect their children to have better emotional regulation than they have themselves. 🤦♀️
You get to decide what you want to do about your dad being an idiot as a parent and your step mom having fears that she never actually did anything constructive about.
They get to live with the consequences of their choices.
NTA
He grew his family, he is responsible for them and their needs.
You are rejecting their child just like she was afraid of…
Whoo boy, that’s rich. Dad and new wife make no effort to attend functions, quit calling and texting, take away your bedroom and she’s saying you are rejecting their child just baby.
Your mom thinking you could have handled it better could be that women tend to be programmed to not make waves, to always consider another’s feelings over their own, or was so accustomed to not upsetting your father during their relationship that she hasn’t yet realized she shouldn’t care how he feels any longer.
NTA
NTA
You refusing to babysit is not equal to you rejecting your half-siblings, and even if you do want to reject them, that’s your choice. You are not obliged to play happy families in this situation.
The fact your dad stopped turning up for you when he became more involved in his new partner and then their child is 100% on him. He (and his wife and child) are now reaping what he sowed.
NTA. He deprioritized you. If he wants a relationship then let him try else cut them off.
“His wife cried and said I was rejecting their kid just like she was afraid of.”
Ma’am. You turned my room into baby’s nap room and had me sleep on the couch; who rejected who, here?
Tell “dad” families evolve, and his needs to, without you. NTA.
Good for you – your father’s actions speak louder than words. Wish you the best!
Tell them your babysitting rate for friends and family is 20 an house. But since you are no longer his family, and they’re barely friendly with you, it’s 100
Nta ask them to answer truthfully …. if they didn’t want something from you would they gave even bothered contacting you
NTA. Tell him to grow up. Families evolve. You are in college, and you have other obligations.
Nya. He literally did that. Don’t feel bad, you have evolved.
Cold and cruel was taking your room away when the baby was born.
Aww. Is mommy and daddy stressed about raising a new baby. They should have thought about that before having a child. They can pay someone to babysit if they need to go out on a date night like most everyone else has to.
Nta.
You matter too and not just when it’s convenient to him. He failed you. He should have made sure that you knew that you still mattered to him and his feelings didn’t change.
He wanted a new family; now he has it and it comes along with the responsibility of financially providing for it. He wants date nights, he should pay for a baby sitter. I wouldn’t be opposed to him asking you and accepting your response -if he hadn’t changed on you.
Let him stew. Not your monkey, not your circus.
Idc what your mom says, she can watch the baby.
The new wife’s feelings aren’t your responsibility either. Block both of them and let your mom know you respectfully disagree with her.
nta. their replacement baby isn’t your responsibility. your stepmother’s feelings are not your responsibility. you were supposed to be your dad’s priority, and he forgot that.
nta
no wonder she was afraid of you rejecting her kid, she absolutely knows her part in you getting ignored/pushed out, but the real sad part is, you do not even reject the kid, you ‘reject’ to get misused as a free babysitter under the disguise of faaaamiillly, they are too focused on themself to miss that distinction
You also have a kid and ur 24????
If he what’s help, he can pay. He didn’t even give you a bed. What is wrong with your family.
NTA. Your dad is a jerk. Also, tell your mom it’s not your role to “handle it better”. You’re the kid, even at 18, they are the adults and the parents. They are the ones who ignored their responsibility to consider you during the family transition. You owe them nothing.