My (16f) parents divorced when I was 7 and my dad got full custody of me and my sisters (8 and 3 at the time). We had supervised visits with my mom for a while and now we see her one weekend a month.
My mom was a stay at home mom. She had control issues and a temper and always contradicted herself. Like we never had chores. She never wanted us to do anything because we’d do it wrong. Then she’d scream at us because the house wasn’t spotless. She used to tell us that we were going to kill her from stress, we never wanted to see her happy, and that we probably just made messes so we could watch her clean it up. Then we’d try sticker charts for stuff like cleaning up and getting along. 3 days in I remember her screaming at us and ripping up the chart because we couldn’t do anything right. All 3 of us had really bad anxiety and anger issues and went to play therapy twice a week for years. It was to the point where my younger sister got kicked out of 3 preschools and I was in special ed until middle school.
My mom’s a little better now but she still yells at us sometimes about how we’re all horrible people and bad daughters and we live to see her suffer over something like there being a dish in the sink.
My mom and older sister got into an argument last month and my sister refused to give our mom a ticket to her graduation. I had a weekend at my moms house last weekend and my mom was ranting about my sister being a bad daughter and my other sister and I better not do that to her after everything she did for us.
I told her the reason my sister is a bad daughter is because she has been a horrible mom to us. I had my dad and stepmom pick me up after that and she’s been texting me nonstop about me being an ungrateful bitch and I have no right to talk to her that way. My dad said I could’ve stayed out of it but my stepmom said she deserved it.
Comments
NTA you poor kid. Mute your mom so you don’t see the text alerts and ask your dad if contact can go through him for time you have to spend with her. Or contact you have to have. I mean court ordered visits and contact.
I feel so much for you and your sisters. I hope you continued therapy because it could be helpful to have someone to talk with about everything. Take care of yourself and do what is right for you. Not engaging and putting your mom on an information diet sounds about right to me.
NTA. Your stepmom is right.
NTA. Sounds like your dad needs to petition to have all visitation revoked. She’s emotionally abusive.
I am so sorry that you and your sisters have experienced this emotional abuse throughout your lives.
It sounds like your mom may be bipolar and/or a different disorder. My cousin is bipolar and when she’s off her meds, she switches moods unexpectedly between manic/anger to being depressed. Has she been diagnosed professionally at all?
You need to protect you. Your sisters need to protect themselves. Your dad needs to protect you all. Do what you need to do for your own mental health.
NTA
Your mom is no saint—not even close—but telling your mom she’s a bad mom wasn’t going to change anything and just made the situation worse.
I can completely understand your reaction and you aren’t wrong. But sometimes it’s simpler to take a path of less resistance and conflict. You could, for instance, say, “I’m sure she has her reasons, Mom” or “It’s not my story to tell.”
I’d suggest that you might want to save those texts from your mom and show them to your court advocate. They could be useful in having your mom’s custody rights modified—an action that might force her to examine for herself why her children don’t want to be around her.
Your relationship with your mother is toxic. She deserved to hear what you said but I think you have put yourself in a dangerous position with her. Think about not visiting for a while.
Sounds like she has OCD. Your dad needs to go back to court and get her on supervised visits.
Your mom sounds like she suffers from one of the Cluster B’s., perhaps Borderline Personality Disorder. I would suggest treading lightly. She still has some involvement in your lives, so having her come to a graduation is not too extreme. Remember, things could be worse: you could be in her skin.
NTA. Don’t reply to her texts and refuse to go to her house for visits. Forward all the texts to you Dad and StepMom for proof of her abuse. I doubt she has the $ to take your Dad to court for visitation. It’s a horrible environment for you and your siblings and you she shouldn’t be allowed near any of you.
NTA save those texts! Show your dad those texts and ask him to get you a lawyer so you no longer have to see her. I hope you know your mom is wrong about you & that she is the problem.
NTA. Your Dad has all the ammunition he needs to keep her away from you.
Source: my psycho ex. I have full custody, she gets rare, supervised visits
Show dad the texts
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