I (17M) just got scholarship offers from three major D1 schools all big-name programs with national exposure. It’s everything I’ve worked for since I was a kid: early mornings, film sessions, weight training, camps, staying focused on school.
My girlfriend (17F) and I have been together for almost two years. She’s been there through the whole grind. Always at my games, supporting me when I was stressing over recruitment, even helping me practice interviews. I won’t lie she’s been solid.
The thing is, she’s staying in our home state for college. All three schools that offered me are out of state. When I finally got the offers, she was happy for me at first but once I started seriously talking about committing, things changed.
She asked me what was going to happen with us, and I told her the truth:
I didn’t want to try doing a long-distance relationship.
It wasn’t disrespect. I just wanted to be honest. I’ve seen guys get into college relationships and ruin their focus, or fall apart trying to keep things together while juggling class, practice, travel, and pressure from all sides. I told her I didn’t want to make promises I couldn’t keep or force something just because we’re scared to let go.
She got really quiet, then said, “So you’re just giving up?”
I said it’s not giving up it’s trying to leave on good terms. I told her I’d always care about her and that she meant a lot to me, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I don’t want to screw it up.
She left crying. Now her friends are posting stuff online about “men only loving you when it’s convenient” and people are making me feel like a complete asshole. Even some of our mutual friends are saying I changed and let success go to my head.
But I wasn’t cheating. I wasn’t playing her. I just didn’t want us both hurting later when things fell apart. I thought being real was the most respectful thing I could do.
Still, part of me wonders if I should’ve just tried to make it work.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. You’re being mature and realistic. That relationship isn’t going to work out, that’s just the way it is.
NTA.
She’s 17 ffs. She will get over it.
You’re 17–focus on YOU. Breakups are hard but better to cut it while it’s good before it spoils. Don’t worry what the other “kids” are saying, you’ll soon be thinking about more important things.
NTA- you are in a very unique situation and have opportunities that a very small percentage of people have. You need to take them, and the way you describe it you are acting mature about it.
You are prioritizing a possible career over a relationship. Does that make you selfish? It may seem that way, but it’s not unreasonable. At least you didn’t do the “humiliating dump”.
If you wanted to stay with her more than you wanted to follow your goals you would have. You’re both very young and going in different directions. This pain is immediate but will pass for both of you.
Nta
YTA this post kinda reads like how the mutuals said, success got to your head and you think she’ll hold you back, when you admit that she’s been a solid support and been through the grind with you. You can break up for whatever reason, but you didn’t even give it a try.
If you had gotten to college and she’s whining about how little time you have to spend with her, you can set boundaries or make expectations clear. But you didn’t even give her the chance. At least you broke up with her now so she can enter college with a fresh start and find someone who’ll stick with her the way she did for you
– listen at your age and situation it is going to fail any ways, thats just the reality of it…NTA
dude, you do whats good for you first, Christ sake your 17, in this time and day , you take whats coming for you not her !!!!!!!!! you did the right thing
You are certainly free to make the decision that you feel is best for your future. BUT – you should have had these conversations a long time ago if you knew this was coming, and I’m sure you’ve known for some time that offers were coming, whether D1 or otherwise. You are right to be worried about proper focus on football and academics. Heck, even if you just want to break up so that you can be free to date others at college, you have that right, but I can understand her being upset if she feels you sprang this on her. She may have had some expectations after dating two years, rightly or wrongly. So, I would say NTAH on choosing to break up and not want a long-distance relationship. But maybe just a little the AH for not having these conversations in the past to set expectations. Good luck at college! Play hard, study hard!
Things sucks, if it’s meant to be you will reconnect but focus on your success.
NTA! You had a very mature answer and it’s awesome that you thought this through. Statistically speaking, these relationships don’t work. When I was in college, I saw relationship after relationship fail and even the ones that didn’t were a lie because the guys cheated constantly. That’s just college life and you should go live yours as a single guy! Have fun, work hard, be awesome and live your life, my man. One never knows .. you might find one another again later in life.
You just dont love her that much. Sad but true. All she can do is accept it. Just be honest with her. You have made your choice. She will have to move on. She will be fine.
NTA. I think you have actually made a really level-headed and mature choice. Long distance relationships are hard work. Now add trying to adjust to college, keep on top of your scholarship etc. Her friends are acting like 17yo girls. They don’t really understand your thought process and are just grouping you into ‘shitty man’ column because you hurt their friend. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. The situation sucks but it is what it is. Congrats on your scholarship.
You’re both 17. You’re both gonna be fine. NTA.
Then why have you been with this girl for two years then? Clearly you knew this is what you wanted for a while.
I have a feeling you’re currently big fish in a small pond and then when you get to college you’re going to realize how small you actually are.
You’re not the asshole here. Being honest about your limits and priorities – especially with something as big as college and your future – is mature and respectful. Long-distance relationships are hard, and it’s okay to recognize when it’s not something you can handle without risking your goals or emotional well-being. You didn’t cheat or lie; you communicated openly. People might judge, but you’re doing what’s best for you.
NAH, and everyone calling you one is acting naive like these high school relationships last, especially when people go off to different schools. It’s just part of life. Go live your life, OP.
