His family is coming to visit in June and they were supposed to stay a week at an airbnb, we are even pitching in 1k for it even though they vacation a lot and we rarely do, that’s fine, a little annoying but whatever. They had wanted to stay with us but 6 extra people in a 2 bedroom 1 bath house would have been a bit much. So we paid airbnb to make sure they were comfortable, even though my husband wanted them to stay here. Another issue I was worried about was losing our indoor only cats by accident and they are my whole world and I just can’t risk that with the kids.
Well when we discussed the trip after the airbnb was booked they dropped the info that the rest of them would be doing a 3 day trip to NYC and “you don’t mind if mom stays with you right”? Again, I was a little annoyed them just throwing that in there and assuming, and our house unfortunately is not friendly for larger humans (no shade it just isn’t we have a small house, pub chairs, small roomed old house. Creaky furniture. But so far I remained internally frustrated, I do want him to see his family and they have never been here.
Now getting to the AITA part. 4 years ago we moved from the upstairs bedroom to the downstairs bedroom because the house only has one bathroom and I have bad feet and it became really painful to walk downstairs at night because I always have to pee, and then some ibs crap (literally) early in the morning. It was just too painful and I lost a lot of sleep because by the time I trekked back upstairs I was wide awake.
I had warned him months ago that I would not be sleeping upstairs regardless, I can’t even do that with no guests. I literally (sorry TMI have to hit the bathroom 4-5 times between 3am – 7am. I can’t control the poops. I don’t want to have to crawl down the stairs, I don’t want to lose significant sleep. He didn’t say much of it but now I realize he was just ignoring me. I just tried to talk about it this morning since we are less than a month away and he literally blew up on me about it, saying his mom is 70 and had a heart attack etc. Great, fine, yeah I’m only 50 but I have issues too. The fact that my issues don’t count for squat and he had 6 months to figure this crap out honestly has me feeling very undervalued here. I feel like I did all the right things and tried to find compromises along the way but now he is staunch that she is staying here with us and giving me grief for feeling the way I do. AITA?
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His family is coming to visit in June and they were supposed to stay a week at an airbnb, we are even pitching in 1k for it even though they vacation a lot and we rarely do, that’s fine, a little annoying but whatever. They had wanted to stay with us but 6 extra people in a 2 bedroom 1 bath house would have been a bit much. So we paid airbnb to make sure they were comfortable, even though my husband wanted them to stay here. Another issue I was worried about was losing our indoor only cats by accident and they are my whole world and I just can’t risk that with the kids.
Well when we discussed the trip after the airbnb was booked they dropped the info that the rest of them would be doing a 3 day trip to NYC and “you don’t mind if mom stays with you right”? Again, I was a little annoyed them just throwing that in there and assuming, and our house unfortunately is not friendly for larger humans (no shade it just isn’t we have a small house, pub chairs, small roomed old house. Creaky furniture. But so far I remained internally frustrated, I do want him to see his family and they have never been here.
Now getting to the AITA part. 4 years ago we moved from the upstairs bedroom to the downstairs bedroom because the house only has one bathroom and I have bad feet and it became really painful to walk downstairs at night because I always have to pee, and then some ibs crap (literally) early in the morning. It was just too painful and I lost a lot of sleep because by the time I trekked back upstairs I was wide awake.
I had warned him months ago that I would not be sleeping upstairs regardless, I can’t even do that with no guests. I literally (sorry TMI have to hit the bathroom 4-5 times between 3am – 7am. I can’t control the poops. I don’t want to have to crawl down the stairs, I don’t want to lose significant sleep. He didn’t say much of it but now I realize he was just ignoring me. I just tried to talk about it this morning since we are less than a month away and he literally blew up on me about it, saying his mom is 70 and had a heart attack etc. Great, fine, yeah I’m only 50 but I have issues too. The fact that my issues don’t count for squat and he had 6 months to figure this crap out honestly has me feeling very undervalued here. I feel like I did all the right things and tried to find compromises along the way but now he is staunch that she is staying here with us and giving me grief for feeling the way I do. AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Don’t do anything for her while she’s there. In fact go get a hotel room and make him pay for it
[deleted]
NTA
NTA. You told him months ago and he ignored it. Your health issues are just as valid as his mom’s. He had plenty of time to plan better – his poor planning isn’t your problem
Definitely NTA.
