My (22m) EX girlfriend (21f) broke up with me 6 weeks ago after four years of dating, the breakup was heavily influenced by her friends, they convinced her that i’m controlling because i didn’t want her to join thier night life activies, they go out to clubs and bars in revealing outfits and they drink alcohol and sleep around so obviously i didn’t want her joining them, i tried to get her to change her mind but she was completly closed off and convinced that i’m controlling her and holding her back from enjoying her life, even after that i tried texting her and she just blocked me.
About 10 days ago she unblocked me and sent me a text asking to meet and i told her no and blocked her, i was done with her because she most likely slept with someone else during those night life activies she went on with her friends, yesterday she called me from her mother’s number, she cried and apolgized for breaking up, she told me how much she misses me and that she is depressed and has not been eating or sleeping well, i was not suprised to hear that, we had a great, deep relationship for 4 years but she ruined it and now i can’t look at her the same way, so i told her to seek help for her depression because it is not my problem and i hung up.
AITA?
Comments
NTA
I mean it hurts when someone throws u away when and then comes back when things fall apart. It’s ok to care but still protect ur peace.
You gave her advice to seek help so I’d say NTA.
YTA. You are controlling.
YTA for not trusting her
You sound very controlling for a young man. Are you religious? NTA for telling her that she needs some help. YTA for hanging up in her face.
YTA. Absolutely.
It’s funny how some people think they can just hit undo on their bad decisions. Spoiler alert: life doesn’t come with an undo button!
NTA
Not wanting your serious partner to go out clubbing isn’t controlling, it’s called context clues people. Anyone who says that clubbing isn’t about hooking up is lying. NTA, I wouldn’t take her back, she’s the one who broke it up.
When me and my wife were that age we went out together with all her single friends. I spent years partying with all of them and over time just kept adding boyfriends/husbands to the group.
Assuming that’s not your scene? Which is fine and if that’s what she wanted and you don’t it’s best you went your separate ways. Even if she sad now missing all that in your 20s because a boyfriend never wants to do any of that will make her VERY resentful later on and she might feel like she missed out on her youth staying at home with you. That ends up in divorce every time.
NTA W
Updateme!
NTA for breaking up. The two of you aren’t compatible. You want a girl who won’t go out with her friends and will do what you tell her to do. Your ex will realize soon that she’s happier without you and stop bothering you.
NTA
NTA -sorry for long message
You should be able to trust her regardless of what her friends are doing. But I can also see why that would make you uncomfortable, if you both discussed these reasons and agreed together she wont go. Fair enough.
If you forced her to not go you are an ass for that as she should have her own freedom.
For her to drop you without giving you chance to talk it out is unfair in my opinion. You didnt handle the last phone call the best, you did right to tell her to get help, but you would of been better had you just been a bit softer with your wording, I understand you’re hurt, but pain doesnt lessen when its spread.
Depression can make people do stupid stuff.. I left my partner because of my depression making me think things, but we talked it out after a week and he (hes too good for me) stood by me, hes helped me deal with this stuff more than once in our 3 years. Hes my guardian angel at this point. I still struggle every day but hes there for me making it that bit easier. It strengthened our relationship, I think.
Give yourself some time, and maybe rethink the situation. Maybe when you cooled off you might want to be there for her and help her through this tough time, or you realise she isnt your person and youre ready to move on.
Youre both still young, you have plenty of time
YTA. Super controlling, untrusting, and unkind. Let your ex go, she can do much better than you.
NTA. It is not your responsibility to fix other people’s problems. This includes family members, relationship partners, etc. If she wants help, she should go to therapy.
NTA, if it gets worse she’ll use the old classic “I’m thinking of hurting myself” scheme to emotionally manipulate you into doing what she wants (keep in mind she didn’t care about your feelings). Report it to authorities if she does and keep her out of your life.
Actions have consequences , and good for you for not putting up with that BA behaviour . If she contacts you again , tell
Her single people can do what they want with whom they want , hope he was worth it as we are now never getting back ever
NTA
you’re right, not your problem. Be glad it’s over.
Idk if YTA, but you definitely are an asshole. You are controlling, don’t trust your partner, and jump to wild conclusions about them (ex. Assuming she immediately slept with someone else). It’s good you two broke up and you are correct, her being depressed is not your problem. But how you speak about women is a little gross lol. But you are NTA for blocking her and letting her know you aren’t getting back together.
Social media has cooked the women of this generation with that going out in no clothes and drinking shit no one who wants to marry you is gonna actually be okay with that
OP, no—you’re NTA for setting a boundary. Her mental health is valid, but it stopped being your responsibility the moment she left and blocked you. You tried, she didn’t. Actions have consequences. You’re not a rehab center for people who broke you then realized what they lost. It’s called closure, not a revolving door. She made a choice—let her live with it. You’re not heartless for protecting your peace; you’re just done being her emotional safety net.
