I (16M) still live with my parents, my siblings (27F and 25M) do not, they visit sometimes but it’s rare for us all to see eachother. They are both visiting right now. Yesterday we were all playing a board game and my dad was annoyed about something (can’t remember what, but it wasn’t anything major) he kept huffing, making weird remarks and overall bringing the mood down. This is not the first time he has done something like this and I got fed up. I told him to “Stop acting childish, shut the hell up and stop ruining everybody’s evening”. He blew up at me saying that “I am the child here and should realize who I am talking to” he then went to his room and didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day. My mom is taking his side, saying that I just made him more mad for no reason, but my siblings take my side. AITA?
Edit: I adressed these things in the comments, but I understand not everyone reads all of them. My dad is the kind of guy that cannot take criticism esp from someone he thinks is “inferior” to him. there had been other, somewhat similar situations where I tried to be kinder/ more respectful, but when I do that he doesn’t take me seriously.
He was in a foul mood because my mom and him had a disagreement earlier and his mood worsened by not doing well in the game.
I fully understand that he is my parent and I do respect him usually, this was just emotion charged/ in the moment kind of thing.
Last thing- the sentence itself wasn’t what I said, I am european so I had to translate from my language, I used some harsh-ish words, but did not swear at him.
Thank you for all your replies!
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I (16M) still live with my parents, my siblings (27F and 25M) do not, they visit sometimes but it’s rare for us all to see eachother. They are both visiting right now. Yesterday we were all playing a board game and my dad was annoyed about something (can’t remember what, but it wasn’t anything major) he kept huffing, making weird remarks and overall bringing the mood down. This is not the first time he has done something like this and I got fed up. I told him to “Stop acting childish, shut the hell up and stop ruining everybody’s evening”. He blew up at me saying that “I am the child here and should realize who I am talking to” he then went to his room and didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day. My mom is taking his side, saying that I just made him more mad for no reason, but my siblings take my side. AITA?
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> I told my dad that he should shut up and stop ruining the evening for everybody, I might be the asshole because he got mad and stop talking to all of us for the rest of the day.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Probably a better way to phrase it, but NTA.
ESH. He shouldn’t be making the mood worse for everyone because he is upset. However, you shouldn’t act like a brat to your father and need to learn how to communicate your feelings better. It would have been better to say “hey dad, can you please keep it down or go to another room? I don’t usually have my siblings all here and your attitude is dampening the mood.”
NTA. There’s nothing about being 16 that takes away your right to tell your father when he is stinking up the place.
NTA
NTA. I can see the argument for ESH, but your dad has the responsibility to control his emotions. It’s not your responsibility to “walk on eggshells” around him and appease him when he is getting weird.
He needs a therapist, or maybe a psychiatrist. Sounds like he’s got something going on if he can’t perceive the issue here.
YTA, because thats not a good way to handle conflicts. Did you think your dad was going to suddenly realize the errors of his ways because his kid chewed him out? Instead of solving the issue (which wasn’t yours to solve) you made it way worse.
ESH
He was ruining the mood and he acted immature by locking himself in his room but you had NO right to talk to him that way. It was rude and disrespectful.
NTA – You’re the child in the situation. It’s not on you to walk on eggshells around your reactive and emotionally immature father. Sometimes, it’s helpful to be blunt and let people know you’re not just going to put up with their temper tantrums.
It’s not your responsibility to parent your parent. It’s not your responsibility to coddle him when he’s in a bad mood. He is the adult and could’ve gone to his room and cooled off if he was upset for some reason. He could’ve spoken to any of you in a constructive and mature way as the adult and father.
It’s his house? You are going to tell a grown man how to act in his own house? Seems like you were showing out in front of your siblings. I’d like to know what he was huffing and puffing about, and how exactly he was huffing and puffing. I mean it doesn’t seem like he was huffing and puffing too terribly much if you can’t even remember what it was about.
I wouldn’t let my son talk to me that way in my own house ever.
Dear old dad is supposed to be the adult. Sounds like you’re more of one than he is.
NTA
NTA. You call your dad out on acting like a child he then gets upset, like a child, and goes to his room to sulk, like a child. The only child I see here is the adult acting like a child.
YTA. Just because you think what was bothering him was no big deal isn’t the issue. Apparently, he isn’t abusive or he’d have bounced you’re head off the table for mouthing off so we know he can’t be as bad as you’d like everyone to think. Use your head before running your mouth next time. We know you’re a teenager and think you know everything but remember opinions should be based on experience and as a teenager your worldly experiences are minute.