Honestly this is as mature as it gets lol I understand why she’s upset but good for you for prioritizing your goals and futures. As a big college football fan hope everything works out for you! Keep this mindset when you get to college and don’t let outside distractions get to you and impact what you’ve worked for
Don’t listen to the absolute goofballs calling you TAH here, you made a decision for your career and that is way more important at this age than a relationship. If you were to stay with her, and let it mess with your opportunities then you’d resent her the entire relationship, even IF y’all stayed together (which is doubtful, I’m sorry). You’re an incredibly mature person for your age, and while it does suck you will both move past it. Now is the time for prioritizing your future, not a high school relationship.
You’re just being realistic.
However hard you worked in high school, it’s nothing compared to what you need to do to play D1 college ball. On top of that, you’re taking classes. If you screw up, you risk your scholarship.
People break up all the time before going to college for lots of valid reasons, and this is one of them.
It’s sad, and she’s going to think and say TYA, but you need to focus on school and football more than you ever have before.
Now, be extra careful. Don’t get injured and don’t get her pregnant.
YTA for not being upfront. You not saying that you will not be in an LDR while in college can make her feel like you used her for all the support she gave you.
It’s realistic tbh. College changes a lot for people and everyone I knew that did long distance with their hs partner ended up broken up by junior year. Including one friend of mine whose partner transferred to be with him. You’re gonna be on an athletes schedule which is hard enough with a partner at the same school. Long distance would be brutal.
Ignore the dramatic posts and go to college with a clean slate NTA
You are wise beyond your years.
NTA
Breaking up- NTA. Telling her that you did it so you could leave on good terms was never going to fly.
You’re very young, and might not realize that when people have opposing wishes, any decision is likely to upset at least one person.
That is, we want what we perceive as best for us, and we mostly want that more than we want what our lovers claim is best for them.
In my opinion: NAH
There’s two schools of thought here.
True support like you describe is pretty rare, especially at that age. You’re young and you do likely have the time to find it again. But, it isn’t exactly a common occurrence in the dating world. Protect that as best you can. And try to maintain it.
You’re young and have some time. You’re going off to college and you will likely have people fawning over you as an athlete. And if you make it professionally even then. But, you may not find someone to support you like your current girl.
Here is where you may wade into the asshole territory. You knew this was going to happen, and you decided to now reference it and bring it up. I personally think that wasn’t really right to do to someone you supposedly care deeply about.
Here’s my opinion based on life experience. If you find someone that supports you, and is behind you, like Sharon Osborne supports Ozzy, you fucking make that shit work. But you don’t sacrifice your future to do it. Because that person, isn’t going to tolerate you doing that. If they do, they aren’t really that person.
NTA. This is just a part of the journey. And congratulations on your scholarship.
Nah. That’s just what happens at the end of a season. To be clear, she is your ex girlfriend now.
This shows maturity on your part. You want/ need to focus on college/ football/ and your life goals. Cynthia Marshall, the first black woman CEO of an NBA franchise, tells the story of how when she started college she told her then boyfriend she would call him in 4 years. She put that relationship on hold while she focussed on college – they have now been married over 30 years.
You’re 17, long term you will be fine and so will she, but YTA. By the sounds of things, your ex has always been in your corner supporting you. Also, given the fact you got scholarships it’s clear that she hasn’t been a distraction; on contrary, the way you describe your relationship, she even helped you get where you are.
I get it, long distance is hard, but in all honesty it really does sound like you simply tossed her aside after she helped you achieve your goals. You obviously have every right to want to break up, you have every right to want to start college with a clean slate, but that doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole.
If the strain of long distance, and it is a strain, is the reason why you dont want to try it; why didn’t you ask her to come with you? Clearly she’s in your corner, she’s helped you this far, why wouldn’t she help you if you went to school together?
She might not have agreed to go with you, but you didn’t even ask. You didnt discuss it, you didn’t try to find compromise, you just decided.
You have every right to be selfish and decide that you want to prioritise yourself before your relationship, but that doesnt make you any less of an asshole for making a lifechanging decision that affect someone else without even discussing it with them.
YTA not because of what you did, but how you did it. You could have treated her as a human being, as an equal, and discussed it properly and tried to comprimise; instead you made the decision alone and forced it upon her. Actions have consequences; you were selfish and decided your future was more important than your relationship with your ex. That’s your right, but now you need to deal with the consequences of your actions. You broke your ex’s heart, you’ve shown her, her friends, and by the sounds of it, your own friends a side of yourself that they dont like.
You have every right to break up with your girlfriend, but she and your friends have every right to be unhappy and judge you for how selfishly you did so. Actions have consequences, these are yours, congratulations driving away someone who seemed to have truly have cared for you.
NTA clean breaks are best
NTA. Maybe you could have said something a bit earlier, but you’re a kid and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. No big deal even if it may seem that way to you and/or her right now. Life lasts a long time. She’ll be fine.
Yes, you are loving her until it is inconvenient. It is not unreasonable, but you are clearly stating your priorities, and she is not one of them. If that bothers you to be called out about that, too bad.
You are not wrong, necessarily, to not want to do long distance, it is hard. But it is pretty crappy to let her help and support you in your dream, then tell her, ‘see ya, it’s been great, I’m off to better things’.
