For context I f(17) have been dating this guy m(18) for about four months now. My family has known him for years, and we’ve been hanging out at least once a week for about a year now. This is the first guy I have ever dated, and I used to only date women. My dad seems to be taking it hard, like its some odd issue that I’m now with a man. Like hes gotten super possessive and threatens to “get” him or ground me if anything happens etc. He’s never been like this before about any of my ex’s. Hell, intimacy wasnt even an issue as long as my family wasn’t home and I was safe. I’ve never lied to my parents about my relationships or how im being treated, they know if they ask I’ll gladly tell them. Almost like thats how trust works.
It’s not the same now that I’m with my boyfriend though, doors stay open (not that i care tbh), my parents pop in every 10 minutes, underhanded remarks are made about us being together, my mother is super concerned im going to get pregnant (im on bc), and other stuff along those lines. I can’t escape the comments and general “its different when its a boy” remarks. I’m just kind of getting tired of it. I want to be able to cuddle with my bf and not get in trouble. I can tell its weighing oh him too, but hes understanding and knows i cant control their behavior.
The biggest issue is the fact that I let him wear my clothes. I’m on the bigger end and taller, while he’s 60lbs lighter than me and a few inches shorter. I love being the bigger partner, especially because we go to the gym together and I wrestle. I have no shame that I am larger, but he just cant give me any of his clothes. I just won’t fit into a size small shirt or medium sweatpants. So when he comes over, I give him my clothes. He thinks theyre comfortable, they fit him well, and he likes matching with me. I think its sweet. I always do my own laundry after and get them back when he leaves anyways.
This DOES NOT affect my mother or father in any way. They can not get over the fact that its weird. I litterly cannot go a conversation about him with a joke about it. They think its “gay” or “immaculates him” like he doesn’t pick to put on a pair of pj pants. Its to the point ive gotten lectured about how its weird for a teenage boy to do that. I told my mom that its weird that they’re so obsessed with him like that. It wasn’t in issue when my ex was dating me, and i wouldn’t even get those clothes back. But my mom came into my room today and asked “does he need me to wash his clothes, or will he just start wearing your underwear too?” I told her to stop, that shes being mean, and that hes just comfortable and doesnt want to be in jeans the entire 5hrs hes here. She was NOT happy and now hes not allowed to come over again until i apologize. But i can tell the comment hurt his feelings, and i told her she needs to tell him sorry first.
I cant tell if im just like being a bratty teen, or if im right in any way. I just want my bf and mom to get along.
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For context I f(17) have been dating this guy m(18) for about four months now. My family has known him for years, and we’ve been hanging out at least once a week for about a year now. This is the first guy I have ever dated, and I used to only date women. My dad seems to be taking it hard, like its some odd issue that I’m now with a man. Like hes gotten super possessive and threatens to “get” him or ground me if anything happens etc. He’s never been like this before about any of my ex’s. Hell, intimacy wasnt even an issue as long as my family wasn’t home and I was safe. I’ve never lied to my parents about my relationships or how im being treated, they know if they ask I’ll gladly tell them. Almost like thats how trust works.
It’s not the same now that I’m with my boyfriend though, doors stay open (not that i care tbh), my parents pop in every 10 minutes, underhanded remarks are made about us being together, my mother is super concerned im going to get pregnant (im on bc), and other stuff along those lines. I can’t escape the comments and general “its different when its a boy” remarks. I’m just kind of getting tired of it. I want to be able to cuddle with my bf and not get in trouble. I can tell its weighing oh him too, but hes understanding and knows i cant control their behavior.
The biggest issue is the fact that I let him wear my clothes. I’m on the bigger end and taller, while he’s 60lbs lighter than me and a few inches shorter. I love being the bigger partner, especially because we go to the gym together and I wrestle. I have no shame that I am larger, but he just cant give me any of his clothes. I just won’t fit into a size small shirt or medium sweatpants. So when he comes over, I give him my clothes. He thinks theyre comfortable, they fit him well, and he likes matching with me. I think its sweet. I always do my own laundry after and get them back when he leaves anyways.
This DOES NOT affect my mother or father in any way. They can not get over the fact that its weird. I litterly cannot go a conversation about him with a joke about it. They think its “gay” or “immaculates him” like he doesn’t pick to put on a pair of pj pants. Its to the point ive gotten lectured about how its weird for a teenage boy to do that. I told my mom that its weird that they’re so obsessed with him like that. It wasn’t in issue when my ex was dating me, and i wouldn’t even get those clothes back. But my mom came into my room today and asked “does he need me to wash his clothes, or will he just start wearing your underwear too?” I told her to stop, that shes being mean, and that hes just comfortable and doesnt want to be in jeans the entire 5hrs hes here. She was NOT happy and now hes not allowed to come over again until i apologize. But i can tell the comment hurt his feelings, and i told her she needs to tell him sorry first.
