I’ve been stressed out lately and I think I blew up on them and was unnecessarily rude now that I’m calming down enough to think about it.
Me and my husband both work. We have a 3 year old. He works at an office job while I work from home while being a stay at home mom. So I keep the house together, cook dinner and work while keeping my toddler entertained.
It’s tough, but we’re doing it and have a system. My job is flexible and as long as I get tasks done at the end of the week, they’re happy. Some days I don’t get to work all day and have to work into the night.
Life got tough and I began to get behind on tasks so we agreed to try out daycare once a week so that can be my one full “work day” without being a mom or focusing on the house.
Anyway, my in laws keep making comments about it that piss me off. When I first mentioned it, they were shocked and said that we’re spending a lot of money just for something I can do. After a few months, they started making comments like “oh its your break day!” Or “you get to relax today.”
My 2 sister in laws are stay at home moms and I just can’t find myself relating with them. They talk often about how they get to nap during the day and how they do playdates and drink wine with other moms. They talk about all these shows they watch or tiktok trends. I don’t ever have time for those unless I stay up after bedtime but I’m usually too exhausted for that. I don’t judge their lifestyle, in fact I’m happy that they are able to do this and hope that once my husband finishes his schooling and we get to a good financial position, I can live like that too!
I usually can ignore them but last night we were over at a family gathering. My MIL and 2 SILs were talking and they mentioned how today would be my “break day” again. I laughed awkwardly and tried to change the subject but my sister in law kept exclaiming that I’m sooo lucky and that she’s envious that I get a break just to relax. I tried to mention that its not much of a break with working, but my other in laws chimed in and were talking about how they wished they could just leave their kids without a care.
I don’t know what happened but I snapped. I stood up, told them that they should “get a job to see how hard it really is” and walked away. My husband quickly packed us all up and we left. We agree that I overreacted but I just wanted to see what other people think. I think I should apologize to them.
Edit to add: my husband does just as much as I do, if not more!! I get more sleep than he does. We just are trying not to get any debt and are investing in our future right now. I didn’t mean to make it sound like he’s slacking
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I’ve been stressed out lately and I think I blew up on them and was unnecessarily rude now that I’m calming down enough to think about it.
Me and my husband both work. We have a 3 year old. He works at an office job while I work from home while being a stay at home mom. So I keep the house together, cook dinner and work while keeping my toddler entertained.
It’s tough, but we’re doing it and have a system. My job is flexible and as long as I get tasks done at the end of the week, they’re happy. Some days I don’t get to work all day and have to work into the night.
Life got tough and I began to get behind on tasks so we agreed to try out daycare once a week so that can be my one full “work day” without being a mom or focusing on the house.
Anyway, my in laws keep making comments about it that piss me off. When I first mentioned it, they were shocked and said that we’re spending a lot of money just for something I can do. After a few months, they started making comments like “oh its your break day!” Or “you get to relax today.”
My 2 sister in laws are stay at home moms and I just can’t find myself relating with them. They talk often about how they get to nap during the day and how they do playdates and drink wine with other moms. They talk about all these shows they watch or tiktok trends. I don’t ever have time for those unless I stay up after bedtime but I’m usually too exhausted for that. I don’t judge their lifestyle, in fact I’m happy that they are able to do this and hope that once my husband finishes his schooling and we get to a good financial position, I can live like that too!
I usually can ignore them but last night we were over at a family gathering. My MIL and 2 SILs were talking and they mentioned how today would be my “break day” again. I laughed awkwardly and tried to change the subject but my sister in law kept exclaiming that I’m sooo lucky and that she’s envious that I get a break just to relax. I tried to mention that its not much of a break with working, but my other in laws chimed in and were talking about how they wished they could just leave their kids without a care.
I don’t know what happened but I snapped. I stood up, told them that they should “get a job to see how hard it really is” and walked away. My husband quickly packed us all up and we left. We agree that I overreacted but I just wanted to see what other people think. I think I should apologize to them.
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> Telling my in laws to get a job
I feel like that was uncalled for and rude
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. You are being the bigger person by apologising, but I hope they return the favour.
First and foremost, stop calling yourself a stay at home mom. You are not a stay at home mom. You are a working mom who manages her household while constantly multitasking.
Don’t apologize. They are being petty at your expense. It’s not a joke if it’s laughing at your expense. Don’t grovel. They already think they are better than you. Keep doing you. Be the best version of you for your family. Pay this no attention!!
