I’m 21 and currently living with my mom and stepdad. I recently started a new job, and as soon as I did, they began demanding $600/month in rent—even though I’d still have to follow their house rules and move out in two months. I wouldn’t mind contributing under normal circumstances, but I don’t have a car yet and spend over $800/month on Uber just to get to work. At this rate, I can’t afford rent and save for a vehicle.
For context: My parents are financially well-off, earning over $250K a year, plus rental income from a second property. I’ve supported myself since I was 16 through trading, but at 19 my mental health collapsed due to severe PTSD and OCD from childhood trauma. I checked myself into rehab (against their wishes), and while I’ve made progress, starting over—with a job, no transportation, and relationship stress—has made things overwhelming.
My stepdad, in particular, has always been unsupportive. He’s held onto resentment from my childhood and continues to treat me unfairly, especially compared to his own son. He once nearly kicked me out over a misunderstanding (asked me to take out the trash when I had a end of year project due so I told him I’d have to do it later which he took as refusal) meanwhile a week earlier his son got our house raided by selling drugs, and years earlier at the age of 11, he forced me into a military-style program where I was abused (Pepper sprayed while handcuffed as well as weekly beatings, I was non aggressive my whole time there until they were shutdown by authorities) worsening my PTSD. My mom tries to help, but her efforts are often overridden by him.
Right now, I just need time to get stable—save for a car and get on my feet—without being pushed out before I can even stand.
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I’m 21 and currently living with my mom and stepdad. I recently started a new job, and as soon as I did, they began demanding $600/month in rent—even though I’d still have to follow their house rules and move out in two months. I wouldn’t mind contributing under normal circumstances, but I don’t have a car yet and spend over $800/month on Uber just to get to work. At this rate, I can’t afford rent and save for a vehicle.
For context: My parents are financially well-off, earning over $250K a year, plus rental income from a second property. I’ve supported myself since I was 16 through trading, but at 19 my mental health collapsed due to severe PTSD and OCD from childhood trauma. I checked myself into rehab (against their wishes), and while I’ve made progress, starting over—with a job, no transportation, and relationship stress—has made things overwhelming.
My stepdad, in particular, has always been unsupportive. He’s held onto resentment from my childhood and continues to treat me unfairly, especially compared to his own son. He once nearly kicked me out over a misunderstanding (asked me to take out the trash when I had a end of year project due so I told him I’d have to do it later which he took as refusal) meanwhile a week earlier his son got our house raided by selling drugs, and years earlier at the age of 11, he forced me into a military-style program where I was abused (Pepper sprayed while handcuffed as well as weekly beatings, I was non aggressive my whole time there until they were shutdown by authorities) worsening my PTSD. My mom tries to help, but her efforts are often overridden by him.
Right now, I just need time to get stable—save for a car and get on my feet—without being pushed out before I can even stand.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my parents they are in the wrong for evicting me in my current situation. (2) I realize they need their own place and I should also have my own place at my age
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
> they began demanding $600/month in rent—even though I’d still have to follow their house rules and move out in two months.
Feel free to decline the offer and just immediately leave.
> Right now, I just need time to get stable—save for a car and get on my feet—without being pushed out before I can even stand.
Gently, you’re a grown-ass adult. This isn’t your parents’ problem.
You can sit down and explain your plan to them. Don’t bring up the past, the discussion will get stuck there. Write up your budget if you pay rent vs. not paying. Prove that without rent, you can move out as scheduled. If there is even a hundred left in your budget with paying rent, give it to them. Also, is Uber your only option to get to work? Seems kind of high. Will this still be an issue when you move out? Wouldn’t rent be more expensive then?
INFO:
> at 19…I checked myself into rehab (against their wishes), and while I’ve made progress, starting over—with a job, no transportation, and relationship stress—has made things overwhelming.
>I’m 21
There’s a big gap here that needs to be accounted for. How long were you in rehab (and who covered those costs)? How long have you been living with your mom/stepdad?
It’s hard to tell without more information whether you just need support and time to get stable, or if you were given support and time to get stable, didn’t act, and now your time has run out.
Hi there. I’m Dukklings. I have cerebral palsy, epilepsy, autism and eye problems. I can’t work in a traditional setting. I live with my mother. My rent is $600 and I have to keep all the house rules. Bye now.
NTA, your obligations to your children don’t end at 18. I’ve never understood this weird American POV, in other countries it would be unthinkable. Your parents have the space and don’t need the money, don’t they want their kid to by able to save for thr future?
NTA
Your stepdad is a controlling dick and it sounds like from this at least you have a good head on your shoulders. My thing is idk how much recourse you have. It all depends on where you live. It does seem your mom is the sane one of the 2. I would talk to her to see if maybe she can help you out with some of these things like a down-payment for the car or something.
