Hey everyone, I’m honestly torn up about this and could use some outside perspectives. I (28F) have always been super close with my family, especially my younger brother, Jake (24M). We grew up tight, shared everything, and I always had his back—like when he needed help moving into his new place last year, I was there hauling furniture in the rain. But now he’s cut me out of his life, and I’m wondering if I messed up by calling him out.
About two months ago, I noticed small things going missing at my parents’ house, where we both visit a lot (they host weekly family dinners). First, it was little stuff—some cash from my mom’s purse, a few of my dad’s old coins he collects. I thought maybe we were all being forgetful, but then my grandma’s heirloom necklace vanished. It’s not super valuable money-wise, but it’s been in our family for generations, and my mom was heartbroken.
I started paying closer attention and set up a cheap motion-activated camera in the living room (with my parents’ permission) because I had a bad feeling. Sure enough, the footage caught Jake pocketing cash from my mom’s purse during dinner. I was gutted. I confronted him privately at first, hoping he’d explain—maybe he was in trouble or something. But he got defensive, denied it, and stormed off. I showed the footage to my parents because I couldn’t keep quiet about something this serious, especially after the necklace went missing.
All hell broke loose. My parents were devastated but confronted Jake calmly. He admitted to taking the cash but swore he didn’t touch the necklace (I’m not sure I believe him). He claimed he was “borrowing” the money because he’s been struggling financially, but he never asked anyone for help. My parents offered to support him, but he flipped out, saying I betrayed him by “snitching.” He’s since cut me off completely—won’t answer my texts or calls. Worse, he’s been telling our extended family and mutual friends that I’m the liar, saying I faked the footage to make him look bad because I’m “jealous” of him. It’s absurd, but some cousins are starting to give me the cold shoulder, and it’s tearing me apart.
I feel awful that my family’s divided now, but I couldn’t just let him keep stealing, especially something as sentimental as Grandma’s necklace. My parents back me up, but they’re also upset about Jake cutting everyone off. I keep wondering if I should’ve handled it differently, like giving him more chances to come clean. AITA for telling my family
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Hey everyone, I’m honestly torn up about this and could use some outside perspectives. I (28F) have always been super close with my family, especially my younger brother, Jake (24M). We grew up tight, shared everything, and I always had his back—like when he needed help moving into his new place last year, I was there hauling furniture in the rain. But now he’s cut me out of his life, and I’m wondering if I messed up by calling him out.
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NTA
And frankly, who cares what some cousins think?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Hey Mods, sorry if I wasn’t clear enough in my post! The action I took was telling my parents and family that my brother Jake was stealing from us, after I caught him on camera taking cash from my mom’s purse. I believe this is the main thing to judge here. Why I might be the asshole is that Jake says I betrayed his trust by “snitching” instead of handling it just between us. He’s super upset, claims I humiliated him, and now he’s cut me off and is telling everyone I’m a liar. I’m worried I might’ve been too quick to tell the whole family, especially since it’s caused this huge rift and some relatives are buying his story. Maybe I should’ve given him another chance to come clean or kept it quieter to avoid blowing up our relationship. That’s why I’m wondering if I handled it wrong.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Why would you be jealous of him? Nta – his lies don’t even make sense!
The only other option was to just let him keep stealing from the family. Who knows what else would have disappeared? If your cousins want to believe him, that’s their choice, and it may open them up to being the next theft victims.
NTA
He might have a drug or gambling problem. That would explain his over the top reaction.
You are never the asshole for letting people know that someone is stealing from them.
He’ll bring you back into his life when he needs help, or money, or someone else to steal to — or he’s stolen from enough people that his ‘circle’ shrinks too much for him to be welcome anywhere. NTA.
NTA, they deserve to know that. The audacity to spread lies about you.
NTA. You caught him stealing with proof and even gave him a chance to come clean privately. He’s mad because he got exposed, not betrayed. Let people believe what they want – truth has receipts.
Just send the footage to those family members. Ask them what’s more realistic? You faking footage or him being caught, admitting it & now lying? Pretty sure your parents can shut it down too. So what if he cuts you off.
You are not the problem. His lies will catch up to him. Unfortunately your relationship will never be the same.
Your brothers an addict. Your only choices were to call this out and stop it or enable him. You did what you needed to do. Hopefully he’ll reach out and want help at some point but until then, this is the better option than having to wonder what will be stolen next.