Next month my lady and I are going on a vacation across the ocean. When we booked our flights, we paid extra for the bigger seats with more legroom in the main cabin (it’s a 787-9). Last night she tells me that she wants to upgrade her ticket to business class for the outbound flight, even though it’s $1400 per person, per flight.
Personally, my budget doesn’t allow for the extra $1400, so I’m going to have to stay in the main cabin. Am I the jerk for thinking that it’s fucked up for her to ditch me on this 8.5 hour flight to go into business class when we’re supposed to be going on this trip together? She says that she doesn’t see anything wrong with it and that since it’s her birthday trip, she wants to do something nice for herself.
Another reason why I think this isn’t right of her, is because every time we come back from an international trip, I won’t use my global entry to cut through customs faster because she doesn’t have it, and I don’t think it’s nice to leave her waiting in that line by herself. I voiced this to her and she says it’s not the same thing and that it would definitely because fucked up of me to use the global entry and leave her.
What are everyone’s thoughts?
I need to add this piece of information as it may help..
When we first discussed a trip for her birthday this year, I told her my budget for it doesn’t allow for a $5,000 per person trip as we had just bought a house last year. She said that she doesn’t mind helping me cover part of my portion of it being that it’s for her 30th birthday and this is where she wants to go.
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Next month my lady and I are going on a vacation across the ocean. When we booked our flights, we paid extra for the bigger seats with more legroom in the main cabin (it’s a 787-9). Last night she tells me that she wants to upgrade her ticket to business class for the outbound flight, even though it’s $1400 per person, per flight.
Personally, my budget doesn’t allow for the extra $1400, so I’m going to have to stay in the main cabin. Am I the jerk for thinking that it’s fucked up for her to ditch me on this 8.5 hour flight to go into business class when we’re supposed to be going on this trip together? She says that she doesn’t see anything wrong with it and that since it’s her birthday trip, she wants to do something nice for herself.
Another reason why I think this isn’t right of her, is because every time we come back from an international trip, I won’t use my global entry to cut through customs faster because she doesn’t have it, and I don’t think it’s nice to leave her waiting in that line by herself. I voiced this to her and she says it’s not the same thing and that it would definitely because fucked up of me to use the global entry and leave her.
What are everyone’s thoughts?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend that it’s fucked up of her to upgrade her flight to business class and leave me behind in the main cabin. She said I’m being ridiculous and she doesn’t see a problem with it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Complete hypocrite she is.
When you get off the flight tell her you met a really nice gal from your hometown who sat next to you the whole flight and you talked about your fav hobbies with her for most of the 8 hour flight
NTA.
ESH. You are both entitled ah’s
She sounds selfish and has no problem with double standards that benefit her. Is she usually this self-centered? NTA
She sucks. People who use their birthday as an excuse to be inconsiderate to others is double sucky. The only benefit of her upgrading is you won’t have to sit next to a sucky person for 8.5 hours.
NTA.
I smell narcissistic tendencies from your GF. Hypocrite she is.
NTA. Leaving you to go Biz at $1,400 is illogical.
NTA It’s the other way around. The global entry is just waiting in a line longer, the upgrade is sitting by yourself for 10+ hours.
It shouldn’t be tit for tat though, she is just ditching you no way around it.
You need a new girlfriend. One who would be happy to sit in the back row of an airplane with you.
NAH. Totally get where you’re coming from but if you have separate finances and this is how she wants to spend her money on her birthday trip I think you should just accept it. The flight is a very small part of the overall trip, it’s not a big deal if you don’t sit together. THAT SAID I don’t agree that it’s different from you using the pre-approved line to get through faster without her and think you should feel free to do so on your next trip. You can find somewhere comfy to relax while she stands in line, similar to how she will be much comfier up there in business class on her own! If she does not enjoy the feeling you both should have a conversation and mutually decide if you want to prioritize individual comfort or togetherness/solidarity as a couple when you travel. Neither option is wrong per se, but you need to be on the same page and treat each other with a similar level of care and consideration. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
NTA. She’s a hypocrite.
NTA thats hypocritical as hell. If she leaves you on the flight you should absolutely use your global entry. Clearly she doesn’t want to spend extra time with you unless it benefits her.
NTA. Surely she’s given you other signs that she’s a bit of a self-centered person right?
I’m not one that has to sit by the person I’m traveling with. To me it just doesn’t matter.
But for her to do this, then think it’s unfair for you to leave her in a line by herself is a bit ridiculous of her.
I say, use the global entry. NTA
She’s the asshole. Sounds kinda selfish.
INFO: Is your girlfriend either fat or tall or otherwise compromised in some way that would make the average plane seat REALLY uncomfortable?
If she’d just like to be more comfortable and there’s no mitigating circumstances, I think she’s in the wrong for leaving you alone on a long flight.
If she is fat/tall/etc. then I know from personal experience (being both of those things AND disabled in a way that requires me to be able to stretch my legs or end up in searing pain) how goddamn awful it is to fly economy, and I don’t judge her for trying to escape that, nor do I judge you for being hurt.
