We a 6-week-old baby boy. Ever since I was pregnant, we made it clear to our families that only my husband and I would be handling diaper changes. This is a boundary we agreed on for our own comfort and our son’s privacy. When I told my MIL this during pregnancy, she responded with, “What if he’s staying the day with Grandma?” To which I said, as long as he’s in diapers, he won’t be sleeping over or spending long periods alone with anyone. She seemed annoyed, but we thought we were clear.
Fast forward to a few days ago — I was in the nursery changing my son’s diaper. I was almost done when I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I assumed it was my husband, so I didn’t think anything of it. But then my MIL suddenly appeared in the doorway. I said, “We’re almost finished, we’ll come out soon.” Instead of leaving or giving us space, she said, “It’s fine,” and just kept staring at my son.
At that point I stepped between her and my baby to try to cover him. Then she walked into the room and leaned over my shoulder, trying to get a better look — as I’m still changing him! I hurried to close his diaper, which thankfully I managed just before she got too close. I also heard her mutter something under her breath that sounded like “I just wanted to see.”
At that point, I was very uncomfortable, and I told her, firmly but not yelling, “Please leave the room. I’ll bring him out when I’m done dressing him.” She left, clearly upset, and now I’m second-guessing whether I was too harsh or overreacted. I haven’t even brought the baby back out to her yet because I feel weird about it.
So… AITA for telling her to leave the room while I changed my baby?
Update:
Okay, so here’s some additional information I didn’t think was necessary to add at first, but it seems like it is — because she’s actually the reason we set this boundary in the first place.
While my husband and I were still dating, his mother (my MIL) asked me, “Did he at least grow a dick? Last time I saw it, it was so small I couldn’t imagine it would ever compare to his father’s.”
Yes — she actually said that to me. I was shocked and uncomfortable, but I never told my husband back then because I didn’t want to cause drama.
Then, when we told her we were expecting a baby boy, she made another gross comment: “Well, we’ll see if he has his dad’s or his grandfather’s dick.”
That night, my husband told me he didn’t want his mother ever seeing our son naked. I agreed — and that’s when I finally told him what she had said to me years earlier. He just shook his head and said, “So it’s like that… okay. Then I don’t ever want anyone talking like that about our son — ever.”
So when I told her to leave the room during the diaper change, it wasn’t just because she crossed a line — it was because she already had a long time ago. This was a boundary we had set clearly and firmly for a reason.
Comments
I mean, it’s your choice, I guess, but…you’ve got at least one relative who’s willing to do diaper changes, and you don’t want to take advantage of it?! I’d be letting Grandma take ALL the diaper changes.
Sorry but YTA.
So in an emergency situation no one can change your son? That is a ridiculous position to take. It isn’t some random person it is his grandmother. Your husband’s mother. Why are you sexualising your infant son in this way with his grandmother? Unless you have left something massive out of your post.
This is way over the top controlling. Don’t be surprised if she refuses to help you when you suddenly decide you want babysitters.
I mean…. I don’t know how reliable of a narrator you are. I think it’s weird that you don’t let close family members help you change diapers. Is your mother-in-law a pedophile? If so, why would you ever use their babysitting services at all? I don’t know… It’s your kid whatever, but you seem like the one sexualizing all of this not anybody else.
Without further info,
YTA
This is definitely fake. I can’t possibly believe two parents both agreed that no other person could ever change the baby’s diaper. That’s 2-3 years of never being away from the kid for any length of time. No day care. No babysitter. Not even grandma watching him so the parents can have a date?
You sound like you have deep-rooted trauma or control issues. Your MIL did nothing wrong here. Multiple people changing baby is not only helpful on some level to the parents but also normal. It takes a village, so why are you denying your village the opportunity to help with the grossest and stinkiest tasks?
If anyone is sexualizing your kid here, it’s you. What is your problem with your child having a supportive grandparent who wants to help her child and their spouse out with a new baby?
Maybe your MIL was checking everything was ok given that you’re acting so strange about it. After all, if she feels you don’t trust her maybe she’s looking to see what you’re hiding??
