My (F18) little sister (8) has been complaining about headaches for about a month or so now, since her school ended. She said they never go above a 3/10 in pain and sometimes aren’t even there, but my mom is convinced something is wrong.
My little sister sits on her phone or watches TV all night and doesn’t go to sleep until about 5-6 in the morning. She wakes up at about 3 in the afternoon and immediately gets on her phone and watches YouTube or plays games with her friends. There have been some times where she has stayed up through the entire night and got up for when my parents’ left for work, then gone to bed afterwards, and anytime I tell my parents that she hasn’t been waking up at 7 but instead has been awake then going to bed after they leave, they tell me I’m lying. I’ve told my grandparents, who were nurses for 40 years, about this, and they talked to my mom about it and said that it’s probably her sleep schedule that’s causing her headaches, but she told them that there is nothing wrong with her sleep schedule. I hate to say that she’s been faking them, but when all she does is stare at the TV or scream at her video games, it makes it hard to believe that she’s been having headaches.
My mom has taken her to 4 different doctors so far: our regular doctor, a neurologist, a different neurologist, and an ophthalmologist, all of whom have told her that she is fine. They even did an MRI, which showed nothing. Although I have told my mom that my little sister stays up all night, she won’t tell the doctors.
Whenever I suggest that she should stop taking her to a bunch of doctors who tell her nothing is wrong, she brings up my experience of going to multiple doctors because I was peeing blood for about 6 months. I had to see about six different doctors due to a kidney stone, but because I was so young, none of them considered that it could be a kidney stone until one doctor finally performed a CT scan that revealed it. I pointed out that our situations are different; I had a symptom that I couldn’t fake, and none of the doctors could determine what it was. In her case, she has been experiencing occasional headaches and has been told multiple times that everything is fine.
So AITHA for telling my mom that there is nothing wrong with my little sister?
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My (F18) little sister (8) has been complaining about headaches for about a month or so now, since her school ended. She said they never go above a 3/10 in pain and sometimes aren’t even there, but my mom is convinced something is wrong.
My little sister sits on her phone or watches TV all night and doesn’t go to sleep until about 5-6 in the morning. She wakes up at about 3 in the afternoon and immediately gets on her phone and watches YouTube or plays games with her friends. There have been some times where she has stayed up through the entire night and got up for when my parents’ left for work, then gone to bed afterwards, and anytime I tell my parents that she hasn’t been waking up at 7 but instead has been awake then going to bed after they leave, they tell me I’m lying. I’ve told my grandparents, who were nurses for 40 years, about this, and they talked to my mom about it and said that it’s probably her sleep schedule that’s causing her headaches, but she told them that there is nothing wrong with her sleep schedule. I hate to say that she’s been faking them, but when all she does is stare at the TV or scream at her video games, it makes it hard to believe that she’s been having headaches.
My mom has taken her to 4 different doctors so far: our regular doctor, a neurologist, a different neurologist, and an ophthalmologist, all of whom have told her that she is fine. They even did an MRI, which showed nothing. Although I have told my mom that my little sister stays up all night, she won’t tell the doctors.
Whenever I suggest that she should stop taking her to a bunch of doctors who tell her nothing is wrong, she brings up my experience of going to multiple doctors because I was peeing blood for about 6 months. I had to see about six different doctors due to a kidney stone, but because I was so young, none of them considered that it could be a kidney stone until one doctor finally performed a CT scan that revealed it. I pointed out that our situations are different; I had a symptom that I couldn’t fake, and none of the doctors could determine what it was. In her case, she has been experiencing occasional headaches and has been told multiple times that everything is fine.
So AITHA for telling my mom that there is nothing wrong with my little sister?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the AH because I believe my sister has been faking headaches to get my moms attention, and I believe it might make me the AH because my mom believes what I think is wrong and rude to say, especially considering my complicated past with doctors.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but at this point? your parents are refusing to listen so let your sister run herself into the ground, let your parents remain ignorant. sucks but all you can do now is stay in your own lane and try not to act super shocked when your sister is either caught out or tries to keep this up come school starting again.
It’s she’s staring at screens that much that gives me a headache. She may also need an eye exam, she could be straining her eyes looking at the screen.
NTA. You’ve done your part and let them all know that you’re going to stop trying. Because when truth finally comes to light, your family sounds like a bunch that’ll somehow make it your fault that you didn’t try enough to tell them.
