Let me start by saying — I know I wasn’t wrong, but I might’ve been a little too honest.
So for context, my mom (39F), little brother (7M), and I (17F) moved into our extended family’s home a while ago. Ever since we got there, it’s been like we’re the invisible roommates. No one talks to us unless they need something, and we’re never really included in anything, especially when it comes to food.
Before my mom got a job, she was basically the unpaid house nanny/caregiver/chef. I’m talking: cooking daily for 6 kids (ages 1, 4, 7, 10, 11, and yes, another 7M) plus my grandmother who has dementia. She never complained. She just stepped up because no one else would. It was her way of “contributing,” since she wasn’t paying bills.
Well, fast forward — my mom got a job and now comes home exhausted. Since then, my cousin (the self-appointed new chef) took over cooking. Which would’ve been great… if she didn’t act like we didn’t exist.
When they cook, they always seem to “run out” of food right before it gets to my mom, my brother, and me. Like clockwork. Every. Single. Time.
But when my mom cooked? Same size meals, same pot, but magically everyone was fed. Even second servings. Even leftovers. So yes — it feels intentional. And yes, we’ve noticed. But we never made it an issue because my mom would always just make sure we had something on the side or order food if needed.
Now here’s where the drama starts.
Yesterday, my mom came home from work and decided to cook for us — just me, her, and my little brother. I was honestly excited. It’s been a while since we had a meal that wasn’t side scraps or air. But being the good woman she is, my mom still left extra food in the pot for the rest of the house. 🙄
Now me, being petty and fed up, said,
“Why are you still leaving food for people who wouldn’t even leave crumbs for us when they cook?”
Apparently my cousin heard me (not my problem tbh), and I guess she ran to the rest of the family and sprinkled in some fairy dust because now I’m getting passive-aggressive phone calls from my aunt talking about how “my heart isn’t clean,” and “God doesn’t like bitterness,” and how “family means sacrifice.”
Ma’am. I’ve been eating cornflakes for dinner while y’all serve oxtail to everyone except us. Let’s not do that.
So now everyone’s mad. But honestly? I don’t feel bad.
I said what I said.
If the bare minimum is too much to ask for, maybe I shouldn’t be so quiet anymore.
But still… AITA?
Comments
NTA. You asked your mom a valid question. Your cousin was a snoop, and people who eavesdrop are bound to hear something that burns their ears. Calling out shitty behavior isn’t shitty. “God doesn’t like letting his children starve, either. Love thy neighbor and all that. Love ain’t one-sided.”
NTA. Hypocrites hate when their hypocrisy is pointed out.
So you’re homeless and moved into someone else’s house with their family and you think it’s smart to start being disrespectful what kind of drugs are you taking seriously 🤣
NTA, I get where you’re coming from… standing up for yourself when others act like you’re not even there? That’s tough. It’s one thing to cook and clean and be taken for granted, but when it comes to food, that’s basic. You didn’t ask for anything fancy, just a little fairness… and honestly? That’s not too much to ask. Maybe it’ll take some time, but you’re not wrong to speak up. Sometimes people need a nudge, and you gave them one. Keep your head high.
Why don’t you just cook for yourselves and your cousins cook for themselves every night?
I wish you, your siblings, and mother a windfall of good fortune so that you can get your own place. Or are you there to take care of your grandmother?
I’m sorry that things are tense with your extended family.
NTA. What you asked, was reasonable, and it’s ok to point out hypocrisy. Especially, that blatantly. It’s easy to preach “family means sacrifice”, but that doesn’t mean only you, your mom and little brother have to sacrifice. It goes for everyone or for no one.
Otherwise, I would suggest to your mom about a moving out plan. Because the extended family seems to be the toxic kind. It’s not ok to let you and your brother grow up with that behavior. Making it seem like you are second class.
They used your mom when it was convenient. And they don’t care, when there is nothing in it for them. And they certainly don’t want to share, what they have, either. But are ok to take and take.