ETA: YTA especially for adding your update. That context changes opinions. I’m calling it as fake now as if real you would have started with that info e.g, “AITAH for not letting MIL see my baby naked after she said she wanted to compare his penis to other people’s”.
I honestly can’t even begin to wrap my head around this one. On average, boys are not fully potty trained until 3 yrs old. After that, they need help wiping for several years. Are you really saying that no one will be allowed to watch your child for the next 5 yrs? I guess I have to assume you have a trauma that has caused you to create such rigid boundaries. I am sorry that you trust your in-laws/parents so little that you don’t think they can be alone with your child. I am not going to vote because you get to make your own choices but I do find them bizarre.
YTA. You said you won’t let anyone watch him for lo periods of time because of diaper changes. What if baby poops immediately after you leave for a minute? He just sits in it until you get back? Why are you sexualizing a diaper change? This is giving crazy FTM vibes. What other crazy rules do you try to enforce
This is so weird. On every level.
Yta. This is weird behavior
You doing too much imo, new born babies often are seen naked by close family like gma. But it’s your baby and your boundaries. Do what you will.
Info: why did you and your husband decide to approach diaper changes this way? It is unusual, and if there is not a clear reason for it, it’s easy to understand close family members feeling insulted by it.
YTA, you’re going to be one of those overprotective helicopter parents raising a psychopath.
Get real.
YTA. Pretty sure she changed your husband for years. Just another I hate my MIL post
This is crazy. You’re treating your poor MIL as a pedo. Choose your battles but changing diapers by only you and your husband is nuts.
YTA I think there is something wrong with you and you need professional help.
Personally I think it’s kinda a weird boundary but hey it’s your kid so you make the rules. Your MIL is absolutely being pushy though and I deeply question her apparent need to see your child’s genitalia. That’s just weird, I assure you normal people don’t wanna see that, cute baby’s yes diaper duties not unless absolutely necessary. I wouldn’t want your MIL to be alone with your child until he can talk cause that just gives me creeps NTA
Wow. You need therapy. There really is something wrong with you
I wouldn’t say this is common, but it’s a pretty strict boundary to try and uphold.
If there’s some unresolved sexual trauma that is preventing you from letting a family member change a nappy, that’s something you might want to work through with a professional.
Unless MIL is a child sex offender, it’s probably a bit over the top to respond in the way you did. Perhaps sitting down with her again and explaining you will let her know if you need her help but otherwise it’s not a spectator sport when a nappy gets changed would go a long way.
That’s just strange. He’s an infant and doesn’t care if he has privacy. This sounds like you’re sexualizing a baby. With his grandmother, who changed your husbands diapers! Bizarre
YTA. It’s your baby so you have the right to do whatever you want, but I find it really weird that you sexualize him like that. It’s fine if you don’t want to share that special moment with anyone else, but treating your MIL like she was a pedo by covering your son and kicking her out is insane. I would have take it super badly if I was her and would never want to help you with anything later. You could have reacted softer, go apologize.
>I hurried to close his diaper, which thankfully I managed just before she got too close.
You’re sexualising your baby.
There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about your MIL seeing your baby without a diaper. Because he’s a tiny little baby!
Well I guess it’s your choice, but I do find it really weird that you are choosing to only let yourself and your husband change his nappy.
YTA, you’re being incredibly weird about diaper changes and acting like your mil is a pedo or something, this whole post is off-putting.
YTA. He’s a baby. It’s absolutely fine. Before too long he’ll be running around totally naked having a terrific time!
YTA
Your infant’s privacy? He doesn’t know or care. Do you ask his permission before you change him? Or bathe him? Do you leave a card outside his crib so he can check the items he wants for his next meal? If not, then you aren’t respecting his autonomy.
Very strange that two people agreed to this. There has to be a reason. As a grandma I would definitely be offended. I can see this having an effect on your MIL relationship with your child.
