I was having a chat with a friend of mine who I’ve known for years and she was telling me how ever since she got unfairly let go from her previous job, she’s been having trouble finding work. She said that she’s becoming concerned about her financial situation and she’s never been disciplined with money in all the years that I’ve known her. She isn’t formally educated and used to work as a warehouse manager.
I told her that I saw a local Maccas was hiring and so it may be worthwhile applying for that. She was like nah I’d rather die than work in fast food. I asked her if she had applied for any of the major retail chains and she said no, working there seems so depressing. I said well, you don’t really have much of a choice. You really need to get a job to pay your bills and life your life – beggars can’t be choosers. If I were you, I’d get any job that I can get my hands on and then, go from there. Plus, most people don’t like their jobs lol, it’s just a means to an end.
I didn’t mean to be a dick or anything, just realistic about it. Anyway, she ended up telling a mutual friend about our conversation and then she started telling me to stop being an adshole to her. I said I wasn’t an asshole, I was just keeping it real. Anyway, could use some outside opinions.
Comments
NTA
There are plenty of homeless people who refuse to take a job that is beneath them.
You do what you gotta do, to keep a roof over your head, your family fed and the car out of repossession.
I think you are to a certain extent. From what you’ve said she’s not being a hypocrite she was just venting. It’s ok to have standards when picking a job because you’re gonna be there for 1/3 of your time. If she was saying that she can’t get any job then you could say that. But from what you’ve said she’s not and just merely saying she was struggling to find a job.
YTA – your friend was looking for a little sympathy
Sure, she can go flip burgers. But your comment was obviously dismissive and flippant.
Need a bit more info.
Does she have an undergrad degree? Sometimes, not always, but you can be overqualified for entry level jobs at fast food spots. I know McDonald’s does this, but others don’t.
realistic about it from your viewpoint, maybe not hers?
NTA though I think you should’ve chosen your words more carefully… Like, instead of “beggars can’t be choosers”, maybe say something like “I get that it’s tough to find a gig right now but honestly, any job’ll do til things pick up”…
In a way, I can see why she would feel insulted by your comments.
I have a rule – if someone wants to vent to me, I always ask if they want advice or a listening ear. That way, I know to speak up or keep my mouth shut after.
I find it helps to avoid drama by not offering unsolicited advice.
In this case, the issue is not so much that you didn’t ask first, but the fact your initial response was to tell her about working in fast food.
Now, I do not judge anyone working in fast food or retail. My first job was retail. It was Hell! The customers, the hours, unrealistic expectations from managers… Sale periods! I got out of there as fast as I could.
Perhaps because she is under-qualified in your eyes, you feel this is the best she can do.
Your remarks about her education and former career do not exactly hide that fact.
I also wonder if you not mentioning other options to her made her feel this way, too.
You’re right that in her circumstances, she really should be more open to any job that comes. She could do it temporarily whilst working towards something else so that she can take care of her bills.
You did dismiss her feelings a little by the way you phrased your response.
I have Masters degree from a prominent University and a 30 year professional career. I recently took several years off to do some caretaking. When I had time to work again, I started in retail until I got a professional job . “I’m too good for that job” is a terrible attitude and you are NTA.
During times like this yeah you’re kinda the AH
I don’t know that I’d ever apply to McDonald’s if anything happened with my job. It wouldn’t make nearly enough money to be worth working there. I’d probably make more money on unemployment waiting to find the right good paying job.
YTA
Not for what you said but how you said it.
I’d be pretty sure she knows she needs a job.
Her choice of spending habits aren’t mine to comment on. I’m good with money in lots of ways, but I also like to sail and mess around in boats so I’m a financial idiot too.
Friends who want to help should consider the likely outcome of their help. Does she need help identifying opportunities? Do you have contacts, do you know people who do? Does she need help with her CV? Are you a CV expert?
Your comment didn’t tell her anything she didn’t already know. Telling her to get a job in Macas also tells me that you don’t realise that your last position greatly influences your next one and salary. If I was a warehouse manager I’d be looking for equivalent positions, not to change industry.
If she wants help and you are qualified to provide it go ahead. If you are not maybe keep your opinions to yourself
As an adult, you do what you have to do in life to survive. If someone needs the money, they’ll pretty much take any job until something better comes along.