Anyhow, the way this story goes is you find out that being a small fish in a big pond is not what you are expecting, and when you look to her for the support you used to take for granted, she will have moved on.
NTA dude. Your school and sports opportunities are way more important than a high school girlfriend.
Most dudes would’ve just strung the relationship along as you talk less and less often and then dumped her during thanksgiving break. Its a stereotype that every freshman athlete comes to college with a girlfriend and dumps her the first time he sees her in person after the semester starts. There is nothing wrong with foreseeing that and ending it earlier.
Breakups are hard. People always want a villain to blame. You’re a convenient one.
Honestly? YTA. From the beginning, you should have told her, “Look, don’t invest in me when times are tough, because I’m not going to give you that energy back. Because even though you went to all my games and have always supported me, I’m going to drop you when I think there might be difficulty.”
So you’re not the asshole for breaking up with her because you want to focus on your career, you’re the asshole for using her as support for two years when you knew that you always planned on dumping her.
17 year old me would have been a bit of a wuss and would have tried to make it all work, and I would have made myself and my girlfriend miserable in the process.
You are doing the smart thing for both of you. Even if you do see a long term potential with her, this would be your best shot at letting that happen. You can stay connected and reconnect once things are more stable, if you decide to.
An argument could be made for both, NAH or YTA, but the NTA votes here are crazy. Do people actually think the gf is the AH, or don’t they realize that there are other voting options than the two extremes?
Some things in life are not fair. NTA
Not really a good way to handle this OP. I think in your mind you did the most honorable thing. You are both WAY young and if you clearly don’t feel she is YOUR person you can’t imagine not sharing the best and worst moments of your life with, this is the right choice. I think everyone should date widely and understand that they are still growing.
Sometimes people are two ships passing in the night in opposite directions. They intersect, and things seem to work and they might have gotten married in that moment. I figure there were at least 3-4 women I dated pretty seriously in college and after that I could have married, if the cards fell slightly differently. If one got pregnant for example. Or if I didn’t meet another woman which led me to break off a relationship. In some cases I changed dramatically in some way.
Most men don’t really get their you know what together (mature) until about 25. I think maybe 5% of couples in my HS class that formed during high school made it to marriage and are still together 40 years later. So odds were against you.
thats life but you shoulda told her your relationship has expiry date 2 years ago.
I gonna give you a 50% AH certificate. What you are saying is logical and smart. BUT, BUT BUT, you led her on. You let her pour her effort – especially in the application process – into YOU, into YOUR future. She could have been spending that time on HER own future plans. You should have been honest with her, you chose not to.
You used her. Thats far from fair and it’s AH behavior. If you continue to do that to people, especially women in your life, you will end up an old man with bad knees and an empty home. Which you might deserve unless you gain some humility and compassion pretty damn fast.
NAH
I watched friends of both genders have all kinds of interpersonal drama that really caused issues at school with LDRs. It’s not uncommon to break up when someone is going to school.
It probably would have ended poorly that first semester anyway. But she’s also allowed to experience her feelings and she’s upset which is understandable.
NTA.
Honestly, both of you need to focus on yourselves. You’re both extremely young, and this is honestly a two-way decision. It is about being realistic and setting boundaries, which is honestly a mature take on a relationship for where you two are at in terms of dating experience.
When I was in high school, my partner envisioned going into a very specialized program that only a handful of colleges offered. Wanting to try and make things work, i studied like crazy and got accepted into multiple d1 schools in the same states as those my partner at the time was interested in. Those saying you are choosing something over her, don’t love her enough, etc. are ignoring the simple fact that she could have done the same thing and gone to college in the same state as your choice, but instead is choosing not to amd instead focusing on what she wants to do, just as you are.
And to be clear, I don’t think she should make her plans for her future around you either. You’re both very young and have tremendous growing to do in the future. That should be the focus for each of you.
I get where you are coming from but if this was your goal, you shouldn’t have kept her around this whole time.
It must feel like a slap in the face that she was there when you needed the support and now outlived her usefulness.
This is what you want to do, thats fine and fair but dont be confused that she and her friends hate you for it.
Duh, but also, NAH, for now. there’s a reason why women warn other women about men like you are at risk of turning into. They accept the support but when it’s time to show even a little of the same level of support and compromise they bail.
Never again accept that level of support from someone you’re not willing to support back or compromise the littlest bit. YTA for only being realistic after you’ve got all you could’ve from the relationship, you stole time she could’ve spend with someone aligned with her.
with the portal, you could be coming back home in a year anyways. i’d recommend to keep things civil.
just don’t get upset if you come back asking to get back together and she’s already moved on to someone else.
While NTA for realizing this outcome was going to happen and tackling it prior to leaving, YTA for not dealing with this sooner. If you were in a sexual relationship, she has likely been drawn in deeper to this relationship than you and feels betrayed. This was a discussion to be had before any of this happened. Likely, you weren’t to a level of maturity to realize this at that point and probably weren’t mature enough to realize the emotional outcome she would suffer. Clearly, the relationship was deeper for her, and you two were not on the same page throughout the time you were together. 15/ 17-year-old young girls can get sucked into love fast and deep. Her friends’ reactions are perfectly normal for this age. College girls will rally around their tribe as well. Use this as a learning experience going forward for your future relationships and discuss some expectations for both involved before you get too involved.
