So my mother was babysitting my severely autistic son (3M) last Saturday. She usually babysits on the weekends since his father and I both work on the weekends. When I went to pick him up I was informed that he had broke their TV. This news was upsetting because he had actually broke my TV a couple of weeks prior that I replaced. My son is severely autistic and has tantrums where he throws things. My mother knows this and has been informed multiple times to make sure she watches him closely for signs of him having a tantrum and intervene so something doesn’t get broken. I had no doubt though that he did break it and I profusely apologized and told them I would pay for a new one. Unfortunately that was probably a mistake because the next day I was sent a screenshot of the new TV my mom bought and I was supposed to reimburse. It was for a 75” smart TV that was over $1,000. This surprised me because the TV that my son broke was an older 55” that wasn’t even a smart TV. I asked her if she was sure that it was the same TV that got broke because she said she was going to get the same one she had. She said it’s not the same exact one but it’s close enough. She swears that it was the same size as her last one. Again her last one was 55” I know this because I have a 55” TV and they were the same size.
I also stopped by her house pretending to search for one of my son’s toys that I said he left there just to check out the new TV. Sure enough the new TV barely fitted on their stand that the old TV was on. The old one left a decent amount of space open. I pointed this out to my Mother and she got smart with me and told me I had to pay for it since my son broke the old one.
I went home and told my Boyfriend what was happening and he said that we should only pay her for what it would have cost for a 55” and nothing more. He thinks she may have broke it herself to get a free TV out of us since she knew about us getting a new TV for the same reason. I’m not sure about that because I know how my son is but I feel like she is definitely taking advantage of the situation.
I told her that we were only going to give her $500 slightly less than half of what she paid. It was about what we paid for our new TV but just slightly more, since she should have gotten one that was the same size.
She got really mad calling us, including my son, all kinds of names which was really uncalled for. We are now looking for a new babysitter because she refuses to watch him anymore. So AITA here?
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So my mother was babysitting my severely autistic son (3M) last Saturday. She usually babysits on the weekends since his father and I both work on the weekends. When I went to pick him up I was informed that he had broke their TV. This news was upsetting because he had actually broke my TV a couple of weeks prior that I replaced. My son is severely autistic and has tantrums where he throws things. My mother knows this and has been informed multiple times to make sure she watches him closely for signs of him having a tantrum and intervene so something doesn’t get broken. I had no doubt though that he did break it and I profusely apologized and told them I would pay for a new one. Unfortunately that was probably a mistake because the next day I was sent a screenshot of the new TV my mom bought and I was supposed to reimburse. It was for a 75” smart TV that was over $1,000. This surprised me because the TV that my son broke was an older 55” that wasn’t even a smart TV. I asked her if she was sure that it was the same TV that got broke because she said she was going to get the same one she had. She said it’s not the same exact one but it’s close enough. She swears that it was the same size as her last one. Again her last one was 55” I know this because I have a 55” TV and they were the same size.
I also stopped by her house pretending to search for one of my son’s toys that I said he left there just to check out the new TV. Sure enough the new TV barely fitted on their stand that the old TV was on. The old one left a decent amount of space open. I pointed this out to my Mother and she got smart with me and told me I had to pay for it since my son broke the old one.
I went home and told my Boyfriend what was happening and he said that we should only pay her for what it would have cost for a 55” and nothing more. He thinks she may have broke it herself to get a free TV out of us since she knew about us getting a new TV for the same reason. I’m not sure about that because I know how my son is but I feel like she is definitely taking advantage of the situation.
I told her that we were only going to give her $500 slightly less than half of what she paid. It was about what we paid for our new TV but just slightly more, since she should have gotten one that was the same size.
She got really mad calling us, including my son, all kinds of names which was really uncalled for. We are now looking for a new babysitter because she refuses to watch him anymore. So AITA here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I only paid back half the money I owe
2) same as 1, I didn’t pay all of the price of the new TV
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH Your mom for trying to get a better tv at your expense– but you for using her as a free babysitter all of this time. So you’ll save $500 and start paying for your weekend babysitting.
