Burner account because my daughter knows mine.
I (F38) was at my daughters (F23) rehearsal dinner Friday night when I started bleeding from down there, it wasn’t period blood, it was bright red. I’ve been a nurse for only two years and knew right away something was wrong so I told our daughter and her fiance (M25) I was going to get checked out. Thought honestly a cyst had ruptured or something and I’d be out in no time. Well, long story short when I stood up to get onto the MRI machine my uterus fell out. It had prolapsed.
Within minutes I was rushed to the operation rooms and was being prepared for surgery. My husband and our daughter started freaking out, I guess shock had a hold of me because despite serious blood loss I’m telling our daughter to go ahead and get married tomorrow afternoon. My logic was by the time the ceremony came around I would mostly be off the anesthesia and could witness the ceremony via livestream, everything’s paid for already and I didn’t want the money to go to waste.
My daughter and her fiance decided to go ahead and hold the reception and have a courthouse wedding when I’m able to attend. I feel terrible about messing up their wedding. Before anyone comments YES I was a teen mom. I had her super young. So Reddit, Am I the Asshole?
ETA: I’m worried because my mother told me I was the asshole because I ruined my daughters wedding.
Comments
awww NTA i’m so sorry for you. your daughter def understands
i hope everything turns out okay!
I’m confused. Did someone say you were TA? What is the issue here?
NTA your daughter understands and they choose to have you there because that is more important to them. Don’t beat yourself up about it!
NTA. You put your daughter’s day and feelings first despite your emergency, showing how much you care.
NTA. Your health comes first and you had an emergency surgery that couldn’t be postponed. You knew how much time and money went into planning her wedding and selflessly gave your daughter the go-ahead to have the wedding without you. You did nothing wrong
How … how could you possibly be TA?
You didn’t decide to have an organ fall out of your body to disrupt their wedding.
You didn’t prevent them from having the wedding when they wanted. Indeed, you told them they could have the ceremony and the reception as planned.
And they ultimately got to make the decision. And the decision they made was a perfectly reasonable one, ensuring that the money spent on the reception didn’t go to waste AND that the mother of the bride will get to be at the ceremony.
Oooooouh…. how DARE she say that!
You had no choice and it was a life saving surgery.
For your daughter her wedding day will now be twice as special.
That woman shows her despucable character.
And all of a sudden makes your daughter’s day about HER disability to handly life induced changement well.
NTA!
You are certainly NOT the AH. Your mom is though.
Ask your mom how she keeps her uterus where it is supposed to be – does she cross her legs? Double stuff with tampons? Or consciously flexes her pelvic floor muscles at all times to prevent it. Tell her she is a bad mom because she never taught you how to prevent your uterus from spontaneously prolapsing and needing emergency surgery.
You aren’t the asshole – but your mom is. I suggest therapy if you even THINK your mom blaming you like you did this on purpose makes you the asshole in this situation.
NTA. Giving your blessing to go ahead was a good and noble act.
NTA. Your mother needs a reality check. Was she expecting you to show up at your daughter’s wedding in a hospital gown and IV attached after surgery? Tf??
As long as your daughter is okay with it and supports you and was happy, that’s all that matters.
What the hell is wrong with your mother?! Does she think you prolapsed your uterus on purpose? Definitely not the AH, I hope you feel better soon!
NTA it wasn’t like you chose to have your uterus fall out! Sometimes emergencies just happen.
You didn’t DO anything. Life dealt you a bad hand most likely from your mother’s genes. She is the AH. Shalom you’re loved 💔
The only people who could have something to say are the bride and groom.
Even then, it’s an AH to complain about emergency surgery.
NTA.
Your mother is a bit of a cow isn’t she? Does she usually react with annoyance when her child is having surgery and act like it was a deliberate choice on your side?
NTA
I think her solution was very smart. The money for the reception would have lost if it was cancelled. And you get to attend the actual wedding. NTA
Honey bun, so glad you got through that scary experience! There are a number of pearls to call out. First, you supported your daughter. Second, your husband kicked your mother to the curb. Third, but certainly not last, you made it through!
I imagine your mother has done many toxic things over the years. Whenever she does it, set it aside or set her straight without fanfare. Whatever suits you and your relationship.
Take care of yourself!
Dearest OP…
First so sorry this ended up being an emergency and you could have died! Glad to hear you are doing better.
Second, your daughter and new Son/Daughter in law opinions (and supportive Hubby’s) are all that matter.
Third, mom’s religious views points are hers and that’s ok. But your daughter can also tell her G-Ma to shut up and go NC or LC. Simply because you are Her Mother!! Not G-Ma, even if G-Ma helped raise her.
Fourth, again so happy you are doing well and could share this with us interneters. Stay Happy and Healthy!!
Dear Op ,
If no one ever told you , I’m so proud ( and i bet many other internet strangers too)of your achievements in life 🍀
Even with a mother like yours , you beat everything and were blessed with the greatest people at your side😊
I hope these blessings will forever keep finding you and your little family🍀🍀
Too your mother… SHAME ON HER!
How the fluff she DARES to ask you to postpone an emergency surgery… really blew my mind!
Glad you are doing well and i wish you and your family nothing but bliss , luck,happiness and health 🍀🍀
That’s insane to even think you might be an AH. Hope you’re feeling better! Id do the exact same thing. Except for mom, her I’d put in a home.
NTA – plus, no wonder OP became pregnant at 14/15 w a shitty mother like that.
You’re NTA but your mother is.
Your daughter delaying her wedding to ensure you are able to attend is a testament to your parenting and shows what a wonderful and considerate person you have raised.
I hope your recovery goes well and that your daughter and FSIL have a wonderful wedding.
NTA I hope you recover well!
Crap happens everyone pivoted. It is better for her to know
Nta. Your mother is ignorant.