This would be different if you were older but you’re 21 kid. We in the US gotta get rid of this idea that once you turn 18 you should be able to stand on your own 2 feet with no support is complete assbackwards. Folks who are richer than your parents would have no issue supporting a kid your age.
yta
In lower-case because you’re far from the only person doing this but you are acting like these people owe you a place to live. They don’t.
I tried leaving home when I was 17. My parents took my car (i paid for it, title was in their name because they arranged the loan.) I spent a couple of weeks living with friends and walking to work, but it was the dead of winter in NW MO, cold and snowy. I ended up going back and grovelling, but as soon as I turned 18 I went to the recruiter’s office, joined the army and did my time. I came out with a little money, a college fund and a motorcycle. I did not move back into their house. Never regretted a minute of it. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
YTA. I have a question, why are you entitled to the fruits of other peoples labor? Stop trying to commodify your trauma.
Lots of entitled teenages in the comments. Your parents don’t owe you anything after 18. Welcome to the real world. Everyone has problems and limitation.
How much your parents make doesn’t matter at all. They made the money, not you.
Sounds like it’s time to find a place near your new work so you can save on Ubers and buy a car. Your parents don’t owe you anything once you are 18 and they are within their rights to create rules for rent.
I might even consider getting a second job again nearby so you can save money and live the way you want. This is one of those adult decisions we’ve all had to make.
I would find a place to stay near your work. Even if it’s just renting a room. Don’t look back.
NAH.
This is a difference in perspective, not assholery.
It doesn’t matter if you think they are wrong. They can’t force you to pay rent. They CAN evict you, but they have to give you formal notice and after that you have 30 or 60 days depending on what state you’re in.
If I were you, I would stop arguing with them. Agree that you will move out as soon as you can find a place. Apologize for not having rent money right now. Try to avoid putting anything in writing or signing any agreement. This is called buying time.
If you can find a place by Sept 1, great. If not, hopefully they won’t give you an eviction notice until then, which gives you more time.
Get your important papers out of the house – check with friends and other relatives if you can rent from them. Or know of anyone looking for a roommate. Check into an electric bike or carpooling (you pay for gas and coworker drives) so you have transportation for work.
I get it is a bit overwhelming but you have a huge chance to do your own thing.
NTA.
NTA to ask for a couple/few more months to live rent-free so you can save up for a car.
But if they say No — or maybe even if they say Yes — maybe find yourself a low-rent situation (e.g., shared space) closer to your job, so your transportation costs will go down. That would give you a chance to save up some money, while not also being under the thumb of your parents. Which does not seem healthy for you.
good god, some people in these comments are either bitter or had/are terrible parents. possibly both.
OP you’re NTA but what do you think will happen? these people aren’t your family. they don’t care about your well being. you’re not going to change their mind. you have to play by their rules till you can get out.
are there really no other options besides $800/month for uber?
How far is your work? Could you get a bike and get there that way? Or is there a bus? Better than spending that much on Uber.
Is your job paying enough for you to pay $600 a month in rent plus Uber plus save for a deposit and first month’s rent for an apartment??
Also: where kind of place do you live that has Uber but no public transportation? I’m not doubting that exists, I’ve just always lived in places that either had both or neither.
NTA, I can’t imagine not supporting my kids if they need it (and not fucking around) when they turn 18. Agree with other posters to find a cheap room near work so you can walk or look into public transit so you can save. $800/mo on uber is horrendous and seems like it could at least get you a roommate situation.
I’m sorry to say that you might not be in the wrong but that won’t help you here. They are free to kick you out or charge you rent, and while I’m eternally grateful I don’t have assholes for parents it’s true that after you’re an adult they’re within their rights to ask you to move out. It’s a dick move for them to charge you rent and still evict you, but they are free to do it.
This isn’t an advice sub but I’m gonna say it anyway: look into all your options for moving out. Ask a friend to crash on their couch, see if you can find rooms for rent close to work, look into bus transportation. It is going to be very hard with OCD and PTSD, there will be times where you’re incredibly uncomfortable but it will be infinitely better than staying where you aren’t wanted, with the threat of eviction constantly hanging over you, and with a step dad that treats you like crap.
INFO
Is drug and alcohol abuse part of this “resentment” your step father is holding in to?
Who paid for the rehab your parents didn’t want you to enter?
When you move out, can you not find a place that offers public transportation to get to work? Cars can be expensive.
I don’t want to poke at sore spots. I just can’t help but feel this is probably very complicated and painful for everyone. So feel free to just comment briefly.
Your parents suck.