Okay so I see how the title might sound incriminating – let me explain:
My (25f) husband (30m) has been using a shaving foam for quite a while that seems to not agree with his skin ph. While shaving it smells normal – well kinda as bad as most male marketed products do – but the dry down is BAD.
Somehow it smells a bit like the bottom of a baby. Base notes of baby cream and top notes of discomfort. Weirdly lactonic as well. I worked with toddlers, that’s where my reference point lies.
And before you ask: that doesn’t happen with other products, he’s super well groomed and hygienic and his own smell is very pleasant.
ANYHOW he shaves every 2-3 days since his facial hair growth is relatively slow and usually in the morning before work so I didn’t notice much – if at all.
When he shaved on the weekends I usually didn’t want to point it out since I only smelled it once we got close.
Now we were sitting together and I casually mentioned it. He totally FREAKED is looking to buy a new one and flabbergasted as to why I never brought this up before.
Plus we recently went shopping in a pharmacy to restock all our products and he’s pissed I didn’t bring it up there. Tbh I kinda forgot but also that would be an odd convo to have in a store right?
He seems pretty upset and doesn’t want to get close.
Am I the asshole here?
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Okay so I see how the title might sound incriminating – let me explain:
My (25f) husband (30m) has been using a shaving foam for quite a while that seems to not agree with his skin ph. While shaving it smells normal – well kinda as bad as most male marketed products do – but the dry down is BAD.
Somehow it smells a bit like the bottom of a baby. Base notes of baby cream and top notes of discomfort. Weirdly lactonic as well. I worked with toddlers, that’s where my reference point lies.
And before you ask: that doesn’t happen with other products, he’s super well groomed and hygienic and his own smell is very pleasant.
ANYHOW he shaves every 2-3 days since his facial hair growth is relatively slow and usually in the morning before work so I didn’t notice much – if at all.
When he shaved on the weekends I usually didn’t want to point it out since I only smelled it once we got close.
Now we were sitting together and I casually mentioned it. He totally FREAKED is looking to buy a new one and flabbergasted as to why I never brought this up before.
Plus we recently went shopping in a pharmacy to restock all our products and he’s pissed I didn’t bring it up there. Tbh I kinda forgot but also that would be an odd convo to have in a store right?
He seems pretty upset and doesn’t want to get close.
Am I the asshole here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) the action is telling my husband his face smells like a baby’s bottom for a while already
(2) not telling him sooner/ telling him in a very direct manner
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s a weird thing to say, but it’s not an asshole thing to say. And I get why you never mentioned it before. See: “it’s a weird thing to say.”
YTA – why were you so afraid to say something? It seems like such a little thing.
it would not have been difficult to just say “hey, I don’t really love the fragrance of that shaving foam. while we’re here in the pharmacy, could we look for a new one for you?”
I find some of the deodorants my husband uses are horrible but I just say don’t buy that one and ask to see the can so I don’t buy by mistake. NBD NTA
Most people wouldn’t be thrilled to learn they’ve been walking around smelling like baby ass for “quite a while” and their spouse not telling them.
So, yes, YTA if he smells unpleasant due to a product and you didn’t bother letting him know.
nta, but couldnt you have simply told him that you dislike the smell of his shaving foam and ask him to use a different foam or a gel instead? I don’t think anyone would make a big deal out of this, unless your wording weirded him out
He needs to learn how to control his anxiety. Because is just his brain telling him smelling bad is súper consecuencial. Is he this negative about other things? Like neurotic?
Yes, YTA. There’s a bout a million different ways you could have phrased that other than that.
VERY light YTA. You could have found a more mature way to bring it up and NOT compare him to something that disgusts you, lol. “Would you be open to changing your shaving cream? The smell of this one kind of irritates me” would have sufficed.
I, too, would panic if my SO told me they thought I smelled like ass for months.
I think the title should be reworded to: “AITA for not immediately telling my husband that his face smells like baby butt the when I initially noticed” It’s a bit wordy but it works better since that’s what he’s upset about, he’s not upset that you told him just that you told him so late.
Anyway, based on your question I vote NTA, but based on what he’s actually upset about.. yeah it’s a soft YTA, if y’all have the type of relationship where y’all can talk to eachother there’s no reason to tiptoe around an unpleasant smell, just tell him straight up so he can fix it lol.
Oh, dear… thank you for the chuckles. And yes, YTA.
I’m sure would have meant much to him to not smell like ass to the person he wants closest to him. You, as that person…
YTA, but in an almost funny way.
I personally would be mortified if I found out that something I had used on my body the entire time we were together smelled like baby butt to my partner and he just hadn’t mentioned it to me. So, YTA for not having mentioned it before.
But I also kind of feel like this is the sort of thing that happens in a marriage–you are the person who tells your partner something that no one else has told them. Right now, I’m sure he’s upset and thinking about how long he’s used that particular shaving foam, and how many people have been close enough to think he stinks (and I know the smell you’re talking about. It’s more of a powdery-diaper smell than a poop smell, but it’s definitely a baby butt smell). In ten years, hopefully he will laugh and tell the story about how you loved him so much that you put up with his face smelling like baby butt for years before finally suggesting he change his shaving foam.
Apologize, buy the man an assortment of travel size products, and try them out together.
YTA for waiting so long to tell him, you should have brought it up when you first noticed it; and probably in a kinder manner.