>i was done with her because she most likely slept with someone else during those night life activies she went on with her friends,
Of course that was what she was looking for and did. She wanted to be single, let her be single. She did what she wanted, as a single person, now that she got what she wanted she wants back to her safety net, using manipulation and regret as weapons. Do not be the safety net or backup plan of anyone. She fuck around (literally) and she found out. You called her an ex, keep her like that. 4 billion women in this planet tells me you will find some one more loyal and compatible.
NTA but just move on
sort of NTA. You standing on business. It is disrespectful to break up with someone just because your friends say so. If you can be swayed that easily then you never really loved that person.
But you are controlling, my friend and you gonna have to get over that. If your girl wants to have a night out with friends every once in a while, let her. You are both young. Life is short. I’m sure there will be a time in your life where you might want the freedom to go somewhere. Don’t be a dick. Level with people. Say, “hey listen, you can go out for a few hours and right when you get home call me before you go to bed.” If you love each other and share similar values that should be fine!
Work on yourself. Kudos for you for standing your ground.
Depression is not an excuse to be an asshole. I have lived with depression for most of my life, I never use it as an excuse for my behaviour. Telling her to seek help was the right course of action, you have no obligation to them once they break it off, and even if you were together, that’s all you can offer besides listening to her because contrary to what some may believe, if you have depression, you need support, beyond what a loved one can offer. Putting the burden onto you is unfair.
NTA.
YTA
Next girl you find, don’t forget to inform her at the beginning of the relationship that she won’t be trusted or able to go out with her friends.
You owe her nothing, unfortunately she has a bad friend group, lots of young woman falling into the same trap, they drink the modern feminist Kool aide that it’s fine to have a hoe phase, men will still want you, but the truth is decent men will not, sure plenty of men who are fine treating them like a hoe will line up to do so, but good men who just want a committed relationship with someone, those men arnt interested in a woman who allowed her self to be just passed around, these young woman don’t understand they set their value, they determine how men see them and will treat them, and if they act like hoe, that’s exactly how men will see them and treat them, and decent men want no part of it.
People in relationships have no business at party bars or clubs without their partners, period. They’re places for single people. If she’d rather act single she can be single, and the fact that she blew up 4 years to go waste time and money with her hoe friends is more than enough reason to leave it blown up. She made a choice, choices have consequences.
NTA, this op. Your limits are righteous and you aren’t to blame for her downward spiral. You said seek help, and that’s proper advice. In life’s meandering path, we have our own roads to take, hers ain’t yours… and good riddance.
You’re young, this is part of growing up process. As you “grow up” you want to experience things. We’re not all built the same but regret will happen and when it does it’s a slap in the face.
Nta
NTA, she went fishing and realised she had the best salmon at home.
NTA, but…are you sure that reaction was from a good place? I get it, but you might want to get some therapy and spend some effort on self improvement/discovery. You are both young, started dating as teenagers, immaturityand mistakes are often part of the growing process. Be single, allow yourself to grow up before getting into another relationship. I think you will be better off.
Blocking her is a good idea. But try to let go of the bitterness, it only hurts you.
Go enjoy life. Have fun, discover hobbies, meet new friends.
Honestly… you’re both assholes.
You set your boundaries, they were crossed and you are done with her. I am surprised how many guys don’t have the balls to leave their gf but you knew what should be done and you’ve done it. Good job man, you will find a better one don’t worry about her. NTA
NTA
NTA. You can look at it two ways. One: she’s actually depressed. You told her to seek professional help. That is the absolute best thing you could have done in the situation. You guys were not on friendly terms after the breakup. You don’t owe her a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, anything like that. That’s what a therapist is for. Two: She’s not depressed and is using that as a way to try to manipulate you. Telling her to seek professional help is the best thing in this situation also. I have depression and trying to guilt trip someone and make my depression their problem is absolutely disgusting and disrespectful imo. The few friends I have know about my mental health issues. If they want to know something such as how I’m feeling, if meds are helping, if I’ve been having suicidal thoughts, etc they ask.
If a friend, significant other, ex, family member, etc says something about feeling depressed ALWAYS send them to a professional. They are equipped to handle situations like this, an untrained person is not.
NTA, and it looks like you two needed to end it anyway. She can do as she wants, as can you. It is controlling if you were trying to force, guilt or shame her out of her choices. She ended it & from there on out, her feelings and choices are not your problem.
I will say that you can absolutely have an opinion & set a boundary for yourself with your partner. If you try to force or strongarm someone into submission, you’re in the wrong & the TA in that aspect.