You have a husband problem. Your husband should not expect you to be uncomfortable and put out for anyone, including his mom.
If you can, go stay with a family member or a friend.
If that’s not possible and you can afford it, go stay in a hotel.
Updateme
NTA. I know people with bathroom issues like yourself. You gotta take care of yourself no matter how old anyone else is.
Go enjoy that AirBnB and let his family stay at the house
NTA and why doesn’t he go to the airbnb and stay with her while the others are on the nyc trip? Makes the most sense tbh
Maybe a nice hotel for you, and your husband can entertain his mother at the house? You can pop over for outings etc but generally sleep in your hotel.
NTA. Take his credit card find a cat friendly hotel room and for the entirety of their visit stay there. Every meal is charged to his credit card. You have medical issues so does she. Why she can’t be at an AIRBNB alone for 2 nights is odd but not your problem. He either pays or I mean this shit the fucking bed, shit on his clothes. Maybe then he’ll realize you have IBS. Maybe get a divorce while you’re at it.
This is a similar to a bait-and-switch. He ignored the message that it wasn’t possible and now he allows the problem to exist, expecting you to solve it.
NTA
Be hard on your boundaries. No sleeping upstairs dear husband, you created this problem, fix it.
NTA she can either sleep on the couch or share a bed with you and he can sleep upstairs. Screw him
Tell him to enjoy his visit with his mom and get a hotel….a little mini vacay for you.
You can’t stay upstairs for 3 nights?
Take the cats and the 1k and book yourself into an airbnb until they are gone. Your husband sounds like he will dump everything on you and expect you to sleep elsewhere, so do.
NTA. I think your current husband is the problem, because he shouldn’t deprioritize your needs over his mother’s, and he should pay for a pet-friendly hotel where you and your cats can relax.
NTA. your health issues are important but he is ignoring yours and being considerate of his mother’s. I was you I would really put my foot down on and no that she can’t stay in your house as she said your post sixmonths to deal with this this why she can’t stay in the Airbnb. But I would consider getting her a motel room if she can’t stay at the because obviously your house is not big enough to accommodate guests.
NTA your husband is the issue
Definitely NTA, your husband and his family are AH though.
Why doesn’t his mom just stay at the Air BNB? You need that bedroom.
NTA
MIL gets the couch then… problem solved.
No one, no matter who they are, should displace the homeowners bedroom. Not ever. Your bedroom is private.
Hubby can go stay at the air bnb with mommy.
You get a break
NTA. Why are you paying $1K for his family to visit in the first place? If I were you I certainly wouldn’t. If they can’t afford their own hotel or AirB&B they can stay home. You definitely have a husband problem. He should be putting you first, not his mom.
NTA
The husband should stay with his Mom at the ABnB.
NTA
They are going to leave the Airbnb empty that you paid for the 3 days? Have husband go stay with her in the Airbnb and you stay home w the cats
NTA. Why can’t he go stay in the AirBNB with his mom. There is no need for her to be in your house at all.
He doesn’t respect you. I’d question if he even likes you.
No is a full sentence. I would also add in “Hmm, I’m surprised your mum is okay with staying upstairs, she should really get an airbnb. Oh, why don’t you both stay at an airbnb so you two can have a staycation together and I’ll stay home and care for the cats .”
100% stand your ground. Nta
Nta. Tell your husband that his family can stay in the house and you take the airbnb by yourself.
You are. So is he. Good match.
Definitely nta I don’t ignore anything my SO says. Purposely ignoring you is petty and problem causing. You feel undervalued because you ARE being undervalued
70 is not very old. Very 70 year old I know can climb a flight of stairs. He may be making more of this then needs. Call your MIL and ask her if she’s going to be fine climbing a flight of stairs to the guest room, otherwise he son needs to make other arrangements. Not sure why people don’t talk things through before resorting to AITA. Your husband is the AH but as normal the women will figure it out . And for the people telling you to ignore your ‘MIL or somehow make this her fault. Not her fault . Sounds like the both of you were caught in your husbands ineptitude
NTA, I totally understand your health-privacy-accessibility concerns (in addition to all the others!) You’re not being inhospitable, you have legitimate concerns. Take the money you offered for a rental, and your cats, and you rent an Air BnB and treat yourself. Your husband blowing up about this is not great.
