I (20F) and my girlfriend (25F) like to go to the club together. I sometimes update my mother (55F) about things that go on in our dating life, including the places we go to. Anyways, I recently told her I sometimes go to this place called The Castle; look it up if you want to understand why what I’m about to say is fucking bonkers.
Anyways, my mother makes me this ridiculous offer to take me, my girlfriend, and one of her friends to this place. I straight up told her no, if she wants to meet my girlfriend that we are going someplace else. Did I mention that The Castle is a SEX DUNGEON. People get WHIPPED there. She even told me about how she whipped someone there! How does she think this is appropriate?!?
Anyways, she seemed dejected and hurt by this, especially considering that her birthday was mere days ago and she was not able to celebrate on the day of her birthday due to medical treatments. Her husband is calling me a prick who doesn’t want to spend time with my mother. Am I the AH?
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I (20F) and my girlfriend (25F) like to go to the club together. I sometimes update my mother (55F) about things that go on in our dating life, including the places we go to. Anyways, I recently told her I sometimes go to this place called The Castle; look it up if you want to understand why what I’m about to say is fucking bonkers.
Anyways, my mother makes me this ridiculous offer to take me, my girlfriend, and one of her friends to this place. I straight up told her no, if she wants to meet my girlfriend that we are going someplace else. Did I mention that The Castle is a SEX DUNGEON. People get WHIPPED there. She even told me about how she whipped someone there! How does she think this is appropriate?!?
Anyways, she seemed dejected and hurt by this, especially considering that her birthday was mere days ago and she was not able to celebrate on the day of her birthday due to medical treatments. Her husband is calling me a prick who doesn’t want to spend time with my mother. Am I the AH?
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> I may have been the asshole for declining an offer to spend time with my sick mother
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA.
Quit being a prude and have some fun.
NAH your mom needs to learn some boundaries and take you guys out to brunch like a normal person
Guys will go to strip clubs with their dads. It doesn’t seem out if the realm of possibilities but definitely an awkward meeting the girlfriend. Especially because you’re having conversations with your mom about it and it’s a shared interest.
Why not take your mom for her bday but arrange a more casual meet and great for girlfriend?
NTA. I don’t need my mom to see any aspects of my sex life, and I have no desire to see any of hers. Sex dungeons and strip clubs are two places family do not need to go to together.
>How does she think this is appropriate?!?
Geezer, maybe because her daughter is starting the conversation by telling her she goes there in the first place?
A BDSM club is never an appropriate family outing. You set a reasonable boundary — your mum’s hurt feelings don’t change that x
First of all OP, your mom sounds cool as hell lmao.
Like I understand not wanting to go to a sex dungeon with your mother, if that’s not your bag. So NTA I guess. But it is kind of funny to me that you’ll go to a sex dungeon, tell your mother about going to the sex dungeon, but draw the line at going to the sex dungeon with your mother lol.
ESH it is insanely weird that your mom would want to go to a sex dungeon with you. It is also insanely weird that you tell your mom about the sex dungeon you go to with your girlfriend.
NTA — and where is it?
So your mother wants to meet your GF in a sex dungeon? Has your mother met your partner before?
NTA, I’m pretty open and can talk to my parents about most things and if either wanted to go to that type of venue sure, I would not care, would I want to go with them, nope, would I want to go with my partner and either of my parents to a sex dungeon, absolutely not.
NTA but I can see where she’s coming from. She might want a closer relationship and hope that she can be more open with you about things like this. I’m 22 and my rough relationship with my mother is starting to turn into her being much more open now that I’m an adult. However that makes for many awkward moments. This is probably just a sign that she thinks you’re mature enough for her to be comfortable around now, and doesn’t view you as a child or teen anymore. While I think your mom has good intentions towards the situation, it’s clear she’s approaching it wrong with your relationship dynamic.
I would tell her no, but ask if she’d like to go out somewhere more subtle, like a regular bar/pub. And make it clear that “sex dungeon with mom” isn’t on the table.
NTA. Mom needs to understand it’s not just about her feelings. Being in an establishment intended for sexual use can already be uncomfortable, doing so with your parent and your partner? There needs to be boundaries with parents and children. This is something she should do with her sister/friends/partner. Wanting to do so is whatever but not understanding the boundary crossing once you made it clear you weren’t okay with it is AH move.
