Throwaway cause sister follows me here and would snitch.
I (35M) have a wife (33F) and a lovely son (6M). Ever since I married my wife back in 2021, my mother has been on me and my wife’s back. With constant remarks such as refusing to accept that her son and his wife can take care of her grandson by themselves and always second-guessing the parental things we do, it isn’t good for me and my wife. One day, as I was loading my son into his car seat for school with my wife in the passenger seat, she drove to my house and came out of the car looking like a daycare place put all their toys on her. Toys spilling out of the passenger seat, books, and even clothes that were one size too short. My wife and I, shocked by this, ask her why she’s here but she says, “Your son isn’t nourished enough!” confidently enough that nearby neighbors peep out their windows. My wife, perplexed on what to say next, tries to cut in her spewing of words but let’s me step in the way. I tell my mother that she needs to relax, and my son is fed enough to be a regular human being. A few weeks later, she comes back, and this time, with a social worker. The social worker interrogates my wife and son non-stop. My son, as much as he tries to be brave, couldn’t hold it in, and starts getting uncomfortable. I go and try to pick him up, but the social worker’s clipboard whacks my hand away. And guess who’s acting all concerned? MY MOTHER. After the social worker makes the air tense and leaves, she grabs onto my hand and pleads with me to not call the cops, which fell through. 20 minutes later, the cops show up and take my mother in custody for charges on “False usage of child protective services”. When I went to visit her on approved time, I lost it. I told her how her protectiveness is out of proportion and I hope that she learns people have different parenting styles than the one she grew up with and the one she raised me on is that she must let the responsible adults do what is best, also mentioning the fact that my wife is still struggling post-birth and with the social worker visit. Now, she’s still in there, wondering if her grandson and his parents will forgive the “Poor absent-minded woman” due to these events and how the authorities got involved.
So, AITA reddit? I would love to hear some feedback from both sides and see what I must do in these next steps to ensure my mother leaves us alone.
Comments
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Throwaway cause sister follows me here and would snitch.
I (35M) have a wife (33F) and a lovely son (6M). Ever since I married my wife back in 2021, my mother has been on me and my wife’s back. With constant remarks such as refusing to accept that her son and his wife can take care of her grandson by themselves and always second-guessing the parental things we do, it isn’t good for me and my wife. One day, as I was loading my son into his car seat for school with my wife in the passenger seat, she drove to my house and came out of the car looking like a daycare place put all their toys on her. Toys spilling out of the passenger seat, books, and even clothes that were one size too short. My wife and I, shocked by this, ask her why she’s here but she says, “Your son isn’t nourished enough!” confidently enough that nearby neighbors peep out their windows. My wife, perplexed on what to say next, tries to cut in her spewing of words but let’s me step in the way. I tell my mother that she needs to relax, and my son is fed enough to be a regular human being. A few weeks later, she comes back, and this time, with a social worker. The social worker interrogates my wife and son non-stop. My son, as much as he tries to be brave, couldn’t hold it in, and starts getting uncomfortable. I go and try to pick him up, but the social worker’s clipboard whacks my hand away. And guess who’s acting all concerned? MY MOTHER. After the social worker makes the air tense and leaves, she grabs onto my hand and pleads with me to not call the cops, which fell through. 20 minutes later, the cops show up and take my mother in custody for charges on “False usage of child protective services”. When I went to visit her on approved time, I lost it. I told her how her protectiveness is out of proportion and I hope that she learns people have different parenting styles than the one she grew up with and the one she raised me on is that she must let the responsible adults do what is best, also mentioning the fact that my wife is still struggling post-birth and with the social worker visit. Now, she’s still in there, wondering if her grandson and his parents will forgive the “Poor absent-minded woman” due to these events and how the authorities got involved.
So, AITA reddit? I would love to hear some feedback from both sides and see what I must do in these next steps to ensure my mother leaves us alone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I went to an approved visit given to me by my mother’s jail and lashed out for being overprotective . This might make me an asshole because she was looking out for her first grandson and I was trying to be more independent.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, thanks for stepping up.
NTA. Your mother filed a false report that got Child Protective Services involved. This is simply not acceptable.
I’d cut her off from your child for at least six months to impress on her the seriousness of her false accusations. And then, I’d put her on a strict schedule wherein she gets to visit and/or to see her grandson for limited amounts of time. At the first sign of her getting out of line, end the visit. And if she ever does this again, go N/C with her.
Is your son also your wife’s son or her step son. Either way you are NTA – just wondering about your mother’s motivation. From what you’ve said she called CPS on you for no good reason – I think I’d be tempted to get a restraining order against her, at least temporarily.
NTA – get a restraining order so grandma can cool her heels. I assume she is trying to break you two up, snd that may be what it takes to get her to understand you aren’t leaving your wife
NTA. If she thinks you’re a bad parent, then she’s a bad parent herself because she raised a bad parent, and thus shouldn’t be trusted with your kid.
NTA but you will be if you do not IMMEDIATELY go no contact with her.
Go no contact. Your marriage and child are not safe with your mother’s behavior. She will traumatize them both if she hasn’t alr3ady with the false children and youth report.
Move, don’t give her the address and change your phone number.
Fake
Why you worried about your sister telling your mom ? Isn’t that something you need to do anyway . You need to back your wife or it gets extremely complicated for you
That’s insane! Anyone who calls CPS on me is no longer allowed near me
Please make paragraphs
NTA. She is acting as if this is her child
She sounds like even if she were told this isn’t acceptable, she would still push.
Even then, you still need to set boundaries and as SOON as she violates them, deal with her swiftly and shut that down hard. I don’t care that she’s your mom. What if this was anybody else? You have to teach her how to treat you. You’ve allowed this to happen
Lastly, I’m glad you stood up to your mom, and if/when people take her side tell them to butt out. Mom’s losing control so she’ll seek to assert it through other people
Hope this helps
CPS should’ve been taken too for battery
She’s not absent minded. She’s controlling and manipulative. Put some space between you guys and go very LC.
I’d be going lower contact. She need serious therapy.
Hells Bells – NTA in the slightest – you are your wife sound like great parents and unfortunately your mother is the AH & got everything she deserved.
Why are you letting her around you guys tell her to get therapy and shows you that she honestly changed not to come back
Was she even a real CPS worker? Because I don’t think they would whack a parent’s hand for comforting their child.
If this is even a real story, Mom probably got one of her acquaintances to pretend to be CPS
NTA.
She brought CPS in. That is nuclear war. Even though you seem to have been approved by CPS, it would not be a bad idea to consult an attorney for guidance. The fact she struck you may be assault in its own right. Anything you do to keep her away from your child is justified. If you do want to let her see him, you need to do it very gradually, and probably with advice from a counselor.
Her over concern may be indicative of something going on with her mental health. I think you should suggest to the authorities that she needs to be evaluated. Since she was apparently reported to the police by the CPS worker, that may be a requirement. Her behavior is way out of the norm.