NTA. I really empathize–sooo many people still don’t understand what it means to work from home. I thought covid was going to change that, but it didn’t. Ideally, you wouldn’t have snapped, but, as far as I can tell, nothing short of snapping will get people like that to stop.
NTA, and your husband should be sticking up for you. Working while taking care of kids is not an easy task. It’s not your fault your in-laws are kind of stupid
NTA except to yourself. You’re not a stay at home mom if you’re working. Get your husband to step up and do his share and stop following whatever crap you guys are listening to that says that women should take care of the house. If he uses a bathroom or a dish he can clean it too
Info: What is your husbands job in the household?
You clearly sound stressed and over worked.
What are you apologizing for – telling the truth? They’ve been purposely misrepresenting what you do every time they open their mouths. All you did was correct them. You didn’t overreact. If anything, you’ve been underreacting, while allowing them to mistreat you. You simply met their aggression with something they understand. Good for you.
And your husband “agreed” you overreacted. Well, he’s just a peach, isn’t he? Why hasn’t he spoken up to defend you, to get his obnoxious sisters and mother in line, to tell these bullies that what they’re doing is unacceptable? He’s the one you need to speak to, and you’re the one who is owed an apology, from every single one of them.
I don’t think you overreacted. They have been picking at you over a protracted period of time but you should probably stop trying to laugh it off. Just address it directly from now on. “I don’t get a day off I have a full time job, I parent my child and I run our home, I don’t have time to watch tv or scroll social media.”
NTA. Working from home and being a stay at home mom is doing 2 full time jobs simultaneously. It is NOT easy. I used to watch my nephew while working from home, and it was tough. But I was lucky enough to send him home at the end of the day. You do not get a break, even on your “break day”. That just gives you 1 day a week to be able to focus on the job that helps pay the bills.
I really really want to say NTA because of the comment that probably set you off on top of the usual b.s. “leave your kids WITHOUT A CARE” on top of the usual invalidating your working. I mean you have TWO jobs. You take care of the home and work from home. I don’t know how you do that at all to be honest. I would think it would be more reasonable to have your child in care four days of the week and have them home one than the situation you are even doing now. Working from home is WORK but from home. Idk why they aren’t getting that. I also don’t know why you are doing housework, childcare, cooking, and working from home while your husband just works? If we’re splitting hairs it sounds like you have 4 jobs and he has 1. And his family constantly invalidates you and now implies that you don’t care about your child as much because you’ve got them in care. The whole thing would piss me off too.
The problem is how you expressed yourself. It would have been better if you had told them off for invalidating what you do or maybe explained it to them like they were 5 that what you do is work a full time job on top of doing what they already do. Maybe minimize what they’re doing and let them get a taste of their own medicine. ACTUALLY. I think they are minimizing what you are doing because it makes them look bad or lazy. How funny would it be if you said something like “ugh and I wish I could sit around and drink wine on my “days off’ but I’ve got to work and do an actual job”. But I’m petty. It almost sounds like they are either jealous or don’t like you a ton? Kind of seems like micro aggression.
I guess with all that being said I still want to say NTA but there was probably a way you could have either explained patiently what you do and why it bothers you when they say that or maybe have been a bit more cool and underhanded and given it right back to them. The outburst kind of played right into their hand.
Please don’t apologize unless they do to in someway.
Your delivery could use some work, but kudos to you for telling them how it is!
I don’t think you overreacted, good for you
NTA
And you absolutely did not overreact. Full stop.
Wow that both SILs are lazy, since they only have to watch their kids during the day, drink wine, take naps, and are being so judgmental when you send your kids to daycare ONE day a week while juggling your job for 5 days. Just wow! I never comment to others on if they choose working or staying home with kids or both, it’s not my business.
I worked full time since our first child was 2 months old and I was still on maternity leave the first time my husband got laid off (out of 3 time, insurance companies do this all the time), and we decided then that I would always work. We put the kids in daycare, which sucked, but it was what we had to do. They need to stop commenting that you are taking a day off each week when that means you are working non-stop on that day to help you watch the kids the other days. You’re NTA.
Don’t you dare apologize!!! just reiterate how you came close to losing your job as you couldn’t just do your job at home. You had your child also then shared all the chores. The day without your child is literally a last ditch attempt at keeping your head above water in your work life.
