I’m (18F) my parents oldest and I moved out of their house 6 weeks ago because my parents accused me of being lazy and doing nothing to help out and treating them like my servants and making life more difficult. In reality I was doing the most to help them. I cooked 4 nights a week, went grocery shopping twice a week, helped my mom meal prep lunches every Sunday, got my siblings to and from school, did the dishes every night, would do my own chores and my siblings chores when they were being difficult and I was paying rent after I turned 18.
I turned 18 in April and started paying rent then. But my parents expected more out of me and I wasn’t finished high school yet. I tried my best though because I wanted to help my family. It was when they accused me of doing nothing and taking advantage of them that I was like wtf. We got into a fight and I packed up my stuff and left that night. I stayed at my best friends house for three nights and then I moved in with my grandparents.
It took three weeks for my parents to demand to know when I was coming home and I said never. Then they were saying I needed to keep helping at home and I asked how could I keep helping when I did nothing. They told me I was too young to move out and I reminded them I’m 18 legally I could move out without them needing to approve. They reached out a couple more times and I ignored them. Then last week they said we needed to talk and I asked them what about.
They said things at home were rough without me and I was needed and to stop behaving like this and help them. I told them I won’t ever move back in with them because they’re ungrateful assholes who want me to take over for them and never appreciate me for it. I said I did nothing before according to them so they should be fine since clearly they were doing it all before and I said I would keep my lazy ass with grandma and grandpa.
My parents said I was being a real b*tch and parents and kids fight all the time. AITA?
Comments
NTA. They called your bluff and lost. Funny how you did “nothing” but now the house is falling apart without you. Stay with your grandparents.
NTA, your parents pulled the classic FAFO.
NTA. You are on the road to success. You made the right move at the right time. Don’t go back!!! Have a great life.
Nta, you gave everything and they still acted like it was nothing, choosing peace isn’t wrong, especially when they made home feel heavy, you’re not the problem here, you just needed space to breathe
NTA. I’m glad you had somewhere to go to escape that bullshit. Your parents were absolutely taking advantage of you. I hope you stick to your guns and don’t let your parents guilt trip or gaslight you into feeling like you still owe them anything.
You were taken advantage of. Remember this if you ever start questioning your refusal to move back.
NTA. They’re being complete AH, and exploiting you and your good intentions. They don’t deserve your help, and more than that – you don’t deserve how they treat you. Stay where you are or move on your own but don’t go back to being their Cinderella.
They found out they have to not only parent their other kids but also clean the house, get groceries and get them to school. But yet you did nothing and were lazy. Absolutely do not give in! Stay with your grandparents. They just want their free servant back. NTA
I’m Hispanic and this sounds like the crap that happened in our community.
NTA
LOOOOL of course your parents are mad at you, they lost their lives in slave/punching bag.
Naw Op you did NOTHING wrong here and i’m sooo proud of the way you stood up to your parents, so many times when i read posts like this i always wish people stood up to toxic family the way you did.
If i were you, anytime they tried to guilt me, i’d just repeat “i did nothing all day and was lazy, why would you want me home?”
NTA but also like… what was their plan by saying you’re doing nothing when you were doing everything? Did they ever acknowledge they were obviously wrong and dishonest? The fact they apparently never apologized is crazy.
“parents and kids fight all the time” is such a cop out. You shouldn’t have had to do all of that anyway and I’m sure you’ll be happier with your grandparents then you ever were before (assuming they’re good people)
The most awful part of this is they even said “parents and kids fight all the time” uhhh no? No healthy relationship fights ALL THE TIME. Sometimes yes, but not all the time. That is such a futile way to manipulate you
nta
You called them out on their lie and now they’re angry because they are drowning without you. That’s what they get for being ungrateful for your help. NTA, stay with your grandparents who seem like lovely people.
NTA. You escaped classic parentification & I’m glad that you had your grandparents to land at. Start living your life & have some fun along the way. You deserve it 🙂
Updateme
NTA glad your parents got almost immediate karma and I hope they learn from it. Best of luck to you!
NTA but I hope you’ve got your bank account sep from the parents (diff bank and don’t put them on it) and all your important documents from their house as well.
That petty I can see them trying to sabotage you to lure you back.