Honestly the fact you wont let anyone else handle diaper changes is very strange. If I was you MIL or any other close family member observing your behaviour the way you have described it then my first thought would be the child is being abused in some way and you are trying to keep it hidden. Just know if you end up with a welfare check from CPS it wont be done out of spite like you think, it will be genuine concern.
Ok, so I’ve never experienced anyone having a problem with other people (obviously safe people) changing their baby. I’ve also been present while friends and family change their baby (or wanted me to), because it’s a natural thing and nothing to be weird about. I do think people like to help, and diaper changes are normal to offer to help with.
It IS weird that MIL is concerned with “just seeing”, why is she so obsessed with your kid’s genitals? I can absolutely see you not feeling her being a safe person just for that. But please, do accept help from people you trust.
Totally up to you of course, you are his mother. I personally think it’s extremely OTT-WTF-is-wrong-with-you ridiculous and he’ll probably have self-image and trust issues growing up but hey, your choice! You might as well gather everyone together and announce ‘I’m sure you all have paedophile tendencies, i trust none of you.’ And you should be good to go. 🤦🏼♀️
I don’t think YTA but I think there’s more to this and we need that info to really understand what‘s happening here.
You’re not an asshole but you are insane.
YTA
Yes. Sorry. You will mess that baby up way way way worse following stuff like that then the off chance some pervert might catch a glance at his privates. Honestly, I would freak out if my DIL was like this. Like freak out. You and your husband genuinely need to face whatever horror brought you to this place.
YTA in the longer term, this boundary is going to harm both you and your son. Are you never going to take any amount of time away from your son? Any date nights? And if he goes to the bathroom while you’re gone, which could happen even if you’re only gone for an hour, you’d prefer to have your son sit in his own poop or urine rather than be changed by a trusted third party? It really feels like you’re sexualizing your baby and their genitalia.
Idk about your MIL’s comment about wanting to see, but unless you think she might be a pedo, I’m inclined to believe her meaning was harmless and likely misinterpreted.
Yeah if you don’t do something soon about your sexual hangup or whatever you are going to mess up your son as he gets older. He’ll be the most awkward kid at school and when he marries he’ll be having sex with his wife through a sheet.
YTA. YOU are the one sexualising a baby, not everybody else. You need to ask yourself why that is.
Does it bother you that she has seen your husband’s peepee while she changed his diapers?
I’m gonna venture to be the crazy person and say ESH because your boundary is a bit odd and surely it would be nice to have close friends or family help out, but if your MIL actually said “I just wanted to see” that’s some weird ass behavior
YTA, in fact I suspect you are totally nuts. If I were grandma, I’d leave you to guard your son’s privacy, lol, forever. I would, however, watch that poor kid from a distance, to make sure that your weird issues are not affecting his normal growth or making him ashamed of his body. Heaven help him if he has to go into a public restroom when he’s older.
Has your husband said that his mother abused him as a child? If not, and you’ve no reason to suspect your MIL of being a paedo, then stop being an ass and start being normal.
YTA. You sound ridiculous. We all know what the other gender looks like. Your MIL has raised kids and changed many nappys over the years. Maybe she was checking the welfare of the baby as your actions are excessive and your unhealthy level of caution in reality is weird. You will raise an anxious child who will struggle in life.
Yes. This is really odd. He’s a baby and her being near him doesn’t breach your no changes by anyone except you rule, which is also odd that it includes your own parents… unless your parents abused you as children, in which case they shouldn’t be anywhere near your children.
Why can’t we down vote AH again?
YTA why are you making this weird. I feel like you are sexualizing this more than MIL. its just caring for an infant nothing more. What if the boy has an accident on a play date or at school. Or what if he’s in the hospital.
This whole situation is bizarro.
YTA.
This isn’t normal and it isn’t a healthy or regular boundary.
I am starting to find all posts on Reddit where the OP never comments back as bull crap bait. This is weird if it’s even true.