Even with my health situation I wouldn’t voluntarily choose to leave my husband in economy if it cost me $1400. Now, if we were blessed with a free upgrade both of us would insist that whoever was granted it escape from the hell of economy even if it meant being alone. But paying $1400? That’s real commitment to bailing on your partner. 😅
NTA. So she can do what she wants for her convenience, but heaven forbid you do something for yours?
Yep. I agree that that is fucked up. It’d be one thing if due to reasons there was a random upgrade and you two flipped a coin and whoever won, got an upgrade to business class.
But its quite another thing to for her to pay 1400$ to not sit with you and sit in relative luxury while you’re back in peasant class. Feels like she could spend that 1400 on an experience that both of you could enjoy, since she’s ready to blow it all anyway.
And you’re comparison of being able to cut through customs WAY faster via global entry is about an apt a comparison as I’ve ever heard. Completely disingenuous that she says “it’s not the same thing”. If she goes through with this, I’d definitely be using the global entry on the trip home.
As an aside, if you can come up with the 1400 (which is INCREDIBLY cheap), I’d recommend it. I lucked into an upgrade (one of those “we’ve overbooked, if you take the next flight…” sort of things). Business class on an 8 hour flight is … awesome. So if you can make it fit your budget, I would.
But I would _never_ strand my SO back in coach while I upgraded. Birthday or no
NTA. Your GF is definitely the asshole tho.
Crikey! Umm, yeah, that’s a bit mean of her, IMO, but it’s her money & supposedly her special holiday. I guess when the dust settles, ask her about how she would feel if you used your points to expedite customs without her. Part of traveling together is the journey & she doesn’t seem to want to share this journey with you. Frustrating but not a deal breaker. Although, this is a bit of a red flag as to her real character is it not?
NTA
NTA – I think she has one set of rules for her and one set for you. If there was a physical reason she couldn’t sit with you and needed more room (like a broken limb with a cast or sprain) that’d be one thing.
It doesn’t sound much like togetherness to me, but that’s just my opinion. I would not be happy, and I doubt it’d be much of a vacation for me … if I would even go.
I’m sorry, and I hope you guys can work through it.
NTA.
She’s right, it’s not the same thing. You will get through security faster and be separated maybe an hour if you use global entry. You will be separated hours and not spend the beginning and end of the travels together if she upgrades herself. I’m curious if she has the ability to use global entry and simply chooses not to do the legwork or if there is something that disqualifies her.
I’d be firm that you’ve always forgone your own comfort because you assumed you were traveling as a team. But you realize that’s not the case now. Tell her you can’t make your flight more comfortable like she has the privilege of doing but you can minimize your security delays so you’ll be doing that. If she complains simply tell her not to worry, she will still have the more relaxing travel experience. Your advantage is much smaller than hers.
This is selfish of your girlfriend honestly.
You do for her she won’t do for you. Looks like a red flag to me. I think it’s wrong she’s doing this also. Couples in love don’t do this kind of things. This should have been discussed before you bought the first set of tickets. Does she do this with other stuff?
Don’t do nice things and expect people to do it in return. Because people don’t give a shit and they’ll give any excuse. It’ll ruin nice and kind people, trust me. Ik u do things out the kindness of your heart, and i do it too! But don’t let that be a weakness that people already see it as. People will use you and spit you out. If she wanted to upgrade to business class as a treat then she should’ve gone by herself. That’s pretty fucking rude. Don’t do shit for her then.
I don’t think it’s nice to leave her waiting in that line by herself
That. That right there is exactly how you get hurt emotionally. You want to do something nice for her and she doesn’t feel the need to return the favor. And you do it every time, so she doesn’t feel alone. Ik she’s your gf, but I’m just telling you a life lesson. Don’t do more and give more for people who won’t do the same. Save yourself a lot of disappointment and heartache from people. From one kind person to another. Sometimes you need to look out for yourself. Fuck her
It is very strange for her to do that, does she do other things only for herself that end up excluding you all the time or is this the first time?
NTA. She’s ditching you on the plane in what is supposedly a couples vacation. How about she has her birthday dinner at a 3 Michelin star restaurant while you eat at McDonald’s?
You go on and cut through customs quicker and leave her butt standing there and let her see how she like it. Yes, I feel she’s wrong.
Sooooo use your global entry.
You’re certainly not an asshole for seeing her upgrade as a d$@k move. However, if it were my partner upgrading their own seat, it wouldn’t bother me. I’m in the minority, though.
ESH.
As long as you’re not splitting the $1400 upcharge- she should be able to upgrade herself if she wants. 8.5 hours on a plane is rough and if she wants to treat herself on her birthday and upgrade I would say let her without making it a huge deal.
That said, she sounds very hypocritical about global entry. Definitely leave her in that line.
Are you mad because you are jealous or mad because you need her next to you during the flight for security? She needs you for security during the global entry part in case there is an issue. I don’t think the two compare.
Without the global entry part, this would have been Y T A. But with that part it’s NTA. She’s hunky dory accepting (and even expecting) you to give up your own comfort for her but won’t reciprocate.