Make sure this is a clean break, and do not hook back up with her when you are home.
I think you should be single in college, and experience all the things. After you graduate if it’s meant to be, it will be.
If 29 years ago I had the wisdom you’re showing now to break up with my high school gf for a fresh start in college, Lord knows I may have struggled less socially and academically while focusing on making the long distance work.
You did the right thing for all involved.
If more men were as grown up and honest as you, there would be a lot less posts here on Reddit
You are giving up, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Just ignore the friends judging you, pretty soon you will lose touch with most of them. Focus on football and make sure you have a plan for life after college football if you don’t have NFL level talent. This will all be a distant memory soon.
NTA
Seems to me that you’re trying to apply logic to an emotional situation, but omitting the obvious: if you are in a stable long-distance relationship, you are less likely to have distractions than if you are a single college athlete. A suspicious man might think you are hoping for hookups and having fun while dodging long-term relationshios in the name of “your future”. Which is fine, but if that’s the case, be honest with yourself.
Oh now that you see success coming your way, you want an upgrade 😭 the come up gf not gonna cut it 😵💫
Hopefully you cross paths in the future and it works out.
Being honest but you got everything from here and now that you got it bam….if your goal was this and you knew the life, should have never got in a relationship….wasn’t a distraction before you got the goal
Are you going into senior year or are you leaving for college soon?
NTA. I applaud your maturity and understanding of how life works. This is an incredibly difficult choice, but I do agree that it is probably for the best. You need to be fully committed to this if you choose that path. There are way too many factors that are beyond your control in addition to trying to being in a relationship with someone who has needs are entitled to having them filled by their partner. I will say, make sure you give this shit everything you have if you end this relationship. I know that sacrifice was not easy so do all you can to make it worth it. Who’s to say this is the end of your story with her? When it’s all said and done and if the timing and place of your lives is right, there may be room on the other side for you two.
My cousin broke up with her HS sweetheart before they both left for college so they could live their full college experience at different schools. They left on good terms, still caring about one another and went off to have fun and study in university; both dated other people. Neither found anyone as good and they got back together and married a few years after they both graduated. They are happy with 4 kids now. I just got to know her husband recently, and I now the reason why they didn’t want to be with others.
Move on
You are fine. You were honest,she knew about your plans. It’s sad, but it’s okay. NTA
PS: oh my, dome comments are really dramatic, like “he left her penniles with three kids” dramatic. All this “stole her time,led her to believe, she wasn’t getting ready because she was helping you” bullshit is ridiculous. He was getting ready to go into a college, she helped him because she decided to do it. They are both 17, it’s their first big relationship, chances that they will stay toge toand yet he is somehow made into a villain who lured naive child into his den to crush her youth and future. Wow,it’s impressive.
So listen, as most of the comments say, you’re free to make whatever decision feels right. But I’d like to offer a different perspective that may or may not mean anything to you. First off, congratulations on getting the scholarships you worked so hard, that’s amazing man. Balancing college ball, classes, friendships and adjusting to college life will definitely be a lot and take a lot of focus so I understand your concern and why you wanted to break up with your girlfriend.
But have you ever considered that staying with her would actually make things easier for you? I know that sounds a bit backwards but like you said, your girlfriend understands how hard you worked to get here, she was there all those late nights when you were stressed, she saw you all those early mornings training your ass off, she’s probably one of the few people who you opened up to about how hard you worked and how tired you must have been at times. Having a girlfriend is also like having a support system.
Being in college (especially a football player who gonna be popular as shit most likely lol) you’re gonna be pressured to do a lot. It’s up to you to not partake in things that can ruin your scholarship. I’m sure you’re gonna have a lot of friends try and get you to go to bars, and hookup with girls and try and go on double dates and stuff. If that’s what you want to do then by all means breaking up makes sense.
But staying together, even though it’s long distance, could eliminate all the feelings of wanting to fit in with your friends and hit on girls and hookup because you know you already have a girl that loves you. You won’t risk making the mistake of getting some random girl pregnant lol. You’ll have a support system you can call and talk with. You’ll have someone who truly understands your struggles.
If I were and you truly loved this girl and saw a future with her, I would sit her down and make the decision together. Tell her you’re not gonna have as much time for her, you’re gonna be in a strict schedule, you’ll call and text and visit eachother as much as you can, but at the end of the day football comes first.
Take it from someone who’s about to finish college and stayed with his highschool girlfriend even though it was long distance, having that person who was there and understood the dream from the start was a massive game changer for me. Everytime I felt like giving up she was there to remind me why I started because she was there when I started.
Ultimately the decision is up to you, but I say at least talk to your girlfriend and explain things rather than it be a quick conversation, you were together two years and I think you owe her that much.
Meh…..you not even trying does make you look like an AH if we’re being honest, but it’s your decision to make. Just block her friends if they’re too much.
You’re young, I get it, but don’t drag her along like you’re gonna stay friends. This girl is in love with you and you trying to be nice while giving up isn’t gonna make it easier on her. If you really are just gonna concentrate on football, then you need to go NC with her afterwards. Do not give her any hopes to hold on. You need a clean break and move on.
Good luck
NTA but good life lesson for the GF in terms of putting someone else’s ambition/future ahead of your own. She should focus on her own education and developing a kick ass career post-college.
