Ok so I’m 15f and yeah I know this might get removed or clowned on or whatever but honestly I don’t care. I just need to get it out somewhere because apparently I’m the one who took shit too far when I was just saying what we were all already thinking.
So. My mom cheated on her fiancé with who also happened to be her best friend’s husband Messy as hell and fucking stupid, yeah, but they all stayed together. Like, my mom still married her fiancé. Her best friend stayed with the guy who cheated. Then I was born, I guess I was the shitty cherry on top of that disaster.
I grew up with my mom, her husband , and their two older kids ( they had kids before me) . My bio dad stayed with his wife and their kids at their house, and both families stayed weirdly blended. It was like a big performance. One big family with this unspoken rule to never bring up the affair that literally created me until I was old enough.
But it was very fucking apparent to me that I was not the like rest, even before they decided to tell me the actual story when I was 12ish.
My half siblings that I grew up made it real clear I was “other.” They never hit me or anything, but I got blamed for everything. If something was missing, it was me. If someone was crying, it was probably something I said. My sister once locked me out of the house and told me I should’ve never been born. I was 7. When I told my mom, she said I probably provoked it out of her, essentially.
She never really protected me. She took care of the basics, fed me, gave me clothes, showed up to parent-teacher conferences when she had to, but there was nothing behind it. Like she was doing a job she didn’t sign up for and just wanted to clock out. The only time she got emotional with me was when I embarrassed her or if other people made her talk about me.
Their dad, my mom’s husband was similar. He never yelled or hit me, but he never looked at me the way he did his kids. He never smiled at me, never came to my school plays even though he went to all theirs, never took out on little special trips like the others. If I seemingly fucked up, I got lectured like I was a criminal. If they did the same thing, it was just a teaching moment. He never called me his daughter, only by my name unless he had to.
The other kids , bio dad’s side, mostly ignored me. Not mean, just distant. They barely spoke to me unless they had to. One gave me an old hoodie once and that was as close to kindness as I got.
When I was 9, something I was officially done with everything. We were at a family birthday thing and one of the older kids dared me to eat a cookie with nuts in it. I said no, because I’m allergic, obviously. So they smeared it on my face as a joke. I had a full-blown reaction. Swollen face, couldn’t breathe, ambulance, the whole thing. At the hospital, my mom cried and said I scared her, but when I told her what happened, she just said they didn’t mean it like that. The kid got grounded for one weekend. Her husband didn’t even come to see me. I knew I didn’t love them at all anymore right then and refused to act like I did.
I gave everybody the bare minimum of affection and interaction so it didn’t backfire on me, and I just sorta treated them like roommates and neighbors I vaguely knew
Fast forward to last weekend. My mom planned a “family healing weekend” with both sides of the family. Everyone was there, the siblings, the parents, cousins. It was fake smiles and awkward silences. Then one of my mom’s older kids made a snide joke about me causing drama just by existing. My mom laughed. Everyone did.
So I snapped on them and told them I don’t love any of them and never will. That I’m done pretending to give a flying fuck about people who only pretend to give a fuck about me. That I’m not family to them and they’re not my family either.
They all freaked out, my mom cried and begged me to take it back. Her husband told me I was vile and that he should’ve put his foot down with me years ago. The other kids screamed at me for spitting in the face of people who gave me a home. Even my bio dad’s kids, who usually ignored me, were upset. One of them told me I was acting selfish and cruel.
Now I’m grounded. I am typing this out from my old ass fire tablet that my mom forgot to take. My half siblings keep glaring at me whenever we’re in the same vicinity and my mom’s husband full on stared me down while I was eating breakfast this morning.
So that’s that. AITA for saying I don’t love them?
Comments
Im genuinely sorry for you OP
You were use as a scapegoat because of poor choices 4 adults deliberately made.
You grew up around extremely selfish people and in such a toxic environment and was blame for existing when you literally didn’t chose to be born in the shit situation you were pushed in, the 4 adults did chose to bring you in such in unhealthy and weird dynamic tho .
None of this is your fault , the only one to blame are the shitty adults who ditched all the kids in the hot mess their selfish asses created.
Family is not defined by blood , family is the people YOU chose to consider as such , those who can be a self place and bring you positivity and hope.