You’re getting a ton of comments from entitled people or people who clearly have grown up in family systems where things are done a certain way. It’s fine if you’re not doing it that way. I also do not allow family members to change my son’s diaper, mostly because my mother in law still tells embarrassing stories about my husband’s genitals/diaper changes from when he was a baby. He’s 32 now. I’m not interested in opening my son up to that kind of embarrassment. Additionally she was obsessed with circumcising my son, which I chose not to. She was constantly trying to “peek”. In this day and age sexual violence against children is on the rise and the first line of defense against that is teaching bodily autonomy and respect. For some that extends to diaper changes.
You’re NTA and you don’t need to justify shit to anyone, especially here on Reddit. People don’t need to change a baby’s diaper to have a relationship with them. They don’t need to change a diaper to be helpful, there are other ways to do that. What’s helpful is up to the parents. A professional in a medical setting seeing your child naked versus a weird family member feeling entitled to your child’s body the way some of these commenters are, are two totally different situations. You choose what you allow for your child- not society, the Internet, your family system, upbringing, whatever. The last thing a freshly postpartum mother needs is to justify anything she chooses to do in her own parenting journey. Do what’s right for you and your family.
Hmmm
NTA in the sense that you have set clear boundaries, and she was overstepping them…
But frankly, your boundaries are weird.
I also “would want to see” because it sounds like you’re hiding your son’s alien genitals. It is honestly weird.
To want to change your son yourself is one thing, but to go as far as to shield him from view is hella weird and is most definitely going to raise questions. As others have highlighted before, it sounds like a trauma response and so I’d see if I can get help for it because you’re at risk of alienating your child from his extended family.
ETA: YTA
NTA
Regardless of others saying she changed your husbands diapelikely others, others, it doesn’t matter. You and your husband set this boundary and made it clear. She doesn’t have to like it but it’s your decision, your baby, and your rules.
Just why? Why are you sexualizing your son? Daycare? Preschool? Babysitters?
>We a 6-week-old baby boy. Ever since I was pregnant, we made it clear to our families that only my husband and I would be handling diaper changes. This is a boundary we agreed on for our own comfort and our son’s privacy. When I told my MIL this during pregnancy, she responded with, “What if he’s staying the day with Grandma?” To which I said, as long as he’s in diapers, he won’t be sleeping over or spending long periods alone with anyone. She seemed annoyed, but we thought we were clear.
This is insane.
YTA for being so naive that you think this is going to work and no one will (rightfully) think you’re being weirdly over-protective of your kid(s).
See a therapist. Now.
At first I was going to say good luck with that, but I’m bothered by her “I just wanted to see” comment. This is weird as fuck that she’s gone out of her way to come in and gawp at his genitals.
Something is very off here. It’s normal for close family members to be around or even help with diaper changes, but there’s obviously a reason you’ve chosen this route, and I’m guessing there’s been some red flags, or some past things she’s said or done. If so, you should probably have put this in your OP as it may sway the voting.
Must be a first…
By the 3rd, I’m sure she’ll be looking for someone to help, but expect MIL to make everyone leave so you can do it all by yourself
You are a mess. Seek help
YTA. Unusual request for a six month old aside, this is unsustainable. You’ll need help from someone else eventually. You’re literally not going to have a single person besides you or your husband for the kid’s first ~5 years of their life watch them? I remember I needed help still wiping when I was 5 years old like you can’t actually be serious right
You are being very weird, you’re actually sexualising this yourself. Poor kid. YTA
YTA in every conceivable way. I pity your child.
Weird. I get that he’s a new baby, but jeez, you plan to never spend more than an hour or two away from your kid for the next 3 (at least) years?! Think about it. Yes, it’s great you’re respecting his privacy, but maybe you should reconsider close family. So, without being too harsh…YTA.
What the hell did I just read?
Please calm down.
If this is in any shape or form the standard to how you mean to go about raising children, I am very worried for those kids. They will most likely be scared of everything. Jfc.
You make it sound like she is a pedophile.
I really didn’t want to change diapers. I also wanted them potty trained before they could spend the night. It was just easier. I have 7 grandchildren.
I don’t get you.
All of this is odd behaviour. From you being the way you are about nappy changes to MILs comment about “just wanting to see” See what? Your baby grandsons peen? WTH. There’s so many redflags in this family.