“Trying to make it work” would have been even worse. As is, the person who “stays behind” in a long distance relationship ALWAYS feels ignored and rejected, because nothing else has changed for them so they expect that you’ll be giving the relationship the same amount of attention as you did when you were at home, while EVERYTHING will be different for you, and you’ll be living a totally different life with totally different friends in a totally different place. As to that, she will have a freshman schedule at a state college, and will expect that your schedule will basically be the same as hers but you’re busy on Saturdays. Within a matter of weeks she will be wondering if you really mean that you have “another practice” or if you’re really just hanging out with cheerleaders at your new school. There is zero chance that it will work.
If there’s any doubt in your mind how it will go – you did the mature and respectful thing by letting her go, and this is how she and her friends are reacting. You think they’re going to be patient and understanding that you’re “trying to make it work”??? Not a chance.
Time to make a clean break. Practices start in just a few weeks.
NTA. Yall would have broke up anyway and just because you’re playing ball doesn’t mean you’ll go pro at all. There’s actually a very slim chance of it ever happening.
NTA. You’re being upfront and realistic. You’re so young and have the world ahead of you. Focus on your college and football and everything will fall into place. If it’s meant to be, it will be!
You did the right thing.
You are most definitely not TAH. You are very mature for your age. You are so young , you have time for relationships later . The frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed at such a young age , kids shouldn’t be in serious relationships anyway ! Good luck with school and football !
NTA.
Long distance relationships under the best conditions are tough. If you tried to make it work, there is an extremely high chance you would end up breaking up anyway and it would probably be a lot more dramatic and stressful. It could impact grades and your scholarship.
Given that you are already concerned about it tells me that the relationship wasn’t built for the long haul and ending it now is probably wise.
You’ll both meet other people and move on.
NTA – no assholes here honestly. She saw her future as your wife and you have clearly not considered her to be that person for you. And that’s completely okay. It’s so much better to let her go now and find your way back together if that’s what life brings y’all’s way. You’re only 17 with so much life to live and if you can envision anyone else walking down that aisle to meet you in 5/10/15 years, you made the tough and correct choice. I’m sorry you’re catching shit for being realistic.
You’ve shared your perspective, but don’t seem to be considering hers.
This is an approximation of the way I think she’s viewing it:
Do you think she wanted to spend all her time doing those things? She supported you and spent her time doing things she otherwise wouldn’t because she cared about you and wanted the best for you. It was inconvenient, but she persisted. Now, the moment it becomes inconvenient for you, the moment she can no longer fulfill her Personal Assistant duties, you drop her. She has learned that you never cared about her the way she cared about you. You’re trying to dodge responsibility for this by hiding behind the cliche facade of being realistic. Long distance relationships work if you make them work. You’re not being real with all that busy schedule bullshit. You’re just going to want to fuck around without feeling guilty about having a woman back home. If you were being real, you would have made sure she knew to keep it casual from the jump.
If you think about it that way, you’ll realize there is absolutely no way you come out of this not looking like the villain in her eyes. Best to come to terms with it. NAH, neither of you knew better
NTA. You did the decent thing and didn’t string her along. You’re both 17 with your whole lives ahead of you.
NTA. You’re 17 and you have a big opportunity. Yes her feelings are hurt now, but that will pass. In time, she will realize that she too is on the cusp of adulthood, and trust me, priorities and worldviews change when you are on your own.
It would be an asshole move to lead her on. You did the right thing by being honest. Long-distance relationships are actually pretty hard to make work.
She could try to get accepted to your schools. Don’t give up on your dream and amazing opportunities
It is important to learn that sometimes you’ll be the villain in someone’s story.
Man honestly that’s tough considering she’s been solid for you. But like the age old saying goes, if you love someone let them be free and if they truly love you back it will work out in the end. I can see her side of this as well because she’s done absolutely nothing wrong to get the boot. Best case moving forward, you guys separate yourselves for the time being and try continuing a relationship as friends because let’s face it, college is a time to experience things and be free. Who knows maybe after you both get some life experience in college you come out the other end better suited to be together.
NAH. She has a legitimate point, but so do you. You’re going to school (presumably) to try and make it to the league eventually. The reality is that it’s extremely unlikely that happens (no offense, wish you luck), but it’s even more unlikely that it happens if you have to juggle a long-distance relationship with your new responsibilities to your schooling, team, training, etc. You’ve proven to be an elite athlete, now you need to focus on becoming an elite athlete among elite athletes.
What I would tell you to do is try and understand her side in this. She may have and probably did already sacrifice certain things to support you getting to where you are. You seem to realize this, but really let her know that you’re not just tossing her aside to chase a dream. She likely had a vision of the future with you in it, so if this is the first direct conversation about “hey I’m leaving to chase my dream, I can’t focus on that with a long distance relationship” then her response is pretty normal. Give her space, but let her know you want to still talk it out because you don’t want things to end on bad terms. I’m not saying buy her off or anything, but maybe a sentimental gift would be a nice gesture after things settle.
As for the people saying you’ve changed, no, you have new priorities and you have to make an adjustment in your life if you want to succeed. It is part of growing up, and you seem to realize this which is great for your age/position you’re in. Good luck, hope it all works out for you.