I cant tell if im just like being a bratty teen, or if im right in any way. I just want my bf and mom to get along.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think me arguing with my parents and telling them theyre in the wrong is what needs to be judged. I’m worried im being a bratty teenager and just not seeing reason.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Personally, NTA, just because you guys are clearly comfortable and your parents have been before. If they have an issue its with him for some reason. It makes them the AH
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your parents are trying to come across like they are in this situation, and it may very well be them not knowing how to properly care about their daughter. If possible, I would try and have a talk with them explaining that you are growing up and this is going to be a normal thing. If anything, try and see if they can meet you even halfway and put the brakes on their actions. You are being reasonable (especially considering this is not your first relationship), and you just need to let them know they are actively hurting you when they treat you and him like this.
This is all rooted in homophobia
2 women dating = not a real relationship so who cares
You date a man = suddenly it’s an issue bc that’s a “real relationship”
Bf wears your clothes = that makes him gay
Your parents are bigots, plain and simple
NTA. your parents seem to be projecting jealousy onto you. Trust your intuition that it is weird.
I get the vibe that if you and your BF do have issues (for whatever reason) your parents will be like I told you so and come down on it, acting like they were always right. Be ready for that and maintain your autonomy if it comes to that
NTA it’s like they’re worried that he’s gay (lol) or else that you’ll be harmed in some way because boys don’t always treat girls well (which they’re obviously going about the wrong way, if that’s their concern). Maybe talk to them to see where exactly their concerns lie? And explain to them how you don’t see the clothes as gendered like that and if you fit into his, it would probably go both ways – it’s just clothing, and your size difference doesn’t need to be a big deal literally at all.
you are absolutely not being a bratty teen and it’s amazing that you stuck up for him. there were times in my past where my MIL (bf’s mom) had said things about me and my husband (really my bf) gave her the benefit of the doubt until it got to be too much. they’re being completely unreasonable and possessive of you because of stupid gender norms. keep speaking up
NTA. They’re being super weird, and so different depending on the gender of who you’re dating.
NTA. They’re hanging onto antiquated gender stereotypes. I get the concern about pregnancy, though. There is no safe birth control. You have to understand that. I would respect their rules regarding that, but them bullying him is wrong. Keep calling them out on it. But, it is their house, so their rules until you move out.
NTA. You are standing your ground and asking for the respect your bf deserves
NTA.
There are at least two issues here. Obviously connected, but let’s look at them separately.
The first issue is you dating a man when you’ve previously dated women. Unfortunately, a lot of parents enjoy the social clout of having a “gay” child. It gives them an opportunity to signal to the world how tolerant they are. Sadly, this isn’t real tolerance. It is about the social benefits they get, rather than true support of their child.
I’m not sure how you identify, or what you have chosen to share with your parents, but there is at least a chance that they feel that you being with a man threatens their identities as “supportive parents of a gay child”. Silly and juvenile, but much more common than you’d think.
Your parents also have some valid concerns. Male-female relationships can legit lead to pregnancy, even if you are on BC. This is why parents have been protective and restrictive about what goes on between daughters and their boyfriends since the beginning of time. It is annoying, but it shows that they care. Try your best to respect their comfort when they are around, and save your cuddles for when you’re in privacy. That’s hard at age 17, but you will get alone time.
The second issue is about your boyfriend wearing your clothes. Obviously your parents have a weird hang-up about it. I would stop thinking about what he should or shouldn’t be allowed to wear, and simply ask if it is worth it to fight about. Go buy him his own pair of comfy pants in whatever size he enjoys wearing with you. Then the issue is moot.
I know there’s a bonding aspect to wearing each other’s clothes, but unfortunately you have to accept some compromises until you’re old enough to live on your own. Some of those compromises might even be things that technically you should be able to do, and you simply avoid them to keep the peace.
NTA. Your parents are being weird and creepy. It’s nice, and honestly very cute, that you let your bf share your clothes and he likes wearing them.
NTA. Ive typed, deleted, and re-typed paragraphs a few times and can’t get the words out eloquently. Crude version is they’re being both homophobic and overprotective. But I’m sure most men have interesting…stories…that they could tell about at least one girlfriend’s parents/family. My wife’s grandfather pulled a gun on me, aimed it at me, and said the next time he pulled a gun on me it’d be to shoot…and that day would be if I ever hurt her. That was 18 years ago and it’s still seared in my brain, even though he passed nearly a decade ago.
Edit to add: I was only 19 at the time, for context.
The only answer is see him outside of your home.
They didn’t view your gay relationships as real. This is real to them. Homophonic much?
Using mockery is a good strategy. “Stop being creepy” or rolling your eyes and saying “weird much?”
Nta
Your parents don’t understand it because it’s so different and I guess maybe you don’t understand it either because you haven’t been able to explain it to them. Could that be the case?