I’ve read some of the responses so far and I more or less agree with them. I dont have kids so I dont feel it’s my place to comment on whether YTA or not.
My over riding thought is that most kids aren’t toilet trained until they’re around 3ish? OP won’t be able to leave the child for more than an hour or 2 for 3ish years. So no dinner dates with the husband, no shopping with friends, no working etc. While I dont have kids, I have plenty friends with kids and I know all of them would think this is nuts!
This so frigging weird that I’m wondering if you’re psychologically… OK? Like… any past trauma that needs to be addressed? Idk… this is just… weird.
YTA and that is so unrealistic. For the next 5-6 years your baby can’t go to childcare or to a babysitter. Because only if you’re gone a few hours your baby could be sitting the whole time in their own shit and nobody is allowed to change.
This is a really bizarre boundary to draw. Unless you have reason to believe your families would harm your child (in which case, why are they around at all?) it’s really being paranoid. I can see why your relatives might suspect something is wrong or be offended by this. YTA.
NTA regardless of what the activity going on was a firm and clear boundary was made and everyone was informed of it, this is a boundary violation problem more than a diaper changing problem
Her saying she “just wanted to see” is a different tale of weird and creepy past that, why are you trying to look at that and announcing it, when you’ve already been asked to leave the room. That’s.. another matter
YTA for sexualising your son and painting everyone as a child predator. There is protecting your child then there is this. Your behaviour is unhinged. You need therapy.
I mean, you’re NTAH for setting a boundary and sticking to it.
But is it a boundary I’d set myself? No, I think it’s fucking weird.
YTA.You need therapy.
You and your husband are beyond weird and unreasonable. THIS IS A BABY. You don’t need to “protect his privacy” during diaper changes from family or even from a trusted sitter.
Not only were you too harsh, your entire attitude is creepy and weird. Massive YTA.
YTA. Unless every single person around is a pedophile, I don’t know why you’re being so weird about that, it’s not like you’re taking a photo and sending it to a family group saying see my naked baby, you’re making this weird for no reason, you’re trying to sexualize something that shouldn’t even cross anyone’s mind.
Did the family, MIL or anyone in between give you a reason to make that rule? Like maybe you heard them making comments about baby’s genitals before? Or are they the type to remind a teenager of the time they saw them naked as a baby while changing diapers? I’m just trying to understand the whole situation
NTA
It’s your kid, not your parents or in-laws pet. You make the rules. Lock the door or kick them out. If she doesn’t hear you, shout! Go momma bear.
It’s one thing if the kid pooped himself and nobody else is around to help. Can’t leave the kid sitting in shit after all. So it’s normal to help change the diaper if nobody else can do it.
But you don’t go out of your way to “take a look”. That’s seriously creep af. Also stops working real quick once you swap genders. Father in law trying to get a blink at the coochie? This is a big no-no.
There was a comic strip about this some years ago. Two women riding on the bus, showing a picture of her naked toddler son. Look at his cute little penis. Oh tee hee. Then gender swapped two dudes riding on a bus, look at my daughters lil coochie. WTF!
Girls get a right to privacy early on but boys somehow don’t.
Also normal for women to be allowed to violate privacy but men have to avoid such situations like the plague.
You’ve clearly got some issues going on you need to address. Protecting your son’s privacy? Why are you assuming anyone else who changes his nappy is some sort of sex offender? You’re just ott.
YTA, read the other comments for reason why. Your justifications are ridiculous.
“Hey son and DIL what should we get junior for his birthday?”
“A gift card for therapies-r-us”
NTA, he’s your kid. Even if she didn’t make weird comments, even if she was super normal. He’s YOUR kid. Never go against your feelings on this matter, this is your job as a parent. You protect them. Instincts tell you a lot.
I think it is perfectly acceptable for this boundary of not allowing your MIL see your son’s private parts due to her obsession with genital sizes
That is some weird inappropriate behavior.
YTAH
I desperately want to give OP the benefit of doubt, but this is just too out there for me.