ESH but ONLY because the headaches probably are real, and your sister isn’t faking them (esp since they don’t seem to be very painful). But yeah your mom is delusional for ignoring the obvious. Her screen time and her sleep schedule is horrible for her age, or any age really…
NAH Everyone’s trying to make the best decision they can. You are right to be concerned, but so are your parents. It may not be serious; it may well be. They won’t know until they try everything they can.
I used to have a near constant headache as well. No one knew why. Turns out it was because of my hair. I have extremely thick and very curly hair. The weight was giving me headaches, especially when I wore it very long. Got an undercut and haven’t had that problem since.
I mean I assume you have access to a phone. Most phones can record video. If your parents are at work and your sister is going back to bed they can’t argue with multiple videos showing through the day she is sleeping and then multiple videos through the night showing she’s up.
Nta
Record her staying awake and include a timestamps since she doesn’t believe you. not the timestamp the phone automatically includes in the details, cus for someone like your mom, that might not be enough. So record a physical clock in addition to your sister.
I actually don’t understand why you think she’s lying….staring at screens constantly gives you headaches…there are many reasons for headaches wtf
there’s a good chance her headaches are real and are caused by the things that you listed here (see constant screen time and lack of sleep). if your mom doesn’t believe you about those things, that’s on her. you could talk to your sister directly about the importance of a good sleep routine and screen time or taking it a step further and making plans with her for the rest of the summer to try to get her off a screen (go to the park, library, something else). i would say a light YTA for saying they’re not real when you have no evidence of that, you can do what I listed here, but if your mom or sister don’t believe you or do anything about it, that’s on them and you should probably just drop it.
NTA, its possible she’s is having headaches but is in denial about whats causing them and has resigned herself to them in return for sleeping and using screens as she pleases. Maybe suggest that your sister needs to text one of your parents once a hour to prove she’s actually awake during the day?
OP There is something wrong with your sister — her parents are allowing her to engage in excessive use of “screen time.” Your mother doesn’t believe you [probably because she doesn’t want to accept how she has failed and is failing your sister. Tell your father. If they continue to disbelieve you, use a cell phone to show them what your sister’s doing. They can look into her gaming device presumably to see when and for how long they’ve been used. Her cell phone [at age 8?] should also have a record of its time in use.
It’s really terrible for your mother to refuse to tell physicians about your sister’s disordered sleep and excessive electronics use. Does your father know this is going on?
NTA but your parents are.
I wouldn’t say that nothing is wrong, but it may not be physical. That kind of sleep disturbance at that age, combined with possibly psychosomatic/fabricated physical symptoms makes me think trauma. If you could convince your parents that a counselor is one of the specialists she should be seeing, that could be helpful.
It’s also possible she has Delayed Sleep Phase and/or ADHD, for which a diagnosis would be helpful.
She’s 8 and spends all her time watching tv and playing video games? Ludicrous!
Nta. But, until presented with hard evidence, your parents will do absolutely nothing. Be prepared for blow back. Parental control restrictions placed on her might also be placed on you until you move out. But, I think it’s a sacrifice worth taking to get your sister back on a healthy sleep schedule
Put the internet on a timer 😉
Lock the ipads to a ‘parental control, permission required’ setting and set it up so only your mum can authorise it.
And …. why isn’t your little sister in school? Are you being parentified?
Get a job, be out all day, with a 12 -24 month plan to move out if you can.
NTA. But you could be wrong. But you are right that before going to a third neurologist they should probably sort out her sleep patterns.
ESH -your little sister is probably not faking her headaches. Lack of sleep and too much screentime will definitely cause headaches, no need for underlying causes. At her age, she should have a supervised bedtime routine and restricted screentime. It sounds like your parents aren’t parenting her at all. So they are definitely most at fault here. The reason I said everyone sucks is because you are still kinda a jerk for deciding she is faking it. She’s a kid and doesn’t have the self control to make good choices, even if she does realize she’s hurting herself, which she might not even know.
If you can prove she’s not sleeping, that may help. You may be able to use her tablet to prove it- it should have a way to show how much screentime she’s had in a day.
Edited to add: can you wake your parents up in the middle of the night and show them that she’s still up?