Oh gosh, NTA. This is life. It IS sad, but this is how it goes. It would be foolish for you to do anything less than the best you can for yourself. I agree that long distance is not a good idea. I guess it’s time to break up. Don’t look at the social media for a while. It will simmer down. Are you leaving this fall or next year? If it’s this fall, you don’t have long to wait. If you have senior year to go, you’ll have to deal with the fallout but that too will pass.
Congratulations on your hard work paying off!
I don’t know one person who was able to make a long distance relationship work. Or, if they tried, anyone that didn’t regret trying & completely wasting their first year of college.
9x out of 10 you’ll break up when you’re home for the holidays
Long distance relationships are a complete and utter waste of your time. Enjoy college
Edit – congratulations on earning a scholarship!
That couldn’t have been an easy conversation and your approach seems mature for your age. Tough all around and not an easy decision.
I worry about this very same scenario with my sons….they are coming up on this and looking at schools now. Multiple programs recruiting them.
I’ve seen my friends’ and acquaintances kids try to make long-distance relationships work and it can be devastating.
Their kids lose focus on their future and their careers. The relationship gets strained due to the distance and the kid can’t handle that plus all the sport and academic pressure. Scholarship losses, breakups, cheating etc etc…..Boyfriends wondering what their long-distance Gf is doing and the GF always wondering about the BF. Cheating sometimes comes into the equation then destroys the kid mentally. Sport and education suffers and goes downhill.
That’s worst case scenario. Best case scenario is the relationship grows stronger due to the distance. Deeper connection and fondness grows. Each is majorly supportive of the other from a distance. They become more mature in the separation and distance and use it to communicate more effectively. The weekends or holidays they see each other are even more special and deepens the bond. They’ve each picked a winner in life that will stick by through it all….can be very rare to find these days.
i’m not saying it can’t work out and I’m not giving advice.
Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go.
I tell my sons:
Relationships come and go.
This is your life and no one else’s!
It is your earned scholarship.
It is your future, your education, your “possible” career.
No one can make these decisions for you.
Is she worth it? Can the distance be given a shot?
Can you both agree to some terms of the relationship?
Do you see her being your forever….She seems like a keeper from what you wrote. Can be tough to find!!! A loyal GF/wife.
Maybe if it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again….maybe it can work during the distance?
Best of luck in your decision and maybe my boys will be playing against you in the future!!!
NTA.
Relationships end. Long-distance relationships almost never work. Choosing not to try to engage in a LDR absolutely valid.
Not only “men only loving you when it’s convenient”…but also “women”. I did the same thing. I dated a guy that was nice enough but kind of milk toast. I was moving away after high school (I got a job), and he was going to college. So, I told him it would be better for both of us if we started fresh without entanglements from home. He was devastated. I was labeled a bad word.
We both came out better for it, though.
She’ll respect your honesty as time heals her wounds. You were honest and direct. You did the right thing for how you felt.
NTA
NTA even those comments telling you that you should have been more realistic to her from the beginning and talking about long term plans, some people don’t think and some people don’t think is real.
I had a similar experience but with a merit scholarship 3000 miles away from home. My boyfriend actually thought he was coming with me. I explained a million times that he could not. I was going to another country where I had citizenship and he did not. There was no legal way for him to come. He didn’t get it! He kept saying if I love him, I’d take him or stay! Like WTF we were 17!
As a mom of a college student, NTA. My son and his former gf tried to stay together when he left for school on a full scholarship. It just doesn’t work. You are both very young to try to make that kind of commitment to each other. You’re being completely realistic and honestly, putting your own feelings aside for your future. You don’t need to internets validation-it seems you’ve made up your mind already as is. The friends you have now may stick around or they may not 🤷🏻♀️. Go to school and live out what will be the best years of your life. You’ll make new connections while following YOUR dreams. Don’t let home weigh you down. Good luck to you and your future endeavors and HAVE FUN!
INFO: How long have you known this relationship wasn’t going to work out due to college differences?
I threw away my first year of college and hopes of having a normal college experience by being too hung up on my boyfriend at the time. I skipped classes all the time to spend time with him instead. Didn’t want to hangout with people because what if he wanted to hangout or talk? I regret those years almost every day of my life.
Go to college and live life like a normal college kid. Your odds of finding your forever relationship are higher when you’re older anyways.
NTA it’s your life dude. Do what you want with it and keep being respectful along the way like you are and all will work out
You pulled the bandaid off. Now 20/20 vision in the rear view mirror. Enjoy college enjoy the program and all the experience with no distractions.
You are young and have a lot of promise. Keep your eye on the prize. She is a distraction. It was really nice of her to be supportive of you but that support has ended and it’s time for you two to go your separate ways, just keep being a badass and looking out for yourself.
YTA. I agree. You are just giving up. My parents are high school sweethearts and are still together. It’s not impossible.
But you can be like Patrick and Brittany! Watch out for the Jersey chasers too.
Nta. You do you boo
This is basically the main conflict of Highschool Musical 2 lol.
This story is fake, colleges have very specific timelines for when they can offer scholarships, and it isn’t in July. There is no way that three D1 schools all made offers to OP outside of the regular cycle.
Not to mention that the girlfriend also won’t know where she’s going to college until next spring, and won’t need to commit until May of her Senior year.
