Me (21F) and my husband (30M) have been married for two years and recently had a huge fight that left me feeling really guilty and confused. I love him deeply and I know he’s hurt, but I also don’t know if I was wrong for what I said.
Here’s some context. Before we got married, he said to me and my parents he might want to move to Morocco in about 10 years. I said maybe, that I’d be open to it. But then that “maybe in 10 years” turned into 5 years, and now he wants us to move this February.
He has a business in Morocco and his family is there, so we’ve visited a lot. I’m not crazy about it. Culturally, it’s very different and I feel out of place. But I can see the financial benefits. Life’s cheaper there, we could afford private school for our daughter who is 11 months, and he could provide everything, including a maid to help me out. I really do see how it could be good for us.
At the same time, the promises keep changing. First it was 10 years, then 5, now 6 months. He also originally said we’d move to a big city, then changed it to a small city where his family is “just for a few years,” and now says we might move to the big city later. It feels like I can’t rely on what he says, and that makes me nervous.
After we got married, he asked what I’d need to feel okay moving and I just kept avoiding the conversation because I charge confrontation and just hoped the issue would go away. Then, while I was 6 months pregnant, he quit his part-time job in the UK to go to Morocco for a few months for business. I went with him then, and he promised when we came back, he said he’d find a job again that it would be easy for him too, but he only looked for a bit and decided his business was doing well enough that he didn’t need one.
He used to give me £200 a month as spending money. Now that I have a small business which he helped me start, I pay £400 a month toward rent. I make around £1000 a month. So with the move coming up, I’ve been putting off talking about how I really feel because I’m scared. Every time I bring up how he broke his original promise, he says “things change” or “you made promises before marriage too,” which feels like comparing apples to oranges. He also says things like “I’m the husband, what I say goes,” and uses religion to back that up. I try to calmly say, “That’s not how it works,” and just drop it before it turns into a fight.
Finally, I realized I do have some terms under which I’d feel more comfortable moving. So we sat down for a talk. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, but I tried to structure it so my later suggestions would sound more reasonable. I told him first that I love him, that this isn’t me against him, but about finding a solution that works for both of us. I said one option could be me staying in the UK with our daughter for 3 years while he goes to Morocco and builds things up, just so he could keep the promise he made to my dad about waiting 5 years. We’d live with our families and save money to buy a nice house later.honestly I knew he would say no to this and I thought that this would make my actual offer the option to see more reasonable and he would be happier with it overall which probably shows my age and my naivety but I thought it was a good idea.
He was silent.
So I moved to option 2. Me staying just one more year here, learning the language, building more support, saving some money. I didn’t even get to explain the reasoning properly because I rushed through it after seeing he wasn’t reacting.
I asked him what he was thinking and told him it was okay to talk. He said it would be easier if someone stabbed him in the back twice than to hear what I said. He told me that if I could be away from him and take our daughter away for that long, it proves I don’t love him. He said he doesn’t know if he’ll ever believe I love him again. Then he told me to give him his bag and left the coffee shop. I kept pleading with him to stay and talk, but he calmly said “I can’t right now” and left.
He went to a meeting with his friends that was already scheduled and I think he’ll be back by 8pm tonight. I feel awful. My mom says he’s being immature, that he broke the original promise and is acting like a victim, but I also feel he’s really hurt. She also doesn’t like him much because of some stuff that happened after I gave birth, so I’m not sure she’s being objective.
A few important things
Our daughter was a surprise, I was on the implant, but a very happy one
I worry that once we move, I’ll lose the freedom I have here. Morocco isn’t exactly known for its feminism and I’m scared that some of the progress we’ve made in our relationship will go backwards
But I love him and want him to be happy
I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I hurt him, but I also don’t know if I was wrong to say what I said. Was I the asshole?
Edit : please help what should I do once he gets back I don’t actually know what to say once he’s back from being out
Comments
Do women have rights in Morocco? Will you be stripped of rights you currently have?
You got married as a teenager. A nearly 30 YO dated a teenager. And now he’s changing the rules, pulling the “I’m the husband do what I say” card, AND the religion card.
If you move, I suspect that your world is going to get very small and wholly controlled by him. And if you take your child there, due to their laws, you may not be able to leave with your child.
I think you’d be wise to talk to an attorney and see about your options. If he is going to move in 6 mos, I honestly think you should not.
He doesn’t view you as an equal partner. He views you as a possession or a child.
NTA, and I’ll suggest you stick with your original choice. His overly emotional reactions tells he is not a mature person.
By the way, is he ultra religious?
Omg you should not go he is manipulating you and changing too many major major things in your life going from 10 years down to six months is crazy. Stick to the five-year plan. Get to know him better, and know that he is not doing right by you, he wants what he wants and doesn’t care and he’s going to say and do what it takes to get through to goand I fear that you will seriously regret it.
He played the long game.
You’re not the asshole at all you’re just asking for time and stability, not saying no. His promises keep changing, but you’re the one expected to adjust every time. That’s not fair.