NTA you should start recording like hide a camera or something to show what she’s doing
YTA. Your mother and health professionals can work it out. You’ve offered your opinion, just chill. Stay on hand to provide any support needed.
NTA, but what the hell is going on at your house? An 8-year-old is staying up all night playing on a screen? And your parents are shrugging this off as a non-event? That’s not okay!
I’ve no doubt your sister’s headaches are real. Her sleep patterns are disturbed. She’s waking up with the equivalent of a hangover.
By not enforcing guidelines and boundaries, your parents are abusing your sister. An 8-year-old needs a set sleep schedule. What happens when school starts?
If she’s got an iPhone/pad and you’re reallyyy dedicated to this, turn on screen time and you’ll have your proof. Alternatively, you can log into your router for time stamps. But honestly you’ve done your part and if your mom wants to ignore you, that’s on her.
I’m sure the headaches are very real AND they might very well stem from a poor sleep schedule. All of it should be addressed. But don’t gaslight a potentially chronically ill child. That would be an asshole move, for sure. And her not sleeping nights could (already and down the road) have extremely dire effects on her health
YTA. Her eyes are likely fatigued from staring at screens all day, which can present as headaches sometimes. And while that does mean there isn’t anything medically wrong with her, that still doesn’t mean her headaches are fake. It means she needs less screen time.
Tell your mom to go on your sister phone and check out the usage of her apps I forget how to do it but you can look it up and will it basically tell how many hours your sister has been on a app or internet or playing a game aka it will prove that she’s not sleeping judging by all the hours she’s putting in them and on her phone like you’ve been saying.
At that age I didn’t have electronics but was a night owl and when school let out for summer I stayed up at all hours. I also suffered migraines, but it had nothing to do with sleep as they occurred during the school year when I had a “normal” sleep pattern.
Allergies can also cause regular headaches as well as migraines. It can also be eye strain as someone else offered. You can suggest all this to your parents but unless she’s interfering in your life just let it go and let your parents be her parents. Be the babysitter, keep her safe, and live your life.
She’s almost certainly experiencing headaches. She’s not getting an appropriate amount of sleep and she’s starting at screens almost constantly. It’s bizarre that you think her head isn’t hurting from all that.
But it’s really not your business. If your mom is taking her to doctors then the doctors have asked about her sleep, asked about her screen usage, etc. Guarantee it. This isn’t their first kid with the summertime “lack of routine” ickiness. It’s your mom’s choice not to hear it and not to supervise your sister better. It sucks, but it isn’t really up to you.
If you actually want to do something about it, take your sister to the park to get her away from the television. You’re an adult. Offer her a better role model.
ESH. The headaches are probably real, but due to the excessive screen time and disordered sleep schedule. The kid needs to get her sleep sorted out and a screen detox. You need to get some empathy and believe people about their health until you have proof they’re lying.
Surely your parents are aware she’s staying up all night, night after night for weeks? Why aren’t they parenting their 8 year old? And who looks after her during the day while they are at work? Someone’s who’s willing to organise and pay for 2 neurologist visits and an opothmologist in the space of a few weeks can’t be this blind and negligent. None of this makes sense.
It sounds like your sisters headaches are real, and it’s an asshole move to say they aren’t. Her sleep schedule could be the root cause of the headaches, or it could be another symptom of an underlying issue. The fact is that you are not a medical professional, and you have no business dismissing someone’s medical concerns. If you really are concerned about her sleep, share evidence with your parents instead of just claiming her pain doesn’t exist. YTA
Unplug the TV at 10pm, hide the games. NTA
YTA. You’re not a doctor, and you have no way of knowing if there’s anything really wrong with your sister.
I mean, I’m skeptical too, but I’m not confident enough to say “Nothing’s wrong with her”, and nor should you.
You say you believe she’s faking her headaches. You don’t know that for certain. Besides, two things can be true at the same time – that she has poor sleep habits, AND that she really does have headaches, caused by something neurologically wrong, nothing to do with sleep.
What you CAN do – and it seems you HAVE done – is tell your parents about observations you have made that they might not otherwise know about, such as her sleeping during the day and being up all night playing games. Record some evidence if you can, in case they don’t believe you.
But your involvement in this issue should stop there. What your parents do with the extra information you give them is their business. If they won’t pass this information on to her doctors, and would rather pay for expensive tests which she may not need, that’s on them. Stay in your lane.