My mother rearranged some furniture in our house so our cat could see out the window better. My wife rearranged it back how it was. My mother asked about it and got really upset that we undid what she did and I was starting to feel insulted like she was implying I was a bad cat parent. She didn’t back down and I let slip “this is why I didn’t have kids because I didn’t want to hear your opinions about how I was raising them.” Now she is big sad and saying that I basically told her she murdered her grandchildren with her personality and how I don’t appreciate her enough etc. AITA?
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My mother rearranged some furniture in our house so our cat could see out the window better. My wife rearranged it back how it was. My mother asked about it and got really upset that we undid what she did and I was starting to feel insulted like she was implying I was a bad cat parent. She didn’t back down and I let slip “this is why I didn’t have kids because I didn’t want to hear your opinions about how I was raising them.” Now she is big sad and saying that I basically told her she murdered her grandchildren with her personality and how I don’t appreciate her enough etc. AITA?
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> I might be the asshole because maybe I need to just lie to my mom and validate her even when she’s pissing me off.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA imo
Like yeah you could’ve had more tact but I also get that constantly have someone butt in without being asked gets annoying, especially if it’s your parent.
NTA but lmaoooo
NTA although it was a tad harsh. But you weren’t implying she murdered her potential grandkids, that’s fucked up to even say.
YTA. She was trying to help, you can just say no and do things the way you want. Unnecessary comment.
NTA. Sounds like it’s about time mom learns that actions have consequences including her boundary stomping means losing out on time with you and is one factor in your not having kids.
I would suggest clarifying though to your mom that it was one factor in your decision as I can’t imagine your mother was the sole factor in your no-kids decision.
INFO: Would you have wanted kids if you didn’t think your mom would stick her nose in? Is she really the only reason you don’t want kids?
“she murdered her grandchildren with her personality”?
More like birth control, IMHO.
There is an asshole in this story but it isn’t you.
NTA
NTA
But she’s playing hard, spinning it to make you look bad and throwing herself a pity party. Don’t fall for it, it’s just a tactic.
LOL murdered grandchildren. NTA
NTA seems like the kind of person who can’t take anything well and is always the victim.
NTA…
>Now she is big sad and saying that I basically told her she murdered her grandchildren with her personality and how I don’t appreciate her enough etc.
Isn’t she kind of proving your point with this drama? This kind of self-centered victim complex bs is why so many boomers have kids going No Contact.
NTA.
Your mother is emotionally manipulative at minimum, a narcissist at worst. She moved furniture in your home, that I assume she doesn’t live in, and then got mad about it. Now she’s telling you she feels like you said she murdered her grandchildren, that never existed in the first place, because you told her you don’t want to listen to her constantly telling you how she would do things differently?
It’s time you took a pause on having mom over. I’d be going low contact with someone who said shit like that to me.
Who the hell goes into someone else’s home and rearrange their furniture? This is an eye for an eye situation. Go swap as much of her living room and kitchen as you can. NTA.
Soft I think it honesty is important. That kind of truth hits deep, especially coming from a child to a parent. If it came from hurt or reflection, that’s valid but delivery and timing matter a lot 💕
Both of you are drama-filled. At least it’s clear where you got it.
NTA
Lol, who goes into someone else’s house and rearranges furniture? That is bizarre!
INFO. She sounds like such a dramatic person. Is she living with you or are you and your wife living with her? If it’s the former, then you’re NTA, as it’s your house and she shouldn’t be moving stuff around.
>she murdered her grandchildren with her personality
Well, there you have it! 😂
NTA.
Info… Why is she allowed to rearrange your furniture 😭
NTA and now that she’s connected the dots and is self-aware maybe she can change🫢
I’m sorry but her reaction is sending me. I’m gonna say nta.
I wanna say Y T A because you took away the cat’s view
NTA, it seems as if she can not respect boundaries. Your apartment is not hers to rearrange. Now… could have been a bit more tactful in delivering the line about the children or lack thereof. It does seem as if that may have co.e off a bit on the heated side due to her reaction of you and your SO changing the furniture back to how you like it.
NTA,
I don’t want to make a clinical diagnosis online but…
Sounds like she needs attention drawn to her personality, and some insentive to check-in with a professional about it.
WOW.
Okay, okay, verdict: ESH but you suck the most.
Your mother is overbearing. You don’t say whether she lives with you, but either way, I presume it isn’t her house. (If your mom owns the house, your wife is TA, full stop). Your mother isn’t wrong that cats prefer to see out the window, by the way–it’s reasonable to want to give them a perch for viewing. Still doesn’t mean that she should go around rearranging other people’s furniture.
But *wow*, you went nuclear. You ever hear “some things you can’t take back”? Some words destroy relationships and people. Some things you just don’t say. You went too far with this one, even if it’s true. Perhaps especially if it’s true. If you’re saying that your mother will never have grandchildren because of her personality, that’s a bomb that will hurt her forever. Long after the cat dies, your mom will remember this. It will haunt her.
It will keep hurting her until she’s gone. It’s that potent, that painful, that awful.
ESH. That was an asshole remark to make to your mother, but she’s being overdramatic in her response—sounds like she tends to overreact, and you took on that trait from her growing up. If you’d like to break that cycle, you can work on learning to set boundaries with kindness. Not lying to her to validate her, that’s not kind either, but you could have just said something like, “Mom, I don’t want you to rearrange the furniture in my house. I appreciate how much you care about our cat, but it’s not your decision to make. My wife and I will decide where our furniture goes. Can you accept that?”
If she keeps pushing back after that, you can just state what you will do (something within YOUR control) if she continues violating the boundary you’ve set, then follow through: “Mom, I see you moved our furniture again after I asked you to stop. I’m moving it back now. (Wife) and I are in charge of where our furniture goes in our home. When you move our furniture without consulting us, we feel unheard and insulted. If you continue rearranging our furniture when you come over, we’ll need to meet for lunch at a restaurant instead of inviting you to our home.”
NTA. She sounds like she’s emotionally manipulative.
“Oh no, the consequences of my own shitty actions”. NTA in any capacity. People like this need the harsh truth if they’re ever going to even consider attempting to change.
NTA – my MIL rearranged our living room once. I put everything back and asked her not to do it again. The next day, she rearranged the kitchen. She was living with us and did exactly as she pleased. I’m glad you’re telling your mom not to stomp over basic boundaries.