My husband and I have been going through a rough patch for months. He works late, barely talks to me when he gets home, and always says he’s just tired or stressed. But he has energy to joke with his friends online until 2 a.m., and suddenly he’s “too exhausted” when I try to have any kind of real conversation.
Last week, I told him I wanted to sleep in the guest room for a while—not as a punishment, just to clear my head. He flipped out. Said I was making things worse and acting dramatic. I told him I’m tired of pretending things are fine. We sleep next to each other like strangers, and I feel lonelier than when I’m actually alone.
Now he’s giving me the cold shoulder and told his mom, who of course called me saying I need to “put more effort” into my marriage. But I’ve been trying. I just don’t want to fake it anymore. Am I really the asshole for needing space?
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nta. you’re not wrong for needing space when you feel lonely next to him. sleeping alone for a bit is better than pretending everything’s fine and hurting inside. he’s upset, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong
NTA. Wanting space in a relationship that already feels disconnected isn’t dramatic, it’s honest. Sleeping next to someone who won’t even talk to you just makes it worse. You didn’t leave, you didn’t blow up, you just needed a mental reset. If he cared more about fixing things than saving face, he’d be talking to you instead of dragging his mom into it
NTA. Something needs to be talked about here. If you’re feeling lonely, he needs to take that seriously, and if sleeping together (but apart) is making it feel worse, he should know that too. You’ve lost intimacy, and it takes two to get it back.
Everyone goes through things, do you think he’s cheating? If not then yes you probably are reacting a little hasty!!! Marriage isn’t perfect and your vows don’t mean your love is just gonna conquer everything… Marriage takes hard work and a lot of empathy, patience and understanding sometimes!!! I know you want him to always be your reinforcement but even strong men need reinforcement sometimes!!! Sometimes humans don’t even really know what is wrong with us!!! Patience is the best thing you can offer right now!!! If you think he might be cheating than ask him.
Your mother-in-law is telling you how to manage your marriage? I find that strange that he told her and stranger that she called to tell you what to do. This is between you and your husband.
NTA. You guys need counseling…
He is obviously checked out. Moving into the other room is you checking out too. Y’all need to pick a direction and row together. Stay together or don’t but whatever you are doing is neither.
He either deals with you sleeping in a guest room or a hotel room, and you won’t be returning from the latter. He can make his choice.
NTA… he is actively gaslighting you and cheating on you. I smell a narcissist. Skip the guest room and send that boy back to his mama. Source: a woman whose ex MIL called to tell her when it would be an appropriate time to have a baby. Run away…. Run run run. Now.
NTA how can I put more effort into a marriage when he says he doesn’t have the energy to talk to you but talks to his friends till 2am
Your husband is pathetic.
When it comes to the point that you are lonely sleeping next to someone but better in bed alone then that means it’s over. He can run to mommy dearest and blame you and she will believe her little darling. Be prepared that it will be the same story he tells everyone.
End things with him. Life will be more full and vibrant.
Speaking as someone who lived a lonely unsupportive marriage to a momma’s boy. Trust me. Life begins when that sort of relationship ends. Stay strong. It will get MUCH better.
NTA, why is your husband running to his mother about the issues going on in your marriage. Does he think that’s going to help.
Your husband went crying to his mommy to fight his issues for him, what a dick. NTA, you guys need therapy if you want to work through this. Personally I’d flick him to his friends but I’m old and don’t care
No, you’re not TA, Ive been through this, I was exhausted, desperate, lonely, scared and sad, and we didn’t have a guest bed. My search history involved sofa beds
NTA. Husbands don’t like it when you disrespect them, but the disrespect he shows you on a daily basis you’re just supposed to eat? No, girl I would move all of my things into the guest bedroom, not to sleep in there. That will send him a clear message that you want to communicate with words not actions. But he chooses non-action and no words. His choice. Well played.
I tell you what OP!!! Take advice from these women and see if that helps fix your marriage!!! Sometimes instead of giving in both partners keep score and retaliate with emotional blows and once that happens the situation only gets worse!!! If he is cheating will he just admit it? Probably not but it will put pressure on him if he is and he’ll slip up!!! If he’s not than he’s obviously going through some shit and go ahead and say (fuk him you don’t have to mother him) that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard!!! Marriage is hard and successful marriages at certain times one partner or the other put in a little more than the other!!!