A job keeps the rent payed the roof over your head the lights water and gas running and food in your belly if it’s beneath you then you deserve every misfortune that comes with that attitude keep being friends and offer support but not financial life’s a b***h and knows how to kick and at her age if she as not learnt this so be it NTA
I’ve met homeless people who are homeless as they lost their jobs and couldn’t get another quick enough. Maybe pride played a role? Who knows. This happens
YTA, fast food work is terrible and there’s a reason why she’s leaving it alone. You can’t support yourself on it and it’s shitty work for many it’s literally not worth it. This isn’t even real advice because everyone knows fast food and warehouse work are the default fallback jobs for when you’re really out of options.
NTA, beggars can’t be choosers.
It is as realistic as it can be. Slackers with holes in their pockets will always be in financial trouble unless they find a sucker.
She deflected every possible avenue of making money in the meantime, getting that comment is on her.
Ehh I think this is a classic case “feel it before u fix it”
“Beggars can’t be choosers” might be true, but (outside of the actual hilarious circumstances in r/choosingbeggars) it’s also the kind of thing people say when they want to sound clever instead of actually being helpful. She’s already in the dirt. You don’t win points by kicking someone who’s already down and calling it honesty. That’s not “being real,” that’s being lazy with your words and your delivery can make u sound proud of it.
You had a shot at pushing her forward. Instead, you made her feel like a loser. That doesn’t motivate people, it just makes them defensive. If you actually wanted to help, you could have framed it in a way that didn’t make her feel like trash. But you didn’t. You played the tough love card without the love part.
Respectfully, based on your post history, idk how to gauge if this friend was asking u for actual financial advice or emotional support. Maybe divert her attention to your favorite distractions next time she vents like MMA. My pops took me to a hockey game as a teen when I was depressed and it changed everything by giving me an outlet to put my energy into.
Sometimes it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. Work on leading with empathy, and then your words of truth will find more receptive ears.
It’s a good idea to get any job right now and then keep looking.
Jobs have this weird thing where it’s easier to get a job if you have a job already, compared to looking for a job while being jobless
YTA
I can not tell you how many times I took jobs because I needed one and wound up miserable. Taking the time to find the right fit is the way to go.
Having a full-time job really inhibits your ability to successfully look for other work. Taking your time, even declining job offers that don’t feel right, is how to find the right job and be successful.
“Beggers can’t be choosers” sounds a lot like “you’re too poor to be happy” to me.
YTA because of the language you used. If you actually wanted to give her unsolicited advice like that, you could have said “man, sorry to hear that. If money were that tight for me, I’d probably consider taking a job that I hate, until something better comes along. How are you getting by?”
But I probably wouldn’t offer that advice unsolicited because she already knows. She’s not stupid.
“Beggars can’t be choosers” carries some connotations, first that she’s lower and less worthy, and that you look down on her. It also implies you’re impatient with her and can’t be bothered with sparing her feelings.
NTA. She complained she had difficulty finding a job and she was worried about her financial situation. You offered a solution and she shat on it, that’s on her not you.
Any income is better than no income while you look for a job that matters. Unless you have a really sparse work history, you shouldn’t even have to put the other job on your resume.
NTA it is easier to find a job when you have a job. since you said Maccas I assume you are not US based. In the US there are a lot of trades with on the job training so you get a salary while also going through your certifications. Electrical Alliance Training is a national one. Maybe there is something similar there if your friend is more into working with their hands
NTA. She’s being too literal and thin-skinned.
Did she ask for your advice?
Let’s be real, you wouldn’t work fast food either.
NTA. It’s not that she can’t find a job. She can’t find a job she likes the sound of. She needs a reality check and not to be coddled.
How much time have you spent working fast food as an adult?
Nta. True friends tell it how it is. When you dont have a job. Any job will do till you can get a better job.
>She was like nah I’d rather die than work in fast food.
🤷 sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before abandoning their privledged mindset.
NTA. You tried to give suggestions and help, that’s not being an adshole.
YTA. Just getting a job to have a job can have unintended consequences. Unemployment for instance is based on your last rate of pay. Getting a job usually stops unemployment benefits. It also resets your rate to that new possibly lower rate. So in general it’s better to wait for a job closer to your previous rate of pay then to take a lower paying job while you have benefits. Your basically giving shitty advice with a heaping side of asshole.