YTA that was disrespectful, you’re 16 living in his home.
If this was 50 years ago when I was close to 16 there is now way on gods green earth I would EVER even think about saying that to my dad.
You can be mad at your parents but show some damn respect you little shi*
Yeah you are the ahole.
yta. he was being childish, but you are a child.
he is still your dad. you gotta realise that at your age most kids overestimate what they know and tend to overinflate their own importance and intelligence.
your dad ultimately plays a role in providing and caring for you. show some gratefulness and handle such situations more tactfully.
ESH. His behavior sucks. On the other hand, he’s 100% right when he says you better remember who you’re talking to. He’s the adult and you are the child so unless he’s an abusive AH and you didn’t share that, he’s your father and you don’t get to talk to him that way.
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You’re 16 not saying his life is like it but adult men deal with a lot during the course of the day that pink out they know about. Keeping god in your belly and a roof over your head. He might have had a lot to deal with that day
It’s easy to see why your older siblings don’t visit much
YTA I’m sorry you’re 16 and you shouldn’t curse at your father. There is a way to say that same thing in a different way.
NTA being a parent or older isn’t an automatic to respect. Was your reaction quick and maybe a bit harsh, yes, but emotions were clearly high and this isn’t a one time thing. Being an adult means even if you have a crap day you don’t try and take down everyone else’s day just because you did.
BEING A PARENT ISNT AN AUTOMATIC DOOR TO RESPECT especially when they aren’t respectful
I mean depends what board game? If y’all were playing Chicago Express and you kept expanding a train company someone else had a majority stake in or something? Or Cyclades and you kept just letting your Mom win Ares without at least bidding up a little bit?
YTA
NTA, you’re supposed to be the child, and he’s supposed to be the adult.
If he can’t be an adult, he gets treated like a child.
Totally YTA. Dad was already upset and you picked a fight with him by being disrespectful in the extreme. This was all about venting your annoyance without any filter, thus ruining the evening for everyone due to your impetuous selfishness.
Dad may not be perfect, but he has a right to be treated with respect in his own home — a home where you are living and being totally supported for free. Ingrate!
Next time, show some skill and refinement.
Try this instead.
“Dad, you seem upset. Is there any way we can help? Want a beer/soda/coffee? It is so rare we all see one another. Can we all find a way to be happier? All this griping is really getting to me.” Then seek happy topic help from your siblings. Maybe someone has a funny story to tell. Dad would probably leave and quietly go off on his own until he cheered up.
Better, right? Problem peacefully solved. Practice being an enlightened peacemaker everywhere you go. It’s a great skill to have. Try reading some fun books on negotiation through your local library’s website. It’s a profitable skill to have too.
YTA – Look your dad is raising(raised) three children, you live in HIS home if he wants to huff and puff he has a right to do it in his home. When you have your own place, pay your own way you can dictate how people behave under your roof. What you showed was an extreme lack of respect for your father.
If what he was doing was bother you, you could have asked your father “Hey dad, you seem upset are you okay?” That would have allowed him to either get what’s bothering him off his chest or make him realize his actions are effecting everyone else.
Man kids these days…SMFH.
ESH
Rudeness doesn’t excuse more rudeness.
Being polite allows us to temper disagreement rather than fueling more.
Many kids do not have the ability to speak up or speak their minds carefully and politely, let alone rudely and recklessly. Think about that when you start to feel indignant.
Where I grew up, speaking the way you claimed to have would have gotten my ass kicked. Yes, of course that’s wrong. It’s also the reality I lived in and the same one that millions of kids live through daily.
In homes that aren’t awful homes, speaking the way you did usually results in loss of privileges for extended periods. Most parents would insist on consequences similar to this for the behavior you displayed.
I’d say you are lucky your dad is a pushover, but really you are not. Since nobody is teaching you how to be respectful while still being assertive, you’ll have to learn this on your own with real adult stakes involved. Been down that road already and I don’t envy you.
Good luck.
Lol your dad is a ten year old
Nta. He was being childish about a game. When called out he ran to his bedroom to pout. Now he’s acting like he’s the victim. I’d refuse to play games with him because he complains and is annoying. Then he runs off to cry.
NTA
Seriously, men like your dad just make life miserable for everyone around them and they deserve to get called out.
ESH you can’t talk to your parents that way. But if you’d said it in a more polite way, you’d be modeling some maturity that your father clearly lacks.