I (28F) recently moved into my MIL’s house as I’m graduating from grad school and we need a place to stay while we find jobs. I want this to be as temporary as possible but with this job market…who knows.
Anyway, my MIL, BIL, and my husband’s grandmother live in the house as well, and each have a dog. However, I’m concerned about my GIL’s dog (6 years old). She’s severely overweight that it looks painful for her to even walk, she’s in my GIL’s room all day. I’m not even joking. GIL will walk out of her room to have a cigarette but most of the time, she keeps the dog in the room and won’t take her outside. Sometimes she’ll let her out of the room but leaves her in the living room instead of going outside. This means she ends up doing her business in the living room instead. I don’t doubt she does her business inside my GIL’s room because it reeks inside. They aren’t taking her to the vet to see if anything is wrong either.
Tonight, I got back home from fireworks just to find dog shit and piss all over the dining room thats near the kitchen. This is probably the 10th time I’ve cleaned dog business in the week I’ve lived here, and that doesn’t even count the times my husband and BIL have cleaned it up either. It was my breaking point and I said that either something has to change or she needs to be rehomed. This isn’t normal for such a young dog, and its disgusting to just let happen. My GIL called me an asshole and said its BS that she’s doing her business inside, even though I witnessed it myself multiple times this past week. She also said the dog is all she has left after her husband died and she lost her house and now I’m not sure if I’m the AITA? I feel bad that the dog is all she has left but at the same time, that doesn’t justify neglecting a dog either.
ETA: Stop saying “walk the dog yourself”. If we could, we would. The problem is that she won’t let the dog out of the room. My husband has gone to get her out but GIL wouldn’t open the door. I don’t know what more we can do beyond try to either have a serious conversation about change because the dog deserves better than that.
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I (28F) recently moved into my MIL’s house as I’m graduating from grad school and we need a place to stay while we find jobs. I want this to be as temporary as possible but with this job market…who knows.
Anyway, my MIL, BIL, and my husband’s grandmother live in the house as well, and each have a dog. However, I’m concerned about my GIL’s dog (6 years old). She’s severely overweight that it looks painful for her to even walk, she’s in my GIL’s room all day. I’m not even joking. GIL will walk out of her room to have a cigarette but most of the time, she keeps the dog in the room and won’t take her outside. Sometimes she’ll let her out of the room but leaves her in the living room instead of going outside. This means she ends up doing her business in the living room instead. I don’t doubt she does her business inside my GIL’s room because it reeks inside. They aren’t taking her to the vet to see if anything is wrong either.
Tonight, I got back home from fireworks just to find dog shit and piss all over the dining room thats near the kitchen. This is probably the 10th time I’ve cleaned dog business in the week I’ve lived here, and that doesn’t even count the times my husband and BIL have cleaned it up either. It was my breaking point and I said that either something has to change or she needs to be rehomed. This isn’t normal for such a young dog, and its disgusting to just let happen. My GIL called me an asshole and said its BS that she’s doing her business inside, even though I witnessed it myself multiple times this past week. She also said the dog is all she has left after her husband died and she lost her house and now I’m not sure if I’m the AITA? I feel bad that the dog is all she has left but at the same time, that doesn’t justify neglecting a dog either.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my GIL to rehome her dog even though she feels like its all she has left. The dog is being neglected and I’m worried about its wellbeing but I’m not sure if suggesting rehoming the dog is an AH move though.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You need to move out immediately. You have to find a way to make it work. This is an insane situation. That’s disgusting and inhumane. It would make me miserable and incredibly distressed. So for your own mental health, you need to get out.
I don’t know what you can do about the situation with the dog. It’s their dog, not yours. They’re treating the dog horribly, but there’s nothing you can do about it probably unless you literally take the dog away from them.
Why does the dog need to be rehome? Why not you and your husband? Why not try a little training?
YTA and so is every able-bodied person in that house.
NTA an animal shouldn’t have to suffer neglect just to save someone’s feelings.
I wouldn’t have immediately jumped into rehoming the dog though. Should have started with having a serious conversation with everyone about changing how the dog is cared for and, since grandma is older and not capable, how the care may be redistributed amongst the family. With the understanding that if the situation doesn’t improve the dog would have to be rehomed.
YTA all able bodied people can try walk the dog once in a day. Dog will be healthy and happy, GIL gets to keep her dog( in her old age – dog is more of emotional companion), problem solved for everyone
YTA. This isn’t your house. Unless the dog is being mistreated to the point it needs to be seized from the home, you’re the ones that need to move out.
You can gently educate, offer to walk the dog, suggest reading material on dog obesity etc. … But hostile words, like telling someone to rehome their dog, are not the answer. They will never have the outcome you’re looking for.
Either convince them to take the dog to a vet for a thorough check up, or offer to do it yourself. Then, give the dog as much love and training as you can spare. Rehoming her is not fair to the dog at all. And frankly, she was there first. Be part of the solution, not create another problem. YTA.
ESH. you gotta move out or train the dog, walk the dog, clean up after the dog. you don’t get to move in and take over and take grannies dog.
Talk about a leap. If it’s not permanent for you and your husband, why are you wanting to rehome the dog? I love how ppl not paying the bills like to set the rules.
Dog is being miss treated. Not your choice to rehome. If dog is in ill health because of this, notify authorities. You need to rehome yourself. I wouldn’t live in these conditions. Not your home , not your rules. Time to find a new place to live, solo.
YTA
Slight NTA. The dog is clearly not being cared for and is being neglected. The hygiene situation in GIL room is also a concern if it smells and she can’t care for herself or the dog. However, I think a serious conversation needs to happen between all of the adults on how to help support GIL with the care of the dog before just jumping to “it needs to be rehomed.”