I know you are still a bit young but if you can start slowly putting money aside , even if it’s little it can always be helpful , progressively look for you important documents so you can collect them all once you are 18 and when the big day come walk away , run for your happiness and a new start and never come back.
They don’t deserve to be a part of the next chaired of your life .
You have a whole life ahead of you , your own family to build , your life is not defined by the mistakes that 4 lustful , selfish and shitty adults and parents made when they cheated and still decided to stay with their spouses and then welcome you in two broken households.
Cheaters are SELFISH cake eaters that don’t give two fuck about the hurt they cause to the children ( who are always the one impacted the most by affairs and left to deal with the mess ) in the process as long as they get laid .
You have a lot of happiness and great things coming for you I promise you it will get better just be strong some bit more and hold on a bit more till you can leave ❤️
AI? Is that you I’m looking for?
Not the asshole. They made you feel unwanted for years and expected you to stay quiet. You just told the truth. You don’t owe love to people who never gave it to you.
NTA. Your family sounds genuinely awful, I think you start planning your way out asap, get a job and save up, then once you find somewhere to go you pack bags, take all your important documents and go no contact, you deserve better than this. Good luck OP 🫶
NTA. When you are an adult, do whatever you have to so you can have a good life. Be happy and leave them behind. When you are successful, you will know it all came from within you.
no, nta and honestly virtual hugs. i think because of your age, you expressed your emotions the best you could in that moment from all the pent up anger. also because of your age they’ll think its just you acting out. no one will truly understand that way you have perceived your childhood compared to how they think it went, as they were never treated as the outsider. I believe you should allow things to cool off and if theres anyone you semi-trust or feel like you can legit talk to about your feelings who you know will at least try to understand them then you should do it. i think exploding wont solve your issues and although it was a valid explosion , take this as a way to properly communicate your feelings. this doesnt mean it will work, or that they’d stop being upset, or even change their behavior but, at least you know you handled it as maturely as you can. if this continues , just wait till you can leave. is there any distant relatives you can speak to like aunts uncles or grandparents?
I’m livid. My stepson is a from an affair. Our kids aren’t hugely keen on my stepson when he visits, but not because of his circumstances of birth. More like because he’s on the spectrum and gets loud.
Any time either of my kids grumble, I remind them that he’s their father’s son and belongs here just as much as they do. And if they treated their brother the way your family treats you, they’d be grounded forever. No, you’re NTA.
NTA.
You are just an innocent child who got dealt a shitty hand. I have no problem understanding your bitterness.
Learn from it. You clearly see what not to do. Take control of your life and get your independence. Make being the better person the staple of your life.
Let love, compassion, empathy and selflessness guide your life’s journey. Don’t repeat their mistakes. The world is full of loving and caring people that are waiting for you.
Don’t give your so-called family the satisfaction of breaking you. Thrive, grow and evolve. That is the best way to give them the middle finger.
My best wishes goes to you. ❤️
I know it may seem like something you’re too young to think about but I’d Start making a plan for your future. To get as far away from those sh!t humans. Do you want to go to college? Start studying at the library and go all in on extracurricular activities/volunteering/studying/a job. Anything to keep you away from them as long as possible. Grey rock tf out of them. Only use the house to eat, sleep, shower. It’s only three years. Get into college far away on scholarships etc. or join ROTC. I’m sorry.
NTAH
NTA. You didn’t ask to be born. If they didn’t want you they had options but they chose to give you a horrible life instead. Move out as soon as you can. If you have any other family willing to take you in I’d do that. And get counselling.
NTA.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with this. Sounds like they’re all just a bundle of repressed emotions.
Sometimes it helps to write out your perspective because that way it’s harder for trash like your family to interrupt or try turning it around before you can get to it. People like that only see their own perspective and will shut down other opinions before they can be voiced.
I’d say just show them this thread. Of course they’d inevitably try defending themselves and twisting it around but I’m sure everyone here already understands what shitty people they are so they could hear it from more than you.
NTA, just be sure to leave with a big FU when you finally get to leave this toxic mess behind you.
Your mother is absolute garbage.
NTA. Next time, plan your words. Obviously, this time you spoke out of emotion. Next time, calmly and clearly describe everything you’ve said here. Give the examples. Then make clear that you’re done.
