ok so this has been happening for quite a long time and i just couldnt take it anymore, my mum always wanted fro me to go to switzerland with her and i never actually wanted to, i tried to tell her more than once but she wont listen, and everytime she shows me something switzerland related and i tell her its cool she keeps saying ”if only you wanted to go” like- girl i told you a gazillion times i dont wanna go there. I told her id go when i finished my studies but i wont do it.Anyways,i told her i didnt like how everytime i tell her something she doesnt like she uses my trauma to guilt trip me, insult me,, etc, but then the fault is mine bc somehow i dont care about her feelings. And then she starts saying that i only like her because she buys me things i want (school supplies etc) and started making everything about her… about how much she suffered for me to not feel bad (worked poorly because i attemped last year) and how of a bad son am i…. so yeah, i kept defendig my pov but now i dont know if i was way to rude or not.
should i have told her that or not?
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ok so this has been happening for quite a long time and i just couldnt take it anymore, my mum always wanted fro me to go to switzerland with her and i never actually wanted to, i tried to tell her more than once but she wont listen, and everytime she shows me something switzerland related and i tell her its cool she keeps saying ”if only you wanted to go” like- girl i told you a gazillion times i dont wanna go there. I told her id go when i finished my studies but i wont do it.Anyways,i told her i didnt like how everytime i tell her something she doesnt like she uses my trauma to guilt trip me, insult me,, etc, but then the fault is mine bc somehow i dont care about her feelings. And then she starts saying that i only like her because she buys me things i want (school supplies etc) and started making everything about her… about how much she suffered for me to not feel bad (worked poorly because i attemped last year) and how of a bad son am i…. so yeah, i kept defendig my pov but now i dont know if i was way to rude or not.
should i have told her that or not?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> hey,1, i took the action of telling her to not manipulate me into thinking i was the asshole, heres the whole text. ok so this has been happening for quite a long time and i just couldnt take it anymore, my mum always wanted fro me to go to switzerland with her and i never actually wanted to, i tried to tell her more than once but she wont listen, and everytime she shows me something switzerland related and i tell her its cool she keeps saying ”if only you wanted to go” like- girl i told you a gazillion times i dont wanna go there. I told her id go when i finished my studies but i wont do it.Anyways,i told her i didnt like how everytime i tell her something she doesnt like she uses my trauma to guilt trip me, insult me,, etc, but then the fault is mine bc somehow i dont care about her feelings. And then she starts saying that i only like her because she buys me things i want (school supplies etc) and started making everything about her… about how much she suffered for me to not feel bad (worked poorly because i attemped last year) and how of a bad son am i…. so yeah, i kept defendig my pov but now i dont know if i was way to rude or not.
i hope yall can work w that
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Sorry kid YTA. I’m a very blunt parent and would have told my son exactly that. I don’t know how old you are but I would guess it isn’t very old. Let me clue you in, moms are people too. We have feelings and the people we love the most, our children, are also the people who hurt us the most when they reject us or go back on their word. No, you don’t owe her anything, but that goes two ways. If you are old enough to be considered an adult she doesn’t owe you anything either. It sounds like you are more than happy to take advantage of her wanting to be there for you but feel no need to be kind in return.
I know your mom wanting to take you on vacation to a place she has always dreamed of is a terrible burden (insert copious amounts of sarcasm here), but you need to grow up and realize that you are currently acting like a complete user. She wasn’t trying to manipulate you. She was trying to make you understand that she feels like she is being used and that asking you to come and share the experience of Switzerland with her would make her happy.
YTA.
Me, me, ME! Yes, me. (I just paraphrased your entire post.)
I sincerely HOPE you are a young teenager because you sound like a spoiled, entitled person. If you are an adult, then your behavior is even more insufferable.
If mom wants ONE thing, for you to go with her on a (I’m assuming free) trip to Switzerland, why is it such an overwhelming burden for you, especially during a break session from school? Give her this trip as thanks for helping you all these years.
YTA 100% for reasons previously listed…… but if I may ask, why the hell don’t you want to go to Switzerland?
NTA. I don’t get why she can’t go to Switzerland without you. Are you a minor who’s too young to be left alone? Does she not have any friends? Or siblings? She could sign up for a tour group.
Do you feel like too much of her focus is always on you? Look up mother/son enmeshment and see if it fits your situation. Not knowing how old you are makes it hard to say what might make this situation better for you. I’m guessing you’re a minor if she’s buying you school supplies, and if so, yes, that’s kind of her job in raising you. It’s not something she should hold over your head.
When you say you attempted last year, do you mean you tried to leave this world? And she’s telling you how much SHE suffered and that you’re a bad son? If that’s the situation, she is definitely negatively affecting your mental health. Maybe talk to a school counselor about what’s going on (if you can trust them) and find ways to spend time away from home, like a part-time job. Sorry you are going through this. She sounds exhausting. I think maybe she keeps harping on Switzerland because she actually wants there to be reasons for her to tell you she is disappointed in you so that you will feel bad and try to please her in other ways.
YTA. And a very self-involved one at that. Ok, so go ahead and never go on a trip to Switzerland that your mother dearly wants to take you on to enjoy with her. That will be satisfying to look back on when you are older, and she is gone and she has not traveled, because she kept working to support and care for you.
You are cold and unfeeling towards your mother and you ascribe bad motives to her. I suspect she just wants you to care for her in return.
ESH. She doesn’t sound much like she’s trying to force you to go or manipulating you to go. That seems like a completely unrelated conversation. You need to be honest that you’re not going, but not combative. I’m adding her to the AH list for using the fact she bought you things as a weapon
INFO:
NTA. You need a therapist to help you learn how to handle your mother. If she is toxic to your mental health, move onto campus or in with friends in a house, if you can afford it with a part-time job.
NTA for not wanting to, as a 24 year old, move to another country with a drunk abusive asshole.