My friend lives in another country and we haven’t seen each other in years because of the distance. In that time, I’ve had a kid she hasn’t met.
6 months ago she told me he was coming to Europe for about a month as she wanted to travel and see some friends. She told me the dates she would be coming and we’ve been really excited about it.
A couple of days ago (a week before she was meant to be here) she told me that talking with another friend who’s also travelling they thought it would be fun to instead go to another country they haven’t visited.
I actually started crying when I heard the message and told her that I was really hurt she was not prioritising the plan we’d made months ago and meeting my kid.
Basically she said that she works really hard to be able to travel and do what she wants and that she didn’t think it was that big of a deal as we’d see each other in a different city (this is a last minute trip I said I would go with them. Making a huge financial effort to be able to see them) and my kid will not be there.
I’m still quite hurt over this and she texted me today to say she hasn’t decided whether to cancel or not, but she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what I told her and she’s really upset. AITA for being mad/hurt?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My friend lives in another country and we haven’t seen each other in years because of the distance. In that time, I’ve had a kid she hasn’t met.
6 months ago she told me he was coming to Europe for about a month as she wanted to travel and see some friends. She told me the dates she would be coming and we’ve been really excited about it.
A couple of days ago (a week before she was meant to be here) she told me that talking with another friend who’s also travelling they thought it would be fun to instead go to another country they haven’t visited.
I actually started crying when I heard the message and told her that I was really hurt she was not prioritising the plan we’d made months ago and meeting my kid.
Basically she said that she works really hard to be able to travel and do what she wants and that she didn’t think it was that big of a deal as we’d see each other in a different city (this is a last minute trip I said I would go with them. Making a huge financial effort to be able to see them) and my kid will not be there.
I’m still quite hurt over this and she texted me today to say she hasn’t decided whether to cancel or not, but she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what I told her and she’s really upset. AITA for being mad/hurt?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for telling my friend that it really hurts she’s considering not coming and that I would never do that if the situation was reversed. I feel I put her in an awkward position where if she comes she will not be happy, but if she doesn’t, I will be more angry a her. She said it’s affecting the trip and thought I would be more understanding.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Soft YTA, I get that you’re disappointed by this last minute change of plans but in the end it’s her decision what she wants to do with her money.
Meeting your kid ist probably way more important for you than her. If you want to indroduce them I think you are the one who has to make it happen.
NAH – you’re valid for feeling hurt after planning and getting excited, but she’s also allowed to change her travel plans; it sucks, but it’s not malicious.
NTA.
Of course, I am presuming that you are both very close friends who have kept in touch, share interests, and are not just old school chums who only remember each other very occasionally and might even text once in a blue moon. When you have a close relationship like that, you have the background, history, and standing to be honest with someone and call them out for breaking a promise. (Especially one months in the making.)
If you are NOT close though, and you just get emotional about acquaintances not caring about meeting your kid… then you’re just way overreacting and taking it too personally.
Your friend is the AH. She committed to visiting you. Now something “better” comes along and she changes plans? Yikes.
Yes, it’s her time, money, life, and she’s allowed to do whatever the heck she wants. If a friend of mine wasn’t excited to meet my child and see the family I’m creating, I wouldn’t consider them much of a friend at all.
NTA. If I understand this correctly for 6 months this has been planned and she changed plans just a week prior? That’s messed up. Yes she can do what she wants but it’s extremely rude in my eyes to cancel and drop this on you so late.
I understand you are excited and want her to meet your kid, but at the same time, doesn’t really seem she cares about that.
I think you should reevaluate this friendship since it doesn’t really seem to be too important to her. Or at least it doesn’t seem she cares about you the way you care about her which means it will kind of always hurt because she doesn’t care that much.
I think your next step whether or not you continue the friendship is to just tell her “don’t worry about it. Have a good trip. See you when I see you”. You’ve made the effort, she hasn’t. If she wants to hang out and/or meet your kid, let her be the one to ask.
NAH – give her enough grace to consider that she didn’t know you’d be as upset as you were. Also consider that you were upset enough that she’s now considering un-canceling. Instead of staying upset, just have a honest (but non-accusatory) conversation about how you reacted strongly because you were disappointed after having looked forward to her trip so much. See where that conversation takes you but me emotionally prepared that she may still decide to cancel (which is her right)
NTA. The two of you been planning this for 6 months and she cancels it last minute. You have the right to be upset and angry at her for canceling on you after 6 months of planning this trip. What she did was uncalled for.