I (18m) have been with my girlfriend (18f) for about a year now and during the time we’ve been together I’ve noticed she drinks quite irresponsibly. She doesn’t drink often, usually 3-6 times a month but whenever she does she gets ridiculously drunk, I mean laying on the floor unable to sit up or put sentences together or she’ll just black out.
She occasionally babysits and one time she didn’t get super fucked up but she still drank enough where she was unable to walk straight and was slurring all her words just a half hour before having to go babysit which is extremely fucked up to me.
She claims she doesn’t like parties and doesn’t want to attend any but then the second she finds out there’s one happening she’ll go and get shitfaced, I’ve asked her countless times to try to drink less when she attends them because someone could easily do something to her when she gets super drunk or blacks out but she’s always said that I’m talking out of insecurity.
In may she slept over at her friends house, got super drunk where again she wasn’t able to sit up straight and her friends dad SA’ed her. A month later she hospitalised herself due to blood loss and just an hour after getting out of hospital she met with a few friends and again got shitfaced.
A week ago she went to a party in a park, she didn’t know anyone there and drank a fuck ton, she moved to a dark part of the park away from everyone but a lot closer to the street. She sat down drank more, laid down and couldn’t sit up, she somehow managed to call me but also somehow broke her phone screen? I told her I was gonna call her an uber home and she refused to let me to so I called a friend of mine who lives close by and asked if he could pick her up and take her home (he’s also pretty good friends with her) she asked me to message her mum and let her know that she broke her phone screen and that she’d get home safely. Her mum decided that she wanted to go pick her up instead and my girlfriend then got super pissed off at me, swearing at me and saying all these horrible things to me because I messaged her mum (my friend didn’t go after I told him her parents were going instead) her parents got there and they had to carry her to the car while she was still apparently screaming about me.
After she sobered up I told her she might have a drinking problem and needs to try cut down, she says she doesn’t have a drinking problem and I only think that because I don’t drink and my past trauma with alcoholism (my mothers an Alcoholic who beat me when she’d get drunk, my grandmother was an alcoholic who drank herself to liver failure and died and some members of my extended family and family friends all SA’ed me when they got drunk) I’m not asking her to stop drinking entirely I’m asking her to cut down. She’s also bipolar and alcohol tends to trigger episodes or causes her to be more impulsive when she’s drunk.
I don’t know what to do anymore, she keeps saying I’m an asshole but I don’t think I am
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I (18m) have been with my girlfriend (18f) for about a year now and during the time we’ve been together I’ve noticed she drinks quite irresponsibly. She doesn’t drink often, usually 3-6 times a month but whenever she does she gets ridiculously drunk, I mean laying on the floor unable to sit up or put sentences together or she’ll just black out.
She occasionally babysits and one time she didn’t get super fucked up but she still drank enough where she was unable to walk straight and was slurring all her words just a half hour before having to go babysit which is extremely fucked up to me.
She claims she doesn’t like parties and doesn’t want to attend any but then the second she finds out there’s one happening she’ll go and get shitfaced, I’ve asked her countless times to try to drink less when she attends them because someone could easily do something to her when she gets super drunk or blacks out but she’s always said that I’m talking out of insecurity.
In may she slept over at her friends house, got super drunk where again she wasn’t able to sit up straight and her friends dad SA’ed her. A month later she hospitalised herself due to blood loss and just an hour after getting out of hospital she met with a few friends and again got shitfaced.
A week ago she went to a party in a park, she didn’t know anyone there and drank a fuck ton, she moved to a dark part of the park away from everyone but a lot closer to the street. She sat down drank more, laid down and couldn’t sit up, she somehow managed to call me but also somehow broke her phone screen? I told her I was gonna call her an uber home and she refused to let me to so I called a friend of mine who lives close by and asked if he could pick her up and take her home (he’s also pretty good friends with her) she asked me to message her mum and let her know that she broke her phone screen and that she’d get home safely. Her mum decided that she wanted to go pick her up instead and my girlfriend then got super pissed off at me, swearing at me and saying all these horrible things to me because I messaged her mum (my friend didn’t go after I told him her parents were going instead) her parents got there and they had to carry her to the car while she was still apparently screaming about me.
After she sobered up I told her she might have a drinking problem and needs to try cut down, she says she doesn’t have a drinking problem and I only think that because I don’t drink and my past trauma with alcoholism (my mothers an Alcoholic who beat me when she’d get drunk, my grandmother was an alcoholic who drank herself to liver failure and died and some members of my extended family and family friends all SA’ed me when they got drunk) I’m not asking her to stop drinking entirely I’m asking her to cut down. She’s also bipolar and alcohol tends to trigger episodes or causes her to be more impulsive when she’s drunk.
