This all happened yesterday and I keep getting texts from my dad telling me to apologize. I, 20 F, have been home for the summer for the last two months and in that time I have stayed at my dad’s, 57 M, house. He recently introduced me to Clair, 50 F, about a month and a half ago and she has been over quite often. I don’t really talk to her when I’m home because I don’t have a reason to and whenever I do she always speaks down to me or talks to me like a kid. The issue started because I turn 21 in five days and have decided to throw a birthday dinner at a restaurant/bar. After getting ready for said dinner I walked out of my room to leave the house and saw Clair on my way out. She proceeded to stop me and tell me I couldn’t leave the house in what I was wearing, a brandy Melville Jean skirt and a tube top, because it was too inappropriate and I need to act my age. I told her I was an adult and could do what I want. I also told her she was not a parent to me so her opinion didn’t really matter. Please keep in mind you couldn’t see any cleavage nor my midriff. After I responded to her she started screaming as loud as she could that I have no class and no respect for others. I left for my dinner and came home to an empty house. I can see how I could’ve just told her that I wasn’t going to change and then left, but also I’m an adult who barely knows her. So AITA?
AITA for telling my dads gf she cannot control what I wear
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. You’re right, you are an adult and can wear what you like and she has no say due to not being your parent.
What did your dad say when you told him about this?
Definitely NTA. You ARE acting (and dressing) your age! This is the perfect time to explore your options and try different looks. Especially for your 21sf birthday! Also, pretty ballsy that she thinks she can “parent” you at all after just meeting you and right in front of your actual parent!
NTA. you’re an adult, she’s not your parent, and your outfit wasn’t inappropriate. didn’t realize turning 21 came with a dress code approved by your dad’s gf
NTA but whats up with the reaction of the girlfriend. Do you guys often argue?
You’re and adult. NTA
Nta
She needs to stay in her lane
Nta even if she were ur parent ur an adult
What the fuck gives her the right to think she can control what you wear? As long as you aren’t wearing a bathing suit in a blizzard, they can right fuck off.
NTA you have a Dad problem if he doesn’t sort her out sharpish. That’s absolutely crazy behaviour from her, every part of it. It was a clear attempt to put you in your place and assert dominance. The act of a jealous woman who should not be trusted. Talk to your Dad.
NTA at all. You’re a grown woman who can wear what she wants. This woman isn’t a mother nor a mother figure to you for her to behave/respond in that manner.
I would like to know what dad said to her about her behaviour
NTA
NTA. You’re 20, about to be 21 and she’s not your parent. She overstepped. Big time. Clair sounds insecure tbh. You weren’t even wearing anything scandalous, and even if you were, it’s your body, your birthday, and your choice ffs
Tell Clair to go shit in her hat. Tell your dad he needs to do better when he brings strays home.
Yrll your dad absolutely no apology to his gfs she needs to stay in her lane.
She totally disrespected you and your dad did too. Time to go NC with both. Shalom you’re loved 💔
This woman doesn’t even know you. Policing what you wear is so beyond the pale. What did your father say?
NTAH. You are a young adult and can dress however you want. She’s not your mom or parent. She’s your father’s girlfriend. Is she living in the house with you or just visiting often?
No, you ae not the AH. who does this woman think she is?
You are right in everything you said to her.
NTA. She was out of line. You’re an adult and dating one of your parents does not make anybody your next parent so she needs to sit down.
Nta. And do not apologize. Tell you dad he better get his girl in check or hes gonna lose a daughter.
NTA. You’re an adult and completely within your rights to wear what you want, especially for your own birthday dinner. Clair is not your parent, and trying to control your outfit was out of line. You were respectful by stating that her opinion didn’t matter in this situation and leaving calmly. She escalated things by screaming and insulting you, which was inappropriate and unnecessary.
Your dad asking you to apologize is unfair. You didn’t disrespect Clair you set a boundary. You’re not obligated to tolerate controlling behavior from someone you barely know. You handled the situation maturely, and Clair should be the one apologizing to you.
NTA, girl you are almost 21 now, you should be able to choose anything appropriate to wear at least since 18, and she is just your dad’s GF, not your mom! What you wore that day was not innapropriate at all, she is just probably old-fashioned, or jealous! I’d say if she keeps annoying you, to tell that to your dad, he will probably be very understanding of this, talk with her about it, and things will be better!