If this happened exactly as described in this post, then I imagine the most natural resolution would be to call your MIL a predator and be afraid of anybody who’s defending her. I just can’t wrap my head around that not being the obvious conclusion here, and yet you’re still engaging with your family. If you’re not afraid of your family, then the boundary simply doesn’t make any sense. Babies need their diapers changed constantly.
The fact that there’s not enough information to move away from these polar opposites, I have to assume you’re being dishonest and omitting important details. To be clear, this doubt is the only reason I’m comfortable saying “YTAH”. Otherwise, I just need more information.
I’m going with ESH you with your weird boundary and the edit involving your MIL
Jfc. You were the ah until you added that info. NTA
Not sure what to think. Wondering if the baby has a physical anomoly like more than one set of gentalia and OP and hubby are trying to keep this hidden till they think the childs old enough to surgically fix it. Thats the only reason I can think they’de be so secretive about anyone changing a diaper or even seeing his genitalia.
NTA. Your baby your rules. That simple.
She’s such a creep. Who tf speaks about their son like that? Nta
I would have put your additional info in the first post, for sure. You’re NTA. She is preoccupied with dick size and SHE is the only one you need to give your son privacy with. You unfortunately have to set that boundary with everyone to keep from singling her out, but that’s fine for now. She’s creepy and it’s not okay at all.
I mean, I understand the reasoning when you explained it all regarding your mother in law. So NTA. But..he will not be able to sleep over or stay for a longer time during the day, before he is like 7-8-9. Usually they need some help wiping their ass for quite some time after they stop using diapers.
I was leaning toward YTA until I read the update.
Grandma is weird for saying that and I wouldn’t want her around my son and doing nappy changes if that’s the way she thought/spoke about her own child.
NTA but you may have trouble keeping the boundary as the child gets older and needs daycare etc.
YTA. You need therapy.
NTA
That is some deep deep control issue/trauma/mental illness going on.
Okay so many ppl are saying YTA, they’re just thinking you’re calling everyone a pedo. That’s not what she’s asking if she’s an asshole about.
The MIL “just wanted to see” her baby’s penis. That’s creepy. Who cares about anything else, the MIL is a red flag to stay tf away from. Any other issues you can deal with in therapy, this is a good or reason to keep a baby away from a person. No one should WANT to see a baby’s genitals stfu
The update was vital information. So there’s a history of questionable behaviour from the MIL. I just thought that she wanted to see the baby and his cute bellybutton or something. You did well to shield your baby.
NTA
before I got to the update, with how determined MIL was peep over your shoulder, I was creeped out. Also, I am always happy to let the parents change their kids diaper. Yes, it is nice to have a break from diaper duty; but anyone who is enthusiastic about it is suspicious.
Your MIL is a piece of work. And super creepy, way inappropriate.
Grandma is weird af for being desperate af to see you sons genitalia, like why is she going through all the trouble to look at his privates? Weird old people omg.
Your issue isn’t that you’ve created this boundary.
Your issue is that you have to create this boundary specifically for your MIL.
The fact your husband decided to ban all access, likely indicates some shame on his part and wanting to protect his son from what he experienced. This is slightly misguided. Eventually your son will become aware of his implicit shame, and may put it on himself as well….
You’re avoiding the real issue, that you haven’t explicitly set the boundary and its reasoning with your MIL. You’re avoiding a conversation. She thinks ” oh i am not who they are making this boundary for, I’m his grandma! “.
No, she is the sole reason for the boundary. It isn’t about the kid, or morals regarding the kid. It’s about the MIL enacting and enabling last trauma, on anyone.
Be explicit, help your husband accept and heal his own trauma, disable your MIL from enabling more trauma and let your child grow up unaware this debate ever happened.
Also in case it wasn’t obvious, NTA.
I looked at your post history. I just want to say it gets better. The baby crying, the anxiety of other people.
Your edit obviously makes it clear that you are NTA. But I want to just make sure you are getting the support you need from your partner right now. Sounds tough.
YTA
NTA. So your MIL is a weirdo nutbar creepo whatever else you want to call her. Icky. I guess get into the habit of locking the door behind you when she’s around.