Good luck OP.
nta
get a new bank account at a bank neither them nor your grandparents have an account, get an own phone not related to any phone plane they were ever on too, earn as much money as possible (no paper trail) and do not count your grand parents will help you continuously, as parents too often try to work on them to reach their goal.
Freeze your credits, try to get legal advice for your country, like what you should secure else (tax pin, insurance, … all old and new/future schools new email, no paper trail/ old address, …) sometimes for free available at youth centers, schools, …
NTA. Never go back, what they did to you is called parentification, and no one should live that.
NTA – Good on you for not falling for their gaslighting and for getting out of that abusive environment. And if they are abusing/neglecting your siblings, consider calling DCS.
NTA I’m glad you escaped! Your parents are awful. Do yourself a huge favor and block their number for a couple of years. You do not need to have them insulting you or tearing you down, especially your family. When they insult you, walk away or hang up. Don’t put up with anyone treating you like that!
Focus on college and your future. If you can help your siblings escape them however remember don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
NTA
Cue the FO stage of FAFO
Your parents sound like pieces of work. You’ve done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t go back and be abused either. You are 100% in the right here. Spread those wings and go fly and enjoy your life.
And big, enormous blinking +1 for opening a bank account in your name only at a bank where your parents have no accounts. It happens with alarming frequency that tellers give info and do things for parents that they shouldn’t because they know the parents.
Oldest child here. I can totally relate! But next time try set your boundaries without the name calling. I never helps.
What they did is called paternization and is a form of child abuse. Just saying.
Stay with your grandparents and live your life.
NTA and frankly I’d stick to your guns and refuse to move back in and warn them if they keep excusing their behavior rather then Acknowledging and Apologizing like Mature Adults would do that they may end up having Zero contact with you in the future.
NTA
Congratulations on stopping the parentifcation process. Hopefully they learned and won’t do this to your next youngest sibling
Sounds like they got exactly what they had coming. If they’re in a hole, it’s more than fair to show them they carried the shovel.
NTA, sounds like you were an unpaid maid in your own (former) house. Stay strong and don’t let them get to you!
Damn- what is the deal with parents not apologizing? As a parent I apologize to my kids and they’re little! NTA- good on you.
NTA. Stay with your grandparents until you’ve saved enough money to move out; hope you’re contributing to their household, too, even if it’s just helping out with chores.
Your parents are definitely in the “finding out” phase.
I also would tell my parents that I don’t care to have a relationship with anyone who calls me a b*tch–that’s abusive, and they’re trying to manipulate me. This also isn’t about parents and kids “fighting all the time”. If you fight with your kids all the time, you may actually be in a toxic relationship with them–and parents are more responsible for being able to regulate their feelings than kids are.
People in healthy relationships don’t fight all the time. Sometimes they have disagreements or a different point of view, or they have different wants or needs, and then they discuss those things like adults and try to work it out.
“I’m helping you by staying away forever. Have a nice life. Bye!”
They demeaned and insulted you, and when you called their bluff, they tried their same old routine. Except this, it ain’t working. Good for you.
Stay strong. NTA
NTA. They’re the parents, it’s their job to raise their kids. You’ve grown up and have your own life to lead.
Good for you!!!
NTA. Updateme but i am very proud of u for being able to be strong enough to leave at 18
OP please ensure that you have all of your essential documents. Separate your financial accounts completely. Also lock down your credit. So many times parents like these ruin their children’s credit by taking out credit card loans. They clearly believe that you owe them anything that they can take. They are now going to be so much more under financial strain as you have left. So protect yourself.
NTA – I can’t believe they were making you pay rent before you even graduated. I have a son your same age and I couldn’t even imagine treating him the way your parents are treating you. Stay with your grandparents and don’t look back They want your time, money and help without giving anything other than a roof in return. I’m not saying providing a roof isn’t important but if you are paying rent, YOU are paying for the roof over your head AND you are parenting their other kids. Please don’t go back, they are selfish and only want you back for what you can give them. I’m so sorry you are being treated like this. It breaks this mama’s heart.
FAFO. NTA.