NTA and no do not apologize until they apologize. I get that it was a snapped reaction but how long do u have to take their ignorant passive aggressive comments before u actually can’t take it anymore. They had it coming and y hasn’t your husband took care of his family and their comments before u couldn’t take it anymore? His family his responsibility. He should’ve been the one to shut it down before it got that far. Their all just jealous and ignorant at the same time they don’t work a job on top of taking care of their kids and honestly with how u described them they don’t seem to be any better of a parent than u r and they know that that’s why they take every opportunity to put u down.
NTA but your husband needs to speak up. You did not overreact, you reacted accordingly. It may have been an emotional outburst, but we’ve all been there and it doesn’t make you an asshole or mean you overreacted. Your husband needs to talk with his family and make it clear that you work hard as hell, that daycare isn’t a break, that you are an amazing partner and they need to shut up or they won’t see you guys in the near future.
The fact that your husband lets them keep taking jabs at you speaks volumes.
Girl why are you feeling bad for defending yourself?? The problem is you had to defend yourself to begin with!!!
NTA If I were you I’d tell your husband that on second thought you don’t think you over-reacted. His family poked and poked and poked until they got a reaction. They shouldn’t have been doing that in the first place, and second, it really would be better if he could step in in that situation because he is family to them and him saying something has a lot fewer ramifications than you being driven to the point of snapping. Frankly, you won’t be apologizing because they poked you with a stick until you growled at them to stop. What they were doing wasn’t just a bit of harmless teasing and you would never do the same over the way they have it better — because to do so would be rude, obnoxious, and inflammatory, and why would you want to be any of those things to them?
You don’t need to apologise. You have been putting up with this rubbish for too long. I would have done the same only a damn sight sooner.
Your kid should be in daycare the whole week if you have full time day job.
NTA but this is what happens when you let things build up. Should have spoke up at the first rude comment and your husband should be standing up for you. This is his family. Why isn’t he putting them in their place?
If you are working from home look into a part time daycare. Either 4 hours a day so you can get your work done and still have time to play with your child or 3 full days since you don’t have to work daily as long as you can get your weeks work done in those 3 days. Then you’ll have a few days with far less stress.
NTA
NTA. At all, and may I add, your husband is a good fucking man. Thats how you defend and stand by your partner, fellas.
NTA. Dont be around them again. You can’t allow yourself to be around people who are so inherently stupid that they don’t know what WORKING from home means.
I’m a firm believer that stupidity can rub off on people. Best keep your distance, just to be sure.
This is somewhat on you. You have done yourself a huge disservice by self describing as a SAHM. Who has a remote work job.
There’s a whole genre of this fake trad wife circulating. That combined with maybe your SILs being actual SAHMs, I think you are downplaying the job. Especially in your own head. Because you see it as temporary just until some magical point when your husband finishes school.
Great if that works out. But pretend it doesn’t and you have to be forever committed to a two income household like tens of millions of families. Have some pride that you are juggling two jobs and be perfectly clear how challenging it is and that it’s even harder because you are only giving yourself one day of childcare backup.
So I am happy that you found your voice and stood up for yourself. But keep it up. They will tease you because you were trying to make it look easy when it’s not. Why aren’t they offering a day here and there to be supportive of the woman supporting their brother?
NTA
NTA. You tried nicely, they didn’t listen. An apology is owed but TO you!
Glad hubby got you out of there. And no, you didn’t overreact. Hopefully in-laws got the msg and stop the nonsense.
You did not overreact at all. Your husband has been letting his family make rude comments to you for a long time.
You have a full-time job as a sahm to a toddler.
You have another full-time job to look after the house.
On top of that, you have a full-time job with a salary.
What does your husband do? When do you sleep? You’re working NON-STOP. You’re incredible. They should be praising you, offering to take your toddler out for a few hours when they can so you can work and being an actual support system/village… not mocking you. Your husband should have shut that shit down when it started. Nta
NTA.
Your “break”, which is so you can focus completely on only your paying job, is not much of a break. Next time anyone says anything, say “oh, gee, I only have to focus on one of my two jobs today – that is such a break for me. I wish I could take a nap or have a glass of wine during what you think is my break”
NTA. Well I can’t wait to sisters-in-law’s have more than one child take care of. One’s easy for the most part except once they start walking no cuz you got to keep an eye on him what do they do Park these kids in front of the TV all day? I mean the way they’re talking about it it’s a walk in the park to have a baby and stay home and take care of them. I was exhausted every day. In the first couple years I wasn’t working at home. I start working from home when my one was one years old my other was three. Yeah it was difficult but I had a job that was flexible and as long as I got my work done in deadline which was the following morning I was fine. Yes I stayed up till 2:00 in the morning last night. I’d sleep till maybe 7:00 and then start the day all over again and try and get a nap when the kids took a nap if I could but some days I couldn’t some days I didn’t I usually ran on about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. I did that for years. These two women are incredibly out of touch.
