Title sounds weird I know but I 28F, had a friend 26 F that I used to hang out with a lot. Recently we got into a accident where someone rear ended me. I had my baby in the car (3 months ), after the crash baby was absolutely hysterical, of course she would be, my friend then tried to scramble in the mix of it to take her out of her carseat. I do admit I may have said it harshly to not remove baby from their carseat until first responders got to us. The car was not on fire and we weren’t in any mortal danger.
On a normal day anytime my baby gets to the point of hysteria I soothe them, hug them, rock them, etc. That was a once in blue moon occurrence I didn’t. I kept trying to shush and soothe baby from the seat but obviously she was scared and wanted her mama to hold her.
At the hospital both my friend and I got the all clear and we were waiting on baby to be cleared, my friend went off on me telling me I’m a bad mom for not removing baby from the carseat. I simply explained to her, it was better for baby to stay in the seat incase there was spinal damage, the seat keeps the spine aligned and removing the baby from the carseat would cause further injury if there was already one.
She kept berating me, I was frustrated already and I told her when she has her own and god forbid they get into a crash she can yank her kid out of the carseat and do as she pleases. She got quite and said I’m an asshole for bringing it up because she has trouble conceiving, she has PCOS, and may not be able to carry a pregnancy to term.
Idt I’m the asshole for bringing up a hypothetical situation or I don’t know if my frustration got the best of me and I was insensitive but AITA for making that statement?
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Title sounds weird I know but I 28F, had a friend 26 F that I used to hang out with a lot. Recently we got into a accident where someone rear ended me. I had my baby in the car (3 months ), after the crash baby was absolutely hysterical, of course she would be, my friend then tried to scramble in the mix of it to take her out of her carseat. I do admit I may have said it harshly to not remove baby from their carseat until first responders got to us. The car was not on fire and we weren’t in any mortal danger.
On a normal day anytime my baby gets to the point of hysteria I soothe them, hug them, rock them, etc. That was a once in blue moon occurrence I didn’t. I kept trying to shush and soothe baby from the seat but obviously she was scared and wanted her mama to hold her.
At the hospital both my friend and I got the all clear and we were waiting on baby to be cleared, my friend went off on me telling me I’m a bad mom for not removing baby from the carseat. I simply explained to her, it was better for baby to stay in the seat incase there was spinal damage, the seat keeps the spine aligned and removing the baby from the carseat would cause further injury if there was already one.
She kept berating me, I was frustrated already and I told her when she has her own and god forbid they get into a crash she can yank her kid out of the carseat and do as she pleases. She got quite and said I’m an asshole for bringing it up because she has trouble conceiving, she has PCOS, and may not be able to carry a pregnancy to term.
Idt I’m the asshole for bringing up a hypothetical situation or I don’t know if my frustration got the best of me and I was insensitive but AITA for making that statement?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if im the asshole for hurting my friends feelings by bringing up a hypothetical situation.
I was harsh in my delivery and now friend isn’t speaking to me and im curious
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It was insensitive considering her situation but so was her calling you a bad mom and berating you for something she obviously knew nothing about.
NTA
> I simply explained to her, it was better for baby to stay in the seat in case there was spinal damage, the seat keeps the spine aligned and removing the baby from the car seat would cause further injury if there was already one.
Instead of comforting you and calming you down like a ‘friend’ should because you know, you were waiting to see if your baby was okay, she went off on you and called you a bad mom? I don’t care what her story is, she was a terrible friend and you had every right to tell her off.
I’d have done what she did (lunged to grab baby) thoughtlessly, and been so crazy relieved when you stopped me and later explained. How on earth did she get defensive instead of desperately relieved she did not risk your baby’s life on accident??? NTA
NTA. Child safety comes first. Not every situation is perfect, but you handled yours considering your child’s best interest. Don’t let anyone guilt you for that.
NTA. Maybe a bit insensitive given you know her struggles conceiving, but understandable in the situation. You were right, after a car accident when injuries are likely to have occurred, particularly spinal injuries, you don’t move the patient unless you have to. With a bay in a car seat, you’d remove the whole seat from the car if you had to move baby, you wouldn’t take baby out of the seat. It’s rough in that situation, because baby is scared and wants their parent, and you want to grab them up and sooth and protect them, but you did the right thing by trying to sooth from a bit of a distance instead of picking baby up. Your friend could have caused serious injury to your child if you hadn’t stopped her.
Hoping baby is okay, by the way.
NTA.
You did exactly what you should have done. I’ve seen far too many people act without thinking, causing irreparable damage to people after accidents.
And pcos does not equal infertility. While she may be struggling to deal with that, plenty of people with pcos get pregnant naturally or with help, and carry to term.
She should not be acting like a martyr just because she has a pcos diagnosis, and potentially putting your baby in harms way.
You said “when she has her own child” and not “if you ever manage to get the breeding thing figured out” so I feel like you’re perfectly aware and supportive of her condition. I don’t think your phrasing was offensive, just realistic.
NTA. I’m good in an emergency too, and fall apart afterwards. You were being a great mum.
NTA
She was being an asshole for continuing to berate you when she was in the wrong and could’ve made a huge mistake.
It’s not clear but has she actually tried to conceive with PCOS or is she assuming she will have difficulty? Because it’s not a certainty.
Eg. A Swedish study showed 82% of women with PCOS ultimately had a living child by 40 whereas normal population were 85-88%.
Your friend did a crappy job of managing her feelings in a situation where yours should have taken priority. You did a fabulous job of keeping your head. Well done.