For some backstory, after I graduated highschool, my mom got caught stealing from her job and was fired. She kept this hidden from my sibling and I for months despite us being on her insurance (so we unknowingly had no insurance that whole time) and only found out when my sibling was told at the doctor’s office. After job hopping around for a while, she moved away to live with a new boyfriend (where she still couldn’t hold down a job). She would come back to visit for some holidays, but without fail she would come back to celebrate her birthday.
During all this, she opened a credit card under my name and used it for a year and a half. She eventually stopped paying for it and let it go into deliquency, ruining my credit score. I only found this out a year later when I applied for my first credit card and was denied. I found out that the card had one of her previous addresses and her phone number on it, so I gave her a chance to confess. She denied it until I sent her a screenshot with the proof, and then made up a million excuses for doing it. I cut her off after this and haven’t seen her since.
Which brings us to now, where I’m graduating in May and she’s expecting to come to the ceremony. I told her I don’t want her there, and now my family is divided. One side says I should give her another chance and it was just a mistake. They say she’s the only mom I’ve got and I’ll regret it if I cut her out of my life. The other side agrees with me that she needs to have consequences, and the fact that she lied to me so many times about it shows she didn’t really feel bad for doing it. I think if she truly regretted it she would have called the credit card company herself and gotten it off my records instead of making me do it all myself. Because I got it off my records and isn’t directly hurting me now, many family members think I should move on and forgive her. So AITA for holding a grudge over this and making her miss out on an important life event for me?
TLDR: My mom opened a credit card under my name and let it go into deliquency, so I told her she can’t come to my college graduation.
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For some backstory, after I graduated highschool, my mom got caught stealing from her job and was fired. She kept this hidden from my sibling and I for months despite us being on her insurance (so we unknowingly had no insurance that whole time) and only found out when my sibling was told at the doctor’s office. After job hopping around for a while, she moved away to live with a new boyfriend (where she still couldn’t hold down a job). She would come back to visit for some holidays, but without fail she would come back to celebrate her birthday.
During all this, she opened a credit card under my name and used it for a year and a half. She eventually stopped paying for it and let it go into deliquency, ruining my credit score. I only found this out a year later when I applied for my first credit card and was denied. I found out that the card had one of her previous addresses and her phone number on it, so I gave her a chance to confess. She denied it until I sent her a screenshot with the proof, and then made up a million excuses for doing it. I cut her off after this and haven’t seen her since.
Which brings us to now, where I’m graduating in May and she’s expecting to come to the ceremony. I told her I don’t want her there, and now my family is divided. One side says I should give her another chance and it was just a mistake. They say she’s the only mom I’ve got and I’ll regret it if I cut her out of my life. The other side agrees with me that she needs to have consequences, and the fact that she lied to me so many times about it shows she didn’t really feel bad for doing it. I think if she truly regretted it she would have called the credit card company herself and gotten it off my records instead of making me do it all myself. Because I got it off my records and isn’t directly hurting me now, many family members think I should move on and forgive her. So AITA for holding a grudge over this and making her miss out on an important life event for me?
TLDR: My mom opened a credit card under my name and let it go into deliquency, so I told her she can’t come to my college graduation.
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NTA, it’s illegal to do what she did. She’s lucky you didn’t file criminal charges against her, not being invited to your graduation is nothing.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) I told my mom she can’t come to my graduation.
2.) My graduation is very important to my mom and half of my family thinks I should forgive her and let her come.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
A mistake is buying the wrong type of bread. Taking out a credit card in your child’s name and using it for an extended period (until caught) is calculated fraud. You can decide to forgive but are just under no obligation to do so because someone else thinks you should.
NTA Personally I would’ve filed a criminal charge against her
NTA. It’s your graduation and you’re entitled to have or not have whoever you want there. Your mother very intentionally took out a credit card in your name. She filled out an application, entered your SSN and then used the card. She absolutely knew what she was doing. I would continue with NC. She has no right to celebrate your success when she worked hard to cause you pain.
Absolutely NTA
NTA – your mother tried to ruin your adult life before it even began. Did she give a reason why? She had already learnt there were ahrd consequences to theft but still did it again to the most vulnerable target – you.
You achieved your graduation in spite of her not because of her. I am not sure why she thinks she gets a pass to celebrate that especially if she’s cut off from the rest of your life. She exchanged a daughter for money.
NTA, and I can confirm for you the argument “you only get one mom” is bullshit. 33 years later I have zero regrets about cutting off mine. You will grieve, mostly for the mother you wish you’d had, but remembering the one you did get helps get over that.
NTA. File a police report. Likely she won’t go to jail but it will help clean up your credit and absolve you of the responsibility to pay it. This wasn’t a mistake. Your mom spent that money for months.
Don’t invite her. She doesn’t get to be there for your milestones.
She probably doesn’t know that you had that removed from your credit report. Tell her that if she comes up with whatever the credit limit plus the delinquency penalties, etc. whatever’s owed on the account I’m gonna say $10,000 is she’ll be invited and be back in your life but you’ll need that 30 days before graduation once you have that in your pocket, put it in the bank use it for college whatever and still don’t invite her! But at least get something out of the bitch. Blood doesn’t make family actions do NTA.
Why should this life event be important to her? She’s done nothing to help and actively hindered.
Tell the fam that you don’t want to spend a major moment worrying that she’s going to steal your drivers license to steal your identity. Again. When pearls are clutched, tell them you’ve forgiven and forgotten her. Emphasis on forgotten. When she can prove she’s really changed, you’ll remember her again. Until then, she’s just an egg donor.
NTA. She’s reaping what she sowed. I’d keep her out of my life for at least a while longer.
My great aunt did something similar to her 3 kids. None of them talk to her now.
NTA. Your mother’s actions weren’t a “mistake” as some of your relatives say – it was a crime.
Forgetting milk is a mistake… credit card fraud can be a felony. One of these two is not like the other.
NTA You should have reported her for the fraud. Pull your Credit report monthly, freeze your credit and put a pin on your SS#. You needed to fix your credit. Yeah I wouldn’t want her at your special moments either