This pattern is not someone who is legitimately hurt. This is someone slowly grinding you down to accept more abuses. He is not trying to understand or compromise at all. He’s using gender and religion to belittle you, lying to you, and trying to move you to a small town where his family lives, where you won’t speak the language, and will have less rights likely to trap you
His behavior sounds like he had this in mind all along and told you and your family (father) what you wanted to hear. It seems as though he is trying to isolate you in a place where you don’t know the language, have any family or friends, job, etc. His over the top claim that “It would;ve been easier to have been stabbed in the back…” had the desired affect; to make you feel guilty. He only cares about himself, not you or your daughter. I wouldn’t go to Morroco.
Hi, I’m from Morocco’s neighboring country, which isn’t in Africa (easy to guess, wink!, wink! XD).
Don’t go, don’t let your daughter go, and set fire to the passports.
Notify the authorities and just LEAVE.
Have you read “Not Without My Daughter”? Well, we’re neighbors with Morocco, just you will NOT go to Marruecos.
Have you looked into what kind of human rights you’d have, or your daughter would have, as females in Morocco? It should terrify you. Don’t go. Don’t let her be taken.
There are so many red flags all over this guy, I don’t know where to start.
Your mother is right.
You should divorce him now. Better yet, get the marriage annulled. He married you under false pretenses. He lied and once he got you married and pregnant, his true controlling, manipulative self came out.
He is never going to think you have an equal voice, or raise your daughter to have a voice equal to a man’s. He is never going to go against his religion, culture, upbringing, to want a true marriage with you. The fact that you have been so afraid to just tell him the truth is all the proof you need.
Tell him no. Just flat out tell him you are not moving yourself or your daughter to Morocco. Not now. Not in six months. Not in 5 years. MAYBE in 10 years you MIGHT consider it, which was your original promise. None of the rest of this should be up for discussion. Imagine how he is going to lose his f’ing mind and throw a narcissistic fit when your original agreement with him is brought up to him. That’s the red flags I’m talking about. Gaslighting. Controlling. Manipulations. Fear and bullying. This is no marriage. Get out.
If you move to Morocco, you’ll regret it.
Find out what legal rights a woman has in Morocco.
NTA his behavior is scary and controlling. Your mom is right. Under no circumstances should you move to Morocco with this man. He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you, and I would say he’s already doing a fairly good job of it. Talk to a therapist, if you haven’t already, just for some help parsing out your feelings and putting his actions into perspective.
He is not being immature. He is being manipulative to get his way and make you feel like you’re in the wrong. Honestly I think you’re right to have concerns about how he will change when you move permanently. The only hurt he’s feeling is that he’s not getting his own way and has nothing to do with whether you love him or not
“I’m the husband, what I say goes,” and uses religion to back that up. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. The biggest red flag to EVER wave. Watch “Not Without My Daughter” before you do anything. Don’t go.
Edited to add: If this was me, I’d go to my family’s home with my things and tell him that he can come talk to you there. Then I would let him know I had no intention of moving and if that meant we divorced, so be it. DO NOT tell him that in private. Make sure family and trusted friends are there with you. Make sure you give your and your baby’s passports to someone you trust in your FAMILY to hold for you. Don’t leave them anywhere he can find them.
He sees you as a possession, not an equal.
Do. Not. Move. You got married at 19 (still a teenager) to a nearly 30yo man who keeps changing his promises. If you move with him to a foreign country where you’ll only have him and his family, you’ll be isolated, controlled and probably abused
Sounds like he had no intention of keeping any promises at all
He’s consistently broken them all and his excuse about “things change” is a very easy out for him
Do NOT leave the country at all. If he’s using emotional blackmail here where you’ve got your family, then god only knows what he will be like when you get there
I suspect you will have your passport taken by him for “safekeeping”
Also don’t leave your baby alone with him at any point. He may use the kid to lure you over there or else say you won’t see the baby again
Stay at your parents till you dump him
Trust your gut instinct OP! Something is wrong here! He keeps changing dates! There’s definitely something he’s not telling you!
He’s desperate to get you there, because then he will be in control.
In these countries men hold a lot of power! Women don’t have equal rights. He can take a 2nd wife, has all the child custody rights (he could stop you seeing your children), finances etc, would you be allowed to leave the house without a male escort? What clothes would you be forced to wear?
Go speak to a solicitor (in secret) who specialises in international law.
Don’t risk going until you have these things clarified!
NTA don’t move your daughter OP. One she’s out of the country you’ll never be able to not move her back without his permission. Additionally, as a foreign woman, you’ll have very few rights and very little power over your daughter and her future in Morocco. If he wants to separate you from your daughter and deny you access to her, get be able to do that. If you move, you’ll be setting yourself and your daughter up for a lifetime of isolation and abuse.
NTA. You need to stand your own ground. You know why u are feeling that nagging feeling. Reading your story reminds me of “ Not without my Daughter”.
NTA. You married a man who had a long term goal of marrying a very young and naive woman, isolating her from her family and culture by moving her to a country where she had no rights so that the REAL abuse could start.
He has completed phase one by marrying you and getting you pregnant.
He is working on phase 2.
You need to leave. This man has red flags coming out of every orifice.
Make sure he cannot take your daughter out of the country. Once you make it clear you won’t let him force you to move to Morocco, he might cut his losses by kidnapping her and taking her back to be raised in an anti feminist and strictly religious way.
He’s using you for labor and sex and servitude and babies. You are not an equal to him. He does not respect you. He loves you like a pet, not like a human being whose perspective and desires are something he needs to consider.