NTA. Are you sure your son broke it? Sounds like mom just wanted a new TV and not pay for it. If your son truly broke it then you should pay for a new one. But…..the new one has to be the same as the old one. You can’t get a “better” one and make you pay for it.
Half is more than reasonable in this situation. The title really threw me off at first!
Nta. Your mom using you to get an upgrade was not the agreement, it was to replace what was broken.
did you see the broken tv and confirm it? Or did she have you just take her word for it in order to get the go ahead to buy the new TV she wanted.
it kind of depends on whether or not you can afford it. if it effects your finances, pay 1/2 or even 2/3. if this is not a big expense to you, you’re being petty. I would pay it, but thats the relationship I have with my parents. what’s mine is theirs, and vice versa.
NTA, you trusted her to take care of your child.
As long as you gave her instructions on how to identify his behaviour and how to correct it, you tried and she proved she can’t be trusted to care for your son properly. Be careful, she may become one of those “oh it’s just some candy” “oh it’s just a toy” just to satiate him rather than intervene and stop bad behaviour.
NTA – She’s taking advantage of you. She wants an upgrade, she can pay for it.
~~”We are now looking for a new babysitter because she refuses to watch him anymore.”
INFO was she babysitting for free??~~
See how long it takes to spend 500.00 on a private caregiver for your destructive, severely autistic 3 year old. You shit the bed.
I was fully prepared to call you out but after reading, NTA. Get the model number for the old TV, look up it’s current or equivalent replacement price, and give that amount, end of story. If she bought more of a TV, that isn’t on you
ESH. but TV aside.
Was your mom baby sitting for free?
So what next – are you getting a paid babysitter? How much is that gonna cost you?
NTA. If I’m babysitting and the child breaks something, well then I should have watched them closer. Your mom sounds mean. If you can, only have sitters watch your son at your house. He will be more comfortable, and then you won’t worry about this happening again.
INFO was your mom babysitting for free? It was crappy of her to try and upgrade her TV but if she was babysitting for free $500 is nothing compared to what you will have to pay for a trained caregiver.
NTA. Free babysitting was probably worth more than the TV.
INFO: How much are you paying your mother to watch your severely autistic 3-year-old son?
NTA.
I was going to say Y T A just reading the headline, but your mum is taking advantage of you by expecting a more expensive tv than what she had. You replace like for like.
But do you also do anything to thank your mum for all the babysitting she does and taking all her weekends? Maybe paying a bit extra can be a thank you to her, and explain it as such so she doesn’t expect this all the time.
You should pay the replacement value of the broken item and she can pay the difference for the upgrade.
NTA butttttt was she doing the babysitting for free? If so than choose your battles wisely bc you’ll be spending alot more money (probably in just the matter of two weekends) on a decent babysitter
YTA – your mother has been doing YOU a favor and you’re willing to throw that away over a TV??? LOL
you’ve been SERIOUSLY underpaying your mother for looking after your autistic son and i sincerely hope she doesn’t continue to help you out.
A TV that big should never be on a stand — especially around young children (it’s so dangerous to them) and even more so a high support need autistic 3 year old having lots of meltdowns.
You should have discussed cost before agreeing to anything with your mom but I don’t think you’re TA here. That’s an extremely high priced upgrade she got and she should have kid-proofed better, etc. knowing this could happen.
I mainly hope you’re able to find good supports for yourself and your kid to manage with the sensory and executive functioning overwhelm and all.
NTA – And I would have phrased your headline differently. The bottom line is you took responsibility for your child’s actions and offered to pay for a replacement of the broken TV. That is the right thing to do. Your mother trying to get an upgrade and a TV nicer than she had before is definitely taking advantage of the situation. What your BF said is right. You pay her for the cost of the same size and same brand TV or comparable (if it was a nice brand TV then it should still be a good brand) and she can put that toward a new TV or whatever she wants. It is not about you paying half, it is about you paying for all of the damage caused. The TV she is asking for is far above and beyond that.