Wishing you an amazing birthday!
NTA. Your dad needs to put her in her place.
NTA. She barely knows you and thinks she can tell you how to dress? I would have been less polite than you were.
NTA. She’s an idiot.
She’s the reason you don’t like her! So she already thinks you don’t like her, yet she attempts to belittle you. How exactly does she think that’s going to make you like her?! This chick sounds insane
She sounds like an entitled Karen. You’re an adult. You can wear whatever you want and she is not your parents.
NTa and honestly I’d tell your dad it’s hard to like a woman who keeps treating you like this
Nah. F the gf.op is nta. Respect is earned, not gifted.
Ask your dad what he thinks you should find likable about his girlfriend, that all she has shown you is that she isn’t kind and has no respect for you.
NTA She’s so jealous she can’t see straight but she has no place in your life to tell you anything. Even as your mother I wouldn’t have said anything because you’re a grown woman.
She’s the poo chute here. She waltzes in and acts like she’s been your mum your whole life … Oh wait, your mum wouldn’t treat you like that. You’re ok here. She can piss off.
NTA. Who the hell does she think she is. You have known her for 6 weeks and she is acting like she is in control. No your dad wants you to apologize? F!ck that. He should tell her to mind her own business. You have a mom and she isn’t her. Her opinion doesn’t matter. She is his GF and nothing else.
YTA.
Fake post.
Who organises a 21st birthday dinner five days before the event and doesn’t invite family?
No, NTA. She sounds like a handful. It’s good that you set boundaries with her now.
NTA. She doesn’t even live there and she’s telling you how to dress in your own house…? What?
NTA. It sounds like she is jealous of you.
That woman is bat S crazy. Ignore her and tell your dad to behave like a father and not a love sick puppy. She needs to be warned to respect you or take a hike!
NTA. The audacity of this woman! This is just an adult telling another adult acquaintance that her clothing is inappropriate. Tell your father to have his girlfriend show some respect to the woman of the house.
Tell your dad he can do much better.
NTA. It’s not her place to be commenting on your wardrobe.
You met her a month & a half ago. She has no right to tell you how you can dress. Is your dad going to be taking that up with her? You should have just stopped with the bit about you being an adult but she way overstepped and then lost her ever loving mind.
NTA – ur dad needs to set Clair straight! She is no one to you, and he needs to let her know of her boundaries. If the Wicked Witch of the West doesn’t realize her place throw a bucket of water on her so she can melt away. The fact ur dad is taking her word as fact, sheds a light that this woman is gonna run his life beware OP.
She should mind her business
NTA. How dare she!! Did your dad see this? I bet she would have acted differently of her was there
NTAH! You said she’s been over your and your dad’s house quite often but that’s not her home but she feels disrespected in a home. That’s not hers.? She’s not a parent figure to you so where is her entitlement coming from?? Happy Birthday! UpDateMe
No! Nta. Clair invited the entire confrontation. Disrespected? Hell no. Respect is earned in any event.
NTA she’ll drive a wedge between you and your dad for sure. That’s her plan. She said dress your age but it’ll be your 21st bday. That IS dressing for your age. She’s jealous cuz she’s old and has to look at a pretty young girl all the time now. Insecure af.
NTA WTactualF?! Your dad’s girl friend sounds like someone with a desperate need for control. It’s not going to end well for either of you. 🙁
Time to sit down with Dad and tell him you will not be having a god relationship going forward if he continues to see this woman. She sounds AWFUL!
Act your age? You ARE! You’re an adult, a legally independent human, and can wear whatever you want. That’s not her business. Why did your dad let her scream at you in your home like that, though? Clair is TA, your dad is kinda TA, but you weren’t TA.
NTA, Happy 21st!!!
The immediate screaming, did she do this in front of your father?
NTA. “Dad, it’s been my home 20 years, she’s been around 20 minutes and is acting like she gets to overrule what I wear. She’s not my mother. You’re my father. Get her to respect my boundaries or she’s going to ruin your relationship with me. And I don’t care if she sticks or goes, you and I won’t work. Cause I’m not here to play “are you my new mommy”. I can answer it now. No.”
NTA.
You are dressing and acting your age. You’re also an adult and can wear what you want. She’s entitled to her opinions, but you don’t have to abide by them. She’s not your parent. In fact, she’s a stranger, so she really gets no say in how you live your life. She overstepped and got butt hurt when you corrected her.
