So my friend just moved into my STUDIO apartment about a week ago, and I already feel like it’s not going to work. initially, I wanted to help because she’s had nowhere to live for the past few months.
But since she moved in, my stress and anxiety have been way higher. I just started a shitty new job, I’m trying to get and stay sober, and her dog is not potty trained and pees everywhere and punks MY dog often, I feel like I don’t have any space to myself anymore.
Yesterday was literally the first time I’ve actually been home since she moved in (been fleeing at my BFs place) and I noticed a lot of my food was gone…eggs, water, juice, bread, cheese, La Croix, oil, etc. basically all the basics I needed, and none of it was replaced. Even tho she has a food stamp card, money, and jobless – so all the time in the world to replace things or even apologize and reassure that she would replace stuff. I get that roommates share sometimes, but it felt like I didn’t have access to my own stuff.
She’s back in LA right now, so I was thinking it might just be easier if she stays there and I get her things back to her. I don’t want to resent her or ruin the friendship, but I also don’t want to feel trapped and overwhelmed in my own place.
I feel horrible because she’ll be homeless again.
Would I be the asshole for telling her this after only a week?
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So my friend just moved into my STUDIO apartment about a week ago, and I already feel like it’s not going to work. initially, I wanted to help because she’s had nowhere to live for the past few months.
But since she moved in, my stress and anxiety have been way higher. I just started a shitty new job, I’m trying to get and stay sober, and her dog is not potty trained and pees everywhere and punks MY dog often, I feel like I don’t have any space to myself anymore.
Yesterday was literally the first time I’ve actually been home since she moved in (been fleeing at my BFs place) and I noticed a lot of my food was gone…eggs, water, juice, bread, cheese, La Croix, oil, etc. basically all the basics I needed, and none of it was replaced. Even tho she has a food stamp card, money, and jobless – so all the time in the world to replace things or even apologize and reassure that she would replace stuff. I get that roommates share sometimes, but it felt like I didn’t have access to my own stuff.
She’s back in LA right now, so I was thinking it might just be easier if she stays there and I get her things back to her. I don’t want to resent her or ruin the friendship, but I also don’t want to feel trapped and overwhelmed in my own place.
I feel horrible because she’ll be homeless again.
Would I be the asshole for telling her this after only a week?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an asshole because I’m basically putting my friend out after a week. She’ll be homeless again. But she’s completely taking advantage of me!
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Sharing a studio apartment with another person and their dog (untrained dog at that) sounds like absolute torture.
NTA for telling her you can’t do it.
NTA. Tell her asap and reclaim your space. It won’t make it less likely to ruin your friendship if you wait until you begin to hate her.
NTA, it’s ok to say ‘hey, I wanted to help and I thought this would work, but it’s just not the right fit for either of us.’ Go ahead and say it because if resentment builds up, you may not part as friends. Even say that: “ for the sake of our friendship “.
NTA, in fact now is the perfect time to do such things, set boundaries even for friendships. You’ll both appreciate this decision later down the road.
NTA. A studio is way too small for 2 adults and 2 pets, especially when one dog isnt trained and your friend is already eating your essentials. You helped her when she needed it but you are allowed to protect your peace and space. Handle it gently, give her some time to make a plan and you can hopefully save the friendship
NTA
Get her out. When I tell you the way I gasped and raised my eyebrows when you said pup wasn’t potty trained. Hell nah
NTA. Being honest up front will preserve the friendship AND your sobriety. Protect your peace.
Absolutely NTA.
It sounds like you helped out a friend in a pinch, but the logistics and reality of having two adults, two dogs, and shared resources in a studio apartment is settling in. This would be a challenge for any adult, even if said roommate and her dog was perfectly behaved. But the fact that she is taking things of yours and not replacing them, not to mention her dog is peeing in your apartment (and presumably ruining your security deposit)…things clearly aren’t going to work.
Provided you don’t have a written lease, I would cut your losses and reclaim your home while you can. It sounds like you have a moment to now. I would take it, and do so quickly/while she is gone, because now that she is living there (depending on the laws of your state) once she is physically back in your space, even without a written lease it might not be easy to kick her out.
Edited for punctuation
NTA. Honestly I don’t think anyone should expect to live in someone else’s house with a dog that isn’t potty trained. two dogs and two adults in a studio is too many creatures even if everyone was super close and the dogs were perfectly trained. Maybe you can offer to give her a few more days to try to secure something else but your peace is important
NTA. Go ahead and nip this in the bud NOW. Friendship is over either way, sorry for that
No. You are not the asshole.
Respectfully (but firmly) tell her it’s not working out- explain your issues. And try to help her get a new place. Maybe book her at a hotel/motel for a few days.
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NTA. She seems to be “at large” for a few reasons.
A studio is too small to share with anyone you aren’t sleeping with. Add in all the rest? There is an AH here, and it 100% isn’t you.
NTA
Excellent opportunity to end this asap!
If she has a key, change the lock. Just call her and tell her she’s not welcome back and you will bring anything she left to her.
The second time her dog peed you should have said this isn’t going to work. Once is a new environment, constant is a problem. The good thing is rude and says clearly you care more about this friendship than she does. Pull the trigger and let it go.
NTA and make this choice now before she’s been there long enough to have tenant rights.
Tell her you have to focus on staying sober and her moving in has put you in a fragile state.
she’ll be homeless because of her own actions. if she has nowhere else to go and you’re the one housing her, she should show appreciation and respect, and she’s not. thats a ballsy way to be when you’re homeless otherwise
NTA when you’re paying the rent and hiding away elsewhere.
What is she doing in LA I wonder? Did you sit down with her and discuss arrangements before letting her move in? Her eating your food and not replacing is downright rude. Throwing the dog peeing everywhere and it being a studio apartment is just a crap show. I would set some rules if you don’t want to be a jerk for throwing her out, but definitely NTA if you do.
NTA. You said you don’t want to resent her & if she stays longer with this cycle continuing you could very well end up with deep resentment. It’s okay to make difficult decisions to protect your sanity & inner peace❤️ Wishing you the best of luck OP!
Hell, no. NTA.
Firstly, because a week is plenty long enough to allow a friend to share your tiny living space in an emergency.
A bed for the night, sure – on the sofa or the floor if there’s nowhere else. Two nights, maybe. Three is starting to push it. A week? They need to be making plans for more permanent and stable accommodation somewhere else.
You said you let your friend “move in”. You didn’t say how long for. I hope you didn’t imply to her “for as long as you like”.
I get that your friend is facing significant difficulties, but so are you, and you’re not in a position to add all her problems to yours. You can’t rescue her. She needs to seek help from someone better equipped to provide it.
Secondly, because sometimes a mere hour is enough time to reach the conclusion: “Letting them move in was a terrible idea and they need to go.” You never really find out what a person is like until you share living space with them. Habits that were quirky or cute when you only saw the person now and then become massive irritants when you’re forced to tolerate them daily. You haven’t given much info about your friend other than “She eats all my food without replacing it, her dog isn’t house trained, and she’s taking advantage of me”, but even that would be enough for me to show her the door.
And, just possibly, those things could explain WHY she was forced to leave her previous accommodation.
Your heart was in the right place, but clearly this is not working. Best to tell her before she gets too settled in to find another place to stay.
Yes, tell her it’s quickly as possible so she can make alternative plans.
And never try to move another person into your studio apartment again, they’re just too small! Tell her something like it’s giving you panic attacks to have someone else in your small space, no need to do anything but that – then you have a treat mental health reason to use, and you’re sorry but there’s nothing that can help it, she’ll have to find another place.