I (23F) and my mom (49F) have never really gotten along. Growing up, she treated me differently from my siblings. I’m the second oldest of four and she was always stricter and harsher with me.
If I brought home anything less than an A I got grounded. Even one B on an assignment meant trouble. My siblings never had that rule. On top of that she always commented on my weight. She called me the “fat kid” even though I was thin. She never said this to my siblings, just me.
As I got older I realized she liked getting a reaction out of me. At first I defended myself, but when I stopped, she escalated and even got physical. On my 18th birthday while I was still in high school she kicked me out. By then I was already staying with a friend most of the time just to get away from her.
Now, as an adult, I hardly speak to her. At family events we might exchange a few words but that’s it.
Recently I was at my sister’s place and she had my mom on speakerphone. I was in the background talking to my brother and he asked who I thought was nicer, mom or dad. Without thinking I said dad.
My dad wasn’t great either. He wasn’t around much and could be harsh, but compared to my mom he’s nicer. I also talk to him more, though not a ton.
My mom overheard, asked what I said, and I repeated it. She snapped and said she’d never speak to me again. I said, “You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing. Honestly, it sounds like heaven.” She didn’t hang up on me but ended the call on my sister, who was the one talking to her.
Later my sister texted me that my mom took me off her car insurance. I never asked to be on it anyway. She added me without telling me because it lowered her own rate. One day she just said, “Hey, I put you on my plan.” I didn’t argue, but now I see it was just another way to control me. She’s done stuff like this before. When I was younger she’d put my phone on her plan and shut it off whenever she got mad.
This time was the same. After removing me, she told my sister, “Since she thinks her dad is the better parent, let him put her on his insurance.” I never said “better parent.” I just said dad was nicer.
She also told my sister she hoped my car got impounded and that she could turn it off through OnStar. My car is fully paid off so I doubt that’s even possible, but the fact she said it was ridiculous.
I didn’t need her insurance anyway. Before she added me, I was paying for my own. After she removed me I just went back to mine.
Meanwhile my sister said I was too harsh and should apologize because “mom has done so much for you.” I asked what she meant and she said, “She put a roof over your head and gave you food and clothes.” That’s literally the bare minimum of parenting.
Now my mom has gone to my grandparents and aunts saying I was disrespectful and need to apologize. From my perspective, I just answered my brother’s question honestly.
So Reddit, AITA?
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I (23F) and my mom (49F) have never really gotten along. Growing up, she treated me differently from my siblings. I’m the second oldest of four and she was always stricter and harsher with me.
If I brought home anything less than an A I got grounded. Even one B on an assignment meant trouble. My siblings never had that rule. On top of that she always commented on my weight. She called me the “fat kid” even though I was thin. She never said this to my siblings, just me.
As I got older I realized she liked getting a reaction out of me. At first I defended myself, but when I stopped, she escalated and even got physical. On my 18th birthday while I was still in high school she kicked me out. By then I was already staying with a friend most of the time just to get away from her.
Now, as an adult, I hardly speak to her. At family events we might exchange a few words but that’s it.
Recently I was at my sister’s place and she had my mom on speakerphone. I was in the background talking to my brother and he asked who I thought was nicer, mom or dad. Without thinking I said dad.
My dad wasn’t great either. He wasn’t around much and could be harsh, but compared to my mom he’s nicer. I also talk to him more, though not a ton.
My mom overheard, asked what I said, and I repeated it. She snapped and said she’d never speak to me again. I said, “You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing. Honestly, it sounds like heaven.” She didn’t hang up on me but ended the call on my sister, who was the one talking to her.
Later my sister texted me that my mom took me off her car insurance. I never asked to be on it anyway. She added me without telling me because it lowered her own rate. One day she just said, “Hey, I put you on my plan.” I didn’t argue, but now I see it was just another way to control me. She’s done stuff like this before. When I was younger she’d put my phone on her plan and shut it off whenever she got mad.
This time was the same. After removing me, she told my sister, “Since she thinks her dad is the better parent, let him put her on his insurance.” I never said “better parent.” I just said dad was nicer.
She also told my sister she hoped my car got impounded and that she could turn it off through OnStar. My car is fully paid off so I doubt that’s even possible, but the fact she said it was ridiculous.
I didn’t need her insurance anyway. Before she added me, I was paying for my own. After she removed me I just went back to mine.
Meanwhile my sister said I was too harsh and should apologize because “mom has done so much for you.” I asked what she meant and she said, “She put a roof over your head and gave you food and clothes.” That’s literally the bare minimum of parenting.
Now my mom has gone to my grandparents and aunts saying I was disrespectful and need to apologize. From my perspective, I just answered my brother’s question honestly.
So Reddit, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I told my mom that I think my dad is nicer than her. She got upset and removed me from her car insurance, and my family is saying I was disrespectful and should apologize. I understand that some people might see it as harsh to openly compare parents, even if I was honest, which is why I could be judged as the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA.Go no contact.
Nah, you’re not the asshole. Your mom sounds toxic as hell and you just told the truth. She can dish it out but can’t handle hearing she wasn’t the favorite. You don’t owe her an apology for finally standing up for yourself.
NTA
Your mom asked a question and didn’t like the honest answer. If she didn’t want to hear it, she shouldn’t have pressed about it.
The best revenge is a good life. Live a good one, and let her stew when she realizes she no longer has free rent in your head.
NTA, and for the record, she is not a “parent,” she is an abuser and not worthy of the term “parent.” I would go NC with her. Obviously, she is toxic, and I suspect, needs therapy. Family is people who love you, encourage you, and have your back. If the rest of your family does not have your back, then go find “your family” and live, laugh, and love. You deserve it. Good luck.
NTA. Why is this shrew still in your life in any way, shape, or form?
On the one hand, NTA, on the other hand, this clearly belongs on wattpad, since it’s fanfic.
NTA. She does sound awful, and that sucks you were the one she used to take her anger and frustrations out on. Sounds like she’s doing you a major favor by going no contact first. Set your boundaries with your other family members regarding your mom and just live your best life 👍
NTA but your mom is a piece of work.
NTA
Your mom is legitimately awful. You don’t owe her anything because she put the bare minimum required by law into raising you. I’m sorry that was your life. You surely don’t owe her an apology, and it would be perfectly reasonable for you to go NC with her.
NTA. Enjoy the peace!
Did your siblings magically miss your entire childhood?
Your “mom” is still trying to get a reaction from you. Cut her off after you send her a picture of Children of Emotionally Immature Parents with a post it that says Missing Reasons.
NTA
Your sister doesn’t recognize that your experience of your mom is very different from hers.
I wouldn’t waste any time on your mom (and I am saying this as a mom of young adults). But I would consider going to counseling on your own to process the deep feelings you may not fully realize you have.
Moreover, I would consider asking your brother and sister if they would join you for some sessions. They are the people who will be your remaining family of origin as you go through the years. It might help you all understand and respect each other’s experiences.
You are already doing everything right for yourself with your mom.