Your life will be ruined if you let him. Please save yourself.
be safe and stay aware. dont go
Do not move to Morocco and do not let him have access to your daughter’s passport. If he gets her there he will make it so she cannot leave. Your smartest move would be to separate and establish legal custody rights and outline that any international travel requires the agreement of both parents with very stringent guidelines. I believe he is a flight risk and would take your child to Morocco and not return. Please please be careful.
Don’t leave the country, leave the man. NTA
Dig in your heels. You are 21. But you’re a mom now and have to do what’s best for her. Would you rather have her grow up in Morroco or Uk? He wants full control and it will be easier once you’re in Morocco to isolate and control you.
When this dude was your age you were like 11-12 years old. Let that sink in. Don’t move anywhere with him. He has lied by saying 10 years, then subtly brought it down to 5 years. He never intended to wait that long. He is a very manipulative gaslighting immature piece of shit. Everything about him screams RED FLAG.
Exhibit A: He also says things like “I’m the husband, what I say goes,”
I’d be gone after he said that.
Your age gap is the first red flag. Also, you will have very little rights or help once you move to Morocco. I just watched a video on IG where a woman had to leave Morocco because their laws heavily favour the fathers. She has three daughters, only the youngest belongs to the Moroccan man
You need to find out EXACTLY what you are risking by moving there
https://www.lemonde.fr/en/le-monde-africa/article/2023/07/31/in-morocco-the-plight-of-the-divorced-mothers_6073380_124.html
This article is from 2023. You would be doing yourself a great disservice if you move you and your daughter to Morocco. He knows exactly what he is doing here
You will be at greater risk of abuse and it will be damn near impossible to leave, and you’ll never be able to leave with your child(ren) if you want to go home
Please file for divorce now while you still have protection of UK law and your family to support you
NEVER LET YOUR CHILD VISIT HIM IN MOROCCO you will never see her again
Absolutely do not go to a second location with this man. This read isolation and abuse all over it. If he wants to leave, let him but absolutely do not go. He’s already not supporting you, lying to you and trying to guilt you. Do you think him moving you away from any support it will get better? If you think moving will make him treat you better you are out of your mind. Do not go at all period.
You want him to be happy, but does HE want YOU to be happy, or is he only looking out for his own happiness? Sounds like no one is looking out for your happiness except your mom.
Categorically do not go and do not let your daughter go. I work in human rights and have worked in Morocco. I wouldn’t move in five years, I wouldn’t move in ten years, but I absolutely under no circumstances would move sooner!
There are big red flags here – you were married far too young – I think your gut is telling you not to go personally i don’t feel you should!
Consider all the good points in this chat and hopefully you make the right decision good luck 🙏🙏
I read 1/4 of this before flipping to the comments and seeing that everyone elses concerns mirror mine. Please ask yourself why your almost 30yo husband needed to marry a teenager. Please ask yourself how concerned you would feel if a friend shared this with you. You cant trust him, he keeps moving goal posts, hes already listing ways he will make your world very very very small. I wouldnt even be surprised if YOU are going to be the maid of the house once you move.
How is his relationship to his mother? Is she pushing the move?
This is scary and concerning. Please seek legal advice, and do. Not. Move.
Watch the movie (or read the book) ‘not without my daughter’ because I suspect it will be a playbook of your own experience if you move to Morocco
You married a predator. He intentionally got involved with a teen as a 30s man? He was never going to stay in the UK. He is using emotional manipulation.
How old were you when you got together? 👀
Yeah, he is going to throw away your documents and you will be the unpaid help for his parents.
He hasn’t kept a single promise he ever made. You’d be crazy to move to a country where women don’t have many rights, especially with a young daughter.
He doesn’t have a job and keeps making false promises and throwing religion in your face every time you try to have an adult conversation.
He will take you away from your support system, you won’t have money, rights and will be stuck.
Girl. No almost 30 year old marries a teenager with any good intention. You got married at 19- how old were you when you started dating? You move with him that he can isolate you and control you more than he probably already is. Get rid of the predator and under no circumstances should you move with him.
Watch “Not without my daughter” a movie with Sally Field before you do this.
Run. This is so eerily how my marriage to a non- american went. Almost exactly, and it ended very badly. Run.
‘Let’s talk about the rights that our daughter would have here vs there.” Have a full discussion about THAT. Because then he will be forced to articulate that he is ok with her (and you) being less than first class citizens.
I think you know what you need to do. Make sure that when a passport is issued for your daughter, that it is stored at a friend’s home.
Don’t think about him and his feelings. Think about your daughter. Your a parent, a mother your only job is to ensure your child lives and grows up in a safe environment. These are your motherly instincts kicking in, listen to your instincts. What kind of life will she have over there?
If you move with your daughter he will make all the decisions for her. You will no longer be allowed to make decisions for your daughter. That’s how it is. His family will have more rights to your daughter than you will.
He’s already lied to you about his timeline and about his plans so you obviously can’t trust what he says and believe that your life there is going to be better than in the UK. Don’t go.
Holy moly, lady. You don’t want to move to Morocco. Clearly. So say that. Which words.
“I am not moving outside of the UK. I though about it a lot, and no, this is not the option for me. I like my life here in the UK.”
Don’t offer your husband to be away from his child for three years. Don’t do that dancing around. Just be honest.