Ego can be a terrible thing. How hard would it be for them to apologize and admit they were wrong? NTA
Stay with your grandparents and help them with chores and dinner. I am sure they would appreciate it. Also, I hope you aren’t paying rent anymore. Your parents FAFO. Shame on them.
Nyput parents suck. Don’t go back there.
I’d talk to your grandparents and make sure they’re ok with you staying. If ok then stay there. You’ll never get to focus on college or career because your parents are taking advantage of you. You’re an adult now. You’ve helped your family. Now it’s time to help yourself.
You’re an adult so stay on your own. They’re be ok
NTA, the funny part about all this is that the parents started it and it would’ve gone on forever if they hadn’t called OP lazy in the first place. Never go back and stand your ground OP!
I’m sorry your parents aren’t appreciative and loving. I’m so glad you have your grandparents in your side♥️
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 good for you for moving out and standing your ground to never move back in. They are now feeling your absence and how much you did because it’s not getting done. Never go back.
School run lunch prep and dinners more than half the week is you doing the work of an adult parent, honestly I would even put that load down as primary parent level responsibilities – you didn’t choose to have those kids and it isn’t your job to parent them – absolutely NTA.
Get your birth certificate, social security card, & any other identity documents. You did good. Stay strong! NTA
Nta
NTA and good for you.
They need to post one of those 200 hour work week for $70.00 that I see here on Reddit from time to time!
NTA
Perfect. I love a happy ending.
NTA. Don’t move back what ever you do.
NTA at all! Good for you! You’re not their servant! And would it fucking kill them to show some gratitude and humility?
NTA- looks like Cinderella was able to escape WITHOUT a prince! Do not go back to be their maid. They are ungrateful and unappreciative. I feel sorry for the next kid in line, they are going to have to pick up the slack.
NTA. I’m so sorry your parents suck. I have 3 kids who are young adults (23, 22, and 19). They each have their own path to travel, and they contribute in their own ways to the household. But none of them are responsible for taking over the running of the house. My husband and I are on the mortgage and utilities, not them.
You did the perfect thing by leaving and of course NTA. They sound like abusive narcissists. Protect your peace. ♥️
what kind of parents take rent from a child who hasnt finished his school? adult or not thats pretty illegal here. after the school is done thats another thing.
You are not the AH, thank goodness you’re finally standing up for yourself. Be strong stay at your grandparents house. Your parents miss the free maid. Sorry you have such terrible parents, but we can’t choose who our parents are, but we can choose our own life and how to live it. I’m glad you’re choosing yours. Good luck.
Absolutely do not move back. No matter what
These people are not a good influence BEYOND forcing you to grow up really fast in Life .I suspect the same fate will befall your siblings . Do NOT go rescue them OP.You need to survive and flourish to be a good example to them c/w your “ parents”.
Nta you don’t owe them anything, and it’s wild that they expected rent while you were still in high-school, regardless of you being 18.
They made their shitty bed, now they can lay in it.
NTA – Look up parentification. Never move back!
NTA! I’m so proud of you! You are ready to move out – maybe not fully financially (?), but responsibly you have your life in order! You did work hard at home and shouldered a lot of responsibility. And somewhere along the line, you became emotionally strong and secure, as an adult should be. You are going to be such a blessing to your grandparents. Even beyond your time with your grandparents, your life is going to end up very well. You are a strong individual and have a lot of wisdom. I’m cheering you on!!!
NTA. Let them know it’s usually the parents job to teach the kids that actions have consequences, but in this case it’s the other way around.
NTA. Sounds like the next oldest gets their turn in the barrel, unless it’s male in which case he will probably get off with doing nothing.
NTA.
“My” oldest daughter was in your position. Her bio mother also sabotaged every time she tried to get a job and when she tried to apply to school. She moved in with me shortly after turning 18, but was manipulated back into going back (using the youngest of her six younger siblings), a vicious cycle until a couple of months after she turned 19, and then she didn’t go back. She visits her siblings maybe once a month at this point and never for more than a few hours (except Christmas Eve). She’s 21 now, stable, living with me and my husband, in school and mentally and physically healthy for the first long stretch of time since she was a toddler (I’ve known her her entire life.)
Stay gone. Have a better life. Don’t let them continue to parentify you. Be the big sister but not the surrogate mother.