NTA. If you have the money for a cat friendly hotel, that’s one answer. Or put MIL In a hotel. I hope this works out for you. Please let us know what happens!
Updateme
Husband can go to live with his mom in the Airbnb, his poor planing is not your problem. Or go to live to an hotel with your cats and make husband pay for it.
Search “mama’s boy” in Reddit. You’re not alone.
Is he ASSUMING his mom couldn’t do a flight of stairs once a day or does he know? Lots of people my age don’t have a problem with the stairs — even if they have to go slower because of health concerns.
If he insists that she sleep downstairs, then board your cats and go stay at the AB&B. Make it a special trip by treating yourself to a meeting with a divorce lawyer while you’re there.
He sucks! You’re definitely NTA.
You could buy a bedside commode for yourself, and stay in the upstairs bedroom. Have HIM empty it out every morning. That way, you have a “bathroom” to use, and it involves even less walking than your downstairs setup. There’s a lid that comes with them, and it’s a hard plastic bucket. You use a bag for ease, but you don’t have to (hint, hint, it’s messier to clean if there’s no bag).
Sorry it this is your home not his mother’s. While you emphasize her situation, you’re it going to make yourself miserable.
I think you need to sort out your toilet frequency problems first and foremost. The rest are side issues.
NTA
Tell him he’s welcome to sleep at the Airbnb with his mother.
Nta. Either tell him firmly that you will not be sleeping anywhere except for your room and hold him to that regardless of what he says or does or go stay in a hotel or airbnb and let him deal with his own family. He can be responsible for entertaining them,cooking for them and cleaning up after them.
I agree with others. You have a problem with your husband. You should NOT leave your house.
Make your husband stay with his mother, elsewhere.
Consider what it means that your husband does not respect your needs.
NTA
You stay at the Airbnb let them all stay at your house
Nta. Not even a little. Your husband is for ignoring you and putting you to the side for guests.
Or just get yourself a nice hotel room!
Nta. Not even a little. Your husband is for ignoring you and putting you to the side for guests.
NTA you could call a medical supply place and rent a hospital bed for the days your mother-in-law will be there. Put it in the living room in an inconvenient location.
he can go stay with her at the airbnb. problem solved
NTA. go stay in the airbnb and let him shack up with mommy downstairs 🙂
NTA so has your husband just had no comment this whole time? Do you usually just go along to get along, and he’s banking on you not wanting to make a scene once she gets here? Is he also close to 50 because this doesn’t sound like 50-year-old man behavior.
NTA.
Why don’t YOU go stay at a suitable Airbnb or hotel while your in-laws stay at your house? There are pet-friendly hotels and Airbnbs.
Let your dear husband deal with his family.
Info: To clarify, the family is coming to visit and somehow you are paying for their vacation lodgings, then everyone else is going on to a short trip elsewhere and leaving elderly mom behind? Why can’t she remain in the airbnb those last few days? And moreover, why can’t husband stay with her and his family if he wants that closeness during the visit?
NTA. I would not be paying for their airbnb to start with. If they made a trip and cannot afford their hotel, that is on them. If husband wont talk to them about the arrangements, what is your relationship like with his family? Can you explain that you don’t have room to accommodate her comfortably?
Board the cats somehow for their safety and get a hotel. Then counseling. NTA.
NTA – how long have y’all been married?
It’s BS that you all paid $1000 for their Air B&B, yet they seem to have money for a 3 day trip to NYC.
Hubby and his mom would be staying at air B&B. If he can ignore you and not give a damn about your health issues, you should definitely return the favor. If he screams at you make sure your voice screams louder since that is the only way he seems to communicate.
Tell your husband he can go stay at the airbnb with his precious mommy but don’t allow her to stay with you and don’t allow yourself to be pushed out of your home. There are perfectly good accommodations that you’ve already paid for, and if your husband is so worried about her being lonely he can go stay there where there is more than enough space for him and his mommy issues. NTA at all. Also take all health issues out of the equation and it’s still weird af for her to sleep in your bed.
So,.tonight, when you get up to pee, turn the light on and wake your husband. Do it every time. Then in the morning tell him his mother isn’t staying with you, but that he can stay with her.