You’re not the ass. You sound terrified of being honest with supposedly your lifetime partner. I get it. Big decision, big potential move. Trust me dancing around the truth will not make things better.
And. The whole, “what I say goes.” Mmmyeah, definitely do not move. At least in the UK you will have better protections against that patriarchy nonsense.
Run! Divorce him. Once you get to Morocco, he’ll take your passport and hold you hostage. He’s showing the classic signs of a Muslim man who pulls this kind of crap. DO NOT EVER let him take your daughter to Morocco. You will never see her again.
As a woman with no support system I would never agree to move to a country known for being restrictive towards women where the culture favored heavily male citizens.
Where Im culturally and financially dependent on a man.
Stay put where you have support and the law isn’t biased against you.
Let him leave for a trip and prepare divorce papers.
He is manipulating you so you have and do what he wants. NTA.
Divorce him. He prayed upon you as a newly minted adult. He couldn’t get someone his own age because women his age see through this BS and won’t put up with it.
DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT LET HIM TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER!
Talk to a lawyer yesterday!
OP, I don’t want to scare you, but you should be worried.
You need to get away from this man, you are not safe.
You need to contact the Police – you are at risk of honour based violence and your child is at risk of being removed to a country where you have no right to get her back. The Police can help you with this – they can flag yours and your daughter’s passports so that Border Control will prevent either of you from trying to leave the country.
They will also offer to take DNA and fingerprint samples from you – this is in case they may need to identify a body as yours.
This is how much danger you are in.
I know the Police get a lot of stick, especially in the US, but in the UK we take honour based violence very seriously.
You say your mother is on board, but what about your father? Are you safe from harm from him or any other male relatives of you or your husband?
There is a reason he married a barely legal teenager – you are not meant to be questioning him. You are meant to put up, shut up and do as you’re told.
If you go to Morocco, it is likely you will never be able to come back.
You need to pack a bag for you and your child, take your passports and get yourself to a police station ASAP. Do not wait to for him to come home, do not try to discuss this with him again.
Editing for spelling
DO NOT MOVE. NTA
NTA but hun you were basically a child when this grown ass man married you and now he’s trying to get you to move to a country not known for treating women like people. Do not go! At this point not even to visit
He is being manipulative and the fact that he literally said im the husband what i say goes shows exactly how things will be if you move there. Trust your mother she is olderand likely seeing the red flags you aren’t
Have you seen the movie “not without my daughter”?
If you move you Will probely end up isolated in a house where you dont Get a say in anything.
This is almost Copy paste from every book/women twho tell they did what you Are about to do. Move to a muslim country and the husband change.
This is not every muslim there is this Way.. – but OP story screams
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Please leave him now. You won’t regret it and your daughter will thank you later.
Look at your situation from a third party point of view, as if it were a stranger going through it.
He is from a country/culture/religion that doesn’t hold females on the same level as men. He has made promises that he doesn’t keep. He changes timelines to suit himself. He doesn’t listen to your concerns. He refuses to consider your solutions. He gaslights you by saying your concerns and solutions mean you don’t love him and never have.
You have no real idea of what your life would be like in his country because he doesn’t want you to know. He is aware that if you know, you will not move with him.
What is his family like? What is their dynamic regarding the women? Are they free to do as they wish? Work, attend classes, go out with friends or alone? Are they expected to serve the men? How would his mother and aunts treat you? Well and fairly or as a servant?
Personally, I would not move, and would seek legal advice on his rights to take your daughter to his country.
NTA
Watch the movie, “Not Without My Daughter”.
Do not bring your daughter to Morocco! If you ever want to leave, they will never let you have her. He will get custody. And she will grow up there without any rights. It’s very repressive to women.
NTA take your daughter and move in with your parents. I am truly scared for the both of you right now. If you go I don’t ever see you coming back at least not with your child.
You know in your heart there is nothing you can say to make him change his mind or compromise. This is the first time I have ever said this on Reddit but you need to get a divorce.
Nta but I don’t think you are really thinking on the repercussions of moving to a different country with such different circumstances regarding women. Get your marriage annulled or start the process of divorce make sure you contact someone about your daughter’s passport and how she is not to leave the country. I’m sorry that your frontal lobe hadn’t been fully developed before you met someone who would take advantage of that. But you need to put on your big girl panties to protect your daughter from her father and in doing so you also need to protect yourself from him. Do not move out of the country.
He is being controlling and coercive now, imagine what that will be like when you are fully isolated and dependent on him. If your daughter has a passport already, I suggest you (privately) give it to a relative for safekeeping. There are a lot of red flags here, don’t go.
This reminds me of the beginning of Not Without My Daughter.
NTA! GIRL RUN! RUN LIKE THE DEVIL IS CHASING U! LOOK UP WHAT YOUR RIGHTS WPULD BE AND LEGAL RECOURSE YOU’D HAVE IF THINGS GO SOUTH..U WANTING TO STAY BEHIND IS YOUR INTUITION AND DON’T IGNORE IT!
Pack a bag and go to your parents whilst he is out. Protect yourself and your daughter. He’s a manipulative narcissist and you need to leave now!
