AITA for telling my mother to stop badmouthing my ex?
My (26F) ex-husband (27M) came out as gay and cheated on me with his now-husband. It hurt initially, and I was depressed for a long time, but then I forgave him, and now I’m best friends with him and his husband, and they act as excellent dads to our daughter, Linda (3F).
However, my mother clearly was very, very hurt by her ex-son in law’s adultery, and was very angry at him for hurting me and causing me to be depressed. She always subtly digs at him towards Linda, but it has increased tenfold after he got married. Linda comes back home from my mom’s saying horrible things about her dad, only stopping when I correct her.
I confronted my mother and told her that she shouldn’t hold on resentment and she has no right to insult my ex when I have forgiven him. Soon, my brother called me up and told me that even he hasn’t forgiven my ex for cheating on me, and I can’t expect people to forgive as quick as I do.
AITA?
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AITA for telling my mother to stop badmouthing my ex?
My (26F) ex-husband (27M) came out as gay and cheated on me with his now-husband. It hurt initially, and I was depressed for a long time, but then I forgave him, and now I’m best friends with him and his husband, and they act as excellent dads to our daughter, Linda (3F).
However, my mother clearly was very, very hurt by her ex-son in law’s adultery, and was very angry at him for hurting me and causing me to be depressed. She always subtly digs at him towards Linda, but it has increased tenfold after he got married. Linda comes back home from my mom’s saying horrible things about her dad, only stopping when I correct her.
I confronted my mother and told her that she shouldn’t hold on resentment and she has no right to insult my ex when I have forgiven him. Soon, my brother called me up and told me that even he hasn’t forgiven my ex for cheating on me, and I can’t expect people to forgive as quick as I do.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom, who’s still angry at my ex for coming out and cheating on me, that she can’t badmouth him in front of our daughter. I might be the AH because I’m policing my mom.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She can feel how she wants to feel, but you were the one most directly hurt by this, and you made choices that are best for you and your healing, and forgave him. Your mom needs to keep her feelings to herself, or seek therapy about it. All she’s doing is adding tension and negativity to a hurtful situation that directly impacted you and you’re working through. In short, she should read the room and shut up.
Your family don’t have to forgive your ex for cheating and hurting you but they do have to stop saying ugly things about him to and around your daughter. Make it clear that if they keep it up she won’t be permitted to spend time with them.
She doesn’t have to forgive him.
She does have to stop badmouthing him to your kid.
There’s a difference. And y w b t a if you allow this for one more minute.
This is a ‘if you talk shit about her dad I cannot allow you to spend time with her’ situation.
NTA, but you need to ACT. Don’t pussyfoot around this. Demand change, or you change allowing her around your kid.
There’s a world of difference between your mother or family forgiving him for hurting you and not bad mouthing him to your precious daughter. Your family needs to learn that NTA.
NTA
Your brother is right. They dont have to forgive him.as fast as you do . However, they can not badmouth him to your daughter because he is still an active and seemingly great father.
If she continues, i would tell her she will not be allowed to see your daughter unless you or.your ex-husband is present.
NTA they can feel whatever they want but you get final say in how they speak to your daughter.
If they can’t refrain from saying horrible things then they shouldn’t have access to your child.
NTA it’s ok for her to not forgive him, that’s her journey. It’s not OK for her to talk bad to your daughter about her Dad. That’s parental alienation and you can lose custody if you continue to let this happen. You need to be very clear with your family. Either they stop or your daughter no longer spends time with them. There is no other option.
NTA criticising a child’s parent to them causes psychological damage to the child. You mum is actively damaging your child’s mental health by doing this. This isn’t about forgiving your ex, it’s about not causing harm to your child.
NTA for telling her to stop bad mouthing your ex in front of your child. That is wrong.
But I completely understand why your mother hates him. Your daughter is only 3 and your ex is married so I assume his cheating came out around her birth? That is a lot to get over.
NTA. Look, I get your why your family is upset – they had to watch while your life got turned upside down. BUT there is ZERO excuse for them bashing him to your young child. That is seriously gross. They are trying to turn your child against her Dad – that crosses a line. She’s 3. This isn’t just a telling your Mom to stop moment – it’s if you bash my ex to my kid again, you’ll no longer see her moment. The emotional consequences this kind of behavior causes lasts decades and is incredibly damaging to a child.
As a kid who grew up with parents bad-mouthing each other, get Linda out of that situation. She’s actively damaging your daughter and if it continues it’ll be “normal” to bad mouth those you love. She’s already affected talking bad about her dad.
yeah but grandma needs to chill, she’s just making it awkward for everyone lol
Your ex is still the father of your child and should be respected. People should never speak badly about a parent in front of that child. Your mom and bro can talk smack between each other about him, but it should never be in front of Linda. You’re NTA.
NTA and i would say she doesn’t need to forgive him but she does need to stop talking about him negatively to your daughter or else she won’t be able to see your daughter. This is going to hurt her relationship with her dad and she could end up resenting you as she will associate the negativity from your side
Her trash talking him to his daughter will have legal consequences sooner or later. People can hate him, thats their right, but talking shit in front of or to the kid qualifies as parental alienation. They’re allowed to hate him and hold a grudge as much as they want, but the kid is off limits. You will get in trouble for their actions.
NTA tell her she needs to keep her opinion to herself or there will be no alone time with granddaughter