This happened a week ago and I have no remorse but my in laws are still upset over it.
My sister in laws birthday was last week. I spent the day making it special for her, driving her around to her favorite stores and spots around town until eventually her friends had a suprise birthday party for her that was our last stop.
She had way too much to drink and I had to drag her out of the party when her mom called me multiple times to get home to pick up our kids. It took me an hour and her friends kept booing me but eventually we were on our way home but she kept demanding I take her to other friends houses the whole time. I said no, it’s 8:30pm and we need to pick up our kids. She was upset at me but ended up passing out anyway.
We got to my mother in laws house to pick up the kids and while I was in the bathroom, I heard my mother in law talking to my sister in laws sons and telling them that they can have cake at my house (they were going to stay the night at my house so my sister in law can have a peaceful night).
I was already so frustrated and tired and when I heard that, I was done. I walked out and helped everyone get ready. My mother in law was handing me the cake and asked “Oh, can you take this?” I just looked at her and said “No.” And walked away.
The boys all pouted and the older one started crying. I just didn’t care. I got them all packed up and told them that it’s bedtime and we aren’t having sugar but we can have cake tomorrow. The older one bawled again and had a fit the whole way home.
The next day, I brought them over, all the kids had cake, everything was fine. But my SIL and MIL think I overreacted, that I was being horrible and mean to the boys. I wanted to tell them so bad that saying no is not a bad thing but I just kept my mouth shut. It’s been a week and they are still bothered by it.
So reddit… AITA?
Edit to add: I forgot to mention that the kids already had cake.. While they were at their grandma’s they had cake, and cookies, and ice cream
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This happened a week ago and I have no remorse but my in laws are still upset over it.
My sister in laws birthday was last week. I spent the day making it special for her, driving her around to her favorite stores and spots around town until eventually her friends had a suprise birthday party for her that was our last stop.
She had way too much to drink and I had to drag her out of the party when her mom called me multiple times to get home to pick up our kids. It took me an hour and her friends kept booing me but eventually we were on our way home but she kept demanding I take her to other friends houses the whole time. I said no, it’s 8:30pm and we need to pick up our kids. She was upset at me but ended up passing out anyway.
We got to my mother in laws house to pick up the kids and while I was in the bathroom, I heard my mother in law talking to my sister in laws sons and telling them that they can have cake at my house (they were going to stay the night at my house so my sister in law can have a peaceful night).
I was already so frustrated and tired and when I heard that, I was done. I walked out and helped everyone get ready. My mother in law was handing me the cake and asked “Oh, can you take this?” I just looked at her and said “No.” And walked away.
The boys all pouted and the older one started crying. I just didn’t care. I got them all packed up and told them that it’s bedtime and we aren’t having sugar but we can have cake tomorrow. The older one bawled again and had a fit the whole way home.
The next day, I brought them over, all the kids had cake, everything was fine. But my SIL and MIL think I overreacted, that I was being horrible and mean to the boys. I wanted to tell them so bad that saying no is not a bad thing but I just kept my mouth shut. It’s been a week and they are still bothered by it.
So reddit… AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not allowing my nephews to have cake
2) they were already told they could have cake and I should have just dealed with staying up with them
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m gonna be honest with you, yeah, YTA. I understand your frustration, but it’s not really the kids’ fault, y’know? you could’ve just let them have the cake and deal with it later with SIL and MIL if you wanted to get the point across. but the kids? they just want some dang cake.
It kind of sounds like you took your frustration from your SIL and her friends behaviour out on her MIL.
> I was already so frustrated and tired and when I heard that, I was done.
YTA – I mean you could have just said yes rather than being pissy about your SIL and taking it out on them…
Yeah, I think you are. Why not just take the cake with you?
Who plans a surprise party for an adult but then also requires that adult to leave the party at 8:30pm to pick up their kids?
ESH…You chose to take your sister in law out all day. You knew friends had a party for her. You knew you were keeping the kids. You are both adults. You could have said to get friends, you need to get home. She either cones with me, or she stays over night at your place. Or she Ubers home.
MIL should have asked you about the cake, but she had your kids all day. (How many, ages?). She was doing what grandmas do. You could have taken the kids home, got everyone settled, got yourself a glass of water or water, took a breath, gave them a small slice of cake and sent them to bed.
I get MIL being upset and I would apologize to her, but SIL would be ripped a new one. If she felt so strongly, she could have taken her own kids home for the night and given them cake.
But they should also give you a pass for all you did that day and night and how tired you were, especially since the day was all about SIL
NTA
So basically the MIL and SIL who weren’t going to be around the kids late night while the kids were hyper from sugar got mad.
Oh no.
NTA but like…why are you doing all these for these people?
It appears I will be going against the popular choice and say NTA.
Why didn’t MIL serve them cake?
Kids staying at your house, your choice on if they have cake at your house. They got cake in the morning. Maybe grandma should have given it to them instead of trying to send it with you.
NTA. If I am reading this correctly you were the DD for your SIL on her birthday and then took her children home with you at the end of the night?
But then you had the audacity to say no to cake before bedtime at your house because it was 9:30pm? How dare you!!
If your MIL was that dedicated to them having cake that night she could have kept them at hers. But it’s a lot easier to give kids cake when they aren’t in your charge any longer.
Why did SIL need to leave the party if the kids were not even staying with her?? Why didnt you go get the kids and leave her with her friends?
NTA, its bed time.
Gentle YTA. Those kids had probably been waiting all evening for their mom to come back, so they could have that cake.
Mom came home drunk instead. They deserved the treat after waiting for it all evening and being promised it.
Also, since you were babysitting the kids anyways, why couldn’t SIL stay at the party?
Lesson learned for next time though. No more babysitting SIL or her kids if it’s going to cause you so much frustration.
ESH. I get that you did all these nice things for SIL only for her to become a royal drunken pain to deal with, and that MIL was anxious to have her part in it over while yours was ongoing, but you took your frustration out on all the wrong people. The cake was right there, how hard was it to pack it in the car and let the kids have a small bite before bed? I know it was late, but normal schedules, etc., were all out the window anyway.
YTA. You were taking them anyway, why punish the boys cause Mom got drunk?
YTA for taking your frustration out on the kids.
YTA I get that you were frustrated but it’s pretty shitty to take that out on the kids.
NTA. It was bed time not cake time. Grandma could’ve given the boys cake earlier if they needed to have cake that day, otherwise they had cake the next day and their lives went on, I cannot believe that a week later that anybody cares. Especially not your sister-in-law who needs to get her drinking under control before whining about some cake.
Drunks are frustrating. Parents that are late picking up their kids are frustrating. Good people don’t take their frustrations out on kids.
I don’t understand why you dragged your sil out of the party when you were picking up and keeping the kids for her anyway.
And why do you sound so angry about the whole thing? And why couldn’t the kids have cake?
I don’t get good vibes from you. You sound very controlling.
How dare MIL offer what would happen at your house?!?! NTA