And speak to a lawyer. Get your parents on board to protecting you and your daughter x
Good luck OP and be safe. Please
I noticed that you feel scared. He pulled the “You don’t love me card”. This isn’t about love. This is about safety. The truth as I see it is get you and your daughter out while you are still strong because you will become his wife (no identity)
Listen to your Mother who loves you most. She may not like him for very valid reasons. Seeing her daughter mistreated or disrespected, whatever it was, is huge. Moms, know and she is saying to you what I thought reading through your post before getting to her feelings about it. Do not leave with him. Your get feelings align with your Moms. Always listen to them. Even when they don’t seem to make sense or no one agrees, listen to them. I wish you the best and hope you don’t go with him 🙏🏻😌
You married a controlling asshole. You think things are gonna get better after you move to an Islamic country? You do know how women are treated there. Is that the life you want for you and your daughter. You fucked up when you decided to date a much older man. Probably the reason he dated you because he thought you would be easy to control.
Idk watch that movie with Sally fields not without my daughter and reconsider going.
In the 2024 gender equality index, Morocco was 84 of of 139. Do not go there with a man who dated and married a TEENAGER when he was almost 30. He dated you because he couldn’t manipulate a woman his own age. This was always his plan, trap you and trick you into moving to a country where your rights will be drastically limited in comparison to what you’re used to and isolate you from anyone able to even remotely help you.
I agree with the other posters here, and think your mother is right. Based off your age gap, his controlling ways, and what you wrote here I don’t think your partner sees you as equal, and I’d highly suggest not moving to a place that will agree with him. You’re going to be stuck and miserable out there. I can see him becoming more controlling and restricting you from your family. Do not do this. Marriage is not a dictatorship and he’s trying to get you to agree to exactly what he’s saying. He picked someone young for this reason. You’re safe now, but won’t be if you move. Talk to a lawyer, maybe even ask your parents to move in for now. He cannot legally take your daughter out of the country without your permission. I wouldn’t let him.
“Despite progress, Moroccan women continue to face discrimination in various areas, including access to education, employment, and healthcare, as well as gender-based violence and social inequalities”
This is why there is no way I would ever move to Morocco and definitely not with a daughter.
This man is trying to isolate you from your family, friends, and support network. This is an enormous red flag for abuse. Please don’t go, and divorce him if you’re able.
Watch the movie: NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER.
Once you live there he may make it so that you cannot leave without your child.
Do not move to Morocco and don’t even visit with you and your daughter, he may try and keep her there and you would be powerless to bring her home. Don’t let him travel there with her. Make sure her passport is kept in a safe place away from where he can access it. He has made up his mind to move you all out there and he doesn’t care about your opinions and feelings about it. I’d leave him personally and secure it so that your daughter cannot be taken abroad by him.
You should run fast from any man who says: I’m the husband and what I say goes. Once he isolates you in Morocco, things could be very tough for you. Lots of cultural differences. You shouldn’t even consider it and should take steps to protect your child from being taken by him to that country without you.
Omg it’s like.how many red flags can you run past and still have no idea you’re in a controlling and I’m sure one day abusive marriage.
He married you when you were 19 and he was 28. That’s 9 years, you had to have at least let one or two years earlier so you were 17/18!
You were a child and he went after you. He’s a predator! He’s bringing you to a place where you will be cut off from everyone and everything, stuck with a baby, in a country that doesn’t respect or like women and you can’t speak the language. This is all to be with a man that groomed you and throws victimizing tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.
Why would you do that to yourself? Do not move, stay with your parents. If he can’t let that happen and understand that you need that support than run. He’s going to be an abuser.
If you do move, I can almost guarantee you will not be allowed to move back with your daughter, he will not let that happen. You’re young and he’s older and honestly he’s playing you, there are so many red flags it’s almost a carnival.
Stay with your family and be safe, culturally it’s not a great place for females or young girls, you need to think very carefully about not only your future but your daughters!
FIRST – make sure to hide yours and your daughter’s passports from him.
Don’t move, break up
Updateme
OP, please don’t go! And seek legal counseling immidiately and figure out what rights YOU have and what rights your daughter has. Since he’s the father of your child he will have the right so see your child even if you divorce but make sure that IF your daughter travels with him to Morocco, can you legally get her back? Or can he keep her there? If she can’t travel safely there you need a protection order on her passport so she’s not allowed to travel abroad without your consent. Exactly how this works in the UK I don’t know, so you need to get legal counseling immidiately and you should consider divorce. This is for your and your daughter’s safety. Also, read the book or watch the movie “Not without my daughter”. That’s your future, her husband was also “nice” and “equal” when they still lived in the US but once they moved to his home country Iran things changed and she had to flee the country to get herself and her daughter home again. Please, don’t go! Leave now and stay with your mother until he’s gone to Morocco or you have a place of your own.
Absolutely not. You need to speak to an attorney.
DONT GO!
There are far too many red flags for this to be safe for you. Even a state school in England will provide more opportunities for your daughter than a private school there.
The laws in Morrocco favor fathers because it is a Muslim country and it’s not just a place where feminism is downplayed it is a full blown 99% of the population follows Islamic laws including child brides and female circumcision etc. your daughter would be in serious danger.
You were foolish to have married a man who even said 10 years that would have been devastating to your daughter as well to be raised in freedom and then have it snatched away. But to go now when you will be alone and isolated??? No way.
I’m a second note also do not travel there with your daughter without taking another family member with you (preferably a male one). If you even go for a visit at this point odds are you will never be able to return unless you do so without your daughter.