Maybe there are certain parts of your life that should not be shared with “mom”?
NTA. I’m sorry, but the moment she mentioned she whipped someone there, she removed herself from the guest list. Some boundaries just write themselves. You’re not a prude for not wanting to hang out with your mom in a sex dungeon. That’s just basic common sense
Sounds like your mom is cool AF
NTA but it would have been nice to offer another activity the three of you could do together. Like brunch or a day party. I’m sure she feels dejected about not being able to spend time with you. Not because you won’t let her come with you to The Castle
Welcome to Tampa buddy…. Lol
NTAH. Tell him to keep his words to himself.
It’s just not appropriate if you deem it so.
Never go somewhere that doesn’t feel like the right place to go.
If you and your partner are happy then everything is okay. The mean words were unwarranted. That’s not okay.
Make plans with your mother in the future and pick a great hangout spot you deem appropriate.
If I were at a party and didn’t feel comfortable I’d ask my partner to ditch the place with me. But this place isn’t even appropriate for you and your partner because you deemed it so.
Good job. Awkward vibes averted.
YTA. If The Castle I “looked up” is the one you’re talking about, it looks incredibly tame, a far cry from a sEx DuNgEoN. It sounds a little like you were being a snot, but without more information about you and your mom’s relationship there’s no way to really tell. It definitely doesn’t seem like a “bonkers” ask, and like you may have overreacted.
OK, but why would you tell your mom that you went there in the first place?
I might be alone in this opinion, but I think you opened the door to that conversation by letting her know that you were open to going to those kinds of places. Should a mother know that her child does not want to experience that with her yes! But also most kids don’t tell their parents about going places like that!
NAH except for your mother‘s husband! He is an absolute idiot for saying something that’s stupid. But sounds like your mother was bummed but respected what you said, he was the one that crossed the line.
There are some things that should never be done with parents around. Drugs and sex top that list. BDSM should be a no brainer.
NTA
ESH.
Your mother, obviously, for failing to pick up on your obvious discomfort at having her participate in this aspect of your sex life, even you gave a flat “no” in response to her suggestion.
But you are also the asshole for failing to see the obvious contradiction in your post:
I sometimes update my mother (55F) about things that go on in our dating life, including the places we go to. I recently told her I sometimes go to this place called The Castle… my mother makes me this ridiculous offer… How does she think this is appropriate?!?
So YOU were the one who placed the subject of this BDSM club on the table in the first place.
Undoubtedly, you have a very strange mother (and stepfather, given that he agrees with her), who does not recognize and respect appropriate boundaries.
But I doubt this aspect of your mother’s personality came as a complete surprise to you. By sharing these details with her, you poked the bear. You can’t be surprised when the bear responds. And if you genuinely didn’t know before, you know now.
Here’s some advice to help you avoid similar boundary-stomping in future: you don’t have to tell her everything you do.
Also, you said in a comment: I only told her because she checks my location and will question me if I am out late at night.
Here’s some more advice. You’re not a child. You’re 20. You’re old enough to date and to go to a BDSM club. Stop sharing your location with your mother.
… Why are you telling your mom about the BDSM clubs you go to?
You both are gross. Stop telling your mom about this stuff. Put down some boundaries and see a therapist. This isn’t normal. ESH.
NTA. Some things are simply better not shared between parents and children, and both should respect the comfort of the others.
You’re NTA BUT you need to consider a few things, starting with setting boundaries with your mom about how much involvement she has in your personal life now that you are an adult. Maybe she doesn’t need to know everything about her kid.
I’m a very active member of the BDSM community and this whole situation is incredibly inappropriate.
I looked it up and it’s not a sex dungeon lol. It’s just a regular night club.
If that’s how mom rolls …
YTA – don’t gatekeepers your mom.
Where’s this “Sex Dungeon”? 😆 I’m running up that hill to 70, looking good, retired and er-uh…. Y’all can guess what I’ll be doing 😉. Can’t stop, won’t stop until it’s over.
So you can go and get whipped but your mom can’t? YTA
YTA for not having enough boundaries with your own mother. Why TF would you tell your mom about going to a sex club?