NTA. I went away for college (same state, 3 hrs away) and managed to stay (and eventually marry) my high school sweetheart. However, we put in an incredible amount of effort and we saw each other every weekend. Your situation is totally different and you’re being realistic. Focus on your goals and school. She will be ok.
You’re all good King. Enjoy your time in college, there’s always the possibilty something could work out between you two in the future and that’s only possible if you leave it on the best terms you can.
The reality is if you don’t do this, you’ll spend your entire life wondering about it and will likely resent her for making you choose her over your dream. It’s not worth it any way you slice it
I was a D-1 football player. It was a full time job. I also went to a very competitive college. That was a full time job. Focus on the road ahead. I know plenty of guys that didn’t. I don’t know a single person that went to high school with. Work for your future.
You are doing what you need to do. Long distance is unrealistic with the responsibilities that you have. Looking at posts above MAKE SURE you do not get her or anyone else pregnant. Use a condom. You are certainly not the an asshole.
Man, take it from me. Someone who was close to big time football. Girls are plentiful. Being in major sports is rare. If she were truly for you, she would be there for you and adjust.
You don’t wanna lose your chance at football for a relationship that might not last, and always wonder… what if?
NTA. You are trying to handle the situation as well as you can.
>Now her friends are posting stuff online about “men only loving you when it’s convenient” and people are making me feel like a complete asshole. Even some of our mutual friends are saying I changed and let success go to my head.
An odd juxtaposition since you are much more mature in handling this, but don’t let chirping from high-school twerps get to you. Those ‘mutual’ friends are clearly only hers.
NTA, you’re being mature and realistic. With your workload, having a girlfriend you can dedicate an appropriate amount of time to when shes local is hard enough as it is, long distance just makes it 10x harder.
When I left for college I tried to break up with my girlfriend the same way. She begged me and told me we could make it work. I believed her and I tried. 2 months later, she broke up with me and told me she found someone else that could give her the time she wanted.
NTA – go live
NAH. This is the most level-headed, mature decision you could’ve made. Leaving on good terms is wonderful and most people don’t get to experience that. Good luck In football and in your studies.
Honestly, OP I’m gonna say that nobody is the bad guy here, you’re not giving up on the relationship, you’re just being realistic and very mature, but I also understand her point of view, she supported you throughout your entire career and now you’re choosing to go to another state to follow your goals, I understand she’s hurt and upset about that which is very justifiable and understandable a long distance relationship like that isn’t gonna work out and we just end up hurting both of you in the long run.
NAH.
I mean I kinda believe that you should never throw away anything meaningful and I wouldn’t stay in a 2 year relationship if I didn’t think I was gonna grow old with that person, maybe at most a year but past that we’re 4 lifers. But clearly you just don’t see her that way and that’s okay. I hope you both find your people.
NTA, almost no one ends up staying with their high school sweetheart. Especially when it’s long distance. You seem very mature. Good luck.
Congratulations on having a real, adult conversation in person, and not over text like some numb nuts do around here.
Even if football doesn’t go anywhere, your girlfriend needs to understand the absolutely life-altering opportunity you have to exit four years of college with ZERO student loan debt.
You, your girlfriend and your friends are 17/18. You’re children. These emotions feel raw and painful because you’ve never experienced feelings like these before.
NTA.
mature af for a 17yo. NTA, congrats and go get it!
NTA you are being realistic and given the opportunity you have and your age you do not need the distraction of a long distance relationship.
Good fucking job dude. Imo you made the right call. Now keep up the grind and try to not dwell on her to much. You’re going places so keep going!!
YTA, so the person who was there for you from the beginning is being thrown away because you got an opportunity to play D1 football. That’s shitty. You should atleast give it a chance. Also not for nothing how many college D1 football players make it pro? So you’re willing to throw your girlfriend away for a slim chance. You do you but in the end you’re going to look back and think you made a stupid choice. What happens when you get injured and loose your Scholarship and come home crying. She is not going to be there for you and for good reason.
No. You’ll be better off.
This is the choice every young person needs to make who has a relationship in high school and then moves on to college. You guys are choosing separate paths so it’s no surprise that your relationship is at a fork in the road. This happens to tons of young people, regardless of their future prospects.
The people saying you are letting success get to your head just have a crabs in the bucket mentality. You’re gonna have to learn to block out those kind of voices as they’re only going to get worse and louder as your success increases.
It’s not unreasonable that you don’t want to deal with a long-distance relationship while juggling with the stress and pressure of being a college athlete on scholarship and effectively taking steps towards a professional athletic career. That takes a ton of time, energy, and commitment and to be distracted by a relationship back home will be just that. A distraction.
As long as you didn’t string her along with empty promises of being together forever, I don’t think you did anything wrong. If she assumed you guys were going to stay together through college, this will be her life lesson not to make assumptions.
Just because she was your gf for two years doesn’t mean you owe her a cushy WAGs future. It’s not like she financially supported you through college or something. Ya’ll are just teens. It’s not that deep.
NTA – I made the mistake of trying to make my serious high school relationship work in college. We only lasted 2 years, are not on speaking terms now (over a decade past breakup) and I didn’t have the college experience that I really wanted which impacted my career.