On multiple fronts, it appears ending things was the right choice for you both.
NTA
You did what was best for you. Both of you are still young though, where would you deem appropriate for a girls night out?
NTA – breakup came with a 6-week silence, not a return policy. Actions have consequences, and mental health is serious, but so is moving on when someone shuts the door and locks it behind them.
NTA This is a manipulative move to get her way.
You are not responsible for her mental health in any way, shape, or form. If she threatens self-harm, report it.
When I was young, I had an ex-boyfriend who would call my mother crying and threaten to kill himself if I didn’t talk to him. (I’m old. This was close to 50 years ago.)
I told my mom that he was manipulating her and that I had no interest in speaking with him. I called his mother and sicced her on him.
NTA because she can’t force you to be her boyfriend. Telling a 21 year old they can’t go out IS really controlling, though. You don’t seem to have trusted her anyway. Neither of you seem mature enough for a relationship.
NTA. FAFO.
Nta. Probably good to move on
Harsh, but fair.
NTA.
She can get her clubbing friends to help with her depression since they helped her right out of her relationship
NTA. What did she expect? Wait, I know what she expected. But my point is she blocked you which means she cut all ties. Why would she think, no expect you to be at her beck and call when things go south. She lost those privileges when she ended the relationship.
NTA: she made her bed and she can sleep in it. You told her that this life style was a deal breaker for you and she still did it. OP, I would not be surprised or shocked that she is pregnant and has no clue who the father is and is hoping she can take you back and pass it off as yours (I truly and deeply hope I’m wrong and can edit this)
Just ignore her and keep moving on. Don’t waste more time on her. You gave her 4 years she doesn’t deserve anymore of your time imo.
I mean, stopping her from going out with her friends does sound kind of controlling…
NTA- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Single friends make their friends single. Basically your now-ex was respecting healthy boundaries…and her friends convinced her that you were controlling her by having the aforementioned healthy boundaries.
Now you’re maintaining your own healthy boundaries by closing off contact with her. When you’re ready you could reach out and talk, it sounds like you guys had a good relationship before she let her friends get in her head. If for nothing else than the closure she might need in understanding that dumb actions often have stupid consequences. And you never know…maybe she realized what the problem was. But in the end it’s entirely up to you which route you take.
Either way, you’re NTA
It’s her fault for breaking up with you, but you accusing her of sleeping with other guys during that 10 days is basically you calling her a slut lol. And this me speaking as someone who has and still does deal with severe depression, you have likely skyrocketed her depression to new heights. I’d check up on her soon and make sure she’s okay if you truly loved her during that 4 year relationship.
I think that if you had such a great relationship and everything was OK that maybe you are jumping the gun. Maybe you should at least keep an open mind about it
YTA given the context. This isn’t about depression. She realizes she made a mistake and has the emotional maturity to let you know she knows. If after 4 years you’re happy to discard her so easily then you didn’t love her and she is better off without someone so callous.
PS if she did sleep with someone that’s allowed. She was single. If that’s the only reason you won’t take her back you have some work to do on how you see women. They are not your possessions and it doesn’t make her a slut.
Nta She’s nothing. Just history that isn’t even worth remembering. Block her mom family and friends as well. If you guys happen to meet coincidentally, pretend you didn’t know her and her clans. Damn. I did that and it’s so good. Especially when seeing their life falling apart. Call me petty, crazy or whatever I’m happy.
You are sure. If your ex allowed herself to be influenced by her friends, she now has to deal with the consequences. Life that goes on. I wish you all the best.
NTA. You gave her good advice and moved on. You don’t owe her anything just because she’s sad. She’s an adult who needs to learn how to deal with her own big girl emotions and problems. My advice to you op, is to not cave and get back with her.
NTA you set a boundary and she left you. It’s as over as it can be.
NTA
It shouldn’t have been difficult at all to understand why you wouldn’t want her to go with those friends to those place and if it were really something she felt like she was missing out on she could have organized things with you at least. Or groups of friends with you. Instead, she just wanted to do what they were doing specifically.
Do you actually know if she slept with someone else or are you just assuming? Sounds like you don’t have a very good picture of your gf if you think she’s going to just go out and do that. NTA; but I think you need to work on some insecurity there buddy
NTA. Good job! Set boundaries. Her loss. Next!
NTA this kind of thing happens a lot on Reddit.
She gave in to friends pressure and now reality hits. This is a life lesson for her to stand up for herself and to realise that just because they’re friendly doesn’t mean their friends. Not everyone has your best interests.
I saw stories of people who ditched their partners for friends, but after time the friends were in relationships and the person was alone and felt betrayed.