NTA. You only owe the value of the broken one
YTA, sort of look up the price of her old one brand new and give her that along with the prices you found online I would use the most expensive of 3. Or if you are feeling generous the same tv but in the 55″ size. that much $$$
This post is not about the cost of childcare and if mom being paid or not, sheesh people! OP is valid in how she feels, it seems as though mom was trying to get a upgraded tv and thought OP and boyfriend were just going to be okay with that, the TV that son broke was a 55in not a 75in. So the tv that needed to replaced was that of the 55in and if mom wanted a bigger size then she needed to pay the difference not expect them to pay for it. Mom is upset bc they just didn’t roll over and give in, and now she doesn’t want to watch her grandson and that’s fine. That’s her right! OP kept her word and did what she needed to do, she replaced/paid for the cost of the TV that was broke, anything extra is NOT on her! Simple! NTA
NTA but enroll your kid in aba therapy! They offer providers to help your kid learn structure and able to hold there emotions, also if you have insurance it would cover all of it due to falling under medical needs!
NTA.
If she took you to court, she’d be awarded the DEPRECIATED value of her old tv, not the replacement value. If her old tv wasn’t even a smart tv, that means it’s ~10 years old. You offering 500 is actually extremely generous.
She’s 100% trying to gouge you. Tell her Reddit says to kick rocks.
And then there’s the name calling. Is she 12? I get that she frustrated, but to call the kid names? That’s dirty pool. You’re better off with a new babysitter, honestly. Let her burn this bridge if that’s what she wants. She’ll be the one who regrets it in the end.
I have no doubt she’s behaved like this before. The fact that you can’t 100% trust she’s being honest about your son being the one who busted the tv attests to that. The less she’s in your life, the more peaceful it’s going to be.
Did your mum offer to look after your son? Or did you ask her to?
If a grandparent has offered, then they usually wouldn’t get a ‘wage’.
I feel like it’s a bit snidey of her to try and get you to pay for a telly upgrade tbh.
NTA
NTA, OP was only responsible for the cost to replace the broken TV (amount of a 55 inch same model/year) not an upgraded new TV.
FInd out what the old TV cost and give her that exact money and not a penny more. That’s what I would do.
NTA. Your mother is trying to take advantage of you. A new babysitter is probaby a good course of action for all involved.
Edit to add: If you cave in to this request then I can only imagine what might be next….
NTA
And I am surprise that it is common for people to pay grandparents to babysit their grandkids. I didn’t realize that was commonplace.
So you are mad that the new TV is slightly bigger, and that she didn’t scour Alibaba for a 55″ non smart TV?
And let me get this straight… It’s her fault because you TOLD HER to keep an eye on him, and your severely autistic kid still acted out. Was she supposed to like, hold his hand at all times to make sure he doesn’t grab something?
And I’m sorry I think it’s kind of hypocritical for you to be like “It’s your fault because I warned you not to let him do that” and then go on to say how you let him do the exact same thing a few weeks ago. So why are you holding your mother, who is agreeing to babysit us severely autistic kid for $25 a day, to a higher standard you hold to yourself?
YTA and I hope this is worth having no sitter. you should really pay for the tv that your son broke.
You are morally responsible to pay for the value of the thing your son broke. That is, the price of a used 55 inch TV.
If you want to be extra-nice, you could pay for a new 55 inch TV.
And your mother is well within reasonable to take the money for the value of a used 55 inch TV, add her own money, and buy a 75 inch TV with it.
But it is not reasonable to expect you to pay for a new upgraded TV.
NTA
If it were me, I’d find a brand of their old TV in 55 or 60 inch on Amazon and reimburse that amount.
You may want to drop the smart TV angle. It’s really difficult to find a dumb TV these days and the price difference isn’t there.
I was leaning in TA, but if her TV was indeed 55″ then replace it in kind as that is the fair thing to do. NTA
I may get downvoted here, but I wouldn’t expect my kids to pay for a new TV. If they insisted, it would be only for what the value of what was broken minus depreciation for how old it is. It’s not worth losing a relationship over.
You have a lot on your plate with an autistic child, I would hope your Mom would want to help you without being paid.