I don’t know what to do anymore, she keeps saying I’m an asshole but I don’t think I am
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend to cut down on drinking because she might have a drinking problem and she claims I only believe that because of insecurity rather than concern about her health or safety
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – she absolutely has a drinking problem. Its probably time to break up because she needs to figure this out herself.
Yeah. She has problems.
YTA for staying with her. You’re not here to fix her.
NTA I agree, she “might”, possibly, could have a very slight, minor, wee drinking issue.
You might not be able to get through to her on this. What she is doing is extremely reckless and will end in tragedy in one way or another. But you may not be able to save her. She doesn’t seem interested in listening to you. If she doesn’t want to hear it there’s nothing you can do. You may have to move on. Or else watch her fall apart in real time. But I highly recommend against that if you already have a bad history with people drinking.
NTA though. Just think you may have to let her go. These are extreme situations and she shows no signs of self reflection or slowing down. It’s gonna take something pretty awful happening for her to come to terms with the problem if she’s still this deep in denial after everything she’s already been through.
You need to split up with her, and probably do some therapy.
You are NTA in this situation, she is putting herself at risk.
NTA for telling her she has a drinking problem- you know that, though.
“She occasionally babysits and one time she didn’t get super fucked up but she still drank enough where she was unable to walk straight and was slurring all her words just a half hour before having to go babysit which is extremely fucked up to me.” This is well past fucked up and on its way to criminal. Honestly, given there were literally children at stake I will give you a YTA. Would you let her get behind the wheel in that state No? Then she should not be caring for children in that state at all. What if an emergency happened? What if one of them needed care?
I suggest you look into Al-Anon for yourself and understand what you are dealing with– you need to stop enabling her, and you also need to take care of yourself.
NTA – you sound very mature and grounded for your age, at 18 it’s not uncommon for that type of behaviour she is exhibiting although the drinking alone less so. She definitely sounds like she needs a reality check before something really bad happens to her which inevitably it will if she continues on this path. Maybe sitting her down with yourself and some other friends that are concerned might help? Perhaps keeping a record of the behaviour she exhibits each time and showing her? Clearly her parents are also concerned, have you spoken with them about your concerns and her behaviour – she likely won’t be happy with that but is obviously in denial and needs some help. Good luck, I hope you guys can work this one out!
NTA, but honey, I think for your own good, you probably need to take a big step back from this girl. She clearly does have alcohol problems; it sounds like she can’t drink without drinking to dangerous excess. I’m not a trained therapist, but it sounds like she probably qualifies for Alcohol Use Disorder to this layman, but also like she probably wouldn’t admit that she meets those criteria if she talked to a therapist herself, because it doesn’t sound like she recognizes things like the danger she puts herself in.
Once someone has a problem like this, they only get better once they are able to admit they have a problem. You can’t help them or save them until they’re ready to stop doing this.
NTA, You’re so young don’t waste your time on a relationship where you aren’t compatible.
She clearly doesn’t want to stop binge drinking and completely disregarding her safety while doing so.
The fact that she verbally attacked you for her parents picking her up just shows how immature she is 🚩🚩🚩
Go find someone else to be with if you don’t want to be with a immature party girl. You’d think after being SA’d she’d be more cautious.
NTA – and consider attending an AlAnon meeting (for the friends and family members of alcoholics). She drinks to the point of blacking out, drinks in unsafe situations (‘she moved to a dark part of the park away from everyone but a lot closer to the street.’ Holy hell, anything could have happened to her, and no one would have known!). She’s gotten SA’ed once already by her ‘friend’s’ Dad. And I put ‘friend’ in quotes there because that would have ended it for me.
And she does this 3-6 times a month? My dude, that’s every week and then some. You don’t mention what country you’re in, but *ding* she’s also below the legal drinking age in the US.
She *does* need to stop drinking entirely. She shows no indication of being able to moderate her drinking, and it will end her – either slowly or suddenly.
How can you be TA for telling her the truth? She absolutely has a drinking problem, she’s putting herself in danger repeatedly.
And don’t let yourself be treated this way, man.
NTA
OP, leave. You’re 18. Do you really want your life to be about dragging this woman out of messes she voluntarily gets into?
NTA
NTA. I dated this kind of girl once. I’m telling you now that there’s 2 ways she realizes she has a problem and does something about it.
Don’t be there for 1. Please don’t be there for 2.
