I’m (28f) estranged from my father. In my early teens he was married to a woman called Erica. They were divorced by the time I was 16. But when my father was married to Erica he shoved me aside for Erica’s daughter Elsie who was 1 or 2 years younger than me, I forget now. My father was never the best father and I didn’t always see that as a kid since I never knew my mom. So I clung to this idea that he was amazing and when he all but abandoned me for Elsie I was pissed.
Elsie was super happy to have a dad for the first time and she tried to be BFFs with me and acted like I should just be happy for her because I got my dad all to myself for years. When my father wasn’t around she especially tried to make it seem like we were close but I hated her and I told her to stay away from me because she stole my father. She told me I was being a bitch and it was only fair she got him to make up for never having a dad.
Erica divorced my father because eventually he got tired of Elsie and he told her she wasn’t even his kid and to fuck off and stop annoying him. Erica was furious with not just him, but me as well because I loved when it happened and I was very smug about it and I even told her that I guess she wasn’t getting to make up for all that time after all. Was that my finest moment? No. But I hated Elsie enough and enjoyed seeing her get dumped since she thought it made sense for me to be. Erica yelled at me as well as my father before she took Elsie and left.
I didn’t hear from them or see them in over a decade. It’s been a decade since I last spoke to or saw my father either. I’m full no contact. But then a Facebook message from Erica came through a week ago and she expected me to reach out and apologize to Elsie for upsetting her more after my father destroyed her. She told me I owed her daughter that. I ignored the message and blocked her. Which only seemed to infuriate her because next she found my Insta and told me the same thing only far more harshly and with much more insults aimed at me. She got three messages to me through Insta before I found them and I responded with fuck off and I blocked her. I have a second account on Insta and she messaged that and went off on me for telling her to fuck off and asked what kind of adult I am to not own up to my mistakes and apologize for being a bully to someone who wanted me to love her and be happy for her when she was finally getting the chance at a dad. She said I’m clearly not very mature if I’m behaving this way and ignoring her simple request. I blocked her again in response.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. How about “Sorry for not apologizing to you and your daughter for the things that happened. To be fair, you honestly deserved it. Now that you got your apology, zip off and don’t bother me again.” Just send her this message again to her and block her.
NTAH. You don’t need and do not want Erica in your life. You don’t owe her jack shit.
You know what’s not mature? Harassing someone on social media for something they did as a kid when the harasser was the adult
I think that your dad is absolutely awful. He pitted the two of you off against each other and neither of you won. It is horrible for Erica to come back to you know so NTA for telling her to get lost. I wonder if there was a trigger for Elsie for her mum to come back to you now. I agree it’s not your problem but I can’t help feeling sorry for Elsie too.
NTA.
You owe these strangers NOTHING! But I would seek counselling for your abusive parental relationship.
There is no law or moral code requiring you to talk to anyone that you don’t want to. You’re never obligated to answer the phone accept the text take the meeting whatever.
As a rule I would suggest that you extricate yourself from the situations without saying fuck off. Not because of morality but just because leaving politely is less likely to stir up the pot.
Put together everything you’ve got so far and apply for a restraining order. The police will either give you one or at the very least it will be laying the foundation for a future one should things escalate.
NTA. Honestly some single parents sounds unhinged. They marry another single parent, they treat their stepchildren like shit and expect their husbands to drop their children for their stepchildren. The sad thing is it’s seems to work more often than not.
NTA.
It’s been 10 freaking years. Erica seems unhinged and she needs to back off. You and her daughter were only a couple of years apart. It isn’t like you were a decade older than her and treated her like that. Your father was an AH too. You don’t owe anyone an apology and even if you did, Elsie owes you one too in that case. Definitely continue the no contact and ignore her. You don’t need that toxicity in your life.
NTA screw them both.. you owe them nothing. When she stalks you tell her to GTFU and fuck off
NTA. Ask her what kind of mom is still fighting her kid’s battles in their 20s? What about your chance to “have a mom”? Where was Erica in the last decade?
This sounds like something Erica and Elsie need to work out with a therapist.
NTAH
what you did is self protection. No one protected you with that woman and her daughter and you were very brave to do it on your own.
She has not right to demand anything. Her daughter was traumatized by not having a father in her life long before Erica met your father. So if she’s mentally unwell, it’s not on you or your father. Erica should take responsibility to destroy her daughter’s life by dating your father and throwing her daughter at a stranger and his daughter.
NTA.
ESH and all of you need therapy. But especially your dad sucks.
You don’t owe anything to your step mom. Your dad sounds hard to live with. NTAH
Block & ignore…
NTA but OP is very kind with her word – i would use stronger ones
NTA- what psychological issues do those women have that after over a decade you owe them an apology? Is she mentally well? Is she having a substance abuse bender? Or is she thinking of getting back with your father and because Else is upset your father treated her the same way he treated you and you slow clapped because it came full circle and your fathers mask came off? I am so sorry, honestly, block them and block any mutual friends you might have on social media to avoid whatever meltdown that is currently in progress. I wish you well, I’ve been no contact with my egg donor for over a decade, best decision I ever made. Boundaries and accountability matter.
ESH
It sounds like you do owe her an apology for being a brat as a kid but it doesn’t sound like you have grown to recognise how mean it was to take your frustrations with your father out on Elsie. Harassing you on social media is pointless however.
NTA…you were a complete asshole as a kid, an entitled brat, a bully to Elsie – why on earth would Erica try to contact someone like you, it’s pretty immature of her to think that you have completely changed…some people just want to get beat up again and again
After a decade, she pops up out of nowhere to demand an apology from you on her daughter’s behalf? That’s unhinged. I wonder if Elsie even knows she’s doing that. If I were Elsie, I’d be mortified. She needs to seek therapy if she came up with the idea of harassing you to give her daughter an apology for something that happened so long ago when you were both just kids. And if Elsie hasn’t put it past her, either, after all this time then she needs a therapist, too. Elsie wasn’t exactly an innocent bystander herself. Were you a jerk to her? Yes, but she was a jerk to you too anytime you let her know you were hurt that your father didn’t want to spend any time with you and would rather spend time with her. It could have been a bonding moment, but she took every opportunity to twist the knife and dismiss your feelings and insist she was more entitled to your father than you were. And your father and former stepmother were no prizes, either. I think everyone keeping their distance from each other is a good idea. Keep her on block. And maybe see if you can find Elsie’s social media, too, if only to preemptively block her in case she’s as unhinged as her mother is. Like you said, what you told her that day wasn’t your finest moment but if she hadn’t spent so much time being a smug little prick to you so often about the subject you may not have said that. What goes around comes around, and big surprise teenagers are petty jerks to each other. Your father and former stepmother, as the actual adults in your lives, should have facilitated a more healthy environment but since they were absolute AHs they instead facilitated you two ending up hating each other and both feeling abandoned by the only father figure you knew. Sounds like your dad and Erica deserve each other. You’re NTAH. Erica needs to let things lie where they are and seek professional help for herself and her daughter if she or they can’t do that. It sounds like you’ve still got resentment from that experience, too, but at least you’re moving on and moving forward, not trying to harass people you haven’t seen or had anything to do with in at least a decade.