NTA. They are weirdly pretending you are not working when you are, in fact, working. Getting upset feels understandable. What I don’t understand is why your husband didn’t step in to point out there purposeful error.
NTA. It was not an overreaction. These people have been consistently and deliberately bullying. I’d personally have nothing to do with them from now on.
It’s totally a relaxation day – you only have to work one job without keeping your toddler busy! /s
I completely get it, as someone who WFH with a baby. There was nothing easy about breastfeeding at my desk while making sure payroll was submitted before the deadline. NTA.
NTA at all, but your husband definitely is. He should be the one stepped up and explaining that they have no idea what is happening behind closed doors and it’s not their business. He should remind them that they are being catty and rude assuming anything at all. He should have immediately stopped the catty remarks that you are somehow failing.
Also, as a stay at home mom, i definitely did not have time for naps or day drinking, they are incredibly lucky to have so much time to themselves, but that is absolutely not the normal for most stay at home parents.
You’re not wrong for feeling overwhelmed, especially when people who don’t understand your situation make dismissive comments. Being a work-from-home parent is no joke. One day of daycare isn’t a “break,” it’s a survival tool.
Nta,
Your husband needs to get a backbone & stand up for you. He’s not realizing that you are putting up with them for him & as soon as too much is reached, he will be sad they are no longer included. As a spouse who puts on a roll for my in-laws, I make sure my spouse knows where the line is & it’s their job to keep the line from being crossed.
NTA and you need to stop calling yourself a SAHM. You’re a WFH mom. You are doing 2 complete full- time jobs.
“Break day?” What Break do you get? You get a few hours away from your child so you can work and hopefully get some housework done! Screw them! Don’t apologize! NTA!
NTA, and you have nothing to apologize for. Your in-laws are using these little jabs as veiled insults to you. You don’t have to put up with that. They sound pretty awful, and it’s ok to skip the visits, if they are treating you like that.
NTA, are the Sister-in-laws your husband’s sisters or his brother’s wives? If they are sisters your never going to win this fight so your better off not having it.
Unfortunately you’ve got a husband problem, sis. He should have backbone enough to stand up to them for you.
Sounds like the in-laws are offering to babysit. NTA
Nta, but I do think you should apologize. Mainly because it seemed out of the blue. You’re probably feeling a mixture of emotions; I’m sure you want to be around your baby to watch them grow, but you can’t financially do that yet, and that’s completely ok. It might suck for now, but if you become a sahm your husband (their sibling) will lose their chance at a way to better provide for his family.
You shouldn’t have to, but maybe sit down and tell them that.
NTA, you don’t need to apologize. They are shaming you for working. If they say so great for you to have a break day. Just respond with, I so wish I could get a break week like you.
So many people don’t understand working from home, it’s frustrating. Yes, some people take advantage and slack off, but the rest of us work hard. On the days I WFH I tend to work longer hours because I don’t have to commute or worry about leaving at a specific time to avoid heavier traffic. NTA I’m annoyed for you.
Def. do not apologize for stating the truth. Your husband should be shutting this down as it is his family that are bullying you. I would be doubling down with a communication asking if they all have some brain disease that is hampering their understanding of the facts, whether to their faces or some other way but girl, you need to bring it to them!
NTA, you responded way better then I would have! It’s so disrespectful for them to come at you like that while working full time and still doing everything that THEY DO!
NTA, You don’t need to feel bad about what you did. It’s time someone put them in their place. Your Husband needs to speak up to them and support you.
NTA, they kept making comments, your spouse didn’t step up, and you snapped. Was it wrong? NO. Could it have been handled better? Yes, by your spouse when it first started. In my opinion, if your DH had shut them down when it first started, this wouldn’t have happened. To your husband, stop trying to play peacemaker and set boundaries with your family instead of letting them pick on your wife. This is a YOU PROBLEM. Not your wife’s problem. You either have her back and defend her. Or you go live back with your mommy.