You’re 18 – lots of us were wild at that age. That being said, it is clearly affecting you, so leave…
NTA. Pointing out a serious drinking problem isn’t being mean, it’s caring. Better she hear it from you than end up in a worse situation, don’t let her flip it on you.
> She occasionally babysits and one time she didn’t get super fucked up but she still drank enough where she was unable to walk straight and was slurring all her words just a half hour before having to go babysit which is extremely fucked up to me.
Um, yeah, that is. Also 3-6 times a month is very often for “almost blackout drunk”. Personally I think it’s infinity times too often but I would maybe agree with you if it was once in 3-6 months.
I think you should break up with her (and I don’t give that advice as lightly as half of reddit seems to), both because she doesn’t recognize the problem and because you’re probably not going to be in a good place with her given your past experiences with alcoholics. NTA for now but if you let her gaslight you into accepting it all you would be.
NTA
Alcoholic myself she definitely has an issue where she doesn’t just have a few drinks and stops. It’s binge drinking as simple as that.
Few solutions try again to bring up concern and find a middle ground and simple boundaries. Clearly, you have concerns about her choices and health, so keep it more focused on that.
Dont bring up your experiences (via you or extension). Keep it focused on her as she clearly is only going to deflect with this.
It is best to try and find the middle ground. For example, she can still drink but limit the intake, stop at typsy.
Clearly theres more underlying issues for her personally because it isnt typical behaviour to go as far as she does every time she has the availability to drink so potentially poke around there cpuld simply be addiction could be something more mental/personal.
Dont let it be a make or break of the relationship you both are still young it could just be a “phase” as well due to her age dont make it your complete responsibility either if shes in denial or straight up says no issue then youre not going to get very far with it.
Gonna keep it straight as a female ex aloholic with bipolar and history of domestic violence from my parents due to alcoholism.
She has a problem she clearly doesn’t care for you or your concerns due to her behaviour towards you which to me simply is unhealthy, and almost (i say almost because idk the relationship dynamic) seems emotionally abusive.
She’s only 18, and eventually, she’ll clean herself up. Unless you’re heavily involved with her parents to bring up a potential intervention or bring it to their attention with more concern. I would steer clear of it all together, as to what I mean by that if shes drinking don’t be near her that’s her choice her responsibility dont let that burden you because it’ll mess you up in the long run and simply add to the trauma you already have.
An 18 yo girl likes to party and get shitfaced. Cue reddit outrage and concern
NTA. Let her think that you are one. I recommend you look into Alateen or something similar in your community. I think it would be great if you could surround yourself with people that understand what you’re going through.
You are absolutely NTA. She has a serious problem and seems to be in denial. There’s a limit to how much you can do to help, unfortunately. She needs to be willing to help herself.
You may have to break up with her if things don’t change… Because you need to protect your own wellbeing too. If I was you I might consider having a talk with her parents (IF they are good parents!!! Not if they are abusive or something) to explain the full extent of your worries about her, before breaking up. So they can hopefully take over. She will probably be extremely upset by this and may never want to speak to you again though. But things are pretty bad as it is anyway…
Whatever you decide to do, please try to protect your own peace OP
NTA for sure, you just told her the truth.
And dont let her talk you down your been through a lot for someone only 18.
Thanks for sharing it with us strangers.
The thing I think you should do, is sit down with her parents and talk with them of your gfs drinking problem.
And the 3 of you can try thinking of what you can do to help, maybe a intervention and be up and front, with what you have been through because of alcohol, if they dont already know.
And that you dont want her to ever be SA-ed again.
And if she won’t care, you probably should let her go. Your a very strong teen, and you deserve someone who respect and care for you.
Just as much as you care and respect your GF, you only told her the truth because you care so much for her and wan’t to help her.
Do take care. ❤️
NTA- the reality is she needs more help than you are equipped to give. I would consider taking a big step back for your own mental health.
Yeah shes got a bit of a problem. I was a heavy social drinker in the 90s. Fifteen years of quite heavy regular fun drinking and partying and 8ve blackedmout TWICE! Just twice. (2nd time I’ve been told I was rather funny, shame i mised it)
Do you know why she does it? Why does she drink SO much, rather than just tipsy and silly, she gets so wasted. Does she think that what people do?
I’m not going to pass judgment, but I’m going to point something out gently: it reads as if you blame her for her SA, as if it wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t drunk. It might still have.
You need to break up with her because she’s clearly not going to stop, and it isn’t healthy for either of you.
There’s no AH here. Your gf is mentally unwell qmd medicating with alcohol. And you are traumatized by your past. This is not a good relationship for you.
Yeah people who can’t handle alcohol – such as your gf – should absolutely never drink.