NTA. Why would she purchase without talking about price first? Why is your own mom trying to take advantage of you? This is so bizarre.
Also, it’s her loss when she’s punishing a child, and losing time with them.
My friend, you messed up. Your boyfriend’s opinion has no relevance here, no matter how stupid it was. You and I both know the special type of individual it takes to care for a level 3 ASD. It’s hard. A $1000 television is a small price to pay for their care…especially by someone who loves him.
I’m going to assume you are young and haven’t thought this through.
You’re going to pay probably $20 an hour, at least, for a dedicated babysitter for your child. More perhaps on the weekend. If she has him 9 hours on each day, that’s $180 per day. $360 for a weekend. $1080 for 3 weekends. Sooooo….
“Cutting off your nose to spite your face” doesn’t seem like it was a good plan.
YTA to yourself for blowing up your babysitter.
NTA. She used you to upgrade.
NTA even if she was babysitting for free it’s an asshole thing to just expect you to pay for a bigger and better TV than was broken
NTA, you pay for the TV he broke not for the upgrade. From personal experience, the 75″ is even more likely to be broken.
You make offer to pay for a screen protector and having it mounted, but the company I use max size is 65″. Severely autistic kids seem to have it out for TVs, I’ve lost track of how many my child broken, before I started reinforcing them.
Oh wow. What a mess.
You are NTA
Your mom is taking advantage of the situation by purchasing a larger, more expensive TV when you offered to replace it.
I would replace the cost of what he broke, not something more costly.
All the same, I probably would not babysit anymore if I were her.
NTA, you were very willing to cover a tv of similar value, which I think is the right call, but instead she tried to take the chance to get more out of you. If she wants the big tv that badly, I’d say cover the cost of the nicest 55 inch tv you can, and then let her cover the rest. Weird that she would try to take advantage of you like that.
NTA
Your mom is fleecing you and using her autistic grandson to do it. Gross.
idk if this is relevant but in 2009 my dad paid 1k for a 50″ flat screen and in 2019 I paid 500 for a 55″ so how old it is may be a factor in her head. like the mentality would be oh I spent 1k on that one so I’ll find one for the same price. which would be dumb but could at least explain a bit. however I think you should price a 55″ and pay her half of that
YTA
only because we have the info in the comments that your mom is getting paid $3/hour for babysitting your highly special needs son.
If you were paying her a fair wage, I’d say absolutely she only deserves the replacement cost of what the son broke; this is what would hold up in court.
But you are not being fare to her in terms of wages. This might be a way for her to convey that she is not being compensated adequately.
I would do one of two things:
Reimburse her for just the cost of the TV, and give her back pay for a fair wage. This will cost far more than a new, top of the line TV.
Give her the TV she wants, and just accept it’s part of the deal of discounted childcare. Sure, it’s not fare on the surface, but you are still coming out way ahead.
NTA! First, where the heck did she buy this $1000 TV? Stores everywhere have smart TV’s on Sale for way better prices than $1000 even for a 75inch. and larger.
Can we also talk about the fact that OP stated her Mom then put her brand new TV back in the same exact spot the first one was broken!?!? Maybe wall mounted would have been a better option.
And for those trying to shame OP for the money she pays her Mom to babysit per day let’s not forget Mom agreed to that amount so stop dragging her like she’s taking advantage of the woman.
YTA, it shouldn’t go by size but value. They might have spent $1000 on their old TV. I don’t know where you are but in Australia we can only buy smart TV’S because analogue has been phased out. Also they have been giving you free babysitting for a difficult child, you at least owe them a new TV and I’m sure as you embark on this journey of having to find a babysitter, pay them and possibly have to change babysitters regularly because of behaviour then you’re going to wish you had just forked out for the TV.
I can’t imagine what it would cost to find someone to sit an autistic child, who throws tantrums and breaks things. While she may be taking advantage, I think it’s a small price to pay for her to watch your child.
It will cost far more than that for someone else to watch him.
You owe her a new tv. Find the one that was broken and pay her what it was worth.