So, I (20F) have this friend (21F) who’s always been a bit irresponsible with her finances. A few months ago, she started asking me for money here and there small amounts at first, and I didn’t mind helping her out. I get that things happen, and I’m in a position where I can afford to help, so I didn’t think much of it.
But lately, she’s been asking for more and more. She tells me about her “unexpected expenses” and how she can’t pay for things, like food or bills, and I end up giving her money. It’s not huge amounts, but it adds up, and honestly, I’m starting to feel like she’s taking advantage of my kindness.
The other day, she asked me for $200 to cover her rent because she “didn’t get paid enough this month.” I’ve helped her out so many times now, and I’m starting to feel like it’s not just occasional bad luck but a pattern. I told her that I can’t keep doing this, and that she really needs to start budgeting or asking other people for help if she’s in a tough spot.
She got upset and said that I was being selfish and unsupportive. Now, our mutual friends are telling me I’m being unreasonable because I’m not being a “true friend” by not helping her out when she needs it.
I feel bad, but I also don’t think it’s fair for me to keep paying for her financial mistakes. AITA for telling her I can’t keep giving her money?
Comments
NTA. You’re not her ATM—real friends don’t guilt-trip you for setting boundaries. If she’s constantly in a crisis, she needs to fix her habits, not drain your wallet. Stand your ground. True support doesn’t mean enabling bad choices.
I’m 25 (F) and I say to tell your other friends to help her out if they feel that way. She’s not your child. She can go to her parents or whoever else, but don’t get stuck in this loop. She now sees you as a resource and not an actual friend. She needs to grow up because life isn’t easy. Giving her money won’t teach her how to be an adult. If she’s that broke, she would get a 2nd job.
It’s understandable that you want to help, but when it becomes a pattern and starts affecting your own finances, it’s okay to set boundaries.
I’ve had a similar situation where a friend kept asking for money, and eventually I had to stop. They got upset, but over time, they realized it was for their own good. It’s not selfish to stop lending money, especially if it’s enabling bad financial habits.
NTA.
If those mutual friends think you’re so wrong for setting boundaries why aren’t they the ones helping her?
NTA. Tell her that the bank is closed.
NTA She needs to be responsible, and she got comfortable with you helping her. Stand your ground.
NTA. If your other friends feel you’re not doing enough, THEY should give her some money.
Tell your mutual friends to pay her $200 a month, let them sponsor her life from now on. This is absurd.
NTA. She isn’t your friend, nor are the “mutual friends”
NTA
If those mutual friends feel so bad, tell them to start a go fund me and support her themselves.
She’s using you, you’re her personal atm nothing more.
Asking for money once and agreeing to pay it back when she gets paid and then keeping to her word, that’s fine but again she’s a user, she’s the selfish and unsupportive one NOT YOU.
She’s the one who isn’t a “true friend” by not paying you back when you need it paid back.
“She got upset and said that I was being selfish and unsupportive. ”
The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.
NTA
Well, all of your mutual friends can start helping her out. You are not her personal ATM.
Stop being a doormat. You aren’t responsible for her fuck ups and money mismanagement. You are just an atm. Time to put on your big girl pants and realize not everyone you are friendly with is your friend or sees you that way, she’s using you.