You say you love him but he is NOT reciprocating that love in any way shape or form. Your parents hesitation is valid and not a sign of over protective but a sign of justified concern for your safety.
He groomed a teen to manipulate for his narrative, Morocco isn’t a gender equal country, your daughters education will be minimal and arranged and married off before her own consent, marital rape isn’t against the law, choose wisely, you’ll lose your daughter when you grow up and make a decision that this isn’t the marriage I signed up for, no money no income, also you might find a subservient lifestyle to be fitting of you, remember your husband likes young girls he’ll be 40-you 30 and you might not be what he wants any more. This might sound horrible but how long do think you’ll live 60+ yrs and this is the beginning of 60+ reality.
Secure your passports where he cannot get at them. Find out how to alert authorities, have your child’s name/passport put on a list that would trigger an alert if he tried to take her and leave the country.
You and she are in danger from this man.
Updateme
Do not go!
NTA. He’s manipulating you. He knows how guilty saying he doesn’t believe you love him will make you feel, and he’s counting on you now putting in ALL the effort to prove you do which includes capitulating to everything he wants. Do not move right now. Do not take your daughter over there for a visit. You may not be able to get back again. A move of that magnitude is a two yes, one no situation. If HE loved YOU, he’d listen to your concerns and not dismiss you the way he has. And no, by the way, just because he’s the ‘husband/man/head of the family’ or whatever nonsense, he doesn’t get the last and only say. And also, no, he can’t force you to move.
GIRL DO NOT MOVE. START LOOKING FOR A JOB TO SUPPORT YOURSELF HOLY SHIT.
IT’S A TRAP. I REPEAT IT’S A TRAP. YOU’LL BE FOREVER STUCK THERE.OMFG DO NOT GO LIKE THIS WITH A KID.
It doesn’t seem like you will have a good life in Morocco unless it’s exactly as he wants it. You’re being far more reasonable than him, who is using manipulation. You should even feel pissed off about him trying to manipulate you like you were a child, but he did date you when you were literally a teen and he was close to 30.
I will not say anything against Morocco, but he does sound pretty restrictive and chauvinist (in both meanings of the word). Try to ask yourself if he does love and respects you and your needs/wants or does he want a manipulable child bride. You tried to compromise, he had a tantrum.
Can I ask what did he do after you gave birth?
See a lawyer and take care of your child.
He will try to leave with
NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER! I RECOMMEND YOU WATCH THAT MOVIE ASAP.
Don’t go
Do not move abroad! You will have no rights there and may lose your child. Find your important documents, passport, birth certificate of you and your child. Pack a bag and go stay with family.
He’s got so many red flags that it would be irresponsible to stay. He’s aggressive, he lies, and he changes his mind to suit him. He’s pulled the religion card, and the “I’m the husband, it’s my rules” card. It’s only going to get worse from here.
NTA, you have a bad feeling. Don’t ignore it. He has already told you that he is the man of the house. Using religion as an excuse to make you feel like you have no say. Wait until you go to Morroco. Whew! That is going to be a life change.
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
In case this is real I’ll respond. The man chose a teenager, quickly got her pregnant, lied to her and her parents, and is trying to take her to another country where she has little support.
You’d be a fool to leave the country with this man. You better make sure he doesn’t take your daughter with him when he leaves. The minute you told him you didn’t want to go with him, he became an adversary. Remember that or you’ll come to regret it.
There’s just so much wrong with his situation. Best of luck to you. Act on logic, not emotion.
Oh sweet summer child. Your frontal lobe hasn’t even developed yet and you’ve gotten yourself in this mess with an 11-month-old daughter with a narcissistic husband no less. Listen to your mother, they always know best. Get a lawyer. Why is he in such a hurry to leave? To go somewhere you have no family, no support system? Turn things around. “If he loved you he would understand and wait and make you feel as comfortable as possible so you said yes” instead, he is bullying you and manipulating you. Please don’t go. You are a kid. That’s why he preyed on you. You were a child when you met.
NTA. Don’t move. Stay with your parents. There were probably a lot of red flags prior to getting married….
NTA.
Outside looking in here. I have no idea about traditional cultural roles or how if that is something that is in play here, but speaking as a Canadian male, this guy is setting off all kinds of red flags.
In a nutshell, I get the feeling that IF you move, you won’t be ALLOWED to go anywhere. You’ll become his property in his eyes and as such, will have no freedom to do anyhing
NTA.
With the lies he’s baited you with already, it seems very probable that if you and your daughter go to Morocco, you will never see you passport again, and will live there—against your wishes, as a second-class-citizen at best—for the rest of your life.
Talk to a lawyer about your options, and DO NOT MOVE (or allow your daughter to go without you on a ‘Daddy/Daughter Visit’).
He thinks you’re trapped now. He’s going to do whatever he wants and expects you to just shut up and do as he says.
I would not move away from my support system.
You will be isolated in a foreign country. This is a bad idea.
NTA
NTA – NEVER more somewhere where you don’t speak the language. You will not be able to advocate for yourself.
If you move to Morocco, you’ll be trapped for life. Which is probably his intent.
Please look at what rights (if any) that women have where he is trying to take you. I also will suggest the movie “Not without my Daughter” which is based on a true story. He is trying to rush you moving there, makes me wonder why.