NAH, she’s not wrong, you’re not either.
N5A. If it’s (relationship) right, you will find each other again.
If you love them, let them go. Situation if I have ever heard one. Staying together would be hella hard from a state away. Doable? Probably. If the heart is there. However, this is the easiest way for you both to part ways without it being difficult at all while away at college.
I got recruited by some D3/2 schools when I played. I would have given absolutely ANYTHING to go D1 but I just wasn’t big enough. I went to a big school to get the degree I wanted even though it meant I had to quit playing ball. Closing in on 10yrs post college and I regret not continuing to play after HS even at a lower level. My point is, you have been given the gift of having the physical and mental attributes as well as the drive to perform. You took advantage of those gifts and have been given the literal opportunity of a lifetime. You sound like you understand that and are being rational about that. Thats amazing for someone your age. Fuck all the haters. Your only focus now is hitting the weight room, balling out your Sr year, and staying out of trouble until you get on campus for camp. Nothing else matter my dude. You are destined for greatness and only have room in your life for people that are going to help you get there. Not people that want to rain on your parade. Keep your head up and know that you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of success. Even if you don’t go pro the D1 degree and connection you make will set you up for life. Take school seriously. Get a STEM degree, don’t just cake walk through a business degree like most of your teammates will.
I can’t tell you how jealous I am of this opportunity that you’ve been given young man. My DMs are open if you ever have any questions or need advice.
DO NOT LOSE THIS SCHOLOARSHIP. D1?! D1!? This will open so many doors for you and put money in yoir pocket now giving you an afyer college bump. Keep doing you and i look forward to seeing you in CFB27
You are the AH. Your 17 but also have you had a talk before you made this decision. If she was with you thru everything, helped you release your dreams. Some people live their whole life’s not finding someone like that. If she was willing to fight for you thru the long distance. Sacrifice for you. What gives you the right to not fight for her. Your 17 but man up and realize that some relationships are worth fighting for. Go ahead and lose your support and see how much harder it gets. You could break up in the future. Or you could have your biggest supporter and that will make all the difference. At least sit down and have adult conversations. Sit down all the parents have some outside perspective.
Brother, you are 17. Stay healthy. Don’t impregnate anyone. Get your degree(s)
Step 3: ?
Step 4: profit
NAH – you’re being realistic, she’s NTA for feeling hurt about being broken up with when you still have a good relationship, that sucks. It’s just a tough situation.
Nah, NTA. You two have different life goals and you are right that this is a HUGE opportunity for you. I don’t think you should have to give that up. Nor do I think she should have to give up her school. It sucks…but you made the right call.
NTA you’re a very impressive young man. Yeah she’s hurt but you’re just aggressively honest and when she gets older she’ll be super appreciative. Also once she’s in the dorms and making new friends and meeting people she’ll realize you were right. Congrats on the offers that’s really impressive.
even if you weren’t doing d1 sports, you’d be broken up by Thanksgiving break, i almost guarantee. NTA
Bro your 17 and going to be playing for D1 program . Even if you stay together you’ll break up
NAH. Neither of you should make major life decisions based on your partner at the age of 17. She should absolutely not consider going out of state for a relationship. You should absolutely not consider missing up on an opportunity for a teenaged relationship.
She’s not taking it well, but she’s 17, she’s never had to deal with this type of emotions before so I’d give her a pass.
The only thing that makes you a little bit of an AH is If you know you are going to break up at the end of the year, go ahead and break up now. Don’t string her along until then.
NTA. But the girl can definitely think of you as one. I feel bad for her putting effort into a relationship that you don’t equally feel is important (because it is possible to have a long distance relationship in college).
But you’re not. It’s better to break up now if you don’t feel like trying. Just sucks for her. And her friends just have her back. Them being upset is also understandable. You made your decision. And after what she went through supporting you – you can deal with a little of the backlash of ditching her.
I broke up with my high school girlfriend. Even though our colleges were only 2 hours or so apart.
This guy has an awesome opportunity. Totally understandable.
I cared about my high school girlfriend but also wanted to focus on college and making friends and all that.
Long distance is hard. Even harder in college
stay with high school gf or pursue a once in a lifetime opportunity to play football for a D1 school?
tough choice here
You made the correct choice, as you can clearly see now, she will do all she can to drag you towards what she wants, Don’t give up your future for a high school girlfriend who doesn’t value the work you have been doing to succeed.
NTA, you’re being honest with her. Clearly you don’t think this relationship was your forever relationship. It’d be worse to tell her you did feel this way and then move hours away. And then started messing around with other girls. You’re both about to meet a lot of new people in separate social spheres. That tends to drive people apart.
Too many women to worry about 1. Focus on school 🏫
NTA, honestly the odds are that this is as far as you’re going to go, both in the relationship and with football, if you’re smart you’ll use this opportunity to get a degree that will see you in good standing once you’re done with football, and you’re making the right decision in concentrating on your future and taking the opportunities in front of you seriously. The truth is your GF’s friends are a bunch of dramatic teenagers, they are not women, you are not a man, you’re all a bunch of kids and this is something you’re going to look back on as a bunch of petty children being childish in like 10 years max, probably less.
AI
NTA. That was a very respectful way to end a relationship that you knew wouldn’t be right for you.