I would advise getting out there. And then move on.
Updateme.
NTA you did nothing wrong. Ask your mom when you can all move out.
Question, why aren’t you cooking? Leaning toward YTA unless you’ve got a valid reason that you don’t cook. I also don’t follow how if the same size meal is being cooked now by your cousin, how has the portion size changed that much that it isn’t covering as many mouths? That isn’t adding up.
It stinks. I would learn to cook and take the initiative. You are getting a lesson on being dependent on people who aren’t dependable.
NTA…But this is on your mother. Why isn’t she standing up for herself and her family? Yes, she may have not had a job at first, but you all moved in to take care of the grandmother. And mom not only took care of the grandmother, but the whole house as well. So, even though, she did not have an outside job, she was doing one heck of a job inside the home, which, if we were talking a pay scale, would be a heck of a lot for what she was doing.
Someone needs to set the record straight for Auntie and that should be your mom.
“My child’s heart is not clean? What about cousin and family? When I cook, I cook for everyone. When they cook, our family is left out. WE do everything around here without a thank you. Maybe you all should look in the mirror”. But, you are living in their home and that is easier said then done.
Since mom is working now, I would try and find other living arrangements as soon as possible. And let Aunt and cousin’s family deal with the consequences.
This is a tough situations. First off it is rude of them to make a meal and exclude you.. You should offer to help make it when they do.
They may feel since you are living in there home you owe them. It was nice of them to take you and you Mother in and brother. Sounds like you mom had the right attitude when you moved in by cooking cleaning and taking care of the other kids.
Awesome mom got a job and is working to get better in life and hopefully your family can move out and be on your own. Does you mom pay any rent to stay there or buy food ? You mom sounds like a good person.
Talk to you mom and see how she feels and go off her request or action tell you guys can get out of there.
Your mom’s kindness is beautiful, but boundaries exist for a reason. These people have shown you exactly who they are – believe them. The fact that they can accept her food but can’t include a 7-year-old in dinner invitations tells you everything you need to know about their character.
NTA, you were having a private conversation with your mother and raised a valid point.
Did I miss scare your mom pays rent?
NTA but at 17 you can cook for your hardworking mom and your little brother
NTA it was a very valid question. If family truly meant sacrifice, you all should been fed. But they are the ones whose heart isn’t clean
NTA.
You know what else God doesn’t like? Hypocrisy. However, you’re also just a little bit of the AH. You say your mother comes home exhausted from work? Then you should take over cooking meals for yourself, your brother and her. That way you get to have real food and you can control whether or not there are leftovers to feed rude people.
I mean im ngl, if you guys arent paying to be there, I dont think you are entitled to eat their food. If you are paying rent or chipping in in some other way, then obviously NTA.
NTA. You asked a valid question.
NTA. Your mom should save the leftovers for when she’s too exhausted to cook for you and your sibling. My mom is like your mom, always looking out for people and those same people don’t do anything for her. It’s so annoying. I always have to remind her that yes she is being generous and has a kind heart but sometimes she needs to stop because she’s being taken advantage of.
Honestly, they’re welcome to the oxtail. All that increased risk of prion disease they’re sparing you from by being selfish. They’re so considerate. /s
NTA
Your mom and you need to move away from there. They are absolutely abusing her generosity
“family means sacrifice.”
—It somehow never apples for the family member that says that I notice.
Stop being nice and stop biting your tongue. I promise it’s so liberating to stop putting up with assholes. NTA obviously, but start calling them out in the moment and don’t be passive about it. If they continue the bullshit of not making sure everyone has food, don’t be all “Man, sure wish people would treat us the same we treat them.” Straight up call them out, “Ayo, why is it that every single time you make dinner, you ALWAYS forget to make enough for us? Are you that bad of a cook or just a dick?”
Now that your mom got a job is she contributing financially to the food and utlities?
Dear lord get the heck out of that house the second you turn 18. With “family” like yours you would fare better anywhere else. NTA.