This is incredibly concerning. You need to leave him immediately and take your daughter with you.
Do not tell him where you went. Do not leave the country with him. Do not let him take your daughter on a trip.
DESTROY YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER’S PASSPORTS.
This might sounds dramatic, but I have heard some horror stories. Someone I know was even involved in something like this. You are so young, please stay safe.
Does your daughter have a passport yet? Don’t get her one if she doesn’t have one and if she already does give it to your parents for safekeeping.
Unfortunately this is just another example of a much older man marrying a young woman so he can take advantage of her naivety and meekness. This was absolutely his plan all along. He knew you would just hope the issue went away and has been manipulating you to make you feel guilty about “disagreeing”.
He started out giving you spending money and telling you that you would have an equal say in what happens and now he has you paying rent and saying that he’s the man and what he says goes. It’s time to stand up for yourself. Do not agree to move to Morocco. Move back in with your parents and find out what the laws are regarding taking your daughter out of the country.
You will 100% lose a lot of your independence and freedom you now enjoy because that’s just the way it is in that country
Do not go to Morocco. You will lose your rights over the child. You will also lose many of the rights you enjoy in the UK.
You and your child will be extremely vulnerable. It already sounds like you are in a bad situation. Moving to Morocco could put you both in extreme danger.
Go to your mom. Walk, if you have to. Leave now, whole he’s out. Do not speak to him. Your options are rapidly shrinking and they’ll only get smaller if you don’t act fast.
If you move there, you and your daughter will quickly find out you have no power in your home. He has already dropped the “I’m the husband what I say goes”, but because you are safe with your family in the UK, he has no power over you. If you ever leave and go to Morocco- you will be completely dependant on him and the power he has over you will completely change his attitude and his behaviour towards you.
DO NOT MOVE TO MOROCCO WITH HIM! You currently have rights and freedoms in the UK, and so does your daughter. If you move yourselves to Morocco, your daughter will never come back. She will be stuck in Morocco and you will forever be fighting to get her back, because this marriage is not going to last and he will keep your daughter prisoner in a country where she has no rights. He’s doing this on purpose.
Let me be perfectly clear: you do not love him. You love the person he pretended to be in order to get you to marry him. You love the idea of him. Your brain is not even fully developed yet and he groomed you into being and doing what he wants. This man is dangerous. You should file for annulment and get court ordered custody and visitation to keep your daughter in the UK.
You need to listen to your mother on this.
Don’t move anywhere where you don’t have a job, savings, visa to work, no friends or family support system. Don’t move to any country where woman are at a disadvantage also you were what 18/19 when you started dating and his 30? This guy is already exhibiting controlling behaviours. His attempts to isolate and selling you dreams of his successful business and you staying at home with maids and private schools for your child. Nop!! Many women do this and they start getting abused. You don’t even know the language. Don’t go.
This is how human trafficking works. Sometimes you see women who are stuck in foreign countries without any say and forced to birth a thousand kids and clean up after the husband and his family and you wonder how they got there? Just like you are now. Get a divorce, get out of this.
He’s manipulating you and your brain is screaming RED ALERT signals. Don’t let “love” cloud your judgment. The person you “love” may not be the man you married. Many times their “mask” slips once he has you secured where you cannot flee. And taking you and your daughter to a country where women have no real rights, and far away from your social supports is a common part of that. When he comes back, tell him you love him but it feels that he doesn’t love YOU. You sacrificed your BODY to give him a child. Now as a husband his only role is to ensure his wife’s happiness, and he is only looking at what he wants and not what you NEED.
Tell him that if he insists on putting himself first, you want a divorce and those are his two options. If he loves you he will stay with you here for 10 years like he promised, and that you are not willing to travel to a foreign country with a man that can’t keep his promises. Period.
Also do NOT get your child a passport, and if she already has one, hide or destroy it so that he does not leave the country with her and therefore blackmail you into following.
This is serious. This much older man chased a teenager for a reason. He wants the power in the relationship, and if you give it to him you will be nothing but a slave. Force him to be an equal partner and for him to put your desires above his, or just get a divorce. He’s not the victime. YOU are the victim. At his grown age he should know better.
Edited to add: If he starts accusing you of “not trusting” him, you tell him damn straight you can’t trust men who don’t keep their promises. Only stupid people would trust under those circumstances.
Watch “Not without my daughter,” I think with Sally Fields.
Watch it. Or read the book. Then, see how that affects your decision. It is a true story.
Nta. Do not move and take your kid. You might be able leave , but your kid won’t.
He is treating you like furniture not a partner, run !
You married a 28 year old when you were 19. Men like to marry much younger women because they find them easier to control, just like your husband is doing to you. You decided to have a child with this control freak. YATAH for putting your naive self in this predicament.
He doesn’t want you to build up those supports. He’s doing something that has been done for ages to women like you. They trap you, get you pregnant, make billions of promises but keep moving the goalpost as he’s obviously has been doing. And once you’re there in their homecountry, they’ve got you. His mask has already been falling, but once you’re in Morrocco on his terms his mask will fall completely and he will show himself for the monster he is.
Do not step on that plane! Do not move. Divorce him now and never ever EVER let him take your daugher to Morrocco or you’ll never see her again.
Please do not move to Morocco. This does not feel right to me or anyone else here, and I have a feeling your gut is screaming at you as well.