Op i am soooooo sorry. You’re NTA, and your family is utterly TRASH and i think you understand that. Do you have any family/friends you actually like you can stay with.
Btw your mom is only sad cause you held a mirror up which showed that she’s a terrible mother and an even worse person.
Keep your chin up kid
Do you have any other family members you can talk to? Do you have any support system besides these two families that betrayed you? Is there a guidance counselor that you can talk to? Are you in therapy?
Honestly, it’s fine that you’re really angry because anger is a protective emotion and if you don’t have anyone else supporting you if they’ve isolated you from a support system stay angry. Especially if they’re not listening to you.
You’re not the asshole that you don’t love them.
I do wanna encourage you to not lash out with them because you’re giving me the ammunition that they need by being angry. I know that you are one of those kids that fall through the cracks with something like CPS because they’re neglecting your needs. They’re not abusing you. If there’s anything we can do to support you as Internet strangers follow up and let us know how it’s going.
NTA. I’m so sorry you have such shitty parents and adults in your life.
Your mum should be the one ostracised, not you.
You’ve got less than three years. Get your ducks in a row, get a job and save for college, get your grades up to scholarship level.
Stay out of the house as much as you can and then when you turn 18 you leave, go NC and tell the local police station that you aren’t missing you’re leaving voluntary.
Then you ghost, delete all social media, get a new phone number. And never speak to any of those MFERS again.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Also, change your name as soon as you turn 18. Will make it harder to track, plus you don’t went to share your mothers husbands name or your bio fathers.
I hope one of the sentences in your ‘outburst’ was: “I can’t wait to be 18 so I can remove myself from this toxic dynamic and never see your evil faces again.”
OP, I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. Nobody deserves that, especially when the circumstances are not their own fault.
But OP, keep your head high. Don’t let them get under your skin. Just survive the next three years. Learn a skill that can help you earn money without your ‘roommates’ knowing, like coding, graphic design, copywriting or something.
Out there, away from your toxic biological siblings and parents, life awaits you. A beautiful life. Good luck!
Many babies are unplanned. Doesn’t mean they don’t love you! Be kind to those you have. Forgive. Think of all they have done for you over your life
Do you have any extended family who isn’t as worthless as all of them ?
I wish I could take OP and give her a home omg this is awful
Your mom didn’t want a healing weekend until you started treating them the way they treated you your whole life. OP, I don’t know how you have managed to hold on enough to still be able to see what’s right and what’s wrong when you have had no loving kindness from any of these fucked up adults.
I hope you will share this post with the whole family. Every single one of them. Maybe at least one of them isn’t fully devoid of a soul.
NTA. I would add to any further discussions about the question ” Why am I at fault for mom being a cheater?” I’d personally use a different word, but that one isn’t the best idea for you probably.
You should look into emancipation or ask a trusted adult for help
NTA.
They are blaming you for their past behaviour, and they are actively enjoying being cruel to you.
Your mom openly laughing as you’re being bullied for “causing drama by just existing” was especially disgusting, and I’m not surprised that you reacted after seeing that.
So much for a weekend of ‘healing’. What b/s. More like a weekend where they could all get together and verbally abuse you.
And quite frankly, I am going to advise you on contacting CPS.
They’ve emotionally neglected and abused you for your entire life. They’ve willingly put you in a life threatening situation (with the nuts incident).
You especially need to mention to CPS about the nuts incident.
Get yourself removed from that disgusting family immediately.
And don’t be afraid about blowing up their family because you’ve got CPS involved.
They’ve brought it upon themselves, and they deserve everything that’s coming their way.
It never was nor will it ever be your fault that your mom couldn’t keep her legs closed to men who weren’t her husband.
My heart is breaking for you, OP. I was also the child who was born from a mistake, and my own mom made sure that I knew that I wasn’t loved by her.
Do you have grandparents or aunts and uncles that u could possibly go live with ?
What kind of loser treats a child like shit for a decision its parents made? NTA
Frankly, it looks like the beginning story of a super villain.
Nta.
Darlin,
You shouldn’t have to live in this situation.
Is there an adult you trust who can help you become emancipated legally from them. A grandparent, aunt, uncle, family friend.
They would involve child protective services.