The dramatic reaction you got is probably exactly what your mom was trying to avoid. You’re NTA for asking, especially since you had no idea your cousin was eavesdropping, but you might want to cut your mom some slack since she probably just wanted to avoid drama until she could GTFO. In one year or less, you’ll be free to go wherever you want, but your mom has your minor brother to consider, which makes it more difficult to leave.
Your mom seems like a good and a kind person. Why do you wanna take that from her. Or does you just think she’s an idiot that doesn’t understand so you need to point it out because your so smart?
Nta. If I’m being honest with you, I’m kind of a petty Betty and I would respond to my aunt Wyth. What’s the matter us treating you is treating you like you treated us isn’t working for you now and I would’ve left it at that.
Ask your aunt why she’d let her nieces and nephews eat cereal while she eats like a queen. And if she wants to talk about sacrifice, why is sharing so hard? Your family stinks. NTA
Omg can y’all move out now? What do you do after school? Can you get a job so y’all can move out faster?
Depends entirely on the agreement made before you guys moved into someone else’s house.
NTA, when your mom cooked, it was for everyone to eat. When they cook, there is never enough food for your mom and her kids. That is intentional and you called out their selfish and stingy behavior. So now, they know you have noticed and it makes it harder bc every time they cook only enough for themselves, it just proves you were RIGHT about them. Families have weird beliefs around other family members. Our son married into a family that treated us like we, my wife and I, could not be trusted around them. Why? Because her dad’s brother lived with them for awhile and stole from his own family. Thus, they concluded that NO inlaws could be trusted and were to be treated like thieves when we came over.
NTA. Family means sacrifice should at least mean the children eat first.
Are you paying rent now that your mom is working? Because they probably feel if you’re not you’ve overstayed your welcome
NTA for what you said, but I think your mom is just honestly trying to take the high road which is why she isn’t raising a fuss with the extended family. She knows all of your are living with family as a favor and she doesn’t want to make waves. But I don’t see anything wrong with what you said, because you’re right. It’s not fair how the family is treating all of you when they were the ones who allowed you to move in.
Since you are 17 I think it would be great if you could step up and help your mom to ease her burden. Take on some of those chores so she doesn’t have to when she gets home exhausted. Have a meal waiting for her even if it’s just sandwiches. I’m sure your mom is doing everything she can to put aside money so that she can eventually move all of you into your own place. And don’t let those relatives get to you – they’re taking advantage and being disrespectful now, but you hopefully won’t have to put up with them for long.
NTAH.
A lot of people saying things that OP might regret if she follows that advice. Maybe mom isn’t able to afford to live anywhere else at this point and she doesn’t want to make waves. If OP was a good kid she would help her mom out and not make her mom do all the cooking after a long day at work. Either way, if her mom isn’t speaking up she should also keep quiet, kids don’t know everything that their parents do and if she wants to leave she is almost 18, but don’t mess things up for her mother.
My brain is saying to be passive aggressive back to your cousin and/or your aunt. Tell her to get some new excuses bc running out of food is getting old, fast.
Is this the best idea? No. But is it petty? Absolutely!
NTA. I am so very sick of horrible nasty people (your grandmother) “quoting god”. I hope you can get out of that vipers nest soon.
Good luck
So how come you don’t cook ??
I see where you are coming from. I will say tho, you are living in their home, and as much as you should stand up for yourself there are some battles your mother cant afford to lose. You are definitely living at extended families due to cost of living, some times we have to deal with shitty family before it gets better. Why not learn to cook and help your mom out with dinner?
You never know what’s going on between the adults, especially if they make an effort to keep these things away from kids.
Im not tryna come off in any way, just a genuine question. When I was 17 I was cooking full meals for myself and family.
So you are getting free room and board . You aren’t contributing to food allowance, you haven’t been cooking for anyone else. And you bitching. Funny Shit.
AI
NTA, but you’re old enough that you really should be helping with the cooking. There’s no reason your mom should be coming home exhausted and starting the meal from scratch.