Yeah the edit.made it worse
Well done for setting boundaries
Let me make sure I understand this correctly. Your MIL is crass as hell and your solution to this is to make sure no one ever sees your kids butt. This means no babysitting, let alone daycare until your kid is five years old.
That is an insane overreaction. You’ve created an incredible, multi year burden for yourselves because your husband can’t be direct with his mother and tell her that due to her action she’s not allowed to change the diaper or babysit.
You’re NTA, but this plan of yours will in no way address the root problem and will make your lives much harder.
NTA
But that means you will never be able to allow her or someone close to her to babysit.
NTA I would actually loudly announce that you’re not sure why she’s so obsessed with seeing his genitals. Honestly, she’s crossed so many boundaries that you wouldn’t be unjustified in telling her she can’t spend time with your kid at all, even with supervision
4 nephews and many diaper changes by the immediate family…grandparents, me and my sister etc. Bathing was also included spec if there was a mega blow out and bath was required.
Im sure as adults they don’t even rem who changed them. Now if one of the family members were pervs then I could see it.
I think this is the weirdest post I ever read. Wtf is wrong with your MIL?
This is extremely creepy. Fortunately, I more than suspect it’s AI generated.
Come on op…you know the answer.
Going against the grain here and saying NTA – however do consider going low or no contact with MIL. The update is truly creepy
I was ready to say you are really overreacting, but then I read the update. I assume it isn’t so much that you don’t want anyone changing your sons diapers, but that you don’t want your mil to change them. I dont blame you at all. The comments she made are disgusting and incestuous. I think as mothers, we all have an instinct, an inner voice that alerts us when someone is a danger to our child. You have to listen to that voice. I wouldn’t want that woman anywhere near my child.
YTA for weird karma farming. There is 0% chance that these events actually happened. There is 0% chance that MIL constantly talks about newborn having big penis like MIL’s son and husband and OP just thought it’s unnecessary not to mention this shit in original post.
NTA you’re MIL is a pedo
NTA!! I thought this was weird as hell until I read your edit. That part of info was SO important. She’s super weird and creepy about it. I wouldn’t leave him with her alone tbh
Even with the update, still nonsense. Of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most.
Yta you’re so much of an asshole that I think you made up the edit to excuse your weird behaviour.
NTA. You have a right in your home to enter a room, shut the door, and anyone wishing to speak to you must knock and receive permission to enter. She was trespassing.
Her behavior is called a ‘fetish’. As far as her crude remarks, she should be made to understand that you and your husband are aware of her penis fetish, and therefore, she will never be allowed unsupervised access to your child. There is a risk that her behavior might escalate, that she might actually abuse your child. And, no parent wants an adult talking like that around their child. Either way, it’s inappropriate.
When your kids get old enough, I’d warn them about her, let them know they should not be alone with her, and an age appropriate explanation of why – so that if she ever gets a moment alone with them, they won’t be caught by surprise.
She’s a perv and shouldn’t be allowed around children.
I’m reading this after the update, so the first thing that springs to mind is – if I accept that this is true then why is everyone excluded from diaper changes when it just needs to be a boundary for MIL??
I don’t let everyone change my daughters nappy, I have a rule that no men change her nappy or are in the room when she’s being changed.
I let my mum when she’s babysitting and that’s about it, but my stepdad needs to be in another room if he’s home.
So I totally understand this.
NTA – I read your update. I’d do the same. I wouldn’t let my son with that woman. Ever. And I would follow her everywhere when she’s in the same house as my son, because I wouldn’t be sure someone that unhinged wouldn’t corner my baby just to “have a look”.
Okay, without the added explanation none of this made sense.
But perhaps you could just exclude MIL and make it clear why? Because you’re setting yourself up for some exhausting years if you can’t leave him with anyone until he’s out of diapers. What about your own parents? Siblings? Trusted daycare workers?
I think you may be doing your son a disservice by insisting on being his only carers. Which doesn’t mean MIL should get to inspect him!