If she wants respect, she needs to be respectful.
NTA. Your father’s girlfriend gives off the same vibe as the woman who was arrested for going under a young woman’s skirt to pull her skirt down. She’s weird and your father’s girlfriend is weird
NTA. You are an adult.
Act your age? A skirt & a tube top couldn’t be more acting your age?! NTA
NTA. She isn’t your mother and her opinion doesn’t matter. I’d tell your Dad he better like her a whole lot forever because if he chooses her over his own daughter he’ll lose that daughter just as long as she’s still around sticking her nose into what isn’t her business.
She has no right to tell you what to do and no right to scream at you either, who tf does she think she is. And your dad is an idiot if he thinks you owe her an apology.
NTA. Wow unbelievable she’s not even your stepmother and even so you are now 21 you’re not a child and they can’t enforce a dress code on you. That’s just weird. Does she think you’re like 13 or something? Yeah I think your dad’s way off base if he wants you to apologize
NTA. You are correct. Schedule some time with your dad 1:1 and talk to him about her behavior.
NTA but guess what? You now have a reason to talk with her.
Be honest, you were dismissive of her before this happened. You literally said you knew about her for 45 days and ignored her.
You now have the opportunity to rectify your shitty attitude. Not saying she will be less shitty than she exhibited, but you would be on higher ground.
NTA.
Your father’s girlfriend has no say over what you wear. This would be true even if you were not an adult.
Your father calling it “her home” should be your warning to move out. He has just told you it is no longer your home. You can count on her trying every trick to exert control over you. And it sounds like Dad will support whatever she says .
Happy birthday. Welcome to the world of independent adulthood.
Your dad is an ass if he knows what was said and thinks you need to apologize to his gf. Obviously he just wants to keep getting laid but you’re 20 and not her kid, so she has ZERO opinion about what you wear. NTA
If you were 10 and your dad said it was okay, then okay, but dafuq? Your are 20? lmao
Nta. She’s on a power tip so hard, she doesn’t know where her place is.
You’re a grown adult. You’re not a minor, and she doesn’t get to rewind, and play mommy, for her to get that chance to “establish” her authority.
You already have your parents. And she’s not included. If she can’t respect you as an adult, and have an adult relationship (existent or not), then she needs counseling.
I’m just wondering why she cares what you wear. Think of it like this, she doesn’t live there & who knows how long she will last. It would be hard for me to like her after she overstepped her boundaries. I would tell your dad that you don’t care who she is, she has no right you yell at you like a crazy person.
NTA but you need to talk to your father about whose home it really is. She had no right to address you about your attire at all. Your father really needs to nip her shit in the bud. Question: are you financially dependent on your father or can you limit contact with him?
You handled it exactly right.
You’re an adult and don’t have to explain jackshit to her.
Never too soon to let someone who needs to know that you are in charge of your life.
You’ll have to post pictures I. The outfit before we can determine if you’re an asshole
You need to text your dad exactly what happened from your perspective… then ask what you should be apologizing for. 1. She’s not your parent. 2. You are an adult. Demanding you change as if she had authority over you instead of being a roommate was disrespectful to you.
I would ask if he’s asked her to apologize for you for being the clothing police and for screaming at you.
NTA! and FTB
NTA. She has no right to voice that opinion to you, maybe to your dad but not to you
I don’t know who this woman thinks she is but telling you what you can’t and cannot wear is completely out of line. I would have laughed in her face.
Th proper response there is to chuckle and keep right on moving.
NTA
Holy crap you’re definitely an adult and you can wear whatever you want. She’s probably just jealous or uptight. On top of the fact that she’s not even a relative to feel comfortable lecturing you on your clothing. if you’ve got it flaunt it. It doesn’t last forever.😜 I lived in Florida and would wear half shirts and short shorts in my 30s. It’s hot as heck down here. No one would dare tell you what you can and can’t wear when it’s 100° . you can certainly wear what you want at 21. NTA
NTA.
Sounds like your father is ensuring that when it is no longer necessary or comfortable to visit, that you won’t. My mean aunt called my girlfriend a, and I quote, “a disrespectful Black w***re.” Never set foot in her house again.
NTA
She’s a control freak. A normal person doesn’t tell another adult how to dress. She definitely has issues.