Your husband needs to put in more effort.. It’s fine to get perspective from a third party but only if you’re telling the whole story which it seems your hubby didn’t. If you want to save your marriage, you get therapy. You don’t go tell half a story or pull away. Shalom you’re loved 💔
How old is this man? I think calling “Mommy” & discussing marriage problems with her is totally ridiculous. He needs to grow up.
No , not the AH. Mother in law sure is . Someone needs to tell her to mind her own damn business or at the very least tell her son to put as much effort into his marriage as he does his video games.
I’ve been here with an ex and the loneliness nearly killed me. If his response is to give you the cold shoulder rather than comforting you in your vulnerable moment, I’m so sorry it’s not going to get better. NTA.
NTA. Your husband is. He called his mother?! And he thinks that’ll solve things?! Maybe he should go live with her. Good luck to you.
When my XMIL told me to just lay back and let him once a week, I just said, “Ew.”
NTA
OMG he called his mommy!!!!! Show s a level of immaturity that is only going to make things worse! You needing a break to sleep alone is not too much to ask but it really sounds like it’s time for some therapy to be able to actually start dealing with things. Good luck 🤞
Flat out tell her, “He is not married to you and he needs to start acting like he is married to me. I am not the problem. I’ve made effort where he does not. The next time you seek to interfere in OUR marriage will be the end of all talking and he can pay for the divorce. Or you can since you dont want to acknowledge you failed to raise him to be a decent husband.”
Since she wants to throw your so called “failures” in your face, you can throw her ACTUAL failures in hers. Match that energy
When I’m really stressed, the last thing I need is an honest and real conversation. Sometimes your partner makes things worse by trying to fix things. So you dick around with your friends on line or some other mindless activity just to get thru.
That doesn’t mean you can avoid issues forever. You should just say “hey, we really need to talk, let me know when it’s a good time”. He may or may not respond positively to this, but at least you’ve given him every opportunity.
He told on you to his mommy? I’d leave for that reason alone. Instead of him putting the effort in to work on things he is trying to manipulate you into thinking you’re the problem.
NTA. Try to break contact with his mom for a while. And he doesn’t sound like a great husband. Get the space you need. Let him be offended and cold as he wants. You need it. If he cares at all about you he’ll let you have your space and get over himself.
Grown ass man who ran tattling to his Mommy. Disgusting.
He is the one disconnecting from you.
Ew my vagina would permanently seal itself shut if my husband ran to his mummy any time we had an argument.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting space but you can’t hide in the guestroom from the elephant in your house forever. Your husband doesn’t give a shit about you and is quite happy to have you at the bottom of his priority list. You’re going to have to confront him with that and tell him you’re not happy eventually, no matter how “exhausted” he claims to be when you try and broach the topic.
NTA
Tell Momma’s soecial little boy that you’re sorry that he’s not feeling loved and appreciated for doing absolutely nothing and she needs to take a seat.
How dare he tattle on you like a child.
NTA. If you need space and you have it in your own home, do it. Sleeping next to someone you’re not feeling it for right now isn’t good for you.
Now also, it’s up to you to clearly explain to him how all of these things are hurting your relationship. If he doesn’t get it, try again. If he doesn’t get it the third time, let him know you won’t continue and get out.
I know the average redditor jumps immediately to ‘get a divorce.’ Please know, I say this as someone who went thru this situation for 10+ years thinking it would get better after putting in lots of effort. He didn’t change those habits, and when I finally quit a few months ago, I FELT FREE. Now the divorce paperwork is doing the stupid 30 day mandatory waiting period.
No, seriously Mr. Legislator, I’m not going to change my mind after 25 years of this but thanks for looking out for me in the most annoying way possible.
And I feel EVEN BETTER now. Happy, downright JOYFUL. And I’m dating someone new who’s made me feel more seen and cared for over the course of four dates than my husband did in the last 15 years of our marriage.