Your age gap worries me. How old were you when you got together? How long were you together before you got married?
This feels like a bait and switch. He told you what you wanted to hear to lure you in and now that he thinks you have no other option, he’s switching everything up. Talk to a lawyer, go stay with YOUR family or a trusted friend, just make sure you know all of your options and that you and your child are safe.
Your husband will threaten a lot of things (he’ll take your child, you can’t take care of the child on your own, he’ll get custody, blah blah, blah) don’t listen to him! Talk to a lawyer before you allow him to scare you into moving. Please be safe.
Stay away from this person please. He is controlling narcissist.
Reading this made me think about the Sally Field movie, “Not Without My Daughters”- which takes place in Iran. It’s been decades since I saw the movies, but it stuck with me.
Watch the movie Not Without My Daughter then decide if you want to go.
You should not have married him if you weren’t keen on Morocco.
Check out women’s legal rights in Morocco.
Whatever you decide, you need to put a Prohibited Steps order onto your daughter’s passport- meaning that YOU are the only person that can take her out of the country. He’s lied before; he may lie about not taking her with him if he leaves
“Not Without My Daughter” was published 1987 and women still don’t learn.
NTA
He is planning to divorce you and keep your child with his parents.
Stay where you are, a family member found herself in the same position as you, she however chose to go there. She also had visited, but once they moved life did a complete 180. 6 months later after her parents had replaced her and her child’s passports here, her parents visited, they took their daughter and grandchild out for lunch and they all flew back here. Do not move there
Don’t go. Hide the passports at your mothers and watch the movie Not without my Daughter
You need to keep to your plan of staying where you are. DO NOT MOVE TO MOROCCO. you married a man from a totally different culture, religion. “I am the man and what I say goes”will only get worse the longer you are married especially if you move to Morocco. His religion and culture also make it ok for him to beat you trust me if he hasn’t hit you yet he will. You were young and compliant when he married you. As you become more mature and have more of a voice for yourself he will become a very different man then who you first married. My advice don’t go to Morocco, never allow you daughter to go to Morocco and divorce him. Trust your mother. She dislikes him because well she is older and wiser. Quit being gullible your life will be hell in Morocco and if he divorced you he will get custody of your daughter. You need to stay put and if keeps pushing divorce him. Love honey will fade once his true nature starts coming through. Ask me how I know
Baby, THE MOMENT you get to Morocco your child will be taken from you and this man WILL beat your ass. Divorce immediately.
Go to your mom’s right now. You want us to tell you what to say to him, but you need to get you and your daughter away from him first before being honest. You brought your daughter into this world and it’s your job to protect her. Otherwise, that’s unforgivable.
Also, if you go with him, marital rape isn’t illegal there, so you could be forced to bring more children into a bad situation.
This should be a standard rule for women: Never follow a man to a country where you have less rights than the country you are in right now.
NO.
Morocco is unfortunately a terrible place for women and pretty much anyone who is not the closet case homosexual king and his cronies. Don’t raise your daughter there. Violence against women is pervasive.
You need a lawyer and a divorce. Get a lawyer who specializes is international custody disputes. Put a hold on your child’s passport. 100% this man will take your child and if you haven’t put steps in place now you’ll either never see them again or be forced to move to Morocco where as a woman things will be much harder.
You are a victim of grooming. You need a lawyer and a therapist. Not Reddit. Good luck. I hope to see your update in a year that you are divorced and thriving.
With all due respect, OP, you will be an utter d*****s if you stay with this guy at all and a lunatic who will destroy your daughter’s future if you go. He will trap you in a village, probably living with his family. His mother will treat you as the house slave. He will give you no money and he will lock your passports somewhere you can’t access. You will be trapped and you will have trapped your daughter there with you.
He lied to your face from the beginning and I have a feeling there’s a shit ton you’re not telling us – “stuff” that happened after your daughter was born.
Your mother is RIGHT. And you will be an AH if you go all “But, I luuuuuuuurve him” and follow him into hell.
Don’t go, don’t let your kid go, keep her under guard night and day. These men will abduct the child and you might never see her again. I wish it wasn’t real, but it’s a real possibility. Divorce while you still can. Make sure you alone get parental rights. Inform everyone you know, get a picture of your kid and her name to the police so they will be stopped at airports!
That age gap is really concerning, when somebody goes after somebody was so little life experience there is a reason, there is always a reason. People age-appropriate for them could smell their BS. NTA.
Go to your parents now and get away from this man immediately. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I’ll just say his plan was never 10 or 5 years, it was always get married and move back home immediately to his small town with his family, that was his plan all along. You got married under false pretenses, to someone who is way too old when you were still just a kid, and is 100% taking advantage of you. If you stay with him and move to his country, you will have no support structure and be coerced by him and his family. You need to sit down with your mom and dad and discuss this and please get a divorce, for the sake of yourself and your baby.
NTA. Your husband doesn’t love you. You and your daughter are noting more than property. Do NOT set foot on a plane with this man or you and your daughter will never see the UK or your family again.
And really, is that the life that you want for your daughter? To be seen as less than a person. Let your husband go. Tell him he can come back to visit his daughter in the UK but she will never visit him in Morocco.
How many pairs of rose tinted glasses have you gone through before today because my GOD, I’m worried for you and your girl. Please listen to people on here