Why not … take the dog for a morning walk? Get BIL to take it for a walk? Get your husband to take it for a walk? Get your MIL to take it for a walk? I bet that would be a way more palatable alternative to living in piss and shit. Poor dog. All of you, including Grandma in law, are assholes.
You all live there. Work on a solution instead of looking at the dog, saying not my problem, and complaining. You are a family. Act like one.
If you were taking care of the dog, you wouldn’t be asking if YTA on Reddit. $600 plus groceries, I’d take that gig for me and husband in heartbeat.
What if all of the adults in the house got together, except for Grandma, and talked about solutions to this problem. It sounds like everybody knows it’s a problem. It sounds like they’ve tried to talk to Grandma unsuccessfully. Maybe the answer is for everyone to sit down and have a family talk specifically about the dog. Grandma should be told that the dog will be allowed out of her room on a regular basis to go to the bathroom. The other adults in the house can take the dog out with the other dogs or take it for a walk or do something to see that it can get outside to go to the bathroom. Everyone should get together and insist that Granny let everyone clean up her room. It sounds like she possibly has dementia If that’s the case, then the responsible thing to do is to get some care for her as well as the dog. But all the adults need to decide what’s appropriate and take action to enforce it. It’s a disgusting situation, but it’s not your place to tell people you’re living with how to live their lives. Your husband should take the lead in this because it’s his family. Talk to him and see if he thinks this would be a reasonable approach. I don’t blame Granny for not wanting to get rid of the dog that’s a memory of her husband. But that doesn’t mean she has to get rid of the dog, she just has to enable it to be cared for properly. If she’s incapable of doing it then the rest of you need to take over for her.
Esh
You for moving in a then wanting to get rid of a dog.
Every able bodied person in the house for not walking the dog and training it.
ESH This does sound like animal cruelty, but I want to know if grandma is actually capable of caring for the dog on her own or whether she needs support to do so. I want to know about the bigger picture.
Is grandma suffering from dementia? Is anyone else in the house supporting grandma to take care of the dog? Has anyone bothered training the dog? And if anyone is going to say anything, it needs to be your husband, not you…..because inlaws don’t get to tell their partner’s family what to do.
ESH. That poor dog.
That dog is being severely mistreated, it absolutely needs to be rehomed. But all most commenters are going to zero in on is the fact that you want to rehome the dog. I don’t know how the dog could continue to be comfortable living there or around someone who severely neglected it. I’d try and find a place that could actually take care of the dog. It wouldn’t surprise me if the dog has developed anxiety issues or something like that.
NTA. the fact people are saying you’re the AH for even suggesting the IDEA of “these aren’t proper conditions for an animal” is baffling to me. you and the other adults need to have a serious discussion with either eachother, or GIL. if the situation doesn’t improve, and this dog isn’t trained, you’ll run out of options.
Former vet assistant here… At the risk of getting downvoted, NTA, without a doubt.
When a pets well-being is at risk, whether it’s physical abuse or neglect, if steps are not being taken to ensure the pet has a healthy and happy life then sometimes rehoming is needed.
In this situation, it sounds like the owner is 100% aware of the issues, and in complete denial, and her pet is suffering as a result. Whether or not this dog is the last thing she has left from her husband is irrelevant. In fact, if this dog is the last thing she has from her husband, then she should be taking better care of it so that it actually lives longer.
Dogs need regular exercise. Even/especially small ones. A minimum of 30 minutes per day outside is recommended for dogs. If the dog is defecating and urinating in the home, and being contained for long periods of time with no mental or physical stimulation, all of this is pretty much an ironclad case for animal neglect/abuse, to the point where it would be considered reportable in most places in North America.
This dog is not living, it is surviving. And it is doing it what is essentially a snowsuit of its own fat. It will make simple things like movement, breathing, and body temperature regulation very difficult. It can cause serious side effects like diabetes, liver failure, heart failure.
And when it comes down to it, I really don’t have that much empathy for the owner in this situation. Part of being a good pet owner is recognizing when you can’t give your pet what it needs to flourish and doing the right thing by giving it an opportunity elsewhere. It’s sad, but she’s had lots of opportunities to do the right thing and take care of her pet.
Only thing you can do is leave and get your own place and then call animal control after you leave. Make sure to take plenty of pics before leaving. If you want to continue living there, you probably just need to shut the fuck up until you can afford your own.
Rehome yourselves. You’re the ones with opposable thumbs.
YTA. When you’re living in someone else’s home, you don’t get to tell them what to do unless they’re being abusive to the dig.
Buy some pee pads to place in the living room. If you are very worried then have humane society do a wellness check and maybe cps (for old people) can che on grandma. Somebody needs to talk sense into grandma about the young ones taking turn to walk dog 2-3x a day. Maybr cut a hole in her door and place a doggy door so the dog can come out on its own. Things can be done. Unless she is hurting the dog or the dog is looking depressed or sick why would you try and take away their pet. Humane society will give them a little scare if needed.
This is animal cruelty and the dog needs to be safed asap. NTA and indeed do something about it. Thank you for caring about the dog!!
You don’t move into someone else’s house and try to run it. Leave or mind your business
At First I was Y (Not anymore) ta, but after continuing the read.. nope NTA, poor fur baby. Maybe try and Talk gil and mil into scheduling walks?
Whereas I’m Generally a “your House, your Rules” kinda Person this doesn’t include neglect.
I hope you find a solution that works for the dog