I’m 17 weeks pregnant and my mom wants to tell everybody. I told her no. For some context I don’t care if people know but my mom has always been the type to tell all of my business to everyone. When I first got pregnant I asked her to not tell anyone yet because i wasnt sure if the baby would make it since it was only 6 weeks. I went to church and she had told everyone already. She has always been the type of person to tell everyone about me even the things which are obviously personal to me. She is not good at boundaries in any way. Even when I repeat them to the point where I have to dismiss myself from conversations. My main goal is to get her to understand my boundaries and one of them is I do not like people to know everything about me especially things that I am not comfortable with sharing. There are things I do tell my mom that it’s okay to share but this is one of the things I told her I am not comfortable with sharing yet. Also to add she talks to several people who I do not like. They overstep boundaries also and are not respectful to her or I.
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I’m 17 weeks pregnant and my mom wants to tell everybody. I told her no. For some context I don’t care if people know but my mom has always been the type to tell all of my business to everyone. When I first got pregnant I asked her to not tell anyone yet because i wasnt sure if the baby would make it since it was only 6 weeks. I went to church and she had told everyone already. She has always been the type of person to tell everyone about me even the things which are obviously personal to me. She is not good at boundaries in any way. Even when I repeat them to the point where I have to dismiss myself from conversations. My main goal is to get her to understand my boundaries and one of them is I do not like people to know everything about me especially things that I am not comfortable with sharing. There are things I do tell my mom that it’s okay to share but this is one of the things I told her I am not comfortable with sharing yet. Also to add she talks to several people who I do not like. They overstep boundaries also and are not respectful to her or I.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom is a second time grandma and she is excited but I am not comfortable with everyone knowing
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Tell her that if you can’t tell her things in confidence, then you’ll stop telling her things in confidence.
Info diet time for mum. I would not be telling her gender or names etc. She can find out at same time as everyone else on facebook.
NTA
It’s high time you put your mom on information diet.
NTA, but she’s not going to change, so you’ll have to adapt. I agree with everyone else re: info diet.
NTA.
It’s your news to share, not hers.
Stop telling her anything that you don’t want everyone to know, and tell her that’s what you are doing. When she complains, remind her this is her own fault. Stick to it.
NTA but how naive to think she will stop sharing everything you tell her with the world… this is who she is, so regulate your sharing accordingly instead of hoping she will change (she won’t).
Congrats on the pregnancy btw!
Put her in an information diet! Only tell her the info that you are ok with her sharing. She is not learning because there are no consequences and she still has full access to everything about you. Maybe when she is only getting the superficial and finding out the big news with the rest of the world then she will begin to recognize your boundaries
NTA. Stop telling her things.
ESH
Your mom is a disrespectful gossip, but you KNEW she would blab all over town if you told her: you told her, and she blabbed.
Why are you acting surprised?
NTA. But you know she’s not going to get any better.
If you feel like making her look foolish, make her promise not to tell anyone the name, then give her a fake name because she will tell everyone anyway
You know you cannot trust her so don’t entrust her with things you don’t want told. If you tell her, you’re telling them. Be sensible.
NTA
Stop playing yourself and telling her things. You should’ve learned long ago that she will not change. Your boundary has to be followed up with change behavior on your part. YTA to yourself.
NTA.
OP, I have a close family member who is now over 80, and has been like that for their entire life.
Everything I tell them, they tell everyone.
I know they’re still doing this because often they will tell ME deeply personal and potentially embarrassing things about other people.
Me, on the phone: “You shouldn’t be telling me this about Cousin Cheryl. I’m very sure this is something she would want kept private until she’s ready to talk about it – and that may be never.”
Them: “Oh, stop worrying. I know you won’t tell anyone. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. And THEN Cheryl did blah blah blah…”
Me: “Stop. Stop talking about this. If you don’t stop, I’m going to hang up.”
I have tried and tried and TRIED to get them to keep some things about me private. Nothing has worked. They will never stop.
There is only one way to deal with a person like that. Never tell them anything you don’t want the whole town to know.
I’m pretty sure it has dawned on them that I’m no longer sharing quite a lot of information with them. I’m guessing they’re hurt by it. I can’t help that. It’s a necessary self-preservation measure.
NTA.
Don’t tell her when you’re in labor. Wait until after the baby is born so you can announce it first.
ESH. Your mom shouldn’t share confidential information. But you knew that this is what you could expect from her. As sad as it is, stop telling her information that you don’t want out in public.
NTA
Do yourself a favor and put her on an information diet. Don’t tell her things you aren’t ok with other people knowing. Will it hurt her feelings when she figures out you aren’t confiding in her? Yes. Will it be her own fault because she has a big mouth? Also, yes.
My mother is like this. Everything I have ever done has been fodder for her to tell the family at her whim. When I was 15 I told my parents I wanted to go in birth control because I was sexually active and wanted to be safe about it. This is something my parents both ALWAYS told me to come to them because they would rather I be safe. She proceeded to tell the entire family. The more feelings people like her has about something the more they feel the need to share with anyone who will listen.
NTA
I have a same mother. I know people here are saying “you should’ve known”, but of course we believe that our own mother will step up when we really need them to, when is really important. Sadly, your mother has proved that she will not.
I have had to stop telling my mother anything now
As odd as this sounds, I almost don’t want to get married and have children just to avoid the incessant intrusion of my mother and the complete lack of privacy.