You were innocently born into a situation that you did not create.Your mother was unfaithful with your bio dad. It sounds like neither of them have turned up with love, care and encouragement for you.
Damn them!
As a 15 year old, you may have the legal option to leave that toxic family environment where you are ostracised every day, just for existing.
I would explain the situation to someone you trust at school, like a counselor or a teacher, and ask for their help to graduate early. If you graduate early and are accepted to a college somewhere else, especially with scholarships, you can leave Home even before you’re 18 assuming your parents let you.
I know precisely how you feel. I was the affair child. My mom was single. My dad was married. He was trash. Mom wasn’t much better. She was abusive and took the side of my stepfather. She married Roy who adopted me then left him for DJ who severely abused me. He sold me into prostitution to his sailor buddies who were on board the USS Dewey. He was in the Navy. When I told my mom what was going on, I became the evil child. I eventually forgave them because I needed to feel better. The bitterness was killing me. It made me suicidal. So when I forgave them all, I started healing. It didn’t mean they get away with it. It means I get away from it. They still have to pay for their crimes. Weird thing is I still love my mom but I don’t like her. I stay away from her. It’s LC. I don’t get why ppl let abuse keep going on in their life. You didn’t ask to be here. Your parents, ALL 4 of them owe you way more than you’re getting. I often wondered why I wasn’t given up for adoption. The answer was my aunt talked my mother out of it. I’ll never understand that because you see when I was born it was worse for affair children to be born. Shalom you’re loved 💔
I’m so sorry all the adults in your life failed you like this.
You’re NTA. None of this was your fault. Stick with it until you’re old enough to be independent and then go and live a wonderful life without them.
NTA. The affair wasn’t your fault. You were completely innocent.
Your family failed you.
Your family bullied you.
Your family neglected.
They are mad because someone is finally calling them out on their terrible behavior.
I hope you can make your own family, where people love and accept you, are kind to you, and you finally feel at home with.
This is heartbreaking and I’m so sad you’ve had to grow up in such a toxic environment.
Is there nobody you can confide in about this? Maybe a teacher, a friend or an extended family member? Your parents and their partners have behave appallingly and your half-siblings’ behaviour towards you has been encouraged by them. You have every right to feel as you do.
Are there any grandparents you can turn to and go live with. I’m sorry, your situation sounds horrible. NTA
NTA. Your bio parents chose to have an affair, their partners chose to stay with them. Everyone is taking their bad choices out on you. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are all just terrible people, including the siblings who shouldn’t have been allowed to treat you the way they do. Save up and plan your escape, you owe them nothing.
NTA – I’m an unwanted child and was always made to feel it. They never told me until I asked them when I was 8 (it was that f’ing obvious) if I was a mistake. Who knew that unprotected sex could lead to pregnancy, eh? They made it very clear that life was better before I came along, how everything was my fault, how my achievements were never recognised but my siblings were etc. I get it, I totally get it.
At 13 something happened which made me check out completely. From then, I made plans to get out the minute I turned 18. I grey rocked them. Best come back is to show that you don’t care and they don’t matter to you. Back then, there was no minimum working age in the UK where I am and got a job at 14. Started putting money aside and moved out at 18 to a college that paid students a bursary. Life can be affordable on little money, especially if you have some small savings to back you up. I played the long game and never turned back.
Believe all the comments here that this is absolutely not your fault. The adults are the AH’s here. They had a responsibility to take care of you and not encourage the other children to treat you the way they have been. I’m assuming there’s no other relatives who treat you kindly who you can turn to?
I’m NC with my bio’s. To me, family are the friends that you choose. It certainly isn’t blood. I wish you all the best.
Think about emancipation it might be the best thing for everyone and def good for your mental health. From a person with a very shitty family you don’t need to have anything to do with them. Make your own family it’s easier than you think. And think about yourself no one else there will.
Are there any grandparents you can turn to and go live with. I’m sorry, your situation sounds horrible. NTA
NTA
I am so sorry you are going through this.
You did nothing wrong. None of this is your fault.
I don’t understand people who keep their affair children to only let them be treated like crap all around.
It would have been kinder to let you be adopted by people who wanted a child and not be stuck with people who see you as the problem. This is failure of your dna donors.
Try to be strong. Only a couple more years.
Is there anyone in the extended families that are in any way decent humans that can take you?