Context: My cousin (M35) blew $1.5M on online gambling, lost his wife and kids, used our family car as collateral without asking, and used to straight-up ignore us when we’d visit. Now he’s staying with my grandma and showed up uninvited to a celebration my mom organized for five people. I was one of the invited guests.
My grandma insisted I give up my seat so he could “cheer up.” She said I should feel sorry for him and let him join instead. I snapped and said, “Why should I give up my spot? He’s where he is because of his own choices. He deserves the consequences.”
Now I’m the bad guy in grandma’s eyes for not showing “compassion.” But honestly? I don’t feel guilty at all.
So AITA for being blunt and not sacrificing my place for someone who never gave a damn about us before?
Comments
NTA your family is going to end up, enabling this person if they continue showing “compassion” in this way. It’s more compassionate to make him deal with the consequences of his actions than it is to enable him.
He hasn’t changed at all if he shows up somewhere uninvited and expects to boot someone else out of their seat.
What happened? Did he go home? What event was it that an extra chair couldn’t be pulled up?
NTA. Grandma didn’t give up her seat for the uninvited one, so I guess she didn’t show any compassion either. Point that fun fact out to her.
Questions ; how can he put your family car up as collateral without having proof of ownership?
Meh. NAH.
Let grandma know you already gave up your seat, in the car he stole from your family and used illegally as collateral.
Another bullshit BOT post
NTA. Your bluntness was/is probably a much needed wake up call he’s obviously not getting from your grandmother.
Grandma should have given up her seat.
NTA. Show compassion when he’s done the work. When he’s done the work he won’t show up uninvited, demand someone else’s seat or frame himself as the victim. He’ll take accountability. Until then, compassion is enabling
He showed up uninvited to an even where you were invited, and you are supposed to give up your seat? No way. He wasn’t invited, he can FOAD.
NTA
Has your family ever heard of “pulling up a chair?”
Make sure to tell granny that he is addicted and she should make sure he doesn